33. Duke
THIRTY-THREE
DUKE
I opened my eyes.
Everything was a black-and-white blur and my temples thrummed like drums.
I heard whispers, murmurs, and tried to turn toward them, but they seemed to be coming from every direction, growing louder and louder and creepier and creepier.
I blinked.
This time, things started taking shape and color. Definition. The white blur turned into a sun-lit room and the black took the shape of a woman. She had gray hair and intense crow’s feet around her closed eyes. She held her hands together, her forehead resting against the tips of her fingers.
I blinked again.
“You’re awake,” someone said on the other side of the bed, and I turned to Azrael, who took my hand and sat on the bed by my side.
“Hey!” I croaked and turned to the pastor. “Are you…marrying us or something?” I asked before I looked at Azrael again.
Gosh, he looked divine. The way he stared back at me as if I were his world. I didn’t know if I was, but he was mine.
“Is that the only way you can get someone to marry you? When they’re unconscious?” I asked him.
He laughed and shook his head with an eye roll.
“Good to see Derek didn’t knock the humor out of you.”
“Please. It’ll take a lot more than a sad man with a gun to knock that out of me.”
“Good,” he said and leaned over to kiss my forehead.
I sighed.
“What am I? Your child or your parishioner?” I raised an eyebrow.
Azrael bit his lip and touched his head to mine, our noses rubbing together, eyes so closed they were almost blurry again, and his lips pushed out for a chaste peck.
He was an absolute bastard for teasing me like that, and he knew it.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” he said. “You really scared me back there.”
I held his gaze and breathed him in, the sweat, the agony, the love, all of it, as if they were my lifeline, and there was no denying it. They really, truly were.
“To be honest, I scared myself,” I said.
He brought his hand up to cup my cheek, and this time, when he kissed me, it was deeper. Still chaste but not fleeting. It was passionate, caring, and…soothing.
He pulled away and sat by my head, his hand stroking the side of my head, fingers twirling around loose strands of my hair.
I turned away from him and noticed everyone else in the room for the first time.
Mom, who approached me as soon as I spotted her. Dad, who stood by my feet, giving them a squeeze. And Dr. Clarke, who smiled at me.
“Sweetheart! You’re okay,” Mom said and leaned in to squish my face in all kinds of ways.
“Mom. Mom! I’m not made of playdough. That hurts.” I mumbled, and she stopped, thankfully. My face felt like cotton. Soft and numb.
“Sorry. Are you okay? How are you feeling?”
I stretched my mouth, trying to regain some feeling in my face, and I nodded before I turned to the pastor.
“Pastor Smith,” I said. “Long time, no see.”
She took my hand with both of hers and squeezed.
“So good to see you, Duke.”
“Thanks.” I grimaced and looked around the room again.
“What’s up? Do you need anything?” Mom asked, following my line of sight.
“No. I…is your family okay?” I looked up at Azrael. “Is Noah?”
“They’re all fine,” Penny said and stood up from behind Dr. Clarke. Noah was in her arms. “Holly threw them out. Something about crowding you with love, if that’s even a thing.”
“I didn’t throw them out, Pen. Don’t spread lies about me,” Dr. Clarke retorted.
“Yeah, yeah. That’s not what they said.” Penny smirked in Dr. Clarke’s direction, and I frowned.
Was there something going on between the two of them, or was I imagining things? I mean, I had hit my head after all. Or been hit in the head more accurately.
“And Noah is a peach. And misses you.” She stopped short of Mom and me and moved to pass Noah to me but paused. “Are you okay to take him?”
I nodded and stretched my hands.
Noah smiled and cooed as soon as I got him, and breathing immediately became ten times easier. His infectious hereditary enthusiasm was a balm to my aching body and soul.
“Hey, Mr. Man. I heard you missed me.” I tapped my finger over his lips, and his spittle formed bubbles. “I missed you too, little man. I’m so sorry I put you through this. I…I’m so sorry.”
Noah blinked once, twice, several more times, oblivious to what he’d just been through. Hell, even I didn’t know what he’d been through, but I knew it must have been scary. Especially after everything that had happened to him already.
“I’m so sorry.” I looked up at Azrael, biting my cheek, trying to hold back. “This is all my fault. All of it. I put you all in danger with my stupidity.”
“No, you didn’t. If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else. And who knows if they’d have had any of us to help them through.”
I shook my head. I knew he was trying to comfort me, to alleviate the guilt tightening my insides, but it wouldn’t work.
“Azrael is right, Duke. These people are evil. I’m sure there are still so many people in your position or similar who think it’s all their fault when, in reality, it’s Salieri’s fault,” Penny said.
I glared at her, too stunned to speak. The more I stared, the more prominent the bruises on her face got until they were the only thing I could see.
Fuck! Derek better be dead, or I’ll kill him myself .
“How do you know about Salieri?” I asked.
Penny pouted. “Seriously? I almost died. You think your boyfriend wouldn’t tell me why?”
“What? What’s going on? What happened on Bone Island?” Mom looked from Azrael to Penny to me.
“Not…not now, Mom. I…” I glanced at Pastor Antonia and Dr. Clarke and bit my lips. It was probably wiser not to talk about the criminal mastermind in front of strangers. Who knew how many people they had in their pocket, and worse yet, how many people we could be putting in danger by doing so.
“Are you kidding me? You two are banged up to hell, and you expect me to drop it?” Mom turned to Dad for support.
He just blinked at her with a single nod, and she shook her head. “No. You better start telling me?—”
Penny stepped forward and grabbed Mom’s hand and the small of her back and led her toward the door. “Come on. I’ll fill you in.”
As she opened the door and Dad followed them outside, a bunch of heads looked inside, including Lola’s and Remi’s. Maria waved at me before Dr. Clarke closed it again.
“May I examine you, Duke?” she asked, approaching me, putting her stethoscope on.
“Oh. Yeah.” I sat up and stretched my hands to pass Noah to Azrael, but Dr. Clarke shook her head and sat beside me.
“Don’t worry. You don’t have to give up this cutie.”
I moved Noah to my side and lifted my shirt for her. Noah touched my ribs and laughed. His amusement was contagious.
Dr. Clarke played with him by offering the stethoscope to him and pulling it back a couple of times before she pressed the cold flat surface on my chest.
I followed her instructions and watched her listen intently before she straightened and took the stethoscope out of her ears.
“As I said to your parents, you probably fainted due to extreme fatigue and stress. And from the sound of it, your adrenaline likely spiked, and when it dropped, you lost consciousness. But it’s nothing to worry about. Your bruises are superficial and your lungs and heart sound fine. You’re good,” she said.
“Really? Does that mean I’m not dying anymore?” I chuckled.
She didn’t laugh. No one else did.
“Wet blankets,” I mumbled.
“Are you in any pain?”
“No. Just tired. And hungry.”
“Good. Rest up. I’ll let the nurses know to bring you some dinner.”
“That won’t be necessary. I’m pretty sure my mom has about a hundred boxes of food out there,” Azrael told the doctor, and she chuckled.
“Excellent. You certainly won’t go hungry then. I’ll leave you to it, but I’ll check on you later today before I go home, and hopefully, we can talk about discharge then.”
“Thank you, Doctor. For everything.” Azrael shook her hand, and Dr. Clarke left the room.
As soon as the coast was clear, Maria opened the door, and the Ramos Reyes family all stormed in, followed by Wyatt and Slade.
“Gosh, I feel like a celebrity,” I said to no one in particular.
Lola and Maria stepped forward to fuss over me.
Azrael filled me in on what had happened exactly, and I almost fainted all over again. Thankfully, Donovan not only deactivated the explosives they’d found rigged under the van but somehow managed to get rid of the people on his tail. I didn’t ask what that meant exactly. I didn’t know if I wanted to know.
Mom, Dad, and Penny entered the room after a few minutes, and I turned my attention to Noah, avoiding their gazes. I didn’t need to be subjected to their criticism and concern right that moment, no matter how valid.
I took a deep breath and fell back on the bed against Azrael’s arms. Noah’s innocent disposition and the way he looked at me as if I was important and Azrael’s warm embrace put me at ease almost instantly.
It was wonderful and relaxing and all kinds of magical. I felt…normal for a change, something I hadn’t felt all my life. I felt secure.
But it was a false sense of security.
“I’m going to miss you, buddy. So, so much.” I stroked the side of his face, his little tuft of hair that was softer than anything I’d ever touched, and my stomach clenched.
He’d only been in my life for a short time, but he’d already stolen my heart. Just like his daddy.
“Miss him? Miss him, why?” Azrael asked.
“What do you mean? You’ve got to go. All of you. It’s too dangerous to be here. We both know things are bigger than Derek and Salieri.” I glanced at the pastor and bit the inside of my cheek.
Shit. I’d forgotten she was there. I hadn’t meant to get her involved in all this. How could I forget her when she was sitting right there by my bedside? Maybe my head was still not right despite Dr. Clarke’s reassurances.
“Don’t worry, Duke. Whatever you say in this room is between you and God.”
I looked at the ceiling and pursed my lips.
“I won’t say anything if you don’t,” I murmured before I looked down at Azrael again.
“We’re not going anywhere,” he said.
“Come on, Azrael. Are you serious? Don’t you remember what just happened?”
“Of course I remember.” He tilted his head and looked me dead in the eyes. “I remember very well how I almost lost you. Lost all of you.”
My heart ached for him. For what he must have gone through knowing he had to choose. That we were all in danger and what would happen if he couldn’t save us all.
“Exactly. How can I let you stay when the same thing might happen again? Derek might be dead, but Salieri is still out there, and he owns half my business. Who knows what more he’ll do.”
“You’re not letting us stay, Duke,” Maria said. “We want to be here.”
“I’m staying because I love you and care about you.” I turned back to Azrael and held my breath because it felt like if I dared take one, it would hurt so much more. “I can’t live without you, and I would hate myself if I left you behind to fend for yourself. I couldn’t do that. Not now or ever.”
I shook my head.
Of course this would happen to me. The thing I’d dreamed the most about would happen right now after almost losing my life in front of my family. And, of course, I’d have to turn him down instead of wallowing in this feeling of being claimed.
“I can’t ask all of you to upend your life for me.” I didn’t look at anyone but Azrael. I couldn’t.
“You’re not asking. And neither are we asking for your permission. We go where family goes,” Lola said.
I shook my head, my eyes welling up without my permission.
“But…that’s suicide. You can’t…”
How could they choose me? How could they ever choose me over safety? Over their home? Over their life on the other side of the country? And what if they chose me for nothing? What if I perished in the end anyway?
“You’re not going to perish. You’re not going anywhere, son. We’re a family. And family sticks together,” Isko said.
Had I…had I said that aloud?
I looked at Azrael’s dad, and his conviction, his determination, was written all over his face.
“Besides, if he wants to hurt us, he knows who we are. I don’t think he’d let a geographical location stop him,” Remi said.
“And that’s why we’re going to stop him first and end his reign of terror,” Azrael said.
I didn’t see how any of this could be possible. How this could end happily, but…but it was nice knowing I wasn’t alone. And perhaps together, we could put a stop to Salieri. Somehow.
“We’ve already started,” Slade said and stepped forward. Wyatt stood next to him. “The FBI got an anonymous tip of every person of interest and every hotspot of Salieri’s operation along with all the proof of money laundering through the sanctuary.”
I choked on my own saliva.
“Shit. So it was real!” I whimpered and put my hand to my mouth as if that would stop me from throwing up.
“It took me a while to figure it out, but yeah. He set it up so cleverly that it was full of boobie traps. The discrepancies you found were just a smokescreen. Whether they were to test you and your loyalty or as a decoy in case anyone went digging, I don’t know, but the real laundering was happening with the donations. Several large charitable donations were made to the sanctuary and then paid out in shell pharma companies. The same pharma companies that were apparently delivering drugs to you as part of your bulk order program.”
“Oh my God! And all that was happening under my nose. Oh God. I’m so stupid.”
Pastor Antonia took my hand and squeezed. Noah did the same to her when he noticed.
“Duke, dear, you’re not stupid. You’re just human. These people are very smart and calculating. They’ve strayed so far off God’s path they have no moral compass. Anyone in your place would have been just as clueless, just as helpless. But you don’t have to be helpless. You’ve got God watching over you and a community of people around you. We’re stronger together than alone. And you’re not alone anymore.”
Was this a dream? A fairy tale? I’d never been a people person. How in the hell had I ended up with so many people around me trying to help me and convince me I wasn’t an idiot— which I am, no two ways about it. They won’t ever convince me otherwise .
“Thank you, Pastor,” was all I said. None of them could understand the amount of guilt I carried and would carry for as long as I lived. But that was my burden, not theirs.
I turned to Slade and frowned.
“You said you handed everything to the FBI. Does…does that mean they’ll seize my sanctuary? What…what will happen to the animals?”
“Don’t worry about that, Duke. The paper trail is not linked to you. Part of your contract with your not-so-silent partner was handing out the accounting to him, so that’s who they’re investigating. And since he doesn’t exist, you’ll be able to nullify the contract and regain full ownership of the sanctuary. And if there are any bumps in the road, we’ll deal with them. Okay?”
“I hope you’re right.”
“Don’t worry, son. We’ve got this,” Wyatt said. “All you have to do is rest up and get better.”
“Besides,” Parker added. “Hwan has a plan to keep you safe.”
I grimaced.
“Hwan? Has a plan? Is he…is he Batman?”
Parker chuckled.
“Maybe.”
I sighed and glared at Parker.
“What do you mean he’s got a plan?”
“Well, he said he can use the same trick he used to get Salieri to leave him alone. When you’re back up and running he’ll come to the sanctuary and make you internet famous. Then no one will dare touch you or your sanctuary again.”
I highly doubted that would work. I knew Hwan had gone viral back when his store was under threat but our situations were completely different. Besides, Salieri was a ghost. No one knew what he looked like. Even if Hwan did what he said, nothing could stop Salieri from hurting me and everyone else.
“Oh my God!” someone exclaimed from the back. “How is our patient supposed to rest and get better if he’s crowded by the entire town?”
Everyone parted, and a nurse stepped through with a stern, no-bullshit expression and raised her voice.
“Out. Everyone out. Visiting hours are over, and even then, only two are allowed at a time.”
I expected some of them to push back, like Maria, who tried to sidle up to her for a nurse to nurse chat, but it didn’t work as she ushered everyone out of the room, leaving behind only Noah and Azrael.
“Wow. You’ll need to teach me how to do that,” Azrael said to her, and she raised an eyebrow.
“You think your charms will work on me. Out. He can stay.” She pointed at Noah. “He’s too darn adorable.”
“Are you saying I’m not?” Azrael made sweet eyes at Nurse Not-So-Ratchet, but she just glared at him.
“Are you done?”
Azrael sighed and turned to Noah.
“You better look after him, Noah. You’re the man.” He made to go, but I grabbed his hand.
“Please. Let him stay.” I looked at the nurse, and even though I didn’t make sweet eyes, I must have looked pretty awful, considering she succumbed and let him sit by my side.
She took my blood pressure and temperature and told Azrael he had five minutes before she left. Somehow, the rest of the family didn’t come back inside so I imagined her using a broomstick to shoo them away or something. It made me chuckle.
“Are you okay?” Azrael asked, taking Noah in his arms and sitting next to me.
I budged up so there was enough space for both of us, and we stared into each other’s eyes.
“No,” I said.
This moment. The quiet. The emotions going through me. They reminded me of him. Of my Noah and the times we’d spent in the hospital in the exact same position, exchanging stories, traumas, or saliva like the horny teenagers we had been.
But even though the déjà vu should have killed me, it didn’t. It…comforted me. It was as if my Noah had brought Azrael and his Noah into my life, and he was making sure I knew it by making me relive these moments.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be okay. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for what I put you all through.”
Azrael opened his mouth, but I put my fingers up and stopped him.
“I know what you’re going to say, but trust me, I’ve carried my grief in me for so long. I know myself. Nothing you or anyone else says will ever change my mind. I…I think the only way I can ever forgive myself is if…if I make sure nothing happens to any of you again. Especially this little guy.”
I put my index finger in Noah’s palm, and he wrapped his fingers around it, smiling when I shook it.
“I think he’d like that very much. And so would I.”
I looked from Noah to him and breathed in. I wanted to commit this moment to memory. Not for what it signified of my past, of Noah and my love for him, but for what it signified for my future and my love for Azrael.
I wanted him. I wanted him so badly I couldn’t even describe it, put it into words. I wanted to spend every waking moment with him. Every morning in his arms, every evening under his gaze.
I didn’t want to ever let him go. I wanted him to be mine and mine alone for now until the end of time.
I know I’m contradicting myself, but what can I say? I am human. My mind tells me he should leave, but my heart needs him to stay .
“Thank you for saving me, Azrael,” I said. “Thank you for coming back for me.”
He laid back on the pillow and smiled.
“No. Thank you for saving me !”
I grimaced.
“I just pushed the guy. I didn’t kill a bunch of guys to get to you.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what?” I asked and laid back too.
“Before I met you, I was incomplete. I knew I had a higher purpose in this life, but I didn’t know what it was exactly. But now I know. I was put on this earth to love you and protect you and care for you and kiss you and hug you and hold you and?—”
I moved an inch. That was all it took for me to kiss him. To claim his mouth, his words, his love as mine.
I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve a man like Azrael, but I’d be a fool to let him go. People went their whole lives without ever finding their soulmate. I thought I’d go my whole life having lost mine. But now I knew I had two. I may have lost Noah, but I’d found Azrael. He was here. He was next to me, willing to give up his entire life.
For me.
“I love you, Azrael Ramos Reyes. I love you with all my heart, body, and soul,” I said because it was the simple truth.
I may not believe in God. I may never know if my plea to Him was what saved me, but it didn’t matter because I believed in Azrael, and that was enough for me.
Shoot. I think I need to get baptized. I forgot I made a promise to God if he saved me.
“I love you more,” he whispered and closed his eyes with a smile.
Eh, I could worry about it tomorrow.
“I love you most.” I kissed him again, softly this time, and watched him fall asleep right where he belonged. Next to me.
When I turned to Noah to kiss his head, he was also fast asleep. Like father, like son.
I wasn’t sleepy. I was tired, but I couldn’t sleep. All I could do was watch them. Watch my family and make a promise to them, myself, and whatever deity happened to be watching over me that I would never be stupid again.
And that I’d always look out for them.
All of them.