35. Duke
THIRTY-FIVE
DUKE
3 Months Later
I looked at Holly, my foot tapping on the floor, my hand tightening around Azrael’s, holding my breath as if it would affect the outcome of the results.
Holly clicked on her computer as if completely oblivious to the agony racing through my body like poison.
“Come on, Doctor. Give it to me. And need I remind you, it’s my birthday?”
It was the end of August, and we were nearing the end of the Summer Fete on the island. The adoption booth had become a permanent fixture in the past little while and would remain so as we entered the fall season, beginning with the Once in a Blue Moon Festival that was starting tomorrow because, apparently, we needed to celebrate the August full moon as if it were sacred.
Not that I minded. Any opportunity to put my dogs and cats into safe homes was a great thing, which was how I’d ended up, for the first time, with a half-empty sanctuary. And the way things were going, I’d soon have no animals to look after, but then again, there were always animals to look after.
Somehow, Hwan’s “trick” seemed to work to keep us all safe, but it had done more than that. It had made the sanctuary a name. He’d even made an account where he shared all the animals and their stories and thanks to him and his charitable time people flew from all across the world to volunteer and adopt my animals. Which in turn helped with the running expenses of the place with all the adoption fees coming in and not having to care for so many animals. Hwan had been a true gift to me. Just like everyone else I’d gained in the past few months, an entire town that had gotten together around me to help and protect me.
Pastor Antonia’s flock had also been life-saving at the start and a lot of the parishioners had stuck around. Some days I had more volunteers than jobs to do. It was surreal but oh so so welcome. My work never stopped though. It couldn’t. It wouldn’t.
“Well,” Dr. Clarke said and swiveled in her chair to look at me with an unreadable expression, “in that case, and since it’s your birthday and all, I’m happy to report the lymphoma is in remission.”
I stared at her, biting my lip, going through her words over and over again, trying to make sense of them.
“Duke? Did you hear me?” she asked. “The cancer is gone.”
“Duke?” Azrael tugged at me, and I finally took a deep breath.
“Um…” My voice trembled. “Would you mind repeating that?”
Holly smiled. “I’ll repeat it as many times as you want, Duke. You’re in remission. You beat this thing.”
“I did? I did. I…”
I still couldn’t quite believe it. How was it possible to be granted a third chance to live, yet others didn’t even get one.
It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right, but…at that moment, I couldn’t find it in me to be angry. Because I’d made it once more. I had done it. My body might not like me very much, but it had come through for me.
“Of course we’ll need to keep up your regular checks and scans to stay on top of things, but for now, you can breathe easy.”
I nodded. My brain felt fuzzy and my toes numb, but I was sure this wasn’t a dream, even if it felt like one. So I kept nodding and nodding until Azrael took me in his arms and squeezed me for all that I was worth, and I came to my senses.
“Thank you so much, Dr. Clarke. Holly. I… Thank you so much.” I shook her hand, and she smiled as she turned to Azrael.
Instead of shaking her hand, though, he pulled her into his arms and even lifted her off the floor for a moment.
Holly let out a squeal, and as soon as he set her down, she cleared her throat and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear.
“I owe you for life,” he told her.
She grimaced.
“That’s not how it works. You know that, Azrael, right?”
He simply shrugged.
“It does in my book.”
Holly laughed and accepted defeat as she walked us to the door.
“Go on, honey. Go celebrate,” she said and opened it.
“Will do,” I replied and caught a glimpse of Penny outside, so I paused and turned around to Holly. “You can come celebrate with us, you know.”
“Oh no. I couldn’t. I’ve got no business there. Besides, I’ve got another appointment.”
“Okay. I’m just saying. If you finish early, we’ll be at the Outpost. And Pen will be there too.”
I didn’t miss the slight pause in her smile at the mention of my sister, and even though they both denied it, I was sure I was on the right track with those two.
“I…I might take you up on that,” she answered, and we walked out of the office.
Penny was pacing back and forth in the waiting area, but the room was otherwise empty.
“Pen? Where did everyone else go?”
“Oh!” Pen turned around with wide eyes and chewed lips. “Nurse Not-So-Ratchet kicked them out. She said they were kicking up a fuss. Well, they did after she told them that.”
I laughed.
“What did Holly say?” Pen grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me straight in the eyes.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s go find the others.”
Penny gasped and kept prodding, but I didn’t back down, and neither did Azrael.
We came out of the clinic, where our families awaited us with Noah in his stroller. They all held their breath while staring at me.
The fresh air and warm sun on my skin grounded me. It solidified the moment as real. As true.
I looked at my mom and dad and let my smile show.
“I’m in the clear!”
The whole group erupted in cheers, and I truly felt like a superstar, not for the first time. Mom, Dad, and Azrael’s family had been there for me all this time. Coming with me to chemo, sitting with me and chatting with me when I felt like giving up, cooking up a storm when I’d been too sick to get out of bed, or simply fighting my fights for me.
Over the past few years, and especially after Noah’s passing, I’d convinced myself I had to walk a solitary path because I couldn’t go through that kind of loss again and also because I lost my faith in people after the way his parents had treated him and me. I never thought I’d have such a tight-knit community around me, and even more so, I never thought I’d let them in my mind, body, and soul instead of keeping them at arm’s length.
And I never thought I’d have such a big family or even a partner by my side. It was all so surreal, and sometimes, I still woke up thinking it was all a dream or went to bed dreaming I’d never met any of them. But I had, and my life was the better for it.
They all cocooned around me, hugging me, kissing me, ruffling my hair, pinching my butt—pretty sure that was Remi—and when they let go, they all got in their cars so we could go and celebrate at Wyatt’s bar.
After Azrael strapped Noah into his carseat, he opened the passenger door for me, but I stopped and looked at him.
“Do…is it okay if I drive?”
It had been so long that I felt like I’d forgotten, but I needed to get my life back. And I needed to do one more thing.
“Of course. Are you sure?”
I nodded.
“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t. I wouldn’t put Noah’s life in danger like that.”
That promise I’d made to myself was real, and I’d never go back on it, which was one of the reasons I’d accepted help when it was given so that it wouldn’t weigh on Azrael or give Noah more trauma than he deserved for a baby.
Azrael got in the passenger seat, and I walked around as everyone drove off. I reversed out, but instead of following everyone else, I turned right and drove down the road.
“Are we using a sneakier shortcut or something?” Azrael asked.
I shook my head.
“No. I…I’ve got to do something. I need you to meet someone.”
Azrael cocked his head but didn’t say anything else, and soon, I pulled up at the cemetery.
“Are you sure you want me to come with you?” he asked when it became clear who I was talking about.
I applied the handbrake and squeezed his hand, looking right at him.
“Yes, of course, I’m sure.”
He nodded and leaned in to kiss me before we got out, and I carried Noah inside.
Finding his grave was easy. I’d learned the way almost by heart over the years. I used to visit at least once a week until I found out the cancer was back and couldn’t find it in me to come here, to be around dead people. Not when I thought I’d be joining them soon. And I hadn’t wanted to worry Noah’s spirit.
I know. I know it’s crazy to think a dead person can worry or that he wouldn’t know about my cancer unless I told him, but…go with me, all right? I think I’ve proven how messed up in the head I am .
I stopped in front of his grave. It was dirty with weeds all around it, which I needed to sort out as soon as possible, but that didn’t matter right now.
“Hey, Noah,” I said. “Long time no see. I know I’ve been slacking in my duties but I promise I’ll rectify that. Look who’s here. Azrael, this is Noah. Noah, Azrael.”
Azrael looked at the headstone and waved.
“Hey, Noah. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I told him.
“Do what?”
“Go along with my delusion.”
He shook his head and pinched my cheek.
“What delusion?” he asked before turning to the headstone. “Say, was he always like this, Noah? Because it’s annoying how little he thinks of himself.” He paused and nodded. “I knew it. What are we gonna do about him, hey?”
I rolled my eyes and turned Noah toward the headstone.
“This is your namesake. He’s a real cutie, as you can see.”
Azrael put his hand to the small of my back and excused himself.
I frowned but focused on the reason I was there.
“So…I just came out of the doctor’s office. Holly. Great woman. I think Penny has a crush on her and vice versa. I’ve been trying to play matchmaker, but they’re stubborn mules, refusing to admit their feelings. Anyway, I digress. Holly gave me the good news, you know.”
“Yah!” Noah exclaimed in perfect timing, and I chuckled.
“I’ll take that as a sign you’re talking to me. But yeah, I’m clear. The cancer is gone. For now. But it’s gone. I’m gonna live. Again.”
A tear lodged itself between my eyelids, and I pursed my lips.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you didn’t get to or that I didn’t join you, or…I don’t know. I guess I’m just sorry. I love you. I always will. And I know one day we’ll be reunited, and we can have a right orgy, you, me, and Azrael. I bet you’ll enjoy that.”
“Did you just say orgy?” Azrael approached from behind with a grimace.
There was a bouquet of flowers in his hands, one of the bouquets from his family, an arrangement of white freesias and orange Peruvian lilies, and he put it down in front of the headstone.
“It’s rude to visit without a gift,” he said.
“I was just telling him the good news.”
Azrael hugged me and looked at the ground.
“Sorry, dude. I get to keep him for now. Oh. Now I get the orgy thing. Don’t worry. We’ll get to have plenty in the afterlife. For now, he’s all mine.”
This moment is weird and silly and unreal, but…the fact he isn’t mocking me, that he’s respecting Noah and how I still anchor myself to him…it means the world to me .
“As long as we’re here,” Azrael said, letting go of me and glancing at the headstone. “I hope you’ll give me your blessing.”
“Blessing for what?”
Azrael raises an eyebrow. “I wasn’t talking to you.” He patted the top of the headstone and went down on his knees.
“Are you seriously going to steal the bouquet back?” I said, but that wasn’t what he was doing.
No.
He didn’t touch the flowers. Instead, he put his hand in his pocket and turned to me with a ring in his hand.
“Um…what?” I asked.
“Noah said to go ahead, so…I wanted to wait. Until you got the good news. I didn’t want you to have an excuse to say no to protect me or something.”
“To say no to what?”
Azrael grimaced.
“You’re not supposed to say no. You’re supposed to say yes.” He offered me his hand, and I took it. “Duke, my love, will you do me the honor of being my husband? Will you take me and Noah and my wild family?”
I was too stunned to speak, to breathe even. Just when I was starting to think all this was real, I’d jumped right back into dream territory.
“Are—are you serious?” I asked and went down on my knees too, in front of the headstone as if we were getting married and Noah’s ghost was our officiant.
“I love you, Duke. I love you more than anything in this world. You and Noah. You’re both my lifeline. I always thought I knew what kind of future awaited me, what kind of life, but…you showed me how unpredictable it all is and how much greater it all can be.
“Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be asking a man to marry me, but nothing has ever felt more right than this. I love you, Duke. And I want to love you for the rest of my life.”
I watched him, hanging on to his every word, wanting to savor this moment, to remember it forever. The words, his eyes, his touch, my tears, my little Noah. Everything.
“I…” I started, but I ran out of air. So I tried again. “I’d love to do that. I’d love to marry you, Azrael. You’re my world, and nothing would make me happier than being your husband.”
Azrael smiled, wiped his own tears, and clumsily put the ring on me. I crashed our mouths together.
My life was so bizarre, but I’d take that any time of day. Who wanted a simple life, anyway? Who would pick that over a dream boyfriend, a gorgeous little boy, a wonderful family? Not me. That’s who. I’d always pick them even if it was the wrong thing to do.
“Come on. Let’s go celebrate,” he said after a moment where both of us took it all in and let the reality of the situation sink in.
He helped me up, and I bid Noah goodbye as we walked back to the car.
“Thanks for overshadowing me,” I said. “Proposing to me on my birthday.”
“Do you want me to take it back? I can do it again another time.”
He tried to reach for my ring, but I pulled my hand back.
“No thanks. One less anniversary to remember. Makes it that much easier,” I said, and he gasped.
I let him take the wheel this time as I was too busy admiring the ring. It was a simple silver band with a single sapphire both discreet and elegant. It might not be much to anyone else, but to me, it was the most precious thing in the world.
We pulled up at the Outpost and went inside where our families were as well as Wyatt’s team and their partners. It seemed the bar was closed just for us, but when I brought it up, all apologetic, Wyatt wouldn’t hear it.
“Anything for you, kid. You deserve it. Besides, with everything going on, I’d rather not have prying eyes and ears everywhere.”
I couldn’t argue with that. Especially after the last few months. At least the sanctuary was mine now, and the feds had cleared me of all wrongdoing. I did have to keep what happened and how I found out about it from them though, which was just as well. I was sure they wouldn’t take kindly to Wyatt and his men acting as vigilantes around the island, although maybe if they knew the full scale of what was happening here, they could help us get rid of Salieri that much quicker. But as long as he didn’t come for my family again, that was all that mattered.
“O-M-G!” Hwan screeched, and I turned to face my friend. My best friend. We’d grown a lot closer the last little while. Although I was sure if you asked him, he’d tell you we already were. “You kicked cancer’s ass, babe!”
He threw his arms around me and squeezed me tight, rocking us both from side to side.
“I’m so happy for you. And don’t you dare scare me like that again.”
“I’ll try not to.” I chuckled as he let go and slid his hands down my arms.
“Good. Don’t you go dying on me. We’re supposed to die together.”
“We are?” I raised an eyebrow, and he grimaced as if I was being irrational.
“Duh. Best friends get buried together.”
I was sure that was reserved for husbands, but I wasn’t going to argue with him right now.
“Okay, Thelma.”
“You bet, Louise.” He winked at me, and his hands slid down to mine. “Wait. What is that?”
He glanced at my ring finger and back at me.
“I don’t know. What does it look like?”
“Did…did you two get engaged?” I didn’t even get a chance to confirm it before he screamed so loud it was like a security alarm blasting everywhere.
Everyone turned to stare at him, and as soon as they realized the reason for his overexcitement, the buzz in the room grew as everyone circled Azrael and me to congratulate us.
God. It was good being loved by so many people. And by one person in particular.
“We should be annoyed,” Joey started, “but at least you didn’t get engaged on our wedding day?”
I stuck my tongue out at him.
He and Santiago had tied the knot last weekend. Well, technically they’d come back from Vegas married back in May but the proper wedding with all their friends and family had been a few days ago.
Azrael put his arms around my waist, and I wrapped mine around his neck. We swayed from side to side, dancing to no particular tune despite the music from the speakers, and I took a moment to ground myself again. To absorb the reality of it all.
I was clear of cancer. I was engaged. I was surrounded by friends and family. I was loved.
Now that was a miracle if I ever saw one.
“I love you, my guardian angel,” I told Azrael and stared into his eyes.
I’d never tire of looking into them. I knew that. I knew that with all my heart.
“I love you more, my beautiful man,” he answered, stroking my cheek with a delicate thumb.
“I love you most.”
I breathed him in, this moment, and I knew that no matter what life brought us next, we’d face it together. As a family. We were stronger that way. All of us. If only everyone could be so lucky to have such a large, skillful, and loving family around them.
Wyatt sighed at the end of the bar and put his phone down.
Azrael turned us, and we walked up to him.
“Everything okay?” he asked Wyatt.
Wyatt looked up as if noticing us for the first time and nodded.
“Yeah. No. I don’t know.”
“What happened?” I asked. “You look like you got the worst news of your life. And trust me. I’ve got experience with the subject.”
He pursed his lips from side to side, studying my face for a minute.
“That was Olson.” He glanced at Azrael and then me.
“Teddy? Is he okay?” Azrael asked.
“He just got some…devastating news. His sister passed away and left him custody of her son.”
I instinctively reached up to Wyatt and gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
“That’s horrible,” I said.
“Crap. What is he going to do?” Azrael asked.
Wyatt sighed.
“I don’t know. I told him he can always come here. We might not have much, but we can put him up somewhere.”
I nodded.
“For sure. We’ll take care of him like you guys took care of me,” I said.
“Thanks, kid. I just…I don’t like this.”
“What? Why?” Azrael asked.
Wyatt looked from him to me, and I immediately knew what he meant.
“Because there’s going to be another vulnerable child for Salieri to target,” I said.
Wyatt closed his eyes in agreement.
“Don’t worry, Wyatt. We’ll bring that monster down before he can hurt anyone else,” Azrael said.
Wyatt considered him for a moment before he nodded and inhaled.
“You’re right. You are. We just need to remain vigilant and make a plan.”
I nodded.
“And before you know it, Salieri and his empire will go up in flames,” I said.
It’s the least we could do after he put Noah, Penny, and my future in-laws in danger.
Hell, I’d even put a bullet through his head if I could. But I’d probably leave that to those more skilled than me.
“I’ll drink to that,” Wyatt raised his beer in the air and then downed it in one gulp.
“Hear, hear.” I mimicked him, although when I tried to down mine, I choked and spat it back out.
Hey, I may have gone through hell, but no one said I turned graceful overnight .
Good thing I was already spoken for.