Chapter Fifteen #2
A kid walking into the building knocks into his shoulder. Ravi stumbles sideways against the wall while the stocky, pimply-faced prick wearing too many designer labels keeps on going.
“Hey, get the fuck back here, you Prada-wearing piece of shit. Ever heard of apologizing?”
I’m dragging the asshole backward when Ravi reaches for my arm. “Liam. Stop. It was an accident.” He glances uneasily at the guard dog, who’s on alert now, stepping forward. “Let him go.”
What’s worse? That I let this minor infraction trip my wires, or that Ravi’s guard dog looks more ready to come after me than the careless asshole who bumped his protectee? I make a show of letting the little piece of shit go.
As the guy scurries away, Ravi asks, “Are you okay? You’re not usually this touchy.”
Am I okay? I shake my head. Probably not.
“I’m fine,” I lie. “Just tired.”
“So go home. Get some sleep. Stop worrying about me.”
Doesn’t he realize I can’t? I can’t stop breathing. Can’t stop worrying about Ravi. Soon he’s going to be gone, and I won’t be able to breathe anymore.
“I’ve always figured…” My fingers find their way to a bit of Ravi’s T-shirt, bunching the soft fabric against his side.
“I guess I decided your father had chosen me because he truly believed I was the best person to keep you safe. I’ve clung to that idea until my fingertips bled.
Then one night you climbed into my bed and told me you wanted me to be your first. The really sick part? I wanted it, too.”
Ravi blinks. His lips part. “Liam…”
Every breath I take burns my lungs. “I’ve spent every night since then hating myself for being tempted, hating myself for trying to do the right thing. Meanwhile, it turns out maybe you don’t love me the way you claimed back then, since all I keep hearing is how badly you want to leave town.”
Does he understand what I’m saying? Is he hearing me? I don’t know. Because when I stop talking all I can focus on is the way his lips are parted. The way his thighs are squeezing around my knee. I’m not sure how my leg got between his, I only know I don’t want him to stop.
“Liam, I decided to leave because I realized you were never going to see me as more than your ward. At least, that’s how it seemed. Has something changed?”
Nothing. Everything. I only know I can’t let him go.
“What’s wrong?” I say instead when his knees squeeze mine again. “You’re acting awfully horny.”
“I haven’t been, uh…” As he cuts his gaze over to the bodyguard, his cheeks darken. “It feels weird getting myself off with Channing in the next room.”
“You haven’t been getting yourself off because of that guy? You don’t want to have an orgasm with a wall between you and another stranger but you’re willing to let one buy you, fuck you, and do God knows what else?”
“Different.” His whispers are breathy, and so soft even I have to strain to hear. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
“Try, baby. Help me understand. It’s tearing me up thinking about you giving yourself up to some stranger.” I hadn’t meant to admit that out loud, but what’s done is done. “If it’s about the money, I’ll give it to you. I’ll give you anything.”
“But you won’t,” Ravi insists.
Even while his eyes are glazed over and he’s grinding himself on my leg, he’s got to argue with me.
“Tell me the truth, Liam. Could you ever love me back? If I went to Daniel right this minute and begged him to tear up my contract, would you take me home and make me yours the way I wanted you to that night I climbed into your bed? Would you honestly be able to see me as more than someone you’ve been obligated to take care of?
Because I might have been young, but I knew what I wanted then, and I know what I want now. ”
His words wrap around my chest like a steel band. Ice water pours over my head. Sucking in an abrupt breath, I jerk myself away, putting space between his body and mine. “Ravi… I don’t…”
The truth is, I want to. I also can’t.
Denying him feels like suffocating. Like fucking torture.
What I want to tell him is “yes, dammit, cancel the fucking auction and I will do anything you ask,” but if I say that, then what?
What happens when Ravi grows up a little more and realizes who I really am?
When he regrets the old man he’s shackled himself to?
Ravi is pure sunlight. He’s idealistic and hopeful. He won’t eat meat because it pains him to harm another living thing. He ran into a fucking drug warehouse to try and save a bunch of total strangers. What would it do to him, tying himself to a man who’s made his living on death?
My silence goes on for too long, and as the seconds pass Ravi’s expression turns serious. Then wounded. Then stony.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” His softly spoken words are a death knell in the midst of the cacophony of students rushing to class. “You’re willing to give me anything to call off the auction except the thing I want most. Which means I can’t stay. Which means I need the money so I can go.”
“Ravi…”
He pulls himself to his full height, his glare intense enough to melt my face. His eyes narrow. Almost looks like he’s putting on some kind of persona.
“Go fuck yourself, Daddy. I don’t want to see you again.”
With his words, Ravi may as well have sliced me open. Shoved my own knife into my gut and twisted for all he’s worth.
I’m sure I’m dying as I watch him walk away.