Chapter Nineteen
Ravi
The night of the auction I’m full of knots and butterflies.
I’ve been nervous before. Devastated. Horrified.
Freaked out. What I’m feeling as I stand backstage cuddling Mr. Cat (I’m not good at naming things, I know) is something new.
My muscles are strung tight, waiting for something to go wrong.
The whole situation’s a little dizzying.
I think I’m finally realizing I’m trapped. And I’ve done it to myself.
Still, I’m…resigned. The doors are locked. The train’s leaving the station. No stopping it now.
“How you holding up?” Simon sidles up beside me.
I nearly hit the ceiling. “Holy sh—Simon. You almost made my heart explode out of my chest.” After a closer look, I see he’s wearing a nice suit and everything. “How did you get them to let you back here?”
Simon makes a “who cares?” gesture. “Sebastian invested in the club when it first opened. Comes with some perks.”
“Oh. Nice.”
I guess? I don’t know.
Beyond the curtain they’ve put up to shield me from viewers until the auction starts, the smells of alcohol and cologne and the chatter and laughter of people who are going to be bidding on me are sending my stomach on a roller-coaster ride.
Well, I can’t entirely blame the voices. When I woke up this morning, I had absolutely no appetite. Couldn’t even manage to choke down a granola bar, which is so unlike me. Last night’s pizza with the other escorts feels like a long time ago at this point.
It’s not only the auction itself, but seeing Liam yesterday that’s got me so messed up.
The look on his face when he threatened that guy who grabbed me gives me shivers every time I think about it.
And I’ve been thinking about it a lot. The last thing it should’ve done is cause me to have second (third, hundredth) thoughts about tonight, when it’s too late to change anything.
Still. It was the first time I really could see how far he’d go to protect me. The threat he quietly whispered to the man who put his hand on me wasn’t meant to be heard, but I did hear it. I wasn’t as horrified as I probably should have been.
Maybe my reaction was wrong, but it only made me want him more.
“Here. Drink this.” Simon nudges me, then hands over a glass of fizzy liquid. “It’s ginger ale. You’re looking a little green around the gills.”
“Thanks.”
After a sip, I close my eyes and soak in all the sounds around me.
I can’t make out any single voice well enough to know if they’re talking about me, but I have to assume they are.
Thinking back to the one time I went to an art auction with my pop as a kid, they had a little brochure with descriptions of all the pieces for sale.
Oh my God, they didn’t make a brochure about me? Did they?
My breathing picks up. “I’m not used to having this kind of attention on me,” I whisper.
“You went streaking through a drug dealer’s production line not too long ago.”
“That was different.” Not that I don’t see the comparison, but one of those things wasn’t about me. I was distracting some bad guys with guns so some slightly less bad guys with guns could save people inside the warehouse.
Nobody was looking me up and down and deciding whether or not they wanted to spend time with me enough to pay for it.
“You know, it’s funny. I thought this was a great idea when I first talked to Brennan about it.
Didn’t hurt that he was so enthusiastic, you know?
I know he was only seeing dollar signs, but still.
Now, I’m suddenly remembering how I had zero friends at my old school and how the kids made fun of me for crying when I was supposed to dissect a frog in biology, and that after I moved in with Liam, I had to eat lunch with the art teacher because on the first day of senior year I accidentally bumped into the captain of the football team, and then he had half the school out to get me.
Liam’s always telling me I’m too impulsive and I’m always all, ‘fuck you, you’re not my dad,’ but suddenly I’m realizing he might have been right because this is a terrible idea. ”
Simon’s hand lands between my shoulder blades. “Take a breath, man. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“Is it, though? Because it kind of feels like I’m going to die.”
“You’re panicking. Gotta breathe, babe.” Simon takes an exaggerated breath, and I follow. Strangely, that does seem to help. “Look. The reasons you decided to do this in the first place—what were they?”
Simon’s not yelling. He’s not demanding anything. It’s a kindness I didn’t expect and didn’t know I needed.
My brain takes me back to that first night I saw Liam with his friends and that girl they were sharing.
“Because I realized I was kinky when I saw Liam and a couple of friends all sharing this girl. I was so turned on I couldn’t stand it, but I didn’t want to be in their position.
I wanted to be in hers. I developed a massive crush on him, which over the next few years turned into him being someone I couldn’t see my future without, only he didn’t feel the same way.
Then he turned cold and mean once he realized what I wanted from him.
Because I can’t handle him constantly trying to control me and wanting something I can’t have all the time. Because I can’t stay here.”
“Hold up. You’re going awfully fast. Take another breath,” Simon instructs.
I do, and then I continue. “Because I want to make my own decisions and live my own life without Liam locking me in my bedroom. And since I’m not good at meeting people, this seemed like a way to get money but also experiment with what I’m into rather than sit alone in my room while I fantasize and search up things like primal play. Win-win, right?”
“Let’s call it that,” Simon says noncommittally. “Is all of that still true?”
There’s a moment of hesitation. When I think of the things Liam said to me last time we talked, and then the way he threatened that man for touching me, everything’s a bit blurry. When I really focus on it, though, nothing’s actually changed. “Yeah. It’s all still true.”
“About the will. Are you really that worried about your safety? Because, seriously, Sebastian can help, and if we all of put enough pressure on Brennan—”
“Stop.” I shake my head, which makes me dizzier.
Whatever Simon thinks, I can’t back out now.
This was the exact thing Daniel Corvus warned me about and I get the funny feeling he’s as dangerous as Brennan.
“I get why you guys are worried. I’ve acknowledged there’s a chance of someone bidding on me with ugly intentions.
Honestly, though, I think it’ll be fine. ”
I hope. My mind goes to those emails I got, but Mr. Corvus assured me they had a way of making sure nobody who wished to do me harm would get into the auction. Maybe he was blowing smoke, but I believed him.
I really want to believe him.
“It’s stupid,” I say. “The trouble is, there’s still this dumb high school kid with a dumb crush inside me who can’t seem to let go of the possibility that someday Liam could change his mind. Fucking another guy and then leaving town is probably the most thorough way I could burn that bridge.”
“They don’t change their minds though, Rav. If a guy is stringing you along, it’s because he can,” Simon says. He’s trying to be kind, but it burns anyway.
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” The self-loathing on Liam’s face after he let himself get too close outside my literature class told me all I needed to know.
“Showtime.” Daniel Corvus sweeps in wearing a tux that’s even nicer than mine and takes hold of my shoulder. He points to Mr. Cat, huddled in my hands. “You can’t take that thing out there.”
I turn to Channing, who’s been hovering in a shadowy corner. “Can you hold on to him for me? Just for, like, a couple of days. Until I’m done, you know?”
His gaze flicks over to Simon. “Why can’t your friend take him?”
“His food and litter are all back at the hotel suite. You’ve got the key.” I hand Mr. Cat over, and Channing looks into his hands as if the little guy’s insulted him personally.
Mr. Cat lets out a quiet “meow” and headbutts Channing’s chest. Channing sighs the most put-upon sigh I’ve ever heard, and I’m counting my mom when she had to fold laundry.
“Fine. You can pick him up here when you’re…done,” Channing says with no real enthusiasm. “If you’re not back to get him soon, I’m eating him.”
Ew. He’s joking. Right? He must be. I cringe. “I’ll be back to get him. I promise.”
Mr. Corvus seems to find this entire thing funny. “Ravi, have you not been treated to Channing’s delightful sense of humor before?” Then he gives Channing one heck of a glare.
Before I have a chance to even ask any more questions, Mr. Corvus says “Showtime” again, and the curtain is pulled away.
I’m left squinting at a sea of faceless people.
The stage I’m on has lights all around the bottom, and they’re bright enough that everyone else is cast in shadow.
I listen to Mr. Corvus read my bio: age, weight, and interests, then he moves on to what I will and will not allow on my twenty-four-hour date.
He comes up with so many different ways to call me a virgin I’m almost impressed.
Though there’s something super icky to me about being called “untouched.”
It’s weird, though, the way I can feel everyone’s eyes, but I can’t see them. Like I’m being watched by a room full of ghosts.
“I’ll start the bidding at one million. Who’s in?”
Holy… I suck my breath in so fast I almost choke on it. A million? I kind of assumed they’d start small and work up. One million is… Well, it’s not small.
“One million,” a man with a gravelly voice puts up his hand.
“One point five,” says a woman in a glittery dress. I can’t really see her, but I can see how it catches the light.
I blink against the dazzling sparkles, with my brain swimming even more now. I’m pretty sure I told Mr. Corvus I’m gay, but I’m suddenly not sure. What if I didn’t? What if a woman pays all that money for a date with me and she wants me to do things I can’t do?
My heart’s racing hard. The nervous thumping was steady but a little fast when this all started—now I think this is what getting chased by a bear must be like. Only I’m just standing here. Waiting for my future to be decided.
What the hell was I thinking?
“I think I might faint,” I murmur.
If Daniel Corvus can even hear me, he’s not answering. Things are going so fast I can barely keep track of what’s happening.
There’s an older man who stands when he puts in his bid of—holy shit—two point five million, and he looks so much like my late grandfather on my dad’s side I find myself praying hard that he’s not the one who wins. His bid was a lot, though. He might.
I can’t have sex with someone who looks like my dziadek. I can’t.
“Three and three-quarters.” Comes from the back of the room. I can’t tell who even says it. Squinting into the dimly lit room beyond me, I can see there are a lot more people than I expected.
The lady in the mirror dress raises her bid to five million, and my stomach twists. I’m not worth this much. They’re going to be disappointed.
Honestly, I thought Channing was fucking with me when he said I’d get more than two million. Like the wolf shifter novel reference, right? Jokes. It was supposed to be a joke.
Except this is no joke. For some reason there’s a lot of saliva in my mouth. Mr. Corvus is gripping me by one shoulder, guiding me to turn this way and that, his words blending into a strange, echoing mishmash.
“Ten million.”
My head snaps up. That’s not right. That can’t be right. Who could possibly want me that much? I can’t even picture how much money that is.
There’s this loud…rushing sound in my ears. I must have misheard.
When I try to follow the source of the bid, I could swear I see Liam. It makes my heart hurt.
I know I’m the one who said I didn’t want to see him again, but I do. I want the way he used to smile at me before I told him I loved him. I want the gleam in his eye when he threatened to break someone’s bones for touching me.
Somewhere in the distance, I hear Mr. Corvus say “Sold.” But when I look up to see who won me, everything slides into darkness.