Chapter Twenty-Five
Ravi
When I wake up, I’m achy and confused. There’s bright afternoon sun coming in through a window that’s not mine. I’m in Liam’s bed.
Liam, who’s asleep next to me, with what feels like a possessive hand on my sternum. A light snore and the fluttering of his lids make him look more human.
He never did take off all his clothes, but at some point he took off his shirt and his ever-present tactical pants.
It’s not the only time I’ve seen him this way, but it’s one of few. After the night I climbed into this very bed and told him I was in love with him, he never let me crawl into his bed again. Never again flipped pancakes in his boxers on Sunday morning. Things just weren’t the same.
Part of me wants to reach out and touch him like this. To slide my finger along his stubbled jaw and his puffy, pouty lower lip. I want to run my hands through his messy hair.
I want to sit and stare at him, as unhinged as that probably sounds. He’s never soft like this when he’s awake.
My bladder is screaming at me, so I force myself out of bed to answer the call. Since I don’t know what’s going to happen when Liam wakes up, I go ahead and slip on my clothes.
“Oof.” The way my muscles ache, you’d think I’d done a hard workout yesterday and not had a ton of orgasms in a twenty-four-hour window.
The twenty-four-hour window that’s going to be up before too much longer. The thought makes my chest tight.
I’m still pissed at Liam for the way he treated me before, and for the way he’s been monumentally controlling. The way he’s switched from not wanting me to something else so fast has given me whiplash.
But. But…
The idea that I’ve finally achieved what I need to leave him doesn’t feel the way it was supposed to. I was supposed to feel free. Relieved.
I have money now. I can go anywhere I want. Never again in my life will I have to rely on someone else to take care of me, especially someone who doesn’t want to. This is the part where I pack my bags, right?
Shouldn’t I feel accomplished? Gratified? Proud?
For sure I should at least feel sexually satisfied.
Instead, it’s as if someone has reached inside and hollowed me out.
I’m so lost in my thoughts while I’m washing my hands that I don’t realize at first that Liam’s right behind me.
He’s practically glowing with the afternoon light hitting his hair. Larger than life as usual, but maybe a little more accessible.
Sometimes he jokes about being old—I always figured it was to remind me I was too young for him—but he’s tan and sculpted, with abs that would make literally any male model jealous.
The tattoo on his arm flexes as he reaches forward to turn off the sink faucet, which is when I realize I’ve been rinsing my hands for at least a minute.
“Sorry.” I clear my throat. “Guess I was distracted.”
He almost sort of smiles. “How are you feeling? Hungry?”
“I want to get Mr. Cat. You promised.”
He nods. “You need to eat and take a shower. The hot water will help with the soreness. How about while you’re cleaning up I’ll go get food, and I’ll pick up the kitten for you?”
“No.”
It’s funny how after all of this time he still doesn’t expect me to push back against him. The way he’s looking at me, you’d think I had morphed into my extraterrestrial form.
“He’s my cat, Liam. I want to get him.”
He sighs deeply, as if I’ve asked for something completely outlandish. “Never fucking though I’d be jealous of a cat,” he mutters. Then he grabs the waistband of his shorts and shoves them to the floor. “Fine. Shower first. It’ll save time if we go together.”
It’s all I can do to keep my eyeballs inside of my head. I’ve seen Liam Masters a thousand different ways over the years, but never like this. Never peeling off his boxer briefs while nudging me into the shower.
If only I could go back and tell eighteen-year-old me not to lose hope.
Because Liam Masters is naked. Completely naked. Like, head-to-toe skin. It’s not only the lightly furred trail that leads from his abs to his dick, but also the dick itself, which is kind of hard but not all the way, nestled in a tightly packed and neatly trimmed nest of curls.
“You’re going gray?” This is going to bite me in the ass later, but I can’t help myself. Nor can I hold back the giggles coming out of my mouth.
Another sigh. “Yeah, yeah. It’s very funny. I seem to be going gray from the bottom up.” He gives me a look. “I am almost forty, kid. You really want in on all of this?”
I’ve noticed he has a few gray strands in his hair. They’re more liberally sprinkled in his stubble, which is maybe why he usually shaves. This is the first time I’ve seen him all the way naked.
Reaching up, I comb my fingers through the strands on his head. “You look hot, Daddy. I like it,” I tell him.
Since I first realized I wanted him, I haven’t been able to see anything else.
He gives me a sour look and then turns on the shower. “Of course you do.”
“You know it’s never bothered me. Your age. I don’t know why it bothers you so much.”
“Gosh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s knowing when I was first overseas killing people and trying not to get blown up myself, you weren’t even eating solid food yet. Or knowing I failed my best friend because he gave me his only child for safekeeping and I…defiled him.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Liam blush before. I like that, too.
It’s impossible to hold back the grin spreading across my face. Still, I have to ask: “Are you going to flip out again? Start being shitty to me because you feel guilty for wanting me back?”
Until he reaches over to pull my lip from between my teeth, I don’t even realize I’m chewing on it again.
“No, kid. I’m done fighting how much I want you. You have no idea how exhausting it’s been denying how I feel. I honestly think it created a mental health crisis.”
That sounds good. Or, not good, but…I’m glad he wants me. I’m glad he’s not fighting.
He tugs the hem of my shirt and pulls it off over my head.
Then with my shorts already on the floor, my briefs follow.
Lastly, he gets on his knees, pulling off one sock and then the other.
I don’t know what makes me think he’ll groan about the hard tile or have trouble getting up off his knees, but he doesn’t.
That pesky ball of hope is glowing bright in my chest again, filling in the emptiness I felt when I thought of leaving. It gets brighter and stronger with every move Liam makes. It feels too early, though, too fragile, this new thing between us.
What if I ask him about staying and everything shatters? I don’t think I can handle it if he rejects me again.
“Come here.” He pulls me under the spray, grabbing a scrubber and some bodywash; the kind that has that spicy, earthy, manly smell I can never quite identify. Slowly and carefully, he washes my hair, scrubs me all over (firm but also gentle), and then rinses me off.
All along I’m sneaking glances at his body, at his cock, which is thick and red at its bulbous end, even redder when it’s thoroughly hard. After a while, so is mine. But he doesn’t mention it, so I don’t either.
Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day when I don’t want to come again, but I could use a break.
I’m expecting him to turn off the water when instead he turns me to face away from him. Both hands come down on my shoulders, massaging firmly.
I can’t hold back my satisfied groan. “Oh God, that feels so good.”
“You’ll be sore for a little while. After everything. This will help. You’ll want to drink plenty of water today. Take a walk or go for an easy jog. You won’t feel like it, but movement creates blood flow, which is healing. Remember that, Rav.”
“Okay, Daddy.”
He’s silent for a while. I get the feeling he’s gearing up for something. In spite of the relaxing massage, I’m braced for what comes next. I’m braced for him to break my heart again.
“Tell me how you’re feeling.”
Oh. “Well. Sore, like you said. Inside and out. A little tired still. Otherwise, okay.”
“Good. I meant emotionally, though.”
“Emotionally?”
“What we did was a lot. It was new. This sort of thing can bring up emotions, especially at first. I need to know I haven’t ruined you, here.”
“I—” I love you. How do I tell him that’s the main thing I’m feeling? Even more than ever?
The thought of it makes my heart try to beat its way out of my chest.
Soon. I’ll tell him soon.
“I don’t regret it, if that’s what you mean,” I tell him. “I guess I’m a little confused. You were so angry with me before. After the auction, and after you picked me up downtown. Now all of a sudden you’re being nice.”
“That’s how it works, kid. You went against my wishes, and I punished you. I’m ready to move past it if you are. As far as I’m concerned, we’re good.”
I turn in his arms, looking up at him. At the way the water from the shower is clinging to his eyelashes and lips. “Are we really good, Liam? After everything?”
This is about so much more than the last twenty-four hours.
His expression softens. When his arms slide around me, warming the chilled skin that isn’t under the water, I want to grab hold and not let go.
“I won’t apologize for wanting to keep you safe.
But I see now that I didn’t know how to handle the way your feelings had changed toward me.
Or the way I realized mine had changed toward you.
At the same time I was trying to protect you, I was also pushing you away.
I’m done with that. I don’t have it in me to pretend anymore. ”
Does that mean what I think it means? “I’m going to need more words.”
His chest caves with the force of his rough grunt. Then, he leans down to kiss me. Really kiss me. For the first time, Liam Masters is kissing me the way you kiss someone you need like water, and I’ll do anything to keep him from being thirsty.
His tongue in my mouth is the stuff of all my high school fantasies. I’ll never wonder again what it means in one of my books when someone feels a kiss all the way to their toes. Mine are bunching against the tile.
“More,” I demand when he begins to pull away.
He laughs a little, but then he complies. His tongue is wet and warm, sliding against mine. Ohhh. Boy. I could do this all day.
Except. Except if I’m staying, we need to have a conversation. We need to establish some ground rules. I put my hands to his shoulders, pushing away some.
“You need to remember I’m not one of your subordinates, Liam, and I’m not your ward anymore. I get to make my own decisions.”
“Being with someone means taking their feelings into account when you make decisions. You’re an impulsive dopamine seeker who puts himself in harm’s way for fun. That affects me.”
“Not for fun. I did what I did to help people.”
“You can’t ask me to cover my eyes and not notice when you’re about to do something ill-advised. I’m always going to want you to be safe. You can’t expect me to be someone I’m not.”
I guess that’s fair. “How about I promise not to ignore you in the future when you express your concerns?”
He clenches his jaw. “It’s a start.”
“Well, I assume we can keep discussing these things in the future if we need to. Keep negotiating.” I need that assurance that if I stay I won’t regret it later.
“I’m pretty sure that’s what relationships are about.”
“Pretty sure?”
He looks away and then back again. “I…don’t exactly have a ton of experience with them.”
“In forty years?”
He shrugs. “Started dating the neighbor girl, Tara Porter, before I went off to boot camp. She cheated on me while I was away. After a few more failed attempts, I decided dating wasn’t my cup of tea.”
“And now?”
“Maybe tea’s not so bad.”