Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ravi
“I can do this myself.” Liam growls. He’s trying not to act hurt, but he can’t help it. His leg flinches under my hand.
“Stay still. The doctor said to change the bandages regularly.” I press a gauze pad to a spot above his knee. “At least the bleeding’s stopped,” I add.
Sometimes you really need to look for the bright side, am I right?
“Shit.” He’s all manly and stoic when I press the gauze on and start taping, but he’s also kind of pale, and there’s a seemingly permanent crease between his eyebrows.
Not that I care. He’s sitting up. He’s alive.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” I can’t stop myself from saying. Honestly, I want to wrap myself around him right now.
When I saw him on the ground, when I saw the blood, I felt my chest caving in. When it was Liam’s blood, I did get a little lightheaded.
The only thing that got me to breathe again was the moment when his hand finally twitched.
“It’s lucky that guy was a lousy shot,” I add. Trying to find that silver lining again.
“He was a lousy shot because you used your head on him like a battering ram. Going off half-cocked like you always do.”
For a moment, I’m frozen. Not gonna lie, his words sting. I know Liam’s in pain right now, so I’m trying to understand.
“He was going to shoot you.”
“He did fucking shoot me, kid.”
Asshole. “In the leg. Sorry for saving your life, you cranky old man.”
My frustration gets to me, and I press the gauze a little harder than I should while I put the last piece of tape in place. His hiss makes me feel both guilty and satisfied.
“Ravi.”
I’m about to get up when he reaches out to grab my wrist.
“Thank you,” he says seriously.
My shoulders relax some. “You’re welcome.”
“We’ve got a problem, though.”
I don’t like the tone of his voice. Or the regret in his eyes.
“Do we, though? We’re both alive. The guy who threatened me is dead. We’re…” Dating? Having weird punishment sex? “Together. Anything else we can work out, right? I don’t see the problem.”
“You never do,” he murmurs. More regret. No. Not okay.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” For once I find my voice rising.
“What it means is, while I was at the hospital I had a conversation with Daniel. There were others, you know? Other guys who demanded entry to the auction and were turned away. Quite a few.”
“Liam, I know your line of work makes you cynical, but you can’t possibly think every single one of them was planning to sell me to some gang leader in Brazil.”
Channing found a burner phone on Dylan Beck’s boat before it blew. There were text messages. With…plans.
“We don’t know they won’t, either. The guy was right. There are a lot of sickos out there wanting to do sick shit to a cute little thing like you. Wanting to break your spirit. And, Ravi, you’ve got a sensational spirit. I need it to stay that way.”
Wow. That’s…sweet? Wait. The way he says it, it doesn’t sound like it’s a good thing. The warmth spreading through my chest makes a sudden retreat.
“I’ve got you to protect me though, Liam. Don’t I? It’s what you kept saying you wanted, so fine. I was stubborn before. We can have a conversation about it. Come up with an arrangement that makes us both happy.”
Maybe I bristled at it before, but I can see now that things are bigger than I thought. While I don’t share Liam’s level of concern, I’m not totally ignoring what’s happened. Besides, if we’re going to be together, we need to be a team.
His expression turns thoughtful. Sad. “I’d like to think so.
But you’ve never once listened to me. And in the end I didn’t protect you, did I?
You protected yourself. You protected both of us.
If you hadn’t run at Beck the way you did, I might be dead, and you’d be on a boat or a train or who the fuck knows where.
I don’t like to admit it, but it’s true. ”
My vision goes hazy. My eyes burn. This is such a rare moment of Liam being real about his feelings, and it’s not the victory I thought it would be. Not when it sounds as if he’s saying goodbye.
“Liam, don’t. Don’t give up now.” I can see it in his eyes. The way they’ve gone cold. Defeated. Until this exact moment I would have thought Liam Masters had never been defeated in his life.
A tremor runs through my body. There’s this dread creeping through me that feels a lot like what happened when I found out my parents had been shot. I’m not sure I want to hear what he’s going to say next.
Then I realize I already know. This is the moment before the police officer took me by the arm and said, “Son, we need to have a talk.”
This thing between us is dead. Maybe it was never real and I was too stupid to realize.
No. That’s not it. Something changed between our shower together and now. Something I don’t know how to fix, or shove, or stare my way out of.
“I think you were right before, about leaving town. You should. I want you to. It’s better that way.”
His words slice right through my sternum. I think things were better when I didn’t have the answers for what was going on in Liam’s head.
“You don’t get to make that decision for me,” I say with as much force as I can find inside myself. It’s hard to find anything at all when it feels as if my world is sliding out from under my feet.
Why did I think I was finally getting what I wanted? I should have known better.
“Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” he says quietly. “This is why I resisted you for so long.”
“This is why? Because you thought someone might shoot you while they were trying to kidnap me?”
“Something I couldn’t protect you from, yes.” He nods and swallows and licks his lips in a way that makes me think he isn’t telling me the pure, unvarnished truth. He’ll never admit it though, maybe not even to himself.
I remember Liam telling me that when he was in the military, he had to take a polygraph more than once. Apparently they asked questions meant to trap him in lies. When I asked him how to beat it, he told me there were different ways, but the best trick was to convince yourself your lies were true.
That’s probably what he’s doing right now.
I try again, even as cold dread slithers through me. “Liam, it’s over. What happened today can’t possibly happen again.”
“It’s not only that. Like I told you before—I’ve never really been in a relationship. You’re half my age. You’re a kid. We were never going to work, and I didn’t want you hurt. I still don’t. It’s time for you to go, though. It just is.”
You don’t want me hurt. And yet here you are, killing me.
“So, we can learn to be in a relationship together.” I cringe at the hint of desperation in my voice. “And stop saying how young I am. My friend Dean was already a dad at my age. I. Am. Not. A. Child.”
Liam’s sigh is so loud. “I’d bet any amount of money he was in over his head, baby. And so are you. You just don’t know it yet.”
He’s got an answer for everything, doesn’t he? “So, just like that, you get to decide? What if I want to stay?”
My friends are here. My favorite restaurant is here. Liam is here.
Either he’s suddenly really interested in the lamp on the bedside table, or he can’t look at me.
Whichever it is, I’m not seeing the emotion I hoped to see in his eyes.
They’re hard. Firm. Icy, for such a tropical color.
I also know from experience that Liam doesn’t believe in agonizing over things.
You don’t worry about making the right decision, he told me once. Make the best decision you can with the information you have, and then you don’t go back.
“You keep reminding me you’re an adult.” Maybe it’s wishful thinking that his voice has gotten thick and emotional. “You want to stay in Belle Argo? I can’t stop you. But you need to take that mangy little Halloween icon that’s squatting in your bedroom and find somewhere else to live.”
Oh. “I see.” Except I don’t. But I also kind of do. Honestly, I feel pretty stupid right now. All along Liam’s been telling me who he is, and I didn’t listen. Stubborn, like he said.
My eyes burn as I swallow against the need to scream. It takes a few tries before I’m able to push down this ugly, angry thing trying to claw its way out of my throat.
“You’re telling me,” I manage in an almost whisper, “that the guy who dragged me back here from the hospital because I couldn’t be trusted to look after myself is now saying I don’t have a home anymore.”
“You’re a damn millionaire now. Multiple millions.
” He clears his throat. Swallows. “That money was a payoff from the government, you know. The money I used for the auction. Zed and I were the only survivors on a mission to take out the home of a known terrorist. Only we were given the wrong address. One house over. Ended up blowing up a bunch of women and children before the neighbor’s goons started launching grenades at us.
A fucking bloodbath. I swore I’d never use that money, but I’m glad it went to you.
Now you’ve taken the sin away for me. You’ve got the freedom you’ve been wanting. Your home can be anywhere.”
“I only ever wanted it to be with you.”
“I’m not a good person, kid. The bad shit I’ve done extends far beyond the military.”
If it weren’t for the weird buzzing in my lips, I’d think I was dead. Everything else is dull and weirdly numb. I’m standing outside my own body, wanting to beg or scream or punch him in the fucking face. If only I could make my arms move.
“I know exactly what kind of guy you are. I’ve seen what you do.” I think of the falling-apart warehouse. The knife. I overheard part of the conversation. The man had committed multiple sexual assaults but kept avoiding conviction.
“You help people, Liam,” I insist. “You kill the worst guys. I know you do. I know who you are.”
He closes his eyes and says nothing. I guess it’s like he said. He’s made up his mind.
For I don’t know how long, I sit there. Frozen. Staring. If I move, everything might fall apart. By everything, I mean me. My skin is tight, and I can feel the cracks everywhere, and if I move…
Maybe Liam’s right. Maybe I am too much of a child, because none of this makes sense to me. Or maybe Liam’s the child, the way he’s lying there on the bed with his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling as if he’s pretending to be asleep.
“Turns out my war hero’s a fucking coward.” At least when it comes to me. To hell with that. I deserve better. “Fine,” I whisper. “You want me to go? I’ll go. I’ll pack up my stuff and I’ll leave in the morning.”
Somehow I force myself to leave the room. My hands shake as I pull the door closed behind me.