Chapter Five
Daphne
I slam the bathroom door shut and slide down the back wall, trying not to burst into tears while Rocky barks incessantly and scratches at the door.
Turns out, I’m a terrible dog mom. How the hell would I ever raise children? Maybe Gary did me a favor. I can’t even get a German Shepherd under control. My kids would be wild demons unraveling rolls of toilet paper and coloring on walls. Everyone in town would drive by my house just to catch sight of the woman who raised heathens.
A heavy knock hits the front door. It’s Boone. I know it’s Boone because I’ve been thinking about his arrival all day, though I get the feeling he might be doing the same. He texted me an hour ago to see if I was home instead of waiting for the original plan we’d set up earlier. I was going to make him dinner, but I don’t think that’s going to happen considering my dog just ate the turkey breast I’d set out and I’m currently crying in the bathroom like a giant baby.
I really need to get my life together. I send a quick text.
Me: Sorry I can’t come to the door. The dog growled at me after I tried taking away the turkey he stole, and now I’m locked in the bathroom.
I’ve barely sent the message through when I hear a loud crack followed by a deep voice.
“Rocky, sit.”
Good luck to him! That dog doesn’t know how to sit.
“Good boy,”
Boone groans.
There’s no way that dog is sitting!
I stand from the bathroom floor, wipe the tears from my face, and crack open the door. Sure enough, the dog is sitting, tongue hanging, tail wagging as though he’s never been bad a day in his life.
“You’re okay.”
Boone reaches for my hand. “Have you tried using commands? He knows them, you just have to sound like you mean it.”
“I meant it! I was scared out of my mind!”
Boone cracks a grin. “Of what? This old guy wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
“Tell that to our dinner.”
I glance around the room for a carcass, but I suppose that’s in his stomach as well. “I shouldn’t have gotten the dog.”
I stare down at the brown-eyed ball of fur that I thought was going to keep me company, give me protection, and become my best friend. What the heck am I going to do? I signed up for a dog, not whatever this is.
“The dog is trainable,”
Boone leans toward me, “you’ve just got to let him know who’s boss.”
“Clearly, he thinks you’re the boss.”
I redirect my eye contact toward the kitchen where I finally see what’s left of the turkey sitting next to the pantry. “I appreciate you coming over, but it doesn’t look like dinner is going to happen tonight. I have a huge mess, and I’m not sure I’m in the mood for company. Besides, I should probably spend the night thinking about where I’m going to re-home this dog. This isn’t working.”
Rocky lays out on the living room floor with a whine as though he’s heard me and is judging my poor decision making. I don’t blame him. I’d judge me too. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing lately. One second, I want a dog. The next, I’m stressed by the dog, and getting fingered in the street by a stranger.
Dear Lord, send help!
“Sit down,”
Boone groans staring toward me.
“What?”
“Sit.”
I laugh. “I’m not a dog.”
“Just sit.”
His tone is deep and commanding, sending a shock of energy straight to my clit again.
Why does this keep happening?
I roll my eyes and pull out the dining room chair as Rocky falls asleep near the sofa. Why can’t he do this stuff when it’s the two of us? “This better be good.”
“The dog isn’t the problem. You are.”
“Oh, okay. Well… on that note.”
“No, hear me out. You’re stressed, and he picks up on it. It makes him uneasy. When you find a way to calm yourself, he’ll calm too.”
“Well, if it’s that easy, I’ll start right now.”
I stand from the dining room table and grin. “You should probably go.”
“You’re gonna say it’s me who’s stressing you out? I’m trying to help.”
“You’ve been trying to help since I met you and all I feel is confused.”
“Why are you confused?”
I spin back trying to hide the nervous laughter that makes its way up my throat. “Are you kidding? I spent most of my adult life with a man who treated me like leftovers. No compliments, no kisses, no cute little notes or surprises. Nothing. He was supposed to love me. He said he loved me, and for years I believed that’s what love was. Then I sit alone for a whole year, and no one pays me any attention at all. I was starting to believe that I was meant to be alone. Then you…”
“What?”
“What do you mean, what?”
“What about me?”
“You’re… you,”
I sigh and sit again. “You’re this big, strong, tough guy. You’re the kind of guy I’d never go for, and I let myself get all turned up, spending all last night thinking about you. Hell, I even talked about you on the radio this morning.”
“I heard.”
His gaze is so warm and intense that my spine is doing the tingling thing again.
“You listened?”
“To the first part, then I got scared and turned it off.”
“What did you get scared of?”
He draws in a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “You.”
“Me? Why would you be scared of me?”
His chestnut eyes widen. “You’re this beautiful woman with this fire inside of you. It’s… dangerous for a man like me.”
For a second, I’m unsure of what to say. “I think you’re thinking of someone else. I’m not beautiful or filled with fire. I’m literally falling apart. I’m about to give up the dog that I just adopted. I’m a monster.”
He grins and brushes his hand down over his beard. “You’re not a monster. You have a big heart. That’s why you brought him here. Deep down, I know you won’t shy away from this, just like you didn’t shy away from trying to make your marriage work, and the way you pour your heart into that radio show. Not everyone has that spark, kitten,”
his hand brushes against the side of my face, “and that scares me.”
God, I love the way he sounds calling me kitten.
“Why?”
“Because it’s making me feel things I’ve never felt, and after I watched my brother lose a woman he loved,”
he stares down at the knots of pine on the floor before glancing up again, “I couldn’t go through what he’s going through. I can’t fall in love with you, only to lose you.”
I want to throw myself at him, absorb into his skin, and become a cell on his body that he carries around every day. I want to kiss his lips and leave the ground knowing his touch will always be home. I want to listen to his words over and over again until every bit of bitterness in my heart is gone, and all that’s left in me is love… but I can’t. I can’t let myself go there. What good would it do? We’d have a wild fling, and in a month’s time, I’d be grieving another mistake, wondering why I couldn’t make a man happy.
“So then don’t fall in love with me. I don’t have the energy. I’m struggling every day to make sense of my life. You shouldn’t get tangled up with someone like that. I spent fifteen years trying to love someone. Fifteen years! I can’t do that again. I don’t want to cry anymore, Boone.”
He cups my face in his massive hands and stares at me. “I would never hurt you, kitten. Things will be hard sometimes, because life is hard, but I’ll stand next to you, and we’ll battle the days together.”
If life were a story book, I’d run off with this man right here and now. I’d let all the fuzzy things he says turn my nightmares to dreams, but this isn’t a fairytale. I’m not a princess locked in a tower. I’m a grown woman with life choices to make. I’m not at an age where mistakes are an option.
“I see your head spinning,”
he groans, redirecting my gaze to his. “I’m not good at this stuff, kitten. I don’t know the right things to say. I… but I feel so much for you. I need you. I—”
Rocky jumps up from the floor and bolts out the half-open door as though he’s caught the scent of something undeniably chaseable.
“Rocky!”
I stand and shout. “Get back here! Rocky, come!”
This time even I can feel how frantic and confused my commands sound.
It’s nearly dusk, and while I’m sure this stray has some street smarts, the forest is a dangerous place to be after dark. Every other week there are articles in the gazette about someone’s dog getting into a fight with a bear.
Boone slides into his boots and glances toward me. “He’s caught scent of something. I’m going to go after him. You stay here.”
“I appreciate that,”
I say, sliding into my jacket, “but he’s my dog. I’m not letting you go alone.”