Chapter 13
13
G od.
She felt awful. Cate rolled over, her head thumping.
Buh-bump. Buh-bump.
With a moan, she opened her eyes and checked the time.
Nine-thirty!
She never slept until nine-thirty.
This was completely out of her routine. She should be up and working by now.
Wait. It was Sunday. She didn’t always work on a Sunday.
The panic eased slightly.
She still didn’t like sleeping in when she could be doing something productive.
That was such a waste of a morning.
Although this headache was probably going to take some time to get rid of. And she wouldn’t get much done if she tried to work through it.
Perhaps Ethan would like to read by the pool with you.
That thought made her groan. Cate didn’t know what it was about him that interested her so much. But she couldn’t stop thinking about him.
And then last night, she’d acted like a complete idiot and ran off on him when all he’d been trying to do was make her a nice dinner.
Her stomach grumbled at the memory.
When was the last time someone besides Mrs. Sanders had made her dinner? And it was lasagna.
Rhodes had to eat pretty clean, so their meals were usually very healthy. Don’t get her wrong, it was a good thing.
But once in a while, a girl just really needed some cheese and carbs.
Would there be any left in the fridge? Would it be rude to eat some today when she’d refused some last night? It wasn’t her usual bagel, but then, her entire morning was off.
Was Ethan already awake? He didn’t seem like the type of person to sleep in. He had a good work ethic, which she admired.
Eventually, she forced herself out of bed, glancing down at Lady in surprise as she fell onto the floor.
When had she brought Lady into her bed? She couldn’t remember.
Sitting on the side of the bed, she rubbed at her still-aching head. Shit. Did she have an episode last night?
But Rhodes hadn’t been here. Just her and Ethan. So hopefully not, as that would have been a disaster.
She couldn’t remember anything happening. Not that she ever really remembered one of her episodes. Rhodes had explained to her that sometimes she screamed out in terror from a nightmare and after, would regress quite young. She’d grab Lady and demand ice cream.
Which would be utterly humiliating if she’d done that in front of Ethan.
Getting up, she stumbled into the shower. Washing herself, she didn’t have the energy to do much with her hair. So she just ran a brush through it before dabbing some moisturizer on her face.
When she made her way out into the kitchen, she realized the house was pretty quiet. Was she alone?
Maybe.
It felt like she hadn’t been alone in ages. But it wasn’t like she needed Ethan or Seth to be with her all the time.
When she reached the kitchen, she saw that she wasn’t actually alone.
“Morning, Cate.” Seth was sitting at the island, drinking a coffee and looking at something on his phone.
“Why are you here?”
Jesus, Cate. Could you be any ruder?
He gave her an amused look.
She sighed. “I meant, good morning. I wasn’t expecting to see you this morning.”
Seth studied her with interest. She hadn’t spent much time with the dark-haired man, but she got the impression that his easygoing appearance was an act.
But she was likely wrong.
“You don’t remember us coming home last night?” Seth asked.
Shit. What happened?
“Rhodes came back last night?” she asked.
Surely she hadn’t slid into Little headspace.
Please. Please.
But she might have had a bad dream.
“Uh, yeah. I think Ethan was worried about you, but he didn’t say why.” Seth eyed her curiously. “He talked to Rhodes, and then your brother decided to come home.”
Oh no.
“Rhodes has gone to breakfast with Samantha. Ethan accompanied them.”
Why had Ethan gone with them and not Seth? Was it because he wanted to get away from her? Because she’d done something idiotic last night?
“Right. I’ll talk to Rhodes when he gets home.”
“Can I get you any breakfast?” Seth asked.
“Oh no. I can do it.” She slid a bagel into the toaster and drew out some cream cheese and jam.
No lasagna for her. She needed familiar things. She felt so out-of-sorts. Having Seth here instead of Ethan was enough to make her feel off-balance.
After pouring herself a coffee, she stood awkwardly in the kitchen. She usually ate at the kitchen island.
But Seth was sitting there.
In her seat.
You can sit in another seat.
Her entire morning routine was off because she’d woken up so late.
You can handle this. Sit across from him.
Perhaps if she didn’t sit at all, it would be easier. Maybe she should take her breakfast outside. Or to the office.
God. What was wrong with her?
She prepared her bagel and grabbed a knife and fork before sliding onto a different stool and attempting to eat. But by then, her appetite had fled, and she ended up just eating a few bites before getting up and dumping the rest in the garbage.
“Cate, do you want to do anything this morning? Do you need to go anywhere?” Seth asked.
“Uh, no. I don’t have anywhere to go.” Because her life was sad. “I think I need to go work.”
Seth gave her a curious look, but she ignored him as she fled to her office.
With a sigh, she settled down. Now that she was here, she had to work. She didn’t want to make a liar out of herself.
Settling at her desk, she attempted to ignore her headache and got to work.
“So, how bad were things last night?” Rhodes asked Ethan as they made their way to pick up Samantha.
“Bad? Well, I’m not sure how to answer that. The screaming . . . fuck. I was terrified. I thought someone was in the house, hurting her. Once she woke up . . . things weren’t bad. But she . . .”
“She was in Little headspace.”
“Yeah. Does that happen often?”
“Not as much anymore. But whenever she gets stressed or something upsetting happens, she gets night terrors. And then when she wakes up, she’s regressed. Her therapist thinks it’s her mind’s way of coping with everything. Because Cate tends to suppress things most of the time, it all builds up over time, I guess. She might not show much emotion, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel anything. But then . . .”
“She has to deal with it somehow.”
“Right. The doctor isn’t sure why she doesn’t remember the next day. It could be a form of sleepwalking. Or perhaps her mind’s way of protecting her.”
“Is she, uh, is she autistic?” Ethan asked. He knew it wasn’t really his place to ask. But Rhodes was already sharing a lot more than Ethan thought he would with him.
“Yes, but that’s private. She doesn’t like people to know.”
Ethan frowned slightly. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“You and I know that but for Cate . . .” Rhodes sighed. “Things would have been different if our parents hadn’t died when we were nine. My aunt and uncle are . . . terrible people. They were all right to me. But Cate was different, and in their minds that meant wrong and strange. They ridiculed her. Made her feel like she was a burden. She’d been seeing therapists and getting speech therapy. But they stopped all of that when they moved us in with them. She started to go further and further into herself. Built a barrier around herself.”
That explained a lot. The way she kept her emotions and feelings tightly in check. Not letting them spill out.
“Those assholes.”
“Before we lived with them . . . Cate laughed. She had the most infectious laugh. Sometimes, we would have no idea what she was even laughing about. But she giggled all the time. Sometimes, I think that I’ll never hear her laugh like that again and it makes me so angry and sad.
“She loved to dance. And paint. God, she was so talented. Painting helped soothe and calm her. But my aunt and uncle didn’t want to spare any money for paint supplies. It didn’t matter that my parents had left us with trust funds that they could have accessed for anything we needed. Fuckers just didn’t want to do anything that would help Cate.”
God, his heart hurt for her.
“I’m only telling you all this because you saw her last night. And so you know why . . . why it’s really important you don’t say anything to her.”
“Rhodes, man, I don’t know. I don’t want to lie to her.”
“It’s not lying to her. She won’t remember. She only knows that she does this because I’ve told her. If she thought you had seen her, she’d be mortified. Cate is delicate. She can’t cope with the thought of embarrassing herself. She needs handling with care.”
He’d seen her fragility and vulnerability, which he could now understood better. But someone who’d been through what she had also had strength. Every day, she got up and faced life, no matter how tough she found things.
And that was something he admired.
But he also didn’t want her retreating further. “I won’t say anything. However, I also won’t lie if she asks me.”
“Yeah, all right,” Rhodes agreed.
“Why does her therapist think she goes into Little headspace after the night terrors?” That part, he didn’t understand.
“We aren’t completely sure. It took me a while to find a therapist who was kink-friendly. Her therapist thinks that she likely feels safest when she’s Little. She’s so different when she’s Little. So happy. Sometimes, I wish she could stay that way all the time.”
“Does she ever slip into Little headspace other times?” he asked. “When she’s more aware?”
“Not exactly,” Rhodes said.
Ethan wanted to push him, but he could tell Rhodes was near the end of what he was willing to discuss with him about Cate.
“If I’d realized there was any possibility that she’d have a night terror last night, I wouldn’t have left her. But I’m grateful you were there.”
“So am I. I just want you to know that I’d never do anything to harm her or make her feel bad.”
Rhodes shot a look at Ethan. “Just as long as your interest in Cate is purely professional. I won’t have my sister upset.”
“That’s the last thing I want to do.”
However, he didn’t say anything about his interest not being purely professional. Because it wasn’t.
And that could become a problem.
Not just because it was his job to protect Rhodes and his sister.
Ethan hadn’t had a relationship in a long time. The last one ended a year ago.
Ethan had friends. He had work colleagues. He spent a lot of time at the club taking care of Littles.
However, no one got really close to him. No one delved deep into the real Ethan because he didn’t let them. In a way, he had his own barriers. They were just less obvious.
He could tell himself that he only cared about Cate because she needed some care. That he didn’t want to upset her. And that he was in charge of keeping her safe.
But the fact was . . . his interest in Cate was becoming more than that.
Which was alarming.