Chapter 29
29
T he bath didn’t feel right.
Oh, it was at the perfect temperature. And filled with bubbles. She loved bubbles.
But nothing felt right.
This bath should be relaxing her.
However, everything just felt off.
The house seemed too quiet and every time she attempted to relax, today would come back at her.
The screeching noise and jolt as the car hit them. Being pressed against the belt. She might have said she hadn’t been worried because she knew Ethan would keep her safe, but somehow all that fear was now catching up to her.
And it was stealing her breath.
She rubbed at her chest. There was a heaviness there.
Get out of the bath.
Find Ethan.
She stood in the tub, but the room tilted slightly, and she fell back down with a cry. A sudden knocking on the door made her scream.
Placing her hand on her chest, she stared at the bathroom door in fear.
“Cate? Baby, it’s me. What’s wrong? Why did you cry out?”
Tell him you’re fine.
“I’m coming in,” he called out before she could reply.
The door burst open and he rushed in.
Under normal circumstances, that might upset her. It might have her checking that she was covered, pulling bubbles over herself.
However, the rush of relief she felt pushed away all of her concerns.
Then she became aware that his gaze was running all over the room. His breath was coming in harsh pants.
“What’s wrong?” Had there been a threat? “Is it Rhodes?” Fear flooded her.
“What? Baby, no. It’s you.”
“What?”
“I heard you cry out and then you didn’t answer me.” He moved toward her, kneeling on the floor next to the bath. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“I . . . I . . .” He made her feel so flummoxed. And she was finding it difficult to keep her emotions and thoughts in check around him.
He cupped her face. “Deep breath in, now let it out. That’s a girl. Now another.”
She kept breathing.
“I’m sorry if I scared you just now.” He lowered his voice and he looked less frantic.
“You didn’t.”
He raised his eyebrows. Oh, that was definitely a stern look. She was starting to recognize the different emotions on his face.
“All right . . . perhaps you did. But I think that I scared you too?” Was she reading what he’d said right?
“You did. You cried out and I didn’t know if you’d slipped and fallen. When you didn’t answer me, I thought you might be lying unconscious in the bath, drowning.”
“Wow.” That was a lot and she didn’t know where to start. “I’m not drowning.”
His lips twitched, and he surprised her by kissing her forehead. “No, you’re not drowning. Thankfully.”
“Yes. Thankfully.”
“Now, tell me what happened.”
“I was trying to get out of the bath and the room spun for a few seconds and I slipped back into the water.”
“Baby, are you all right? Did you hurt yourself?”
For some reason, the tone of his voice combined with the words had her lower lip trembling. How odd. It was even sticking out slightly.
“Y-yes. I hurt myself.” There was something wrong with her voice. It was higher pitched.
What was going on?
“Poor Catie-Pie,” he said soothingly. “Perhaps you shouldn’t have stood up without me here to help you.”
Catie-Pie?
That was a new one. Right? Somehow, though, it stirred her memory. Had he called her that before? But normally she had a very good memory, so she didn’t think she would have forgotten that.
Unless he did it while you were in Little space.
That was . . . interesting. Why would he be calling her that now, though? She wasn’t in Little . . . oh, or was she close? That tone of her voice before had sounded so high-pitched.
“A Little girl like you shouldn’t get out of the bath on her own, should she?”
Should she say her safeword? Was she ready for this?
Somehow, it felt right, though. Because what she really wanted, deep down, was for Ethan to take control. To look after her. And perhaps it would be easier in Little headspace to let go and allow him to do that.
And perhaps it was something he needed as well.
“Would you be all right with me staying here with you?” he asked.
She nodded.
“You remember your safeword if you have to use it?”
Another nod.
“I know it’s hard sometimes to talk, but I really need a verbal response for this one. I need to know I’m not taking advantage of you while you’re vulnerable.”
“I have a safeword. I know what I’m doing.” She hoped he thought the flush on her face was due to the hot water.
But somehow, she thought he knew the truth.
“Do you want to be in Little headspace?” he asked.
“I . . .” What she wanted was to not make decisions. She understood why he was asking, but it felt irritating to have to talk this through.
She slapped her hand down on the water in frustration, sending an arc of water right into his face.
Oh, no. Oh, dear.
What had she just done?
She stilled, waiting for him to get angry.
He’d said he wouldn’t yell. That he wouldn’t call you names.
But she realized part of her didn’t quite believe that.
“Okay, so I’m guessing you’re feeling frustrated. And not particularly verbal.”
His lips were twitching. Why did he find this funny? This wasn’t funny.
“I’m so sorry,” she pushed the words out. “I didn’t mean to. Let me dry you off. I need to get a towel.” She tried to push herself up to stand, but he reached out and gently held her down.
“Uh-uh, Little girls don’t get out of baths on their own. Calm down, it’s just water. While I wouldn’t appreciate you deliberately splashing me, I know you didn’t mean to.”
“I . . . I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Sometimes it’s hard to express big emotions,” he replied calmly as he grabbed a towel to dry off. “I understand that. As long as you express yourself in a safe way, no harming yourself or putting yourself at risk.”
Oh God.
He could never find out what she’d once done.
“Understand?”
She nodded jerkily.
“Now, I’m going to make a guess and say you did that because you were feeling frustrated because . . . you want something and I don’t understand what it is.” He studied her for a long moment. “Am I close?”
Another nod.
“Is it that you want me to back off?”
Her eyes widened, and she reached for him before she thought better of it.
“Is it that you want to sink into Little headspace and let Daddy take over?” His voice was like velvet. It mesmerized her. Promised her safety and warmth.
How could he read her so easily? And put into words what she didn’t seem to be able to?
“I think I’d like to try. Will you be disappointed if it doesn’t happen?”
That was what she was most worried about.
“I’d never be disappointed, especially not when you’re trying. But I want to make something clear. I don’t want you doing this for me—or not just for me. I can wait. I want this to be about what you desire.”
“You sound like a hero in one of my books.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“I hope it is.”
“Me too, baby. Me too.”
“From my understanding, when you care about someone you want to put their needs first? Before your own?”
“Hmm. Yes.” He sat back on his ankles. “I’m not sure I’ve always been successful at that.”
“You? Not successful at something?” she asked.
His lips twitched. “There are some things I’m unsuccessful at, believe it or not.”
“I find it hard to believe.”
“So good for my ego.” He ran a finger down her cheek. “Now, tell me what’s wrong with the bath? Why were you getting out?”
“I don’t know. It feels fine now. I was just feeling . . . weird. Antsy. I couldn’t relax. I . . . I think I wanted you.” Her gaze went to the bubbles.
“Hey, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not like I wasn’t standing outside the bathroom door just waiting for you to call out to me.”
Wonder filled her. “You were?”
“Yes. I am finding it very hard to be away from you right now. You could have been injured today and my protective instincts are screaming at me to wrap you up in bubble wrap and put you in my pocket where you’ll be safe.”
“I’d be safe in your pocket? Must be a big pocket.”
“Hmm, or perhaps I could put you in an adult carrier and just carry you around all day, against my chest. I just . . . I need to see you to know you’re safe.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I thought you might need some space to process everything that happened. But now I think that space is the last thing you need. That maybe everyone has given you far too much space.”
“I’m uncertain that you being able to read me so easily is such a good thing.”
“Well, I disagree. I need every advantage I can get when it comes to you.”
“I think you’re right though. Space is the last thing I need. Everyone gives me space. No one really wants to be around me. So I like that you can’t stand to be away from me.”
Ethan made a low, grunting noise. Was he angry? But his face looked calm when she studied him.
“Have you washed yourself?” he asked.
She nodded.
“Would you like to relax a bit more or have a play?”
“A play?” she asked as her gaze moved to his chest. She was just noticing how his wet T-shirt was plastered to his skin.
Wow.
He was so . . . muscular.
He cleared his throat. “Enjoying the view?”
“I really am.”
A low chuckle filled the room and she glanced up at his face. “I wasn’t joking.”
“No, I could tell. But you were being cute.”
“Again?”
“Yes. Always so cute.”
Good to know.