Chapter 13 – Layla
That was empowering. Vara letting me take control reminded me just how far I’ve come, not only in accepting my sexuality, but my body and my desires.
Thorne washed both of us clean and when I tried to reward him with a blow job, he refused, saying tonight was about us, not him. Then we dressed in sleep clothes and now all three of us are cuddled in my king-sized bed with Thorne in between me and Vara.
He’s the biggest so it’s easier for both of us to curl up against his sides.
“Tell us why you were hesitant to ask for what you wanted earlier?” Vara says after we settle underneath the covers.
I knew she was going to ask me this.
I’ve yet to open up to the both of them. To be fair, Vara and Thorne haven’t shared much of their lives either. Vara is stubborn, and Thorne is a man of few words.
I won’t push them. They’ll share when they’re ready.
“I told you my husband was a nightmare, right?” Thorne tenses underneath me while Vara hums a yes.
“He was abusive, physically and verbally. He’d demean me every chance he got.
I let his words tear me down and it took a long time to build myself back up.
When I finally convinced myself that I was good enough and deserved to be happy, I got sick. ”
I hate thinking about my past. I’ve worked through the worst of it, but I guess it’s hard to let it all go. My hesitation to ask for what I wanted is clear of that.
“I thought being turned would mean I was finally free. Diago, my sire, had other plans. For two weeks after he turned me, I lived through hell. He was just as cruel and controlling as my husband, only worse because he was inhuman... he was stronger and had no morals.
“I can’t fathom reliving the details, maybe I’ll share it with you both one day.
What I can say is that Diago did everything he could to break me, but I wasn’t going to let another man shatter my will.
Not after I worked so hard to love myself.
I lashed out at him. He’d expected me to be weak and compliant—sires are able to control their fledglings—but, for some reason, I never fell under his compulsion.
“I always wondered why Diago couldn’t control me.
Maybe it was because I was destined for greater things.
Or maybe me being sick with the plague prevented that part of the turning from taking hold.
Whatever the reason, I was grateful. So, I pretended to be controlled by him, and when his caution fell, I broke a wooden chair and drove a piece of it into his heart. ”
Thorne kisses my temple, and Vara reaches her arm across his stomach so she can palm my arm that I have resting against Thorne’s side.
“He was supposed to be my guide into this immortal life, teaching me to control my thirst. I had no one. I learned to manage my hunger on my own; I don’t know how I did it. I even managed not to kill innocent lives in the process.
“But I was so fucking angry—at my abusive husband and my cruel sire. Every vampire I met along the way saw my fury as a weapon and utilized it. I became a warrior, mostly against hunters who aimed to kill our kind or other supes who posed a threat.
“I moved to the U.S. in 1921 after hearing about vampires settling in New Orleans.
I found a job and went through the motions of living.
Then a year later, Millie and I met. She was in New Orleans for a WOVE event and showed up with other important vampires at the jazz club where I sang.
The moment I finished my performance, Millie pulled me aside.
She immediately saw how lost I was. How the anger was wearing me down.
We became fast lovers, but as vampires, it was merely physical.
We care for each other, and are loyal to one another, but the deep emotions of love were never there.
Neither of us wanted to be without the other so I followed Millie back to New York City and became her royal advisor.
“I think she’s the reason why I’m no longer angry. Now I smile and laugh, and I enjoy life.”
I shift and lift up on my elbow so I can see my two mates.
“Control comes easily if it’s just sex, no emotions, but with you two... Vara you’re different than any lover I’ve had. When you take control, it’s not for your pleasure... it’s for mine. Ours. I wasn’t sure if I could be as good as you—”
“It was good. So very good,” Vara says, leaning over Thorne to clutch my chin. “Don’t ever doubt that... do you understand me, Layla Sophia Aldana?”
Her words cause an ache in my chest. I swear my heart flutters.
“I understand.”
She stares into my eyes as if looking for the truth embedded within my soul. When she believes me, she gives me a quick nod.
“Good,” she sighs and lays her head back on Thorne’s shoulder. “Now, let’s enjoy this rare time together. We have a busy couple of months left until we can explore the bond.”
The bond.
Every day it calls to us. I know they feel it too... the near painful pull... the overactive sex drive (it’s ridiculous how horny I am. All. The. Time.)
Thorne is the first to fall asleep then Vara. I watch them at peace until my eyes start to droop. It’s crazy to think that these two beautiful beings are mine. They want me. I lived my entire life feeling as if nowhere was home. I think it’s because I was missing two important parts.
My two guardians.
The ones who protect my body... my heart... my soul.