Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Brown is not my color.
The bones in my hand creaked as Mrs. Charlotte Morris bore down as instructed.
“I can’t do this,” she cried out as she entered the final phase of the birthing process. “I want an epidural.”
They all did. But this was the point of no return. “You’ve got this, Mrs. Morris. Do what your body was made to do.”
“Charlotte,” she snapped. “Call me Charlotte. You’ve had your hand in my vagina four times this morning. And for the record, no body is made to squeeze a melon out of a lemon-sized hole.”
Charlotte, a heavily pregnant and overdue fox shifter going through her first birth, moved into a crouch on her bed to allow gravity to help the situation along.
“Fine, Charlotte. This part is always the scariest, but it is also the quickest. In just a few minutes, you are going to meet your daughter, and all of this will have been worth it. Do you want Mike to take over here so I can check on your progress?”
She flickered her gaze at her mate. “I want him dead.”
Mike paled. Impressive given he’d lost his breakfast already and had taken to performing a great impression of a wax statue in the corner of the room. “I think I hear my mother calling.”
“Then go, you selfish prick,” Charlotte snarled.
I shook my head at him. Don’t go, you idiot. One, I needed someone here to hold her arms so I could deliver their firstborn safely into the world, and two, she would never forgive him if he actually left.
Mike took the opportunity to hightail it out of the room like he was on fire. Awesome.
“Did he just leave?” she screeched.
“Men are stupid and weak,” I muttered as I tilted my head to try to get a read on how long she had to go.
“I need the toilet,” she groaned as her head thudded against my arm. “Now.”
“That’s common. Don’t fight it.”
“I can’t shit in front of you. I don’t even do that in front of Mike.”
“Trust me, nine times out of ten, it’s just the baby pressing on your colon. Either way, you have to push.” She shook her head and let out a pained whimper. “I’m just going to let you go and check on the baby, okay?”
Her hand tightened into a bruising grip. “No, you’ll leave me too.”
“I won’t, I promise.”
She went quiet before a low growl rolled through her. Fuck, she was fighting the contraction, all because she was scared she was going to poop in front of me.
“Push, Charlotte.” I needed a little help. She shook her head and gritted her teeth. “Mike,” I shouted.
The bedroom door swung open, and Dave strode in, not at all phased that a woman was about to give birth in front of him. “Mike passed out.”
I had no idea why the pack’s chief of security was making house calls to a pair of fox shifters, but I’d take his stoicness over Mike’s hysterics any day.
“Fine, then can you take over here?”
Charlotte’s grip on my hand made me yelp. “No, you aren’t leaving.”
“I’m not, but I need to make sure that when your daughter makes her entrance, she does so safely. So Dave is going to be your squeezing partner.”
She frowned. “I’m not looking into the eyes of another man while I give birth.”
“Then look at his chin dimples or impressive pecs.”
Dave snorted and came to stand next to me. “I’m here.”
Charlotte eyeballed him, and I could see her weighing up her options as another contraction hit. “I need to poop,” she groaned.
Dave raised a brow. “That’s normal, right?”
“How many births have you been around?”
“A few. You can’t fault the wonder a new life brings.”
Did Dangerous Dave have a soft spot for newborns? I would never let him live that down.
“Fine, then you need to check if she’s crowning.”
Dave blinked. “Okay.”
He moved around the back of Charlotte. Another contraction hit, and Charlotte’s eyes flared with panic.
“Just push, sweetheart. It will be okay.”
An explosion happened. Not of the bomb variety, but of the bowel one.
Behind her, covering the previously flowery pale blue and white wallpaper, was a spray of feces in an impressive range from floor to ceiling.
In the middle of that wall was a pissed shifter covered in dripping poop.
He blinked and bent slowly. I suppressed a snort at the clear outline of where he’d interrupted the blast zone.
“Is she out?” Charlotte asked hopefully.
“Not yet. Keep going,” Dave muttered as he snatched a clean towel and wiped his face. “She’s crowning.”
“Then what... oh my God, did I poop? You said I wouldn’t poop. Cora, you promised.”
I did no such thing. “Listen carefully, Charlotte. You need to push your daughter out into this world. Before the first month of motherhood is done, you’ll have been covered in vomit, poop, and urine.
You’ll have survived on two-hour naps and an endless supply of casseroles and cookies. This right here? It’s nothing.”
“But I pooped in front of Dangerous Dave.”
Correction. She pooped all over Dangerous Dave.
“It’s not even the weirdest thing I’ve seen today,” Dave reassured her.
It was the funniest, though. For me anyway.
“Ready to meet your daughter?” I coaxed.
She gave me a firm nod, and a minute later, baby Stacie Marie Morris was welcomed into Dave’s arms. He did the standard checks for a newborn, astounding me, then wrapped the crying child inside a clean towel and handed her to Charlotte to snuggle close.
She didn’t even notice the poop-covered shifter or her bedroom wall that would need a redecoration.
Nope, she was immediately enamored as Stacie stopped crying and they took each other in.
I finished my last checks, and Dave went to scrape Mike off the floor.
I met Dave outside the picturesque cottage and drank in the sweet-scented mid-afternoon air while turning my head toward the sun. “Why are you here?” I muttered.
“I’ve been sent on a retrieval mission.”
My lips twitched. “I have work to do. People don’t stop needing doctors because said doctor decides to get married or hold a party.”
“No, but said doctor does need to be in attendance for both events.”
I grimaced and walked toward my Bugatti. Well, Sebastian’s Bugatti. Dave kept pace beside me. “I’ll meet you back at the house.”
“No deal. I have very specific instructions to escort you.”
I raised a brow. “It’s not like I’ll get lost, Dave.”
“But you might get distracted with a medical emergency.”
Busted. I had found three people who didn’t need my help but got it anyway. I was avoiding while being productive. Best of both worlds.
“Fine,” I snapped. “But you’re not getting in my custom Bugatti dripping shit.”
He snorted, stalked back to the cottage, grabbed a hose off the ground, and waved it at me with a smirk dancing on his lips. I sighed and followed after him, grabbed the hose, and switched on the water.
“It’s cold,” I warned.
He rolled his eyes and held out his arms. It took a good ten minutes before I was satisfied that he didn’t have a single smear of poop left on him, but now we had a different problem.
I twisted my lips to the side. “You’re wet.”
“Well, would you look at that. I took an impromptu shower with a hose and got wet.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you.”
“Sarcasm is thirty-eight percent of my personality.”
Mike opened the door, cradling his daughter, and handed Dave a towel without a word before closing the door in our faces.
Dave stripped out of his clothes, wrapped the towel around his waist, and climbed inside the car. I peeled out of the driveway, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel as I took the long route home.
“Who’d have thought the unflappable Undertaker was afraid of a little formal wear and synchronized dancing?” Dave drawled, flipping through the radio stations before settling on a current country hit.
“I’m not afraid of either. It’s the fuss beforehand that pisses me off.”
“I have a personal reason for volunteering to collect you.”
I glanced at him and decided to take a left on Main Street, giving us another ten minutes of driving time to talk through whatever was on the chief of security’s mind.
“I’m listening.” He shifted in his seat as if he were uncomfortable. “Dave, you are making us both unnecessarily nervous.”
He swiped a hand down his face. “It’s my understanding that under the moon of the solstice, an elemental can request that their chosen partner join them in the purifying waters of the moon. Naked.”
Oh, this was too good. “A supernatural but spiritual skinny-dip.”
“Ritual immersion,” he insisted, face reddening. “For balance.”
“Right. Balance. Of cheeks.”
“Forget it.”
“Dave, if you’re asking whether getting naked under the moonlight with Aunt Liz counts as foreplay, then the answer is yes. Yes, it does.”
“Right.”
“And if you are checking on the ramifications of such an event, I believe you are declaring your union under Hectare.”
“Like a mating?”
“Indeed.”
He went quiet, which made my head whip toward him.
“You want to marry my aunt? Is that what this is about? Are you asking for my permission?”
He frowned. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Marrying my aunt is not ridiculous.”
“No, but asking for permission is outdated.”
My lips twitched. “Depends on how chivalrous you are.”
“I’m just trying to understand the ramifications of my actions before I do them.”
I chuckled as I took the turn to head back home. “A little advice?”
“I’m listening.”
“Don’t play games with my aunt. She is a straightforward woman who appreciates honesty, no matter how it might hurt. We have that in common.”
“A little advice from me?” he volleyed.
I huffed. “Sure.”
“Forgive them. They were frightened, exhausted, and two heartbeats away from losing you. Don’t forget, you too are keeping secrets.”
“About that.” I pulled into the driveway, the wards whispering against my skin in greeting. “I need a meeting with the others. I’m done being a Serpent.”
“It’s not something you hand in your membership card for and go on your way.”
“Then prepare yourselves, because if I can’t leave, then I’m telling my mate. No future worth building has a foundation of lies and deceit. Remember that before you tie yourself to one of the most wonderful people I know.”
I parked the car and climbed out, stomping up the steps and swinging open the door to find the living room empty. Where were the ghosts?
Hudson came out of the kitchen, and a smile bloomed across his face at the sight of me. There were so many lies between us that needed to be brought into the light. Clandestine groups, dates with gods, and a deal with the devil.
He tilted his head as I sensed Dave at my back. “Cora?” Hudson growled.
Oh boy. What had I done now? “Yes?”
“Why have you arrived with a naked Dave?”
“He’s naked. I’m not.”
He prowled closer, his golden gaze flicking to Dave for a heartbeat. “Not helping.”
“He got covered in poop by a birthing mother, and I refused to let him ride in my car while wearing feces.”
Hudson blinked, threw his head back, and laughed.
Rebecca pattered down the stairs. “Good, you’re home. Time for a dress fitting.” Ugh. Dave snorted as he moved past me and jogged up the stairs. Rebecca’s gaze fell to his bare ass, and she whistled low. “You could bounce a dime off those buns.”
My gaze dropped to check them out.
Hudson’s smile died. “You’ve got five seconds to stop looking.”
Dave paused on the stairs. “I’d rather not die half-dressed, thanks.”
I rubbed my temples. “This house needs more rules and fewer hormones.”