Chapter Twenty-Four
––––––––
H eart thudding, Bristol lowered her arms as TJ stepped in behind her, the sheer size of him dwarfing her and making the shower suddenly seem cramped. Her pulse raced out of control at the intense look on his face, the unmistakable heat in his dark eyes. He looked so different clean-shaven, all the planes and angles of his face revealed.
God, he was gorgeous.
He wrapped a steely arm around her stomach and drew her back against his equally hard body, his mouth dropping to kiss the spot where her neck and shoulder met. “You left.”
Yes. Sometime in the middle of the night she’d woken up, realized she was already falling too fast and hard for him, and decided to make her escape. She had planned to walk out of the bedroom and pretend last night had been a casual, one-time thing. No big deal, just a momentary lapse in judgment caused by all the fear and stress of last night.
It would all have been a lie. And she was pretty sure TJ knew that.
“I have to go,” he said, interrupting her thoughts.
“Go?” The way he said it sounded so final. She pushed down the spurt of panic. “Where?”
“I need to meet in person with another CI.”
“What about me?”
“You’ll stay here. CPS will move you to a new location.”
She turned around to face him, ready to ask what would happen after that. But she already knew. The guarded look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know.
She’d been right to leave the couch, because it was clear where she stood with him.
“Okay.” She was proud of how steady her voice was, how nonchalantly she said it. With no hint of the disappointment and devastation filling her.
Oh, but he didn’t like her answer.
He frowned, wrapped his other arm around her and drew her close. “It’s not okay. It’s not even remotely okay,” he ground out, frustration pouring off him. “I told myself to just walk away. Told myself not to touch you again, but I can’t do that. Not after last night. And there’s no way you don’t feel this too.”
She stared up at him, hope forming a burning knot in the middle of her heart. “What makes you so sure?”
“Because I know you. I know what kind of person you are, and there’s zero chance you would’ve let me in that far if you don’t have feelings for me.”
He was eerily on point about that. All of it. It shook her.
He slid one hand into the back of her hair, squeezing the wet strands gently. “If you don’t feel anything for me, then tell me to walk away right now. Say it.” His eyes burned like fire, challenging her to deny it.
She couldn’t . And he knew it as well as she did.
He growled low in his throat and captured her lips in a searing kiss that made her head spin. A heartbeat later she was pressed flush against the cool, wet wall, pinned in place by more than two-hundred pounds of hard, hungry man.
Bristol wrapped around him, clung tight to his slick shoulders while his tongue stroked hers. He tasted of desperation. Radiated it from every pore as he held her there, imprinting her with his scent and the feel of his body.
He slid his hands down to cup her breasts, eyes darkening as they fixed on the tight points of her nipples. His mouth closed around one, sucking gently, the flick of his tongue bringing her up on her toes, a gasp slipping free. He stayed there for another few moments before treating the other to the same attention, each luxurious pull of his talented mouth intensifying the need inside her.
His hands moved to her waist. Slid down to grip her hips and squeeze while he sank to his knees in front of her.
Bristol steadied herself on his shoulders, struggling to catch her breath, and thankful she was nearsighted so she could see every glorious detail of him even without her glasses. The sight of him like that, on his knees before her with his water-drenched hair slicked back from his face, the muscles in his arms, shoulders and chest standing out in sharp relief...
And the raw hunger on his face, his gaze dropping to the juncture of her thighs where she was already wet and throbbing.
His fingers flexed on her hips, holding her with a possessive grip while he leaned in and nuzzled between her legs. She made a garbled sound and plunged a hand into his short hair, widening her trembling legs to give him room.
He accepted the invitation instantly, his mouth finding the top of her sex. The warmth of his tongue dragged a high-pitched moan from her as he slid it over her swollen folds to find her clit.
Her head dropped back against the shower wall, her eyes slamming shut as pure sensation streaked through her. It was so decadent, so incredibly erotic to have a man so powerful kneeling before her, worshipping her with his tongue.
It was surreal. Each warm, languid caress of his tongue sent tendrils of pleasure spiraling through her. She climbed higher and higher, and when he licked inside her, her knees went weak. He held her there, keeping her firmly in place while his tongue drove her to the edge of release. She made a pleading sound, somehow opened her eyes to look down at him.
TJ stared back at her for a long moment, his tongue buried inside her. She quivered, fingers digging into his shoulders. It was so insanely erotic. More intimate than anything she’d experienced before.
He surged to his feet, his hands gripping her rear as he lifted her off her feet and pinned her back against the wall with his weight. With the hot length of his erection trapped between them, he wrapped one arm around the small of her back to secure her there and lifted his free hand to cup the side of her face.
“Are you protected?” he rasped out, searching her eyes.
“Yes,” she gasped, half-blind with desperation. Being so close to the edge and having release taken away was torture. “And I’m clean.”
“Me too. You trust me?”
Staring into those dark, hungry eyes, she felt her heart soften and expand. He had lied to her before to protect his cover. And himself. But he would never lie about this. That wasn’t the kind of man he was. “Yes.”
With a dark sound from deep in his chest, his mouth came down on hers. She opened for the thrust of his tongue, fought to get closer when he reached between them and positioned the head of his cock against her core.
The sudden pressure took her off guard. She was wet and swollen, more than ready for him, yet he felt too huge and hard. Unyielding as he penetrated her, her body struggling to adjust to the invasion.
She hissed in a breath and tensed, trying to wriggle free. Or maybe trying to wriggle closer, she couldn’t decide, her brain unable to process the knife-edge of pleasure/pain.
TJ stilled, his gaze searching hers. “Okay, Slugger?”
She licked her lips, the nickname undoing another tiny lock in her heart. “I...” She wasn’t sure. It was just so intense, the angle and force of gravity heightening her inability to get any leverage to ease the pressure inside her.
He lifted her slightly, giving her a second or two reprieve before slowly lowering her again. Sinking him deeper inside her. Deeper still, his eyes locked with hers. Until he was buried to the hilt inside her.
Bristol whimpered, her body gripping him, ripples of pleasure spreading out from where they were joined. She locked her ankles behind his back and rubbed her aching clit against the hard plane of his abdomen, seeking relief from her torment.
TJ leaned his weight into her, holding her there with shocking ease. His arms and chest flexed with each slow surge of his hips while he worked in and out of her.
The tempo was maddening. The angle was perfect. She ground herself against him, orgasm looming sharp and devastating just at the edge of her consciousness. She threw her head back when it hit, her high-pitched cries filling the steam-filled enclosure.
TJ held her tight while the waves pulsed through her. When she was able to open her eyes again, she looked down and saw the tension on his face. His mouth was pulled tight, his jaw muscles standing out.
As if he’d been waiting for that eye contact, he picked up his pace, thrusting faster. Harder.
Just when he reached the edge, he suddenly pulled out of her body, grabbed her hand and wrapped her fingers around him. With their hands locked around his erection, he came against her belly, a strangled groan coming from between his clenched teeth.
Gradually the tension bled out of his body. He released her hand and opened his eyes to look at her, the hot water still pouring over them. His grip eased and he slowly lowered her feet back to the floor.
Feeling weak all over and even more vulnerable than when he’d stepped in here, Bristol tucked her face into the muscular curve of his shoulder. She leaned her weight against him, never doubting that he would keep her from sliding to her knees.
“TJ,” she whispered. She felt so raw emotionally.
“Yeah,” he answered quietly, and she knew he understood.
He rested his cheek on the top of her head and held her. Cradled her, his big arms sheltering her while the water rained down on them. She didn’t know why he’d pulled out at the last moment like that, but guessed it was to add another layer of protection for her. Because he would never have entered her if he hadn’t trusted her.
She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but all too soon he eased his hold and ran his hands over her, washing the last of the shampoo from her hair before moving to her belly and gently between her thighs. When she was all clean, he shut off the water and got out first, moments later wrapping her up in a big towel.
Neither of them spoke while they dried off and got dressed. Bristol didn’t know what to say anyhow, the feelings inside her impossible to put into words. As impossible as their situation was.
“You hungry?” he asked, pulling his shirt down over that sculpted body that had just been plastered to her.
“I’m... A little.” She tucked a lock of wet hair behind her ear.
“I made coffee if you want some.”
“Sure.” She watched him go to the kitchen, wondering what the hell to do or say now. Were they really going to leave it like this? After everything he’d said and everything they’d just done?
He poured her a mug and handed it over. Their eyes met, and she saw the indecision in his. The regret.
Her stomach dropped like a concrete ball.
A phone rang on the counter. He snatched it up, spoke to whoever it was on the other end. She could see the tension building in his shoulders as the conversation went on.
“Yeah, got it,” he finally said, and turned toward her with that same look in his eyes. “Is CPS en route?”
For her, he meant. He must be talking to someone with the DEA.
Bristol tightened her fingers around the mug. She wasn’t going to blurt out her feelings if he was about to leave.
“Okay, good. I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” he said, and the words echoed with a terrible finality. One that told her this was probably the last time she would see him.
Ending the call, he tucked his phone away into his jeans pocket and faced her from across the room. “I have to go.”
She nodded. “I know.” She wouldn’t beg him to stay. Or to take her with him. Or ask him to come back to her when this was over. No matter how much it hurt to watch him walk away.
“I have to leave now. This is our one shot. If I’m not there in time, deal’s off.”
Don’t go. Don’t do it. “What about me?”
“CPS is on the way here now. You won’t be alone for more than a few minutes, but I can’t wait...” He looked so torn.
She dug down for the courage to ask more. “And then what?”
“Then you stay safe.”
To her horror, tears flooded her eyes. She blinked fast. Tried to nod again, hating that this was going to end with her humiliation.
TJ cursed under his breath. A moment later she was being crushed in his arms, his voice low and urgent next to her ear. “Don’t cry over me, Slugger. I’m not worth it, believe me.”
She jerked her head back to glower up at him, gave his shoulder an angry shove. “Sh-shut up. I’ll c-cry if I w-want to.” Because he definitely was worth it. Whether he saw it or not.
His hold eased. He cupped her face between his hands, his thumbs wiping her tears away. He shook his head, a rueful but almost proud look on his face. “I knew you would be trouble the first time I saw you.”
She frowned, struggling to process his meaning. “What? I was t-trying to h-help you.”
“I know.” His expression sobered. Turned deadly serious. “You stay safe, understand? I have to know you’re safe.”
“W-what about y-you?” He wasn’t meeting this CI alone, was he? His cover was blown. Surely the DEA or some other agency would back him up for safety reasons.
“Don’t worry about me.”
Screw that. “Too late.”
Something shifted in his eyes at her response. Something unguarded and vulnerable that was there and gone before she could decipher it, replaced by a veil of indifference.
“Be safe,” he said quietly, the finality in his tone sending a chill through her.
This was it. This was goodbye.
Then he confused her even more by bending to give her one last heartbreakingly tender kiss before walking out and locking the door behind him.