Chapter Eleven
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C assie shifted her shoulders to ease the muscular tension that was starting a piercing headache in her temples. Driving normally calmed her and helped her feel in control, but this was her first time back behind the wheel since the shooting, and she couldn’t shake the sense of dread.
She kept watching all the other traffic around her carefully as she drove, her nervous system still on edge that someone might be following her.
Which was ridiculous. Traffic was steady behind her. No one was maneuvering in and out trying to catch up to her. She just needed to keep moving forward and get past this trigger.
She refused to let this tragedy define her or hold her back. She’d come too far to let that happen.
“You good?” Bristol asked from the passenger seat.
“Yeah, fine. Glad to be out and about after being holed up at home for the past three days.” They’d decided to get out of Crimson Point for a while and had driven out to their favorite pie place on the highway to Portland.
This time she’d forsaken her favored sour cream lemon pie for a warm slice of sour cherry and had zero regrets. She had a new favorite.
Now they were both on the verge of a sugar coma on the way back to town. She was in no hurry to get there. While she liked her own company for a while, she needed interaction. Living on her own was peaceful but sometimes lonely.
“Know what I wound up doing last night?” she continued. “I was so bored I resorted to hauling out a jigsaw puzzle and sat at my kitchen table for three hours putting it together. An actual puzzle, Bristol.”
“Oh my God, not a puzzle!” Bristol said in mock horror. “Won’t somebody think of the children?”
“I know! At one point I was even contemplating using one of my socks to dust the baseboards.”
“Okay, now I’m actually a bit worried.”
“It’s all right. I used a used dryer sheet instead. Those things work like a charm, fyi.”
“Cass? Not gonna lie. I’m getting alarmed.”
She huffed out a laugh. “Hey, that’s a good tip. You’ll thank me someday.”
“I don’t think I will, actually. What about the book I brought you? Did you read any of it?”
“Yeah, I finished it this morning.”
“And?”
“It was okay.”
“ Okay ? Just okay?” She sounded offended.
Cassie shrugged. “Wasn’t my thing.”
“How could it not be your thing? It had a sexy alpha male hero, a strong-willed, independent heroine, and lots of steamy sex. Tell me how that’s not your thing.”
Since she’d been wrestling her wayward libido into submission around Tristan, that’s when. “Different strokes.” Oh, damn, now she was imagining stroking him. All over. Holding him in her fist while she... “I’ll still go to the book club thing. Don’t worry.”
“If you do, you’d better drum up more enthusiasm than ‘it was okay.’ The other members will turn on you. Might ban you for life.”
Cassie grinned. “Nah, they love me.”
“Yeah, they do.” Bristol glanced over at her. “You wanna go for dinner with TJ and me tonight? We were thinking that new seafood place in town.”
She’d planned to spend another quiet evening at home to recharge and gear up for returning to work. But honestly, she might wind up climbing the walls instead and could use the company to take her mind off the shooting.
And Tristan.
Between the vivid fantasies that damned book had unleashed and him checking on her multiple times a day, it was impossible not to think about him. “Yeah, sounds good.”
“Really? Great. But can we stop and grab groceries on the way home first?”
“Sure. I need to pick up a few things too.”
They drove without talking for a while, listening to a mix of music on her favorite playlist. Eighties music was the greatest, no contest. The scenery they passed was stunning.
Woodland giving way to rolling hills, acres of vineyard and orchards, all the different foliage turning shades of pumpkin, ruby, and rich gold.
The exact same mix of colors that came out in Tristan’s hair when the sun hit it.
Jesus. Since when was she a poet?
“You talk to Tristan lately?” Bristol asked, yanking her out of her thoughts.
Or maybe her sister was reading her mind. “Just by text.” She kept it short and sweet. Though she appreciated that he cared. It meant a lot, made her feel less alone.
“I saw him in town,” she said.
“Oh?” She tried to sound casual despite the instant spike in curiosity.
“Bumped into each other outside Whale’s Tale as I was coming out with our books. He been checking on you?”
“Lots.” She liked it way too much, even if she didn’t completely trust his motivation. She’d made it clear they weren’t going to be more than friendly work colleagues, and he persisted anyway.
“Figured. He’s worried about you.”
The little catch in her chest worried her. A telltale sign that she was in deep trouble where he was concerned. “I’m fine.”
So she’d lost sleep and most of her appetite since the shooting.
And yeah, maybe her bosses were right, and Monday was too soon for her to return to work.
But she needed to keep going. Only time would lift the crushing guilt she felt about Penny’s death.
Sitting at home doing nothing but dwelling on that would make it worse.
“Is it so bad that he cares about you?” Bristol asked.
“No. But you think he’d be this worried about any of the male agents?”
“Yes.”
Yeah, okay. He might.
“Why does he rub you the wrong way?”
Because she kept imagining how he could rub her the right way. “He doesn’t.”
“Okay.” Bristol faced forward again.
“What do you think his fatal flaw is?”
Bristol looked over at her. “What?”
“No one’s perfect, not even him. He has to have one.”
“ Fatal flaw? That’s a little overly suspicious, don’t you think?”
“Why? Everyone has flaws. It’s driving me crazy that I haven’t figured out what’s wrong with him.”
Bristol was silent a moment. “Were you always this cynical about men, or just since your ex?”
Blood rushed to her cheeks. Fair question though. “Bit of both, I guess,” she admitted, not proud of it. “But I’m done with getting hurt and being let down. I want to see the flaws up front, not find out after it’s too late.”
“What did he do?”
“Tristan? Nothing.”
“Your ex.”
She hesitated. She didn’t like thinking about him. Or talking about him. Tried her best not to.
How to put it succinctly without getting into the details? “He was...a manipulative, emotionally abusive narcissist.”
Bristol stared at her a moment. “What a piece of shit.”
The rare curse and the sheer loathing in Bristol’s voice made Cassie burst out laughing. “Just when I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I already do.”
“Well, it’s true.”
“It is true.”
“I’m glad you left him.”
“Same. Should’ve done it way sooner though.” She hated that she’d stayed as long as she had. It shamed her now.
“Why didn’t you?”
She sighed. “I dunno. Low self-worth? Patterning?” She shook her head, knowing they were excuses.
“It got to the point where I couldn’t ignore what was really happening anymore.
And one day I realized I was repeating what I’d seen my mom do over and over again, staying with a toxic partner because it was better than being alone. ”
It made her cringe, but she clearly remembered the moment, standing in front of her bathroom sink washing her face. She’d stopped and stared at her reflection, saw her mother’s face and wondered how the hell she’d become like her.
Bristol reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m proud of you. For leaving him, and for waking up.”
She flushed again. Accepting praise was hard for her, even from Bristol.
“Meh. When I think back to all the ways I rationalized staying for so long, and all the excuses I made for him, I want to puke.” It was still hard to believe she’d become that person.
She’d seen it so many times on domestic dispute calls, where the abused woman stuck up for her man and refused to press charges.
Cassie had allowed herself to become a certain version of that. Never again.
“At least you realized what was happening and decided you deserved better,” Bristol said.
Yeah, because something major had forced her hand and made it impossible to ignore any longer.
But she wasn’t going to tell Bristol about that. Didn’t want her or their parents to know the sordid details. It was hard enough for her to live with them. “Better late than never, I guess. And moving here was the right move, because now I get to hang with you all the time.”
“True. But for what it’s worth, I don’t think Tristan has a fatal flaw.”
“Okay, then what regular flaws do you think he has? Other than being a bit weird about food.”
“Is he? I haven’t noticed, but I don’t know him as well as you. He seems like a good guy, and he’s really family oriented.”
She’d noticed that. Yet another thing she liked about him.
“He cares about you. I like him,” Bristol added with a shrug.
“Yeah, I like him too,” she murmured.
“But? I can hear the but in there.”
“But I can’t let him in the way I think he wants me to. It’s too messy, and I’m not doing that again.” She wasn’t ready or willing to risk getting hurt again.
Not because she was scared. Because she was smarter now. And she loved her job. What happened if they got together and broke up? She could see it playing out at work. People didn’t always take sides, but more often than not, they did. Not to mention she was the only female agent.
Nope. She wasn’t risking that shit again.
“I can understand that part.”
It was nice to have Bristol’s support. “Is the Albertson’s outside of town okay?”
Bristol blinked at the abrupt change in subject. “Yeah, perfect.”
The parking lot was packed, everyone busy doing their shopping and meal prep for the week ahead. Cassie found a spot right at the back of the lot.
It took about twenty minutes for them to buy what they needed and carry it back to the car. Once everything was put away in the trunk, they continued toward the coast.
Just as they were nearing the top of the last hill before reaching the turn to Crimson Point, a patrol car passed them going the other way. A few seconds later, it turned on its light and sirens and did a sharp U-turn, whipping around behind them.
Cassie put on her blinker and pulled over to the shoulder to let it pass. But instead of speeding past them, it cut in behind them and parked.