Chapter Twenty-One
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T ristan smothered a triumphant growl and skimmed his hands up her back, finally sliding his fingers into that soft, short cap of black hair the way he’d imagined a thousand times as he settled his mouth over hers. Raw hunger flooded him. He forced it back, allowing her to set the pace.
Her hands came up to settle on the sides of his face, her lips lingering on his. Slow, tender pressure. Then firmer. She kissed his top lip. Then the bottom. Always prolonging the contact, infusing each kiss with a mix of emotion he felt deep in his chest.
He met every one of them, following her lead, his fingers tangled in her hair. Dying for more. To taste her and drown her in pleasure until she couldn’t think straight.
She sucked on his lower lip, trailed her tongue along it. He drew in a breath and deepened the kiss, nudged her tongue with his. Forgot how to breathe as she plastered herself to him and delved inside.
Tristan cupped her head in his hands, battling not to go too fast too soon, groaning deep in his chest as he finally allowed himself to take over. Cassie rubbed her firm, slender curves against him with a sound of mingled need and pleasure.
He wanted more. Needed it more than he needed his next breath.
He cinched an arm around her waist and moved her the few steps it took for her back to meet the wall, then gripped her hips, and lifted her.
Cassie spread her thighs for him instantly, making room for him to settle his hips against her core.
Her soft cry raked over his senses as she wound her long legs around his thighs, her hands digging deep into his shoulders for balance.
Need pulsed through him. Physical need blended with the need to possess. To make her crazy until she begged him to get her naked and push inside her.
Pinning her in place with his body, he slid a hand up her side until it cradled her ribcage just under the small mound of her breast. She tangled her tongue with his and pushed into his hand, seeking more contact.
He cupped her in his palm. Slid his thumb over the hard nipple outlined beneath her shirt.
She gasped into his mouth, thighs tightening around his. His cock felt strangled in the confines of his pants, full and hard and aching, the way she rubbed against him setting him on fire. He caught her nipple between his thumb and forefinger and rocked his hips into her. Squeezed gently.
Cassie gave a sharp, needy cry, and froze.
He lifted his head to stare down at her, both of them breathing fast. He rolled his hips and her nipple again. Watched her pupils dilate, the black circles expanding until there was only a thin rim of silver around them. He bit back a groan at the evidence that she was as lost as him.
Cassie sucked in a breath, blinked as though she was coming out of a daze. The haze in her eyes cleared, and something too close to fear flashed through them.
She shook her head and set her feet on the floor, twisting her body to the side as she covered her eyes with her hands. “Oh, shit . Shit, shit...,” she whispered.
Unsure what had just happened, hating the fear he’d just seen on her face, he didn’t move. “Cass.”
She shook her head again and lowered her hands, slid another step away. Watching him with a mix of regret and hunger that tied him in knots. “I shouldn’t have... I’m sorry.”
Dammit, he didn’t want her to regret any of this. It was like a knife in his gut. “I’m not. I’ve wanted to kiss you like that for months.”
“Oh, God, don’t say that.”
It physically hurt that she’d pulled away. Up until a few moments ago she’d been right there with him, every step of the way. She had to be as worked up as he was, yet she was still pulling back.
He reached out to cup the side of her face. Needing to reestablish contact. “Cass, it’s okay. Just let me take care of you.”
“No, we can’t.” But the frustration and longing burning in her eyes told a different story. She wanted him every bit as badly as he wanted her. And that scared the shit out of her.
He drew a steadying breath, trying to figure out how to break through that fear he wanted to erase. “I’m not going to hurt you, Cass.” His voice was low. Almost guttural, his heart thudding hard. “I’m not like all the others. I would never hurt you.”
She shook her head, looking tortured. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Unwilling to lose her after they’d come this far, he closed the distance between them.
She ducked her head, but he caught her chin gently in his hand and tipped it up with a knuckle, frustration pumping through him. He wasn’t going to lose her. Not now. Not ever. “Talk to me.”
“I shouldn’t have done this. It’s my fault. I care about you. A lot, and I also respect and admire you. I don’t want to lose you—”
“You’re not gonna lose me.” How could he prove it to her?
She stared back at him, her expression set. Distant. And the truth hit him in the face like a bucket of cold water.
“But you don’t trust me.”
She swallowed. “I trust you more than I’ve trusted anyone in a long time.”
And that scared her too. Because deep down, she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. “What do I have to do to prove myself to you?”
She ran a hand through her hair, agitated. “Look, we crossed the line, and it was my fault.”
“We crossed it together.”
She pressed her lips together, looked away. “I’ll talk to Ryder. Ask him not to assign us together anymore.”
“Don’t you dare,” he said sharply. Maybe too sharply given the way her gaze jerked up to his. He softened his tone. “We’re both adults. What happens between us is our business. No one else’s.”
She gave him a searching look, then groaned softly, her gaze dropping to his mouth. “This is so dangerous,” she whispered. “You have no idea...”
“No idea what?” he said, dying to kiss her again. To make her need him as much as he needed her. To rip down the rest of her fucking walls right here and now, because he couldn’t stand them a moment longer.
“No idea how much I...” She groaned again, leaned forward to kiss him. With firm, lingering pressure, the way she had before they’d caught fire together.
All too soon, she stopped and eased back a few inches. But she was still staring at his mouth. Came back for another kiss. And another.
He moved to deepen it, but she made a negative sound and set a hand flat in the middle of his chest to push him away. “You have to go,” she whispered, sounding breathless. “One of us needs to stop this.”
He didn’t budge, his whole body rigid with denial. Walk away from her when she obviously needed him? Fuck, no.
She licked her lips, closed her eyes in tormented defeat. “Please, Tristan, you need to leave before I—”
“Lose control? Oh, hell yes, sweetheart, go ahead. I’m dying for it.”
Her eyes flew open, and she let out a soft, surprised laugh. “Oh, Jesus, just stop talking.” She put a hand over his mouth to keep him from saying anything else.
He caught her wrist. Nipped her palm gently, then cradled her hand in his and pressed a warm, tender kiss to the center, staring deep into her eyes.
Let me in. Let me all the way in.
“No.” She pulled her hand free and backed up a step. “Please, I need you to be strong for both of us right now, and go. Please.”
It was the second please, the plea in her voice and eyes that did it. Even though every cell in his body was screaming at him to stay. To break through her rapidly weakening defenses right now, because once he did, he knew he would have her naked and coming under him soon after.
But the sinking in his gut told him it would be a hollow victory. And as soon as it was over, she would reinforce her walls, piling them higher and thicker than before. So high and thick he might never get through them again.
Fuck.
“All right, I’ll go,” he finally said, and he didn’t miss the flare of mingled relief and surprise in her eyes. “But not before I make something crystal clear.”
“Okay,” she said, her expression and tone wary.
He stared into her eyes for several heartbeats. Felt that bone-deep connection with her that went way beyond the hunger still pulsing through him. “I’m only leaving because I’m not willing to risk losing you if I stay.”
His words seemed to knock the breath out of her. Her lips parted slightly, her expression going soft with yearning. “Tristan...”
Biting back a frustrated, territorial growl, he bent his head and stole one last kiss before looking deep into her eyes. “Change your alarm code once I go. But Cass, never doubt for a single moment that you’re already mine.”
Her eyes flared slightly in surprise. Turning and walking away from her was one of the hardest things he’d ever done. It was like peeling off his own skin with a dull knife. Even if he knew it had to be done.
Sometimes doing the right thing felt like shit.