Chapter 1
ODDLY COMFORTING
Three Years Later
“Arden.”
She turned her head, not believing what she was seeing. Not even one full week in her new place and her ex shows up unannounced and unwanted.
“What are you doing here, Billy?” she asked, her hands on her hips. She looked toward the front door, saw it was shut and could see her daughter Gracie sitting in the living room with the TV on while she unloaded the groceries.
One minute earlier and Gracie would have been out here with her. Not good.
“We need to talk.”
“That is what a phone is for,” she said, crossing her arms, her foot tapping, her clenched fist hidden from view.
She refused to let him know she was nervous.
The shiver up her back when her name was called.
He’d only prey on that. “A text. A call. Maybe even an email. But you are not allowed to drop in like this. How did you even find out where I lived?”
“You’re not that hard to find,” Billy said, holding her stare. She wouldn’t back down. Hadn’t once in their marriage and never would. Even if the thought that he’d found her so quickly frightened her. “And I followed you.”
She couldn’t believe he’d admitted that to her. But he’d never been the brightest bulb on the tree. She had to stay focused.
“Do I need to let my attorney know about this?”
He held his hands up, like he always did when he wanted to disarm her. He’d learned that from her. When he was in one of his drunken rages and was losing his shit. It was like a sign for him to know he’d crossed a very thin, delicate line.
Until he broke it one too many times.
She’d stay strong like she had for so long. She’d show no signs of weakness to him.
“I don’t want trouble,” Billy said.
“Could have fooled me.” Her head turned when she heard a car door three townhouses over. A big man got out, turned and watched the circus that her marriage and then divorce had become.
Just what she needed. A great first impression with her neighbors.
“I want to see Gracie tomorrow.”
“No,” she snapped, her voice carrying the sharp sound of glass breaking. “You know the rules and why they are in place.”
“I didn’t mean it,” Billy said. “I lost my temper. You know how that happens.”
All too well. “I don’t care. There are supervised visitations in place for a reason. You have a long road to go before it’s lifted. And this isn’t your weekend.”
“I know,” Billy said, his impatience wearing. Join the club, dude. “But Tina wants to meet Gracie.”
“Tina who?” This was news to her.
“My girlfriend.”
“Oh, no.” Her head was shaking side to side enough to send her hair flying all over her face. She whipped it back behind her ears. “Not happening. You’re not allowed around Gracie unsupervised and there is no way in hell I’m letting some woman I don’t know in her life.”
“You can meet her first,” Billy said.
“I don’t want to.” Maybe she was being a hard ass, but after the year she’d had with her ex and the emotional trauma on their daughter, this was the best way to be.
He had to know she meant business. She’d never been a pushover, but she had a bleeding heart. Normally reserved for her clients and patients. Billy had taken advantage of that too many times.
Never again.
“You can’t do this to me,” Billy snapped. “You’re being a controlling bitch.”
“Swearing at me isn’t going to help your case. And lower your voice. You’re drawing attention from my neighbor.”
Billy turned to follow her gaze. “We’re fine,” her ex told the man watching them. The stranger lifted his eyes to hers, held her stare, but she nodded her head. Then he turned and went into his place and shut the door. She saw the blinds open to keep an eye out just the same.
It was oddly comforting. At least Billy would know to cut the shit. She hoped.
“You need to leave,” she said. “I mean it. Next weekend you can see Gracie at your normally scheduled time. And no, this Tina person can’t be there.”
“Why not?”
“Because if you read the custody agreement you’d see she needs court approval after she gets it from me.”
“Well, you need to do that same thing.”
She laughed. “First off, men are the last thing on my mind after being married to you. Second, I’m not the one on probation who has to be on their best behavior right now. Showing up here unannounced and causing a ruckus isn’t going to help your case.”
Billy’s nose twitched, the snarl ready to be unleashed, but he pulled it back... barely.
The door opened, and they both turned their heads to see Gracie in the doorway.
She got between Billy and the door and backed up towards her daughter.
“Hi, Gracie,” Billy said.
“Mom?”
“It’s fine, honey. Shut the door. Lock it, please. Mommy is fine. I promise. Daddy is just leaving, right?” she said with more finality than when she served him divorce papers almost two years ago.
“Bitch,” Billy mumbled under his breath. He turned and marched back to his truck, climbed in and sped out.
Her shoulders dropped as she inhaled, closed her eyes, exhaled, then did it two more times.
She got the last two bags of food out of the trunk, went to the door, and tapped lightly. “Gracie, it’s Mommy. Can you open up for me?”
She’d left her purse on the counter along with her phone and key to her house when she brought her daughter and the first load of food in.
The lock clicked, the sound echoing in her head with relief. Sad that she had to teach her six-year-old to do those things. Even sadder there was a need for it against her father.
“Is Dad gone?”
“He is.”
“I only see him on Saturdays. Today isn’t Saturday.”
“It’s not,” she said. “He stopped over to talk to me. Nothing for you to worry about.”
No reason to get her daughter upset. They’d just gotten to a place where Gracie wasn’t afraid to visit with Billy and he had to pull this shit.
Over a damn new girlfriend on top of it.
Talk about ridiculous.
But that was Billy. Always had a weakness of losing control to anything other than himself. Whether it was sex, booze, or drugs. Something always called the shots and killed the man she’d once loved.
“Why is your face red?”
“Because it’s windy out,” she lied. “And you know that happens.”
Her daughter was too young to question these things. Too young to carry the weight of worry on her small shoulders. The fear that Arden lived with. The jumpiness that didn’t want to leave her presence.
But innocence didn’t make life any kinder. It didn’t stop the fear from touching, and now it was her job to keep Gracie safe from any more of it.
“That means I can’t go out and play after dinner?”
“You can,” she said, forcing warmth into her voice. “Why don’t you help me unload the food and put it away? Since you picked most of it out in the store, you might as well see where it belongs.”
Gracie offered a shy, almost hesitant smile.
More confident than before, but still guarded.
Her daughter’s laughter had faded a year ago, replaced by a careful watchfulness that made Arden’s chest tighten.
Her happy, carefree little girl had been chipped away and reshaped by someone else’s lack of control.
Fucking Billy.
Arden gritted her teeth, swallowing the anger that wanted to roar. The guilt that always threatened to rise that she’d allowed this to happen. That she didn’t protect her daughter by leaving sooner.
But one thing was certain—she wouldn’t let it reach Gracie again.
They put the food away in their new home in silence. Silence had become her enemy when years ago it’d been her best friend in marriage.
“Can we have grilled cheese for dinner?”
“We can,” she said, putting her hand on her daughter’s shoulder, then turning her and squatting so they were eye level. “Are you okay? There isn’t anything to worry about.”
“I thought Daddy was yelling at you.” That shy, withdrawn voice, the terrified one that woke up screaming from a deep sleep that her father was going to hurt her—yeah, it wouldn’t leave as fast as she wanted it to.
“He wasn’t,” she said. “I promise. Remember, Daddy is getting better now. He hasn’t yelled at you in months, has he?”
Gracie shook her head, her two blonde braids that had been resting over her shoulders now on her back. “No. He’s been nice. We have fun.”
She let out a breath. She knew those things. “That’s right. You do. Daddy has a sickness, but he’s getting better. But for now it has to be this way. What did I tell you before?”
“That I can’t be around him unless Ms. Julie or you are with me.”
Ms. Julie was the court appointed staff sitting in on the visits. “That’s right. It’s all good now. I promise you. Let’s make those grilled cheese sandwiches.”
“With chips?” Gracie asked, the smile now filling her face.
“With chips,” she said, nodding her head.
Gracie went into her arms for a hug. Arden stood and picked her daughter up and held her tighter. They were all getting there. Slowly, but moving just the same.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, sweetie.”
“I want to love Dad again.”
The pain in those words twisted a knife in her gut. She forced the words out, “You don’t have to stop loving him, but that doesn’t mean he’s worthy of that love just yet.”
Gracie put her head down and squeezed tighter in a death grip for a moment, then let go and wiggled to get down.
“I’m going to get Marshall. He can eat with us.”
Arden smiled at the way her daughter liked to include her plush orangutan toy in everything. “Guess I need to make an extra sandwich for him.”
“Just a half,” Gracie said. “He had a lot of tea and cookies with me while you were outside.”
She smiled and bent to kiss her daughter on the head. That playful imaginary side was still there and just wiggling its way out. When her daughter was comfortable.
Considering they’d only lived here less than a week, she’d take that as a win for now.