Chapter 18 Falco
FALCO
She doesn’t remember a thing.
If I had my way, I would have kept it that way.
On the drive back to the Paramatti Estate, I watch Aerin in the rearview mirror.
She doesn’t speak, but from the way her brows twitch and the flash of pain that rises across her face on occasion, I know she’s replaying that footage in her mind on a loop.
Fucking Pidge.
Before we left, he told me she deserved to know the truth just like any one of us would have, but that doesn’t make it any better.
I’ve failed her and now she knows exactly how badly I failed her.
Words of comfort rise in my throat, but they don’t make it past my lips.
Nothing I can say will make this better for her.
Even telling her those bastards were dead didn’t bring any.
The estate is empty by the time we arrive, other than a smattering of guards. Some emergency with a drug shipment has taken Guido’s attention, so there’s no one to ply us with questions as we walk. Aerin heads directly up to her room and closes the door in my face.
Two minutes later, the pipes clunk as the shower turns on.
Forty minutes later, it’s still on.
My skin itches. I want to go in there and comfort her, reassure her that she’s safe and that it will never happen again, but my words lack weight now.
Twice she’s been taken from me and nearly killed, twice I’ve failed.
It’s like someone is working specifically against me and I can’t work out who.
And if not, then it’s my own incapability that’s put Aerin in these terrible situations.
I’m better than this.
I was trained better.
I am better.
So what am I missing?
Over and over I replay both nights in my mind, seeking answers I’ve missed, but nothing immediately jumps out at me.
Aerin remains in her room all night and refuses to come out even for dinner.
I don’t press her. I remain steadfast outside her door while a distantly familiar pain coils in my gut like I’ve swallowed a handful of weights that clang together.
I’ve felt this feeling before.
Despair that my actions have hurt someone I deeply care about. And I do care about Aerin. Somehow, in such a short time, she’s gotten under my skin.
Her flirting attempts were obviously her trying to push her boundaries and act out in the face of constant observations, but all of that, coupled with the spark that flares in her eyes every time she gives me attitude, has ignited something deep inside of me.
Something I can’t soothe because I swore an oath.
At this rate, it’s something I won’t ever be able to soothe because I’m on a clear path for Aerin to never trust me again.
Several times through the night, I lift my hand to knock on Aerin’s door, but my knuckles never make contact. Back and forth I debate the pros of disturbing her versus letting her process at her own speed. Each time, I bow out like a coward.
I’m not ready for her to look at me with blame in her eyes or to hear the question about how I failed to protect her again.
By the time morning dawns, exhaustion claws at my eyelids, but I refuse to waver until a guard climbs the stairs and enters the hallway. His slick-backed hair reflects the sunlight creeping through the window at the end. As he reaches me, he flashes an equally tired smile.
“Guido wants to see you. I’m to relieve you.”
“About what?”
He shrugs. “Didn’t say.”
I nod once and then, finally, knock on Aerin’s door. There’s no response. “Aerin, I’m leaving to speak with your father.” More silence. “I’ll be back soon.”
The echo of silence from her room follows me through the corridor and up the stairs to Guido’s floor. As I reach the top of the steps, I pull out my phone and quickly access the CCTV of the estate and peek into Aerin’s room just to calm the worry growing in my heart.
She’s asleep. The heat monitor confirms she’s very much alive and sleeping soundly, her hair spread across the pillow and the sheets bunched up around her like she’s some kind of burrito.
A stuffed animal peeks out from her elbow as she clutches it tightly against her chest. It brings a beat of warmth to my heart.
Sleep is good.
The two guards outside Guido’s office open the door before I can even take a breath and announce myself.
Inside, Guido stands at the long bay windows overlooking his garden with a glass of Scotch in one hand.
A bit early.
My eyes then lock onto Giacomo and an unexpected pulse of anger surges through me. He lounges in the chair near Guido’s desk, one arm lazily resting along the curved back while both long legs stretch haphazardly out toward the desk.
Last time I saw him, he was blaming me for Aerin’s disappearance.
“Look who it is,” Giacomo sneers as his eyes meet mine. “Some fucking security you are.”
“Excuse me?” That pulse of anger surges up to my throat and laces my words with quiet heat.
“You heard.” Giacomo draws one leg closer to his chair as he turns to face me. “You fucked up. You fucked up so badly that I’m actually going to regret killing you because it won’t be worth my time.”
My defenses solidify in a second.
The two guards at the door can be taken out easily. I’ve seen how loose the training is here on some of the guards, and those at the door don’t hold themselves with the readiness to move fast.
Giacomo’s ankle subtly bulges with the weight of a gun, and I presume he has one near his hip.
I can get to my gun and shoot before he can, but what about Guido? He looks unarmed, but I have no idea what he has in or under his desk.
And then what? Out the window and pray I land in the pool? Out and across the garden, over the fence, and into the field within ninety seconds?
Too long.
I swallow the reflex, forcing myself to appear calm. “Threaten me again and I’ll gut you.”
“The fuck you say to me?” Giacomo rises rapidly, his eyes flashing with fury. But before he can advance, Guido clears his throat.
“Enough.”
Like a restrained tiger, Giacomo very slowly sinks back into his chair with a muttered curse.
Keeping one eye on Giacomo, I look to Guido. “I’m afraid I’m in the dark, sir.”
“I hired you to protect Aerin.” Guido turns away from the window to gaze at me. “To protect her from everything and anything. You swore an oath to me with your life on the line.”
Heat pulses down my spine and fizzes across my shoulders. Do they know what I did? Aerin in the shower? Or the kiss in the gym? Or maybe even the way I humped my pillow while wishing it was her.
I was never good at following certain rules.
“I haven’t broken that oath, sir,” I say flatly.
“You bastard,” Giacomo growls. “You’re pathetic, you know that? You can’t even admit your own failings! Aerin was raped because of you, and you stand there like you’re still some fucking honorable knight—”
“Enough!” Guido snaps. “One more word out of you and I’ll throw you out, understand?”
Giacomo growls as anger clogs his throat but he slumps in his chair, silent.
Raped? Confusion creeps over me like a rolling fog while Guido takes a swig of his glass then sets it down on his desk.
“My daughter. My heir. Do you understand how catastrophic this is? Aerin is a symbol of everything I stand for. Everything that—” He cuts himself off with a soft, rapid cough.
“My enemies, even my allies look at me and my ailing health and see me as weak. Aerin is the only thing keeping them at bay, and I find out that the most precious part of her has been destroyed?”
My brows dip. Surely the most precious part of Aerin is her life? “I don’t follow, sir.”
“She was raped!” Guido slams both his hands down on his desk, sending the glass skittering away from him.
“The only interest the Irish had in her was because she was my daughter and a virgin. Her value has nosedived because you couldn’t do your job.
I wanted to look into your eyes, to see the gaze of the traitor who betrayed me and set this family on the path to ruin.
Without the Irish and now a sullied daughter, my future is crumbling.
This family’s future is crumbling because of you! ”
Silver flashes on the desk as Guido draws a thick, heavy handgun from under the wood.
“You’re wrong, sir,” I reply immediately as my mind races to connect the dots. “Aerin wasn’t raped.”
“What?” Giacomo half rises in his seat. “You stand before your don and lie?!”
“I can prove it, sir.”
Guido’s eyes narrow. “Proof?”
“Your daughter… She was kidnapped, drugged, and assaulted. I don’t deny that.
But she wasn’t raped, sir. May I?” I lift my hand and hover it near my pocket, hyper aware of the gun in Guido’s hand.
After he nods, I reach in and pull out phone with the recording as I approach the desk.
“The criminals who kidnapped your daughter filmed the whole thing. I warn you that it’s very disturbing but—”
“Give me that.” Guido snatches the phone from my hand, and after a few taps the sickening sounds of Aerin’s assault fill the air. My stomach lurches like I’m on the edge of a cliff. Giacomo approaches his father and peers around his shoulder to watch.
Then, relief bleeds across Guido’s face. “Oh, thank god.”
Acid burns at the bottom of my throat while I fight to keep my expression impassive. How can he watch that footage and feel nothing but relief? Was his only concern truly whether Aerin remained a virgin?
The footage ends and Guido slowly hands the recording back to me. “You were telling the truth.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Those men, who were they?”
“I’m looking into it, sir.”
“Thank you for saving her.” Guido finally sets his gun down. “These are dangerous times. I can’t express how important this deal is with the Irish. Without Aerin, I have nothing. Do you understand?”
“I do, sir.” I understand that her untouched status is more important than her life. What a horrible cage to be trapped in.
“Your wages will be docked as punishment for losing her.” Guido sinks down into his heavy leather chair and picks up his glass.