Chapter 19 Aerin
AERIN
“Aerin, darling, are you in there?” Mom calls from outside my bedroom door.
I’ve spent the past three days ducking and dodging all my mother’s attempts to spend time with me. As much as she plies me with faux concern over the attack, I know she’s sentences away from talking about my impending wedding.
As a girl, I dreamed of such a thing. I’d wander Mom’s closet and marvel at her gorgeous dresses, imagining myself dressed up in one as I married a handsome prince from my storybooks and made everything picture-perfect.
Reality is different.
All I need to do for my own wedding is turn up since Mom is in charge of everything else.
From the venue to the dress to my husband, I have no choice in any of it.
“Aerin?” Mom bustles into my dark room, throwing the door wide open and striding straight toward my closed curtains. “Enough is enough. Stop moping, stop crying, and get up!” She reaches my window and throws my curtains wide open, sending the mid-afternoon sun spilling into my room.
I wince and cover my eyes. “Please leave me alone.”
“No. This isn’t how we deal with things! Chef tells me you aren’t eating, which trust me, I’ve prayed for that day!” She clutches at her chest while laughing then glances at my offended face and rolls her eyes. “I’m kidding.”
“That wasn’t funny.” I glimpse Falco just outside the door, his shoulder peeking around the frame as if he’s assuring me that he’s still there. Not once has he left my side. While it’s what he’s paid to do, things feel different.
Maybe I’m just different after what happened.
“I’m just teasing. Now, come on, get up.
We have a dress fitting that you’re going to be late for, and if you’re choosing to skip your meals, then I’ll need to keep the tailor on standby for adjustments, which is really no problem.
Then I want to show you the venue I’ve chosen so that you know what to expect.
And I’ve invited Frederick for dinner because you really should meet your husband-to-be more than once before you get married, don’t you think? ”
As she talks, a low ache at the base of my skull sweeps up the back of my head and settles behind my eyes. It’s too much.
Her voice is too high-pitched, her orders are too overwhelming despite the sweet way they’re delivered, and her jibes cut too deep. I’m exhausted, but it’s beyond mere tiredness.
I’m exhausted from this life. Of being shunted around and told what’s happening rather than choosing it.
The last thing I want to do is face Frederick since the news of my attack spread. Dad has surely assured him vehemently that I wasn’t raped.
Still pure.
My stomach rolls as Mom throws open my closet and starts rummaging through my clothes. “Come on. Up. Up!”
“I can’t.”
“Oh enough of this!” Mom snaps suddenly and spins to face me. “Enough wallowing. Enough whining. So you have an incident, just suck it up and move on. This is far too important for your father!”
Tears spring behind my eyes and pain surges through my chest as if her words were delivered with a physical blow. Usually, I would argue back but I don’t have that spark right now. Instead, another excuse rises and escapes my lips before I think it through.
“No, I mean I can’t do any of that today because I’m driving to the cabin for the weekend. To spend some time in nature and get my head together.”
“What?” Mom’s hands land on her hips. “Since when?”
My heart begins to race. Going to the cabin usually involves a lot of planning, and with Falco by my side there’s no telling how long it would take him to vet the area and even let me go. As I search for an excuse, Falco suddenly steps through the doorway and flashes Mom a charming smile.
“My apologies, Mrs. Paramatti. I thought some time in nature would do Aerin good. A momentary escape from everything to help her cleanse and resituate herself so that she can return here fully centered. Something that I’m sure would benefit everyone, don’t you think?”
I snap my mouth closed, surprised that Falco’s swept in to help me with the lie but utterly grateful.
“Oh.” Mom suddenly tucks some hair behind her ear and laughs softly. “That’s so thoughtful of you. I knew you were a good fit for her. Always looking out for her best interests.”
“It is my job,” Falco continues. “We’re leaving in about an hour I’m afraid. Had I known of your plans—”
“Don’t be silly!” Mom interrupts. “You’re right, a refreshing break is exactly what Aerin needs.
” There’s a slight color on her cheeks as she turns back to me.
“I want your head on straight when you come back, alright? No more of this nonsense.” She waves her hand over me and the bed then passes Falco while placing a lingering hand on his arm.
He doesn’t even flinch, his gaze locked on me. Mom leaves with a wave and Falco slowly nudges the door closed with his foot.
“A cabin?”
I nod slowly, preparing for a scolding on my recklessness once again. “I’m sorry. I just couldn’t face everything she was saying.”
He nods once. “Give me all the details and I’ll make it happen.”
“Really?” My heart lifts. “You’re not pissed?”
“I wouldn’t have stepped in if I were.”
“That’s so cool. Thank you.”
Falco nods once more. “Address?”
Throwing back the covers, I reel off the address and leap from my bed. “I think my brother was the last one who used the cabin. I’ll need to get the keys from him.”
“Understood. Give me a couple of hours and I’ll have it sorted.”
True to his word, two hours later I sit next to Falco as he drives us out of the city and toward the hills where the family cabin has nestled for as long as I can remember.
Talking to my brother and making him give me the keys was easier than I anticipated, but he seemed distracted. Given how full steam ahead Mom is with the wedding planning, I don’t blame him.
No one else comes with us.
No other guards, no security team, no one.
Just us.
I settle into my seat, a blanket Falco brought draped over me. He said it was for comfort, and I’m touched he even considered it.
He drives without saying a word, taking winding back roads and alleys as if he’s making sure we don’t leave a trail. Soft classical music pours lazily from the radio, and the world passes me by in a blur.
“Thank you,” I say after we’ve finally left the city behind.
“It’s fine.”
“Not just for this. I mean thank you for everything. For saving me, again. For having my back with my mom. For not giving up on me even when I kept pushing.”
Falco doesn’t look at me, but the corner of his mouth twitches. “It’s my job to take care of you.”
My heart sinks slightly, but before the feeling of doom can fully swallow me he continues.
“And I take that seriously, Aerin. You are my priority. I swore an oath to your father, and I mean to abide by that, but to do that, you are my only concern. No one else. Nothing else. Keeping you well and safe is the only thing I care about.”
He speaks with more warmth than any other guard ever has, and I get the feeling he’s talking about more than the bare bones of his contract. Although that’s got to be just wishful thinking.
From that time in the shower, the closeness when we were running together, working out in the gym, the kiss that wasn’t really a kiss, and even him tucking me into bed after rescuing me; all of it blurs in my mind.
He’s just doing his job, technically, and yet if I squint it feels like so much more.
Maybe I’m just too desperate for attention that isn’t preplanned.
“Have you ever been up this far before, into the woods?” I ask, curious.
“No.”
“Never?”
“Nope.”
“Do you like nature?”
“It’s alright.”
“Did you ever camp as a child?”
“No.”
“Not once?”
“Nope.”
My teeth sink into my cheek. Sometimes he says a lot. Other times, he’s a firmly closed book and it leaves me wanting more. “Did you ever go on vacation?”
“No.”
“So you’ve never been abroad?”
“No.”
“Aha!” I shift in my seat. “You’re a liar. You were in the military, I know you’ve been abroad.”
“Not according to the government.” Falco gives a the hint of a smile.
“Is it…weird? Going from being a soldier to a life like this?”
“No.”
Damn. Still nothing. My shoulders slump slightly and I accept defeat, until Falco takes a breath.
“Working with your family is like being in the military again. Only, I have a little more freedom and the threat of being killed isn’t constant. But it’s sometimes…worse.”
I watch him silently, unwilling to speak in case it scares him into shutting up.
“Normal life is…hard. Things that are every day to some, like the slam of a door, the squeak of a car brake, a gust of strong wind, or even the reflection of a light against a windshield at night, none of that means anything to anyone, but to me it’s a sniper glint or a change in the air or a gunshot or something worse. ”
“I…I can’t imagine how difficult that is,” I murmur softly. “I’m sorry.”
He shrugs one shoulder, his hands moving expertly over the steering wheel. “It’s just life now.”
“Do you always feel on edge?”
Falco nods.
“Does it ever go away?”
His lips part as if he has something to say, then he shakes his head. “No.”
My heart sinks slightly. “Is that why you don’t sleep?”
“I sleep.”
“No. You’re always awake. Every time I wake up to go to the bathroom or something, you’re awake. I see you all the time.”
Falco’s lips twitch again. “I sleep when I need to.”
I want to press more, my curiosity building. Falco’s so different from everyone else, and the attachment I feel to him has me wanting to know every detail. But I know my limits. Pressing too hard will make him shut down, and I’ve already learned a lot.
“I’d watch over you while you slept,” I say, tucking my blanket firmer around me.
“That’s not how this works.”
“I know. But I would.”
A comfortable silence falls and remains as Falco guides the car from a smooth road to the rough track that leads through a dark green sea of trees all the way up the mountain.
I crack the window slightly and breathe deeply as the welcome scent of wet dirt, pine needles, and a hundred other woodland scents burst through the gap.
Already, the stress of the city is melting away.
By the time the large wooden cabin comes into view, I’m a hundred times more relaxed.
Long, wooden log walls stretch up to a fancy carved foot where a silver cockerel weathervane drifts back and forth in the wind.
Overgrown potted plants line the wooden steps up to the ornate front door, where stained glass blurs the world inside.
Falco sets our bags down on the wooden bench resting on the raised porch while I slide my key into the heavy lock and twist.
“Stay here,” Falco says as he brushes past me.
“Are you serious? What could be inside that’s dangerous?”
Falco shoots me a silent warning look, and I groan, stepping back and letting him head inside.
His concern for safety is extreme, even all the way out here in the middle of nowhere.
No one knows we’re here.
We’re tucked so deeply into the forest that no one will ever find us, yet he still can’t relax.
Maybe it’s for the best, given what he told me on the drive up.
Five minutes later, he returns while holstering his gun back at his hip. “Okay, you can come in.”
“Weren’t you worried someone would snatch me from the porch while you were investigating?” I pick up my hastily packed rucksack from the bench.
“I had my eye on you,” Falco says as he takes it from me and sweeps inside with his own bag.
“How?”
“I have my ways.” At my concerned expression, Falco actually laughs very briefly. “I checked you from the windows and I have a tracker on your phone. Plus, I trust that you would scream if you needed me.”
“You don’t do things by halves, do you?” I call to him as I walk into the red oak kitchen. Falco heads down the corridor toward the bedrooms, his words lost in the echo of the wooden walls. A quick scout of the kitchen brings my tranquil plans to cook some food and relax to a sudden halt.
“Falco?”
“Mhm?” He’s in the doorway ten seconds later and his brow dips as he looks past me to the empty cupboards. “You said there would be food.”
“There’s supposed to be. This place is always stocked. I mean, the last time I was here, there were soup cans from when I was a baby. Now there’s nothing!” My brother didn’t say anything about this place being bare. I’m going to send him a very angry text later.
“Are you hungry?” Falco asks, reaching into his pocket. He checks his phone at a glance. “We could head back to the city, but with another round trip it’ll be dark by the time we get back.”
My lips pout together. “I don’t want to go, and I don’t want you to leave.”
Falco taps his phone against his fingers in thought, then lifts his gaze to the antler chandelier hanging over the dining table. “Your family hunts?”
I nod. “Used to.”
“Where do they keep the gear?”