Chapter 25
FALCO
“Careful,” comes a soft voice to my right as warm, orange light trickles past my eyelashes. “Don’t move too fast.”
I know that voice.
My mind is thick, like my thoughts are trudging through sludge and taking far too long to walk from my mind to my lips. I blink and the world remains blurred, but the orange light grows brighter with each flicker of my eyes.
Then they’re open and a face floats above me. Green eyes, dark from the shadows crossing her face as the orange light glows from near her, and auburn hair that’s dark rust in the low light.
I know that face.
Everything comes back to me painfully slowly. The assassins. The fight in the hallway. The fight in the living room. The man in Aerin’s bedroom—
That face. That voice. Aerin.
I know her.
My dry throat scrapes together as I fight to find the words and something must make it out because her eyes dart down to my lips.
“We’re safe. Pidge is here with Bullet and Rex. Bullet’s patched you up as best he can. Rex has been keeping the place secure, and Pidge has been attempting to cook but between you and me?” Aerin leans in close. “It’s not exactly cooking.”
They’re here.
Thank god.
Knowing I was fading while Aerin was over me in such a panic is the most scared I’ve ever felt in my life. Leaving her to fight alone without me would have become my biggest regret had I woken up to find her gone, if I woke up at all.
But Pidge is here.
That relaxes me instantly.
I blink and Aerin’s suddenly has a straw in her hands that she very gently rests against my lower lip.
“Drink,” she says softly. “You’ve been surviving on ice chips so your throat has to be killing you, right?”
I want to agree with her, but nothing comes. Instead, I focus on wrapping my lips around the straw and drinking the warm water. With each gulp, more clarity weaves through my mind.
We’re in the spare room. My right arm is numb. My abdomen is numb. The curtains are drawn but through the crack at the top I spot a dark sky. It’s late.
“How long?” I finally croak out.
Aerin’s brows lift and a flash of delight crosses her face.
“Five days. It’s Wednesday night, nearly Thursday.
You had a fever that kept us worried for a while there, but it broke yesterday.
Then it was just a case of waiting for you to wake up.
Bullet gave you a lot of blood and said he’d be pissed if you wasted it. ”
I grow more alert and awake with every sip of water until Aerin pulls it away from my lips.
“Five days,” I repeat hoarsely.
She nods slowly.
Five days. She called Pidge, which brings me more relief than I can express.
He never gave me the code to say he was in position nearby and I didn’t have time to check.
The fact that she called them and not her father, though, tells me everything I need to know about how much Aerin understands about the danger she’s in.
“Tell me…everything.”
Aerin perches on the edge of my bed and starts to talk.
Calmly, she describes everything she did to save my life, from the belt to the gunpowder.
She details every step she took and Pidge’s terrifying arrival, then the following days of cleaning the cabin, maintaining cover, and ensuring that no one else found us.
All of that plus remaining at my bedside to take care of me with what limited medical equipment Bullet brought with him.
“You saved my life,” I say when she finishes talking, my voice much stronger.
Aerin shrugs one shoulder and smiles. “Figured I owed you one.”
“I’m going to be okay?”
She nods. “Bullet said the knife didn’t nick anything important, but you’re going to have a wicked scar from what I did with the gunpowder.
He did say your arm, though…” Her eyes drift to my numb limb and I follow, gazing at the swathes of bandages covering the limb.
“He doesn’t think anything important was torn, but he couldn’t tell.
Only when you woke up would he be able to find out if you’re still able to move everything important. ”
“Like?”
“Your fingers.” Aerin’s hand lowers and she lightly brushes her fingertips over my knuckles. Despite the numbness in my arm, the warmth of her touch is like a beacon and they react on reflex, which makes her smile. “I’m not a doctor but that’s got to be good, right?”
“I think so.”
Aerin swallows audibly and when she looks back at me, tears shine in her eyes. In my current state, the sight of them is like a blade to the gut.
“Aerin…”
“I was so scared you were going to die,” she whispers, shaking her head. “Promised myself if you woke up, I wouldn’t cry.”
“You can cry.”
She shakes her head again, sending her hair rushing around her shoulders.
“I couldn’t imagine not seeing you again, or speaking to you, or thanking you or…
or anything, really. One minute you were here and then it was like you were gone and I hate that I—” She cuts herself off and sniffles, then she looks at me.
“It’s unfair of me to ask this when you’re doped up on painkillers, I have to ask you something and I want an honest answer. ”
My mind is blank at the possible questions she could have right now, so I nod slowly against the pillow. “Ask me.”
“Pidge told me about Gina.”
My gut tightens immediately.
“He told me everything and said he’d gladly have you mad at him if it meant you woke up.
” She quickly swipes away a tear that escapes down her cheek.
“Everything that’s happened between us. From the shower to the kiss to helping each other…
I’m not crazy. I know there’s something between us.
I feel it and I know it’s there. But you keep pushing me away.
You act like those things are part of your job description, but I know you’re lying.
You have to be because when I thought you were dying, it was like my whole world screeched to a stop and I couldn’t breathe.
So you tell me right now, you tell me the truth… you feel something for me, don’t you?”
Oh.
Oh.
She knows about Gina and she still wants to ask me something like this? My thoughts tumble together, searching for a lie that could explain her mistake while hiding my feelings, but she’s right. It’s hard to put that together fifteen minutes after waking up with painkillers keeping the world fuzzy.
“Aerin…”
“Don’t lie to me either. Not after everything that’s happened. Please.”
“We can’t,” I say softly. “You know that.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“I’m far, far too old for you.”
“Falco.”
“I swore an oath to your father—”
“Stop!” Suddenly she’s on top of me, one leg swinging over my hips and resting on the other side of the bed. Her palm covers my mouth and she glares down at me, then very, very slowly settles back until she’s resting in my lap.
Maybe I did die. Maybe I’ve found my heaven.
“Don’t say those things. I don’t care about those things.
I want an answer, Falco. I need to know that I’m not the only one who feels this, that I’m not crazy.
But…” She hesitates, unable to maintain eye contact with me.
“But if you tell me it’s all in my head, then this will be the last time I ask.
I just…I was so scared and I need to know, okay?
I need to know if I’m pathetic and making this all up. ”
My heart breaks. If it’s the painkillers or the trauma of the situation, I’m not sure, but for the first time since I met her, lying to her seems like the worst possible thing I could do. I can’t hurt her like that. Not after everything.
I remain silent as her palm covers my mouth until she realizes what she’s doing and quickly removes it.
“You’re not pathetic,” I say finally. “But everything I’ve listed is…is valid and exactly why my feelings for you don’t matter, Aerin. Because this can’t happen.”
“Are you saying that because you don’t want something to happen or because of Gina?”
“I’m saying it because you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, because the way you push my buttons makes me feel alive, because you’re reckless and at the same time you’re smart and calculated, because you saved yourself and you saved my life and you’re an incredible woman and one wrong move from me takes you away from me forever.
I’m restraining myself as much as I can so I can stay by your side. ”
Her eyes widen as I speak, as the truth pours out of me until I’m panting slightly. “So you’d rather haunt my steps instead?”
“Your father would kill me.”
“He’d kill us both.”
“And I won’t let that happen.”
“I knew it. I see you watching me all the time, even when you think I’m not looking.
You’re like a warm shadow. I don’t care that you think you’re too old for me because you’re not, okay?
You’re the only person who sees me, the only one who treats me like a person, and I can’t tell you what that means.
I need someone by my side, someone who sees me for who I am and has my back.
I need that and I need you, Falco. What happened here…
it can’t happen again. I can’t risk you dying on me without knowing how I feel. And you feel the same.”
She has no idea how deep these feelings go. She’s talking about a crush and I am deeply, painfully in love with her. It’s right there on the tip of my tongue but I can’t say it. That revelation will destroy us both.
But a crush? I can entertain that.
“Aerin. We can’t happen. I need you to understand that.”
She leans forward and places her hand on the pillows next to me. “If you weren’t you and I weren’t me, would we happen? If you forgot about my father and my family, the business and your oath and everything, would we happen?”
I gaze up into her eyes, knowing I should lie, knowing I should stamp this out before I reach the point of no return.
But she’s right.
Dying with her knowing how deeply I care for her is definitely preferable to dying in silence.
“Ferocious wolves couldn’t keep me away,” I whisper hoarsely.
Then her lips cover mine and the world stops spinning.
Her soft, floral scent invades my lungs, the ache in my skull fades, and my mind is suddenly crystal clear. It’s almost painful.
My weak hand curls into the sheets below while I lift my other and cup her soft cheek. In seconds, my hearts racing and heat floods through me like her kiss is igniting every nerve inside me and waking up every single cell that’s been dormant these past few days.
“Aerin,” I gasp hoarsely when the kiss breaks. “There’s so much to—”
“Shhh,” she whispers. “I know what you’re going to say and I don’t care. Forget everything, okay? It’s just me and you. I need that after…after everything.” She leans back and then, suddenly, we both freeze.
It was one kiss.
One simple, gentle kiss.
Nothing special.
Yet I’m as hard as a rock and was completely unaware until her weight settled back on my hips. Her brow lifts and I know she feels it.
“Wow,” she murmurs, looking down between us. “Are you…?”
“It’s the meds?” I jest softly. “Maybe. I don’t know. It’s you.”
Aerin settles back a little more and I groan, closing my eyes briefly. “You wouldn’t taunt an injured man, would you?”
I open my eyes and Aerin’s hands are on the hem of her shirt. “Yes, I would.”