Chapter 28 Aerin
AERIN
The moment Falco lands next to me, I clutch at him and the tears pour down my cheeks. “M-make her stop,” I gasp, unable to stop the trembling moving through me like a wave. It’s as if I’m about to shake apart at the seams.
“What happened?” Falco’s voice is harsher as he turns to my mother, positioning himself between me and her so I move my hands to clutch at his back.
“I have no idea!” Mom says. “I was simply taking measurements for the adjustments to her dress because I noticed she’d lost a little bit of weight. I was winding the tape around her arm and she just freaked out.”
My heart’s pounding like it’s about to crack my ribcage in half, my stomach twists with nausea, and all I see when I close my eyes is flashes of Falco’s arm cut up from the wire.
It’s like I’ve been dragged right back to that night in the cabin with no idea if anyone’s going to make it in time to save us.
When I open my eyes, Falco’s comforting face is there. His jaw tightens as he looks me up and down. “Aerin. Look at me.”
Through the pools of tears, I do.
“Deep breath. Like me. You see?” He takes an exaggerated, slow breath.
I follow to the best of my ability, but it results mostly in short, sharp gasps rather than a deep breath. My chest is far too tight.
“Again,” he instructs, mimicking what he did before.
I follow. Back and forth we go for a few long minutes until, either through the breathing or the distraction of his presence, my chest allows me to take a deep lungful and hold it without feeling like I’m about to explode.
“Did it remind you of the cabin?” he asks in a low voice.
All I can do is nod.
“What’s going on?” Mom demands. “Talk to me, dammit!”
“The tape around her arm triggered her,” Falco explains as he stands. “It sent her back to the cabin and scared her.”
“But nothing happened to her arm,” Mom remarks, clutching at her necklace. “So why is that even an issue?”
“You don’t need a direct relation to a traumatic injury to be traumatized by its occurrence. Aerin witnessed it happen and is the sole reason I still have my arm. That leaves a mark, no matter how careful you are.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Mom says. “She’s perfectly fine.”
“Mom!” I gasp, slowly climbing to my feet.
Falco tenses and reaches out for me, offering his arm for support and I take it to hold myself steady.
“You don’t know how terrifying that was.
You tightened the tape on my arm and-and the next thing I knew, I was back in that cabin and there was blood everywhere and I just…
” I trail off, seeing not a hint of understanding in her eyes.
“Have you never been affected by anything you’ve seen? ”
“No, darling. Because I’m a grown-up.”
Falco tenses underneath my touch, but he doesn’t speak.
“Then I guess I’m not there yet,” I murmur shakily.
“Is this really how you want to act when you’re about to be married?” She tsks, brushing her hand down her dress. “I expect more from you, darling. You can’t act like this in front of the Irish.”
Is that really all she cares about? As surprising as it is, I’m not too shocked.
“You’re right,” I reply, ignoring how Falco’s eyes dart to me. “I think I need to take a walk.”
As I step away, Mom tsks again and her fingers snap. “Well go with her! Isn’t it what we pay you for?”
How Falco maintains his composure under such treatment is beyond me.
But with her orders to follow, it no longer feels risky to take his arm as we head out into the garden.
We walk in silence until we’re deep among the bushes and trees, looping around to the clay statues at the end that look down over the smaller buildings housing other guards in the valley.
“Are you okay?” Falco asks with such sincerity that I nearly start crying again.
“I don’t know what happened,” I murmur. “I was fine and then suddenly I wasn’t. I felt sick, cold, and hot all at once. It was like my skin was twisting tight around me and I blinked and saw blood and just…”
“It’s okay,” Falco soothes. “You don’t need to justify it. You’ve been through a lot, and triggers can crop up when you least expect it. It doesn’t always make sense either, but PTSD is complicated.”
“But she’s right,” I say as our path takes us down toward the garages. “It happened to you, not me.”
“Bullshit,” he replies instantly. “You were there. You dealt with more than even soldiers I served with ever had to deal with. Don’t downplay your trauma like that, Aerin. You won’t heal if you do.”
“Heal like you?” I point out with a smile. “Don’t think I don’t see you not sleeping, or training yourself to the point of exhaustion, or the way you flinch at loud noises.”
Falco glances at me, his brows knitting together and then he nods. “Okay, sure. Use me as a bad example.”
“So you admit it.”
“Admit what?”
“You have PTSD?”
Falco holds the door to the garage open, and I walk under his arm. “How did this become about me?”
“I’m great at deflection.”
“Apparently. Are you feeling okay?”
I nod slowly. “The walk helped. I just…there’s so much pressure. I feel like I can’t breathe around Mom. The wedding and everything is somehow more terrifying than what happened. I don’t want to marry him. I don’t want to do anything but this…”
Hidden inside the garage, I slide my hand down Falco’s arm and take his hand. But just as I lean up to claim his lips in a soothing kiss, he places his other hand on my shoulder and stops me.
My heart plummets like a rock.
“We can’t,” he says in a low voice.
“What?” Suddenly, the urge to cry sweeps back up my throat and I swallow hard. “But you…you said you had feelings for me and now, what, you’ve seen me fall apart for a second and you’re not interested?”
Both of Falco’s hands suddenly tightly clutch my shoulders, and he glances around the empty garage then locks eyes with me.
“No, Aerin. That’s not what I’m saying. We need to be careful, that’s all.
Everything I said at the cabin? It’s true and unaffected by what you’re going through.
I’m here for you. Always. I promised you. We just need to be carefu—”
In a flash, he’s stepped away from me as the door behind us hauls open and Giacomo strides inside. “Aerin? Oh, there you are. I thought I saw you both come in here.”
I stare at my brother, stunned into silence as heat crashes through my body as if I’ve just been lit on fire.
We were almost caught. I love my brother, but there’s no telling what he’d do if he found out what Falco and I were up to. Giacomo’s the only one who’s ever been on my side, but I’ve seen the effort he makes to try and get back on Dad’s good side.
“Yeah, sorry. I wanted some air but then the outside felt too open,” I explain hastily.
“Mom told me what happened.” Giacomo walks closer with a deep, concerned frown. “I’m so sorry, squirt. I can’t believe something as horrific as that happened.”
The tears well in the corner of my eyes. “It’s fine.”
“And you.” Giacomo glances at Falco then takes in his arm. “Holy shit, dude. You got fucked up. I’m impressed you’re still walking.”
Falco clears his throat. “Your sister is talented.”
“And you never called us for help?” His attention slides back to me. “Do you have any idea how scared I was to hear people raid the cabin and nearly kill you? And you were all alone up there with no one to help you.”
The pain in his voice makes me surge forward, eager to soothe his worries. “It’s okay! I’m really okay and Falco saved me. He killed everyone and I was okay. And we were kept safe by a frie—”
“Aerin,” Falco cuts me off with a sharp bark. “Sorry to interrupt but we really should get you back to your mother.”
I frown, but before I can say anything else Falco sweeps an arm around me and practically drags me out of the garage. “What the hell are you doing?”
“You were about to spill things that are better kept secret,” he replies sternly.
“But it’s Giacomo! He’s the only one here who gives a shit.”
“Listen…” Falco hurries me up the path then stops once we’re a good distance away from the garage. “I’m just saying that the fewer who know about what happened, the better. Until we know how people keep finding and targeting you… It’s safer. I don’t want you hurt again, Aerin. Please, trust me.”
The intensity of his eyes is enough to quell the argument rising in my chest. “Okay. I’m sorry. I won’t say a word to anyone, not even Giacomo.”
“Promise?”
Instantly reminded of our moment back in the cabin, I smile softly and nod. “I promise.”