Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
J USTIN
Driving to my parents’ house, I know this isn’t how I wanted this evening to go, namely murdering my little brother.
I believe Mark (not in a million years did I think I’d say that).
Jake’s hands are dirty in this situation; I feel it in my gut.
He’s been so intent on hating Kayla for so long that he doesn’t know how to stop.
Plus, it’s not like I shared the news of her being innocent with him.
Why did I keep it to myself? What is wrong with me?
Fuck, how did I mess up so badly? I wasted years bullying an innocent woman—one I realized seems to have been created specifically for me—for something she never did.
All of it could have been avoided with just one conversation.
Just one. And like when I couldn’t find her, I just needed one conversation to see what I had done wrong. Just one .
My grip on the wheel is too strong, and I force my fingers to flex so I don’t accidentally pull it off and die before I get to kill this little bastard.
A complicated puzzle slowly comes together in my head.
The only thing that doesn’t make sense is the naked woman in my bed.
With me in it. I sure as fuck didn’t invite her in there.
I haven’t been with anyone besides Kayla in a really fucking long time.
The last time I had sex with someone else was even before Freya showed up, or around the same time.
How on earth did a naked chick get in my bed?
I stop the truck in the driveway and run toward the house. Jake’s car is here. Good.
I rush in and find my father sitting in his favorite chair, concentrating on something on his iPad. Mom is chatting on the phone, but once she sees me, she says her goodbyes and comes to give me a hug.
“I didn’t know you were coming, honey. You hungry?”
“No, I’m good.” Her forehead wrinkles in concern—I never turn down food. Never. “Where is Jake?”
“He was doing something for Alicia in her room. I think he was fixing the shelf or something.”
I’m running upstairs before she even finishes. The door to Alicia’s room is open, so I walk right in. Jake’s attempting to hang a floating shelf on the wall while she’s curled up with her laptop on the bed. As I barrel in, they both look at me with wide eyes.
“Sup, bro,” Jake chirps cheerfully. “What are you doing here?”
“Do you know why Kayla left?” I demand.
His eyes widen even more, and he begins looking around as if searching for an escape route, but the only one is behind me. He’s not going anywhere .
“Do you?” I bark, drawing his attention back to myself. He runs his hand through his hair and scratches his chin.
“I mean, I may have seen her around your place.” He tries to smile.
“Around your place?” Alicia turns to look at me, unanswered questions clear in her eyes.
“Yeah.” He turns to her with a sneer. “Our brother here,” he points a finger at me, one I’m very much willing to break, “has been sleeping with that trailer trash for a while. Isn’t that right, Justin?” He finally turns to me, a self-satisfied smile on his lips.
“Really?” Alicia’s voice is small, and I look at her. I take a deep breath, preparing to say something I’ll never live down.
“Yes,” I say firmly because I’m finally done hiding. I finally know what I want. I just picked shitty timing for it.
“How could you?” she asks, her eyes brimming with tears.
“Yeah, after what she did… I don’t know what kind of brother you are. She’s fucking trailer trash and will always be.”
“Shut up!” I yell, grabbing him by the front of his shirt. “I warned you to never call her that again. Didn’t you get it?”
“No!” he spits in my face. “Who are you to dictate what I can say and where? Huh? She destroyed our lives!”
“She didn’t! She didn’t, Jake. I did!” I yell back.
I take a second to calm down before adding, “I am the one to blame here.” He looks crestfallen, and Alicia’s face is covered in tears.
I regret hurting her all over again the most, but I have to tell them.
“I made the wrong decision that night. I did. I stopped to fight instead of driving to Springfield and trusting my gut, and I trusted Ashley. ”
“Ashley was almost raped. Don’t blame her.” Alicia’s whisper is barely audible. She can’t stand Ashley, but as someone who went through that horrible experience, she feels terrible for her. It’s the only reason she tolerated Ashley hanging around. The keyword is ‘tolerated.’ Nothing more.
A lump settles in my throat. “She wasn’t,” I choke out.
“She was sleeping with that guy for a long time, and that night was no different. I read the situation wrong, believed her, and picked a fight that could have been avoided.” I take a deep breath, preparing for the rest of the story.
“Kayla stopped me from killing him at that gas station. She helped when I could have gone off the rails and did something irrevocable.” Jake opens his mouth to say something, but I silence him with a raised hand.
“Kayla didn’t call the cops that night. She didn’t. ”
“Fuck.” Is all Jake says. “Fuck!” he adds, louder. “Who did then?”
“Ashley did,” Alicia whispers.
“Yeah, she did,” I confirm. It hurts to admit. “While she was waiting for me in the car.”
“While you were beating the dude?” Jake’s brows are raised.
“Seems so, because she didn’t touch her phone after I got in the truck.”
“Fuck.” He puts his hands behind his back. “So…” But he doesn’t finish and shakes his head. “All this time…”
“Yeah.” I close my eyes, wallowing in the guilt threatening to suffocate me.
“How long have you known?” Jake asks, his voice rising an octave.
“A few weeks. Didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Why the hell didn’t you?” he shouts .
“How about because I had been sleeping with the person responsible for our sister’s pain?” I yell back. “For years, Jake. For years. I couldn’t fuckin’ look in the mirror.”
“No one is responsible for my hurt but the assholes who did that to me,” she says, her voice calm. Way calmer than I’ve heard her for the past couple of years.
A pained cry comes from the doorway. I turn. Mom stands there, her hands raised to her mouth. “ Assholes ? There were more than one?”
A horrible feeling of an approaching disaster sets in my stomach, and I feel my blood begin boiling. I slowly turn to Alicia and notice Jake doing the same. Alicia pales once the weight of what she let slip settles.
“Alicia?” I try to sound calm, but I’m mad as hell.
“No. It’s just a figure of speech.” She raises her hand, attempting to calm me down.
“Alicia!” My voice booms through the small space of the bedroom. For the past couple of years, she never mentioned who it was, despite all our attempts to find out. No one was brought to justice. No one. I spent years trying to find the asshole. Now it turns out he wasn’t the only one.
“I promise it’s just a figure of speech.
” Her eyes dart between all of us. I glance at Mom, making sure she’s okay.
My dad is hugging her shoulders, and she’s leaning on him for support.
“What happened with Kayla?” she asks nervously, switching her attention.
I’ll take it for now, but we’re revisiting the matter later.
“Yeah, Jake, what happened with Kayla?” My eyes meet his, and his cheeks pinken.
Good. Probably the first time he’s genuinely felt embarrassed in his life.
He swallows roughly and glances around the room, looking for a friendly face.
But he finds none. Mom and Dad never knew the whole story and never understood why Jake was harassing Kayla.
Alicia has always been forgiving and has tried to move on.
She really did. She took what had happened to her as fact and didn’t look for the guilty ones.
I just didn’t tell her about Kayla and me because I didn’t want to trigger any memories from that night, and for so long, we thought that Kayla was involved.
I thought it would be hard on her, even if she’d forgiven her.
I was the only one who found Kayla guilty without a trial. I am an idiot.
Jake takes a deep breath. “Do you remember Claudia? You hooked up a few times last year,” he says, scratching his two-day scruff.
“Language!” Mom reprimands from behind me.
“You went on a date with her a few times,” Jake corrects, scowling at Mom.
“And?” I urge him.
“Well, she was in town.”
“And?” My blood’s boiling by now. I’m sure as fuck he is not about to say what I think he’s going to say.
“And I was there to borrow your PS5, and she was there too, knocking on your door.” He swallows loudly and continues, “Well, I let her in because she was there, and I was there; I didn’t see any harm in it.
I didn’t know you crashed, man. Besides that, I knew where the key was; it’s not like I’ve never been to your place without you.
” He shrugs. “Then she asked for a drink, and you didn’t have anything, so I ran to the store to get something. ”
“Why the fuck would you do that?” I growl.
“Justin!” Mom shouts in horror, but I ignore it.
“Because you were shagging the enemy, man, and it wasn’t funny anymore. I thought if Claudia stayed at your place, you would wake up and just carry on your previous relationship; you would all but forget about the trailer trash.” He snaps his fingers .
“Jake.” My growl is his last warning.
“Sorry, I mean, Kayla. When I came back from the store, I saw Kayla going up the stairs to your place and thought that everything turned out even better than I hoped, because she saw Claudia getting comfy with you firsthand.” He winces.
“What?” My voice booms through the room, deafening everyone.
“Yeah, not my proudest moment, but in my defense, I thought she was to blame, you know. If you only told me earlier, it could have been avoided.” He dares to look sheepish.
“Avoided what?” I yell. “Sending the only woman I ever loved away so I would never stand a fucking chance with her?” It’s the first time I say it out loud. My real feelings for her. I just wish she’d heard it first.
Jake’s face twists with dread, while my mom lets out an excited cry, followed by Alicia’s whistle.
“I don’t know where she is. I don’t know how she’s doing. She left the only town she ever lived in because she thinks I cheated on her. Because you fucking let a naked chick into my house! Are you out of your fucking mind, Jake?” A curtain of red clouds my mind.
“You love Kayla?” my mom coos from the door.
I pause, pinching the bridge of my nose between my fingers. “I do, Mom. I do. But I don’t think I stand a chance now. She moved to Boston, and she’s gorgeous and smart. There is no way that some stupid red socker hasn’t snatched her up.”
“But if she loves you too, she’d wait.” She’s clutching her hands to her chest, eyes full of hope.
“That’s the thing, Mom. I don’t know if she ever did.
I never told her how I feel. I was too much of a coward to let her know anything about me.
I lost the only one who’s ever made me feel like I could have what you guys have.
” I motion between her and Dad, who’s still hugging her while making little, calming circles on her shoulder with his finger.
It makes the hole in my chest grow even larger.
I’ll never experience that because the only person I want that with, doesn’t want anything to do with me.
And for a good reason. I’m the one who started this snowball of problems.
“That’s messed up, Jake. Really horrible.
Letting another girl into Justin’s house with a spare key just to drive Kayla off…
You’re a sicko,” Alicia voices from the bed.
Closing the laptop and putting it aside, she gets up and walks toward me.
“I think Kayla loves you, and if I’m right, it wouldn’t be that easy for her to move on.
Look at yourself; you’re a man-whore, yet you never did. ”
“Alicia!” Mom exclaims. “Who did I raise?” she mutters, throwing her hands up.
“What if you’re wrong?” My voice sounds unsure, even to my own ears.
“I write love stories for a living. Trust my gut.” She shrugs.
“Do you know where she is?” I ask, but I already know the answer.
“No.” Her enthusiasm deflates.
“I do,” Mom says quietly from the door.
“What?” Our heads snap to her in unison.
“What what ? I’m friends with Marina.” I feel my mouth drop open at her words.
“Since when?” I ask, stunned.
“Since always. And close your mouth. You’ll catch a fly.” She walks toward me and puts her hand on my chest. “We always knew you two were meant for each other but were too stupid to see it. ”
I blink in astonishment. “We were?”
“Yeah, you were. Marina bet it would happen earlier, though.” She pouts. “You made me lose a hundred bucks.”
“Mom!” I exclaim as Alicia snickers. “You bet on us?”
“It’s a small town, and we were bored.” She shoots me a sheepish smile and shrugs.
“So, where is she?” I can feel my heart pump in my chest with anticipation.
“She’s in Boston. She goes to school and works at this guy’s place. What was his name?” She taps her chin with her finger.
“Archie?” I spit.
“Yes!” She points her finger up. “Archie! I thought it was a weird name.”
“Do you know how I can find this place?”
“No, honey.” She looks crestfallen. After a second, her face brightens, “But I know where she lives!”
“Where?” This charade is getting on my nerves, but this is my mom, so I keep my trap shut.
“With Archie!” She smiles brightly while I explode with rage.
“What?” I roar.
“Chill out, Justin, or you’ll get your nose broken. Again,” my dad mutters. It’s the first time he’s spoken throughout the argument. He never lets us talk back or raise our voices to our mom.
“Yes, sir. Sorry, Mom.” I take a deep, shaky breath. “Are you sure that’s where she lives?”
“Marina mentioned it. She said apartments in Boston are very expensive, and he has a lot of space,” Mom suggests helpfully with a sweet, all-knowing smile.
My blood is boiling, and along with my sadness and misery, a new feeling emerges. Jealousy. Raging jealousy. There is no fucking way she is just staying there; that fuckface was onto her for a long time. I have to go. I gotta get to her before it’s too late. What if it’s too late? What will I do?
“Whoa, bro. Relax,” Jake tells me, his hand outstretched.
“Don’t talk to me, Jake. I don’t want to hear a word from your mouth.”
“He is your brother, honey. He tried to help you.” Mom tries to mitigate again to break up the fight.
“Mom… Just don’t.” I raise a hand to stop her, silently begging her not to mediate. At least not now.
“I think you should talk to Marina. She’d know where Kayla is.” She gently pats my cheek, and I feel a lump in my throat. Why does it feel like I’ve already lost her?