Chapter 24
Natasa
“This is going to be good,” Kiki squeals in anticipation as we sit in the corner and watch as the guys drag Clark and the other two men to the basement.
“What do you mean?”
“He came after you twice, Nat. Dad is going to lose his shit,” she tells me. I don’t know what to feel, if anything. I don’t care what happens to Clark. I don’t care if they kill him, but what about Gunner? What kind of toll does that take on him?
“He’s been pretty calm,” I inform her.
“The calm before the storm, girl. I can guarantee none of them are leaving here alive,” she says. I watch as Gunner talks to a few of the guys before his eyes come to rest on mine. There’s something there. Something I hadn’t seen before. Love. He does love me. I can see it shining in his eyes as he looks at me. A tear falls down my cheek as he walks toward me. In seconds he has me pulled from the chair and into his arms.
“Fuck, Nat.”
“What?”
“I never wanna lose you.”
“You don’t?”
“No. I wanna keep you forever. Maybe it’s wrong, I don’t know fuckin’ know, and at this point, I don’t care if it is.”
“I love you, Gunner.”
“I love you too, baby girl. I gotta handle this.” He nods toward the basement door. He kisses me, and it’s soft and gentle. I revel in the feelings it causes to erupt inside me. It’s the most I’ve felt in a long time now, and I never want to let it go.
“I’ll be back,” he says before pulling away from me and heading toward the door. I look over at Kiki and the sound of crying coming from the monitor. She quickly stands and heads down the hall as I follow behind her. I have to get over this. I have to deal with this.
I walk into the room behind her as she changes Jesse’s diaper. He’s still crying, no doubt hungry.
“Can you make a bottle?” she asks as I stand here like a fool. I nod my head, walk over, and fill the bottle with water before scooping in the formula. I shake it and walk back over, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Kiki picks up Jesse, ready to take the bottle, except I shake my head.
“You want to feed him?”
“Can I try?”
“Of course. Here,” she says, passing him to me. My heart nearly shatters in a million little pieces. This is my son. How have I neglected him for so long? How could I do that to him? Everything seems to hit me at once, and as I stick the teat in his mouth, more tears fall down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I tell him. Kiki doesn’t say a word, just backs out of the room and leaves us alone. I hear the door click shut and know we’re alone.
“I wish I was a better mom for you, Jesse. I wish I could have held you sooner. What did I miss? What wasn’t I here for? I can’t tell you how sorry I am, little man. I’ll never do that again. I promise you that.”
I finish feeding him and watch as he sleeps in my arms. He looks a lot like Gunner now. I can’t get over just how much. I smile as I look at him, my son. I can’t believe he’s actually mine and here, in my arms.
I yawn and turn to lie down on the bed, resting Jesse’s head on my arm so I can keep looking at him. I watch him breathe. I watch his little face scrunch up before softening. I can’t help but smile as I take him in.
At some point, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. It’s not until I feel arms slip around me that I wake up and look over.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Gunner murmurs. “You looked so peaceful.”
“He’s a good sleeper.”
“Yeah, he is. Doesn’t give me too much trouble.” He’s been the one taking care of him, doing everything for him. And deep inside, I hate that, but I couldn’t help it either.
“I’m sorry, Gunner. I’m going to do better.”
“It isn’t about doin’ better. It’s about you gettin’ better, baby girl. I need you at one hundred percent, just like before. I need your little smart-ass mouth and all of it.” Now I giggle.
“You haven’t missed my smart mouth.”
“Oh, I’ve missed it. I’ve missed it wrapped around my cock.” I slowly slide my arm out from under Jesse and lay him flat on the bed before I turn toward Gunner.
“I can still do that, you know?”
“What’s that?” he asks as he moves my hair away from my face.
“Suck your cock.”
“You just had a baby, Nat.”
“My mouth didn’t.” I reach for his cock feeling it hard and ready. I slide down the bed and pull his boxers down, letting his cock spring free. I lick the tip and listen as he groans. Then I take him into my mouth. I take him as far as I can until I gag. Gunner reaches down and grabs my hair in his hand as he slowly begins to fuck my mouth. I wrap my hand around the base of his cock and hold on while I take him faster. I suck him as deep as I can get before he groans loudly.
“Damn, baby girl,” he growls as I keep going. My body is on fire, and I know we can’t have sex just yet, but he feels so fucking good right now.
My head bobs up and down as he grunts and groans, and then I feel it. He comes down the back of my throat. Hot spurts hit me, and I swallow them down as he groans louder. When he’s finished, I pull his cock from my mouth and climb back up the bed, where he proceeds to kiss me like his life depends on it.
“Fuck, that was hot, Nat.”
“I wish I could do more.”
“A few more weeks. Then I’m takin’ you all over this clubhouse,” he tells me. I laugh a little before laying down on his chest.
“Is everything done?”
“He’s taken care of. He’ll never touch you or Jesse again.”
“Is he dead?”
“I could lie to you right now, but I won’t. Yeah, he’s dead. They all are.” I sigh, not knowing how I should feel about that. I mean, I should be grateful, but Gunner did the killing. I don’t want that on his shoulders.
“You’re upset.”
“Not for the reasons you think,” I tell him.
“Then what?”
“You did it, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did it. They touched what belonged to me. It was my place to do it.”
“That’s what bothers me. I didn’t want you to have to kill for me.” Gunner shifts so I’m looking directly at him.
“Don’t you know I’d do anything for you, Nat? Includin’ kill the bastards who hurt you? You’re mine, Natasa. That means I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe, and if that includes killin’ some piece of shit, then I’ll do it.”
“It doesn’t bother you?”
“No. Not like you would think it would. I’ve lived my life in this club, and there’s just some shit we have to do. You get used to it. You get past it.”
“It has to scar you some.”
“Of course it does. I wouldn’t be human if it didn’t, but the pros outweigh the cons to me. I’d rather see Clark dead by my hand than risk him comin’ near you or Jesse again. Does that make sense?” he asks me. I don’t want to nod my head, but I do because it does.
“Yeah, it does.”
“Good. Now rest.”
“Gunner?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you say with me?”
“Forever, baby girl. Forever.”