Chapter 19
that’s what we agreed on
RILEY
Eyes closed, I relish the feeling of soft sheets against my skin. His scent envelops me, notes of sandalwood and tobacco soothing me. I bury my face in the pillow and inhale deeply, grounding myself before facing the day.
The room is dimly lit, the curtains pulled shut. With a sigh, I roll my head to the side, only to discover his side of the bed is empty. The instant ache in my chest makes tears prick my eyes. I’d imagined waking up in his arms, our bodies tangled, lazy morning sex. Instead, I’m alone.
You’re an idiot, Riley Evans. For thinking he’d still be here. For thinking I could get him out of my system like this.
I sit up and scan the room. I have no desire to slip back into the dress I wore last night. I want to soak in his scent, to prolong the moment, as ridiculous as that is. So, I snag the white T-shirt from the back of the desk chair and slip it on.
Bottom lip caught between my teeth, I thread my trembling fingers through my hair.
I feel like an intruder, despite what we did last night.
All my curiosity about what his bedroom looks like dissipates.
I stand, not moving. Did last night really happen, or was it a figment of my imagination?
If not for the ache between my thighs, I might believe it was a dream.
I press my fingers to my lips, swollen and puffy. Another reminder of our all-consuming passion. Despite my nervousness, I smile.
I had sex with Hayden Hale.
Three times, plus oral for us both.
Eight orgasms between the two of us.
I squirted twice.
And the dick piercing? It left me in awe. I worry it may have ruined me for anyone else.
Hayden fucked me senseless and then held me as I drifted off.
It was almost too good to be true.
The ding of the coffee machine pulls me out of my musings. Taking a deep breath, I collect my clothes and head to my room. I throw my things on the guest bed and head to the kitchen.
Hayden is there, standing in front of the window. His back is turned to me, his shoulders tense. As usual, he’s in a pair of sweats and nothing else.
At the sound of my footsteps, he turns. “Morning,” he says, his voice casual. Almost too casual.
I shuffle into the room. “Morning.”
“If you want some coffee, I made enough for two.” He nods toward the coffeepot.
“Thanks. I’ll need caffeine to get through today.”
He smiles, but it fades quickly. Fuck, the tension in the room is so thick, it’s suffocating. Looks like last night didn’t help us get rid of it at all.
Steeling my spine, I head for the cabinet where he keeps the mugs. He beats me to it and holds one out to me. Our fingers brush over the ceramic, sending a bolt of electricity up my arm. My heartbeat picks up its pace, jackhammering against my ribs.
He, on the other hand, doesn’t even flinch. He just steps away with a murmured “sorry.”
“No, I—it’s fine.” I hold the mug tightly with both hands, as if it’ll keep me steady.
We fall into silence. The only sounds are the quiet hum of the fridge and the pounding of my heart.
I fill my mug then sit at the bar. Hayden saunters over, plucks a plate from the counter, and sits across from me. The actions are familiar, but after last night, nothing feels the same.
Holding my breath, I search for a topic to talk about, to break the silence, but all I can think about is last night, and the idea of bringing that up now nauseates me.
“I made this,” he says. “Nothing fancy, just avocado toast.” He nudges the plate toward me, and when I reach for a slice, our fingers nearly touch again. I panic and pull back too fast, causing the toast to flip onto the counter.
Smooth. Real smooth, Riley. My cheeks are on fire.
He chuckles under his breath, the sound throaty and way too sexy for the situation.
“This is…awkward,” I admit, picking up the toast from the counter.
“Not for me.”
Those three words hit harder than they should. I try to laugh it off, taking a bite of my toast, but it gets lodged in my throat.
He’s so calm and collected, not a single crack in that perfect poker face. How can he be so unaffected? Am I really the only one who’s feeling completely undone after last night?
A wave of unease hits me, making bile rise in my throat. “So, I guess we can officially check ‘bad idea’ off the list.”
“Yeah.” His answer is nonchalant.
I frown at him, though I can’t hold eye contact, not when my brain is filled with images from last night, the words he whispered, memories of his whimpers and moans. I bite my cheek. How am I supposed to move on after all that’s happened?
“We were a bit…reckless last night.”
“Yeah, we were.”
The quickness with which he agrees makes my stomach roil again.
“It was incredible.” I blow out a breath. “But…”
Please say something that will give me hope. Please…
He nods. “Yeah. But it was only once.” He crooks a smile. “Even though it was technically closer to five times.” His attempt to lighten the mood doesn’t quite land.
“Uh-huh. Five times, but eight orgasms.”
“Eight?” His hand freezes over the toast plate. “Oh, you mean for both of us. You got me all confused for a second.”
“I knew you’d figure it out.” I keep my tone light.
I have to let this go. Yes, I’m upset last night didn’t change anything between us, but it’s not fair of me to hold it against him.
We agreed on one night, and that’s exactly what we had.
So, I put all these sad emotions in a box and stuff them into the farthest corner of my mind.
I’ll have my sad-girl moment later, when I’m alone.
“Any plans for today?” I ask as I pick up my toast again.
He dips his chin. “I have a meeting with the label. They want to discuss a tribute to Owen.”
Concern builds in my chest. “How do you feel about it?”
He shrugs. “Glenn has been talking about it for months. I’m glad they finally listened, but honestly, I’m not sure I can do it. It’ll mean releasing stuff we’ve already recorded. To be in the studio without him, hearing his voice and guitar…” He sucks in a breath, head hanging low.
I cover his hand with mine. “That will be so hard, I’m sure, but I believe in you. Think about what it would mean to Ines and especially Santi.”
Eyes softening, he turns his hand over and threads his fingers through mine. The simple move sends a jolt of electricity through me. I’m so fucked up… That one night will be my undoing.
“Thank you so much, Ry. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you after Owen’s death.” He strokes his thumb over my knuckles. “You’re my lifeline.”
I swallow past the lump that has suddenly formed in my throat. “Of course. I’m your friend. I’m here for you. Always.”
The butterflies have returned, fluttering in my belly. I’m tempted to punch myself in the gut to shush them. I can’t react like this to him anymore. We are just friends. We will only ever be just friends.
I slowly untangle my fingers and pick up my mug. “I better finish breakfast. I have a class at ten.”
“Summer break starts in two days, right?”
I nod.
“My offer to celebrate still stands.”
“I’ll think about it.” I gulp down the rest of my coffee then stand and put my dishes in the sink.
While Nastya tells me about the Broadway show Grant took her and her mother and sister to, I nod and smile, though I barely hear a word she says.
She lunges forward, nearly knocking over her coffee. “Okay, this isn’t working.” Eyes narrowed, she examines me. “What happened?”
I pick at the brownie in front of me. We ordered a piece of cheesecake too, and we split them both. “What do you mean?”
“You’re weirdly quiet. Like your mind is elsewhere.” She tips her head, her red hair cascading over her shoulder. “So I’m asking again: what happened?”
I lower my gaze to my hands and blow out a long breath. “Hayden and I had sex.”
She stares at me, a deep crease between her eyebrows. “And how was it?”
“It was good.” My body heats, half in embarrassment and half in response to the memories still haunting me. “More than good, actually. He was gentle at first, then rough when I needed him to be. Powerful. Confident.” I sigh. “It was the best sex of my life.”
Forearms on the table, she angles in closer. “Why do I sense a ‘but’ in all this?”
I lift a shoulder, spinning my coffee cup in front of me. “Because there is one. We agreed it was just one time. It won’t happen again.”
She grasps my hand and squeezes. “And that’s what you want?”
My heart aches—not only for Hayden, but because my friend is truly concerned for me. “That’s what we agreed on.”
She sighs. “I’m happy he treated you well.
You’re an adult. You know what’s best for you, and you know what you can and cannot handle.
” She purses her lips. “Just…considering your feelings for him, please be careful. If you want more and he doesn’t, then you need to leave. Please don’t let him break your heart.”
I nod, my eyes filling with tears.
With a soft tut, she scoots around the table and wraps her arm around my shoulders. I lean my head against hers, sighing deeply.
What I don’t say—and what she likely already knows—is that I do want more, and I set myself up for heartbreak a long time ago.
The penthouse is quiet when I step out of the elevator hours later.
But it smells like him. I close my eyes and focus on breathing.
I need to get over it. He gave me what I asked for: a night to remember, feelings I will never forget. The best sex of my life. But that’s all there is to it. The moment I woke up alone in his bed, our agreement was done.
But I don’t regret it.
I shower, put on a white hoodie and black leggings, then wander to the kitchen. With practiced efficiency, I throw together a pot of spaghetti. He still isn’t home by the time it’s ready, so I sit alone, but I’ve lost my appetite. His absence worries me. Is he busy or avoiding me?
When my mom calls, I’m thankful for the distraction. She’s thrilled when I tell her I made Wade’s spaghetti recipe.
She’s changed since she met her husband. It’s like he taught her how to love again. Her relationship with me, and especially with Piper, changed drastically after she and Wade started dating. She’s always cared for us, but now, she’s more comfortable showing it.
After the call, I clean up, tossing my uneaten spaghetti into the trash can then loading the dishwasher. Back in my room, I flop onto the bed. My mood is all over the place.
When my phone pings, I jackknife up and snatch it from the comforter.
Hade:
I ended up in the studio with Jimmy and Bo. I’ll be super late, so unfortunately, no Arcane for me. Have fun.
My heart sinks. Fun? That’s definitely not in the cards tonight. At least I know he’s busy and not avoiding me.
Rather than Arcane, I cue up one of my favorite movies. Snuggled under the blankets with my laptop, I hit play and force myself to focus on A Walk to Remember.
All I need is a good cry.