Chapter 26 It’s Yours
it’s yours
HAYDEN
The takeout containers are gone, and so are the piles of clothes that were scattered about the living room. I even dusted the piano and my guitar.
With any luck, Riley won’t know what a mess it was while she was gone.
With my plan to distance myself from her, it’s crucial she believes I don’t need saving.
If she sees through the facade, sees the man falling apart, the man stitching himself together with fake smiles and “I’m okay” answers, she’ll never back off.
Regardless of her feelings for me, she’s selfless and compassionate.
It’d be easier to hide all the chaos in my head from her if she weren’t staying at my place tonight, but I couldn’t say no. Not to her. Never to her.
Fuck. I’m hopeless, aren’t I?
To get my mind off her, I send a quick text to Jimmy and Bo.
Me:
What do you think about letting Owen’s parents and Ines listen to the album before we release it?
Jimmy:
One hundred percent agree.
Bo:
Me too.
Me:
Awesome. See you on Monday.
With that, I pocket my phone and wander to the door. As much as I want to put Riley out of my mind, it’s time to head to the airport.
Arms crossed, I lean against the wall, watching people pass. My breathing is slow and my heartbeat is steady. On the surface, I’m calm and collected.
Fuck, I hope she believes the act.
Dressed in a white tee and blue jeans, Riley steps into view. Despite how hard I try to remain unaffected, my stomach does a weird somersault at the sight of her, and a rush of energy pulses through my veins.
I push off the wall and make my way toward her, smiling.
My grin quickly fades the moment her expression registers.
Her hair is braided, not a single lock out of place.
It gives me the perfect view of her face.
The dark circles under her eyes and her pale complexion kick my heart into a nervous rhythm.
She’s just returned from vacation in California, so she should be well-rested and tan.
Jaw clenched, she drags her suitcase, her gaze trained ahead of her.
I pick up the pace and block her path, and when she sees me, the corners of her mouth tip up.
“Hi, Ry baby.” I kiss her cheek, noting her usual caramel scent is faint.
“Hi.”
I cover her hand to take her suitcase from her, and a zing of excitement goes right through me.
“Ready to go?” I ask.
She’s quiet as we make our way to the parking garage. Her silence, usually so comfortable, settles over me like a heavy weight. Something is wrong, but I have no idea what. Is it because of how little I’ve interacted with her over the last few days?
In the car, Riley looks out the window, chewing on her bottom lip. She’s lost in her thoughts, and the longer it continues, the more fidgety I become.
I tap my fingers on the steering wheel, willing the panic building in my chest to subside.
What the hell is going on with me?
“How have you been?” she asks.
“Um…good. Everything is good. Been busy with the album. We’re almost done.
” My words come out too quickly, so I take a deep breath and slow down.
“I’ve been helping Ines too. Santi was sick a few days ago, so I hung out with him, tried to distract him from not feeling well.
” I wiggle my eyebrows. “Discovered I give good back rubs. I got Santi to fall asleep in record time.”
She wrinkles her brow. “How is he feeling now? Is he okay?”
I nod. “He’s back to normal. His birthday is coming up. I don’t know who’s more excited, him or his mom.”
She smiles, and it sets me a bit at ease. “I’m excited to listen to the album. I can’t wait to see how you’ve incorporated Owen. I can only imagine how special that will be for Ines.”
“I suggested we let Owen’s parents and Ines listen to it first. Jimmy and Bo agree.”
“Can I hear it before it comes out?”
“Depends on what you’ll give me in exchange.” I wink.
Her eyes widen, and only then do I realize what I said.
My heart lurches. I’m an asshole.
“Um…” she hedges. “I’ll think about it.”
“I-I was joking. After Ines and Owen’s parents, you can absolutely listen.”
“Thanks.”
The car is awkwardly silent again as I pull up to a traffic light, so I choose the safest topic I can think of to keep the conversation going.
“How is the family?”
She shrugs. “Good. Hudson spends most days playing with his best friend, Maya. Hunter is building a tree house in his spare time.” She peers over at me quickly, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. “And I’m sure you already know about Story being accepted into a prestigious ballet company.”
Fuck. I didn’t have a clue, but I don’t tell Riley that.
“She’s making plans and preparing herself for all the changes that will bring. Piper is…Piper. Taking care of everyone. She’s also discovered a love for flowers, so she spent a lot of time gardening while I was there.”
How did I not know any of this?
Because you’ve been in your head for months, my inner voice says. You barely notice what happens under your nose, let alone on the other side of the country.
“Good to know,” I mutter.
She shifts in her seat, facing me. “You had no idea about any of it.”
It’s a statement, not a question.
My stomach rolls, making bile rise in my throat. “Yeah. I was…too focused on myself and my own problems.”
She looks away and puts her hands on her knees.
Guilt slams into me, making my skin crawl.
I should be used to feeling this way by now, but it still fills my mouth with bitterness.
Dealing with grief is hard, but it’s not an excuse to ignore the people I care about.
Sure, I’m helping Ines, so I’m not entirely hopeless, but treating my family like an afterthought isn’t okay.
I don’t deserve their care or their attention.
I’m a waste of space.
She coughs, pulling me from my thoughts. With her eyes closed, she rests her head back against the seat, breathing slowly. She mentioned not feeling well a few days ago, and I never bothered to check on her afterward.
Fuck.
“How are you, Ry? Still feeling sick?”
She swallows, the delicate column of her throat working. “I’m fine.”
“Are you over the food poisoning?”
“Uh-huh.” She dips her chin, but she doesn’t look at me.
A hint of relief threads through me. “Good. Being sick on vacation sucks.”
She doesn’t respond, and when the silence starts to suffocate me, I ask about Story and her plans for the fall. Maybe talking about ballet will make the atmosphere between us more bearable.
In a matter of minutes, I know I was wrong.
She explains what Story’s days will look like, mentioning homeschool and her change in college plans. With every word, she becomes more distant, more closed off, like she’d rather talk about anything but this. Why?
The question I’ve had in my head for a very long time grows louder: What made her quit ballet?
Maybe one day, she’ll trust me enough to tell me.
But who am I kidding? I’m the last person she should trust.
“I’ll take your suitcase to your room,” I tell her once we step out of the elevator.
“No need. I’ll take it myself.” She grabs the handle and heads toward the guest room.
Dammit. Her strange behavior, this tension, worries me.
“How about dinner?” I call after her. “I made mac and cheese.”
“Sounds great.” Before I can respond, she closes her bedroom door.
When she eventually steps into the kitchen, she’s wearing a loose white T-shirt and blue shorts. Her hair is no longer braided, just pulled into a messy bun on top of her head. The dark circles under her eyes are more prominent in the light of my kitchen.
“Sit.” I nod toward the breakfast bar. Her quietness makes the alarms in my head go off. I swallow past the lump forming in my throat and set two plates on the table.
“What do you want to drink? A beer? Or soda?”
She peers up at me, her blue eyes dull. “Do you have any apple juice?”
“Yup. One glass of apple juice, coming right up.”
She’s silent as we eat, her attention fixed on her plate. Every time I try to strike up a conversation, she shuts it down with a one- or two-word response.
Anxiety floods me. My knee is bouncing so hard, it hits the table several times.
I can’t do this anymore.
I drop my fork onto my plate with a clank and take a steadying breath. “What’s wrong?”
She grimaces, still not looking at me. “Hayden, please.”
“No. Tell me what’s wrong.” I lean forward, trying to catch her gaze. “Please, Ry.”
Finally, she looks up, her eyes welling with tears. “There’s something we need to talk about.”
My heart sinks. This can’t be good.
“Let’s finish eating first, okay?” she asks.
We finish dinner quickly, neither of us eating much more, and I send her to the living room while I take care of the dishes.
When I join her on the couch, she’s sitting with a throw pillow pressed to her stomach.
“What happened?” I ask, my thoughts spiraling.
She puffs her cheeks and then exhales. “I’m pregnant.”
One…two…three…I count in my head as if that’ll change the meaning. It takes a moment to process, though my body reacts immediately.
Going ramrod straight, I clutch my hands in front of me. “What?”
“I’m pregnant.” She licks her lips. “It’s yours.” The tears threatening in the kitchen have vanished, and her posture is relatively relaxed, like she didn’t just turn my life upside down. Our lives.
“What about your implant?”
She wrings her hands. “It expired. Two months ago. I didn’t realize.” Her voice cracks, her emotions getting the best of her. “Could it be because of your piercing? Maybe it caused a condom to break.” She hiccups. “I’m sorry, Hayden.”
My heart is ready to jump out of my chest, and my head is filled with noise. So many thoughts race through my mind. Shock, panic, and fear threaten to drown me.
“I—” I drag a hand down my face, heart pounding. “I need a minute.”
I want to run away. Instead, I stand and walk slowly out of the room. In the confines of my bedroom, the walls close in on me. I lower myself onto the bed, lightheaded. A baby. My baby. I’m going to be a father.
I close my eyes, hoping it’ll shut out the chaos.
Instead, I’m met with an image of Owen. He whispers in my ear, saying the words that have stuck with me no matter how much I want to forget them.
He talks about how suffocating fatherhood became for him.
How distant he was growing from Santi and from Ines too.
How he was drowning in his responsibilities and how he hated himself for feeling like that because they were his everything.
What if I have the same issues? What if I find myself suffocating in that same darkness?
You’re not him, my inner voice says. And your relationship with Riley is nothing like the one Owen had with Ines.
Fuck. I snap my eyes open. Riley. I left her all alone. Shame burns through me. Heart in my throat, I dart back out to the living room.
Riley is still on the couch, her shoulders tight, a pillow clutched to her stomach, as if it will protect her.
A glimmer of clarity hits me.
I have no right to fail her.
Moving closer, I keep my focus on her. “Hey.” I crouch in front of her and gently take her hand. “How do you feel?”
“Mostly okay,” she says, her words barely audible, her gaze averted. “I have morning sickness, and I’ve had a few dizzy spells, but that’s all.” Her lips tremble. “I haven’t told anyone.”
I nod, trying to pull myself together. “Thank you for telling me.” My throat tightens. “I’m with you. No matter what, I’m with you.”
Her eyes round, her lips parting. “Really?”
“Of course.” I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but I know I can’t abandon her or my child. “You’re not alone in this. You’re having our baby.” I flash her a lopsided grin, even as I’m overwhelmed with fear, and sit beside her. “We’ll figure things out together. Okay?”
She nods slowly, the tiniest smile lifting her lips.
I drape an arm over her shoulders and pull her to me. Face hidden in the crook of my neck, she winds her hands around my torso and presses into me, her muscles relaxing.
The plan to distance myself from her goes up in smoke. Her confession has changed everything.
Because no matter what, I need to make things right for her.
That’s the only way.