Chapter Twenty-One
Raven
Home sweet home. We rolled into the clubhouse parking lot shortly after sunrise, both of us a little worse for wear.
Our clothes were filthy and caked in mud, crunchy as hell with every step.
We were both exhausted and I for one, was happy as shit to be back at the only place that ever felt like home.
“You ready for this?” Hades whispered in my ear and I swear, only he could make me feel anything other than tired and scared.
“Not at all,” I sighed heavily. “But I am glad to be back.”
“You say that now,” he began, pressing his palm against my back, “but you know as soon as we step inside all the girls will drown you in hugs.”
“I’ll endure it because it means we’re okay,” I said with a wry smile.
“Then, let’s do this.” Hades pulled on the clubhouse door and gave me a gentle push inside. All the noise of music and conversations stopped immediately. “Honey, we’re home!” I didn’t need to turn around because I heard the smile on his face.
Falcon was the first one on his feet, his long legs ate up the distance between him and me until he stood in front of me, glowering down like the big, annoying brother he was.
“Shit, Raven.” That was it, just two words before he pulled me into a bone-crushing hug.
“I’m so fucking glad you’re okay. You are okay, right? ”
My words came out muffled against his chest. “Okay you big oaf, you’re crushing me.”
He laughed and loosened his grip, but my brother did not let me go. “Sorry.” His gaze flicked behind me to Hades before meeting mine again. “You good?”
I shrugged. “I’m not good but thanks to Hades, I am alive to work on getting better.” I smiled at him and I felt the hearts in my eyes.
Finally, my brother released me and held out his hand to Hades. “I knew I could count on you to keep her safe, brother. I appreciate it.” They did that handshake hug combo that men favored because heaven forbid they just hug.
From the moment his hand fell off my back, tension settled in. I couldn’t say exactly what, since this was my home, my safe place, but I knew something was different. With every second that passed, the anxiety twisted in my gut, churning into a thick acid that made me sick to my stomach.
“Holy shit girl!” Macy stood in front of me with big, glassy eyes. “I’m glad to see your frowning face.” She launched herself at me, wrapping me in a tight hug that took my breath away.
“I’m not frowning,” I whispered in her ear. “This is just my resting bitch face.”
Macy laughed, pulling back to study my face for a long time before she stepped to the side while the other women swamped me.
Ellie and Peyton hugged me so hard and for so long that the guilt resurfaced.
These women had been so nice to me, welcoming me into their found family without a second thought.
They’d made me a part of the family and what did I do in return?
Brought an international Russian crime syndicate to their front door.
“I’m okay,” I whispered over and over as each woman enveloped me in a hug and offered gratitude that I was safe. “And I’m sorry for all the trouble.” As much as I wanted to look down at my feet and avoid their gazes, I forced myself to look each of them in the eye. They deserved that much.
“Just stop that shit right there.” Macy stepped forward and stood in front of me with arms folded, scars on full display in a Steel Demons tank top.
“You are one of us. Hell, you are the sister of one of these guys, that’s blood.
That fucking matters, Raven.” She pulled me into another hug, full of affection and frustration.
“You’re in trouble and we’ve all got your back, however you need it. ”
“But what about the danger—”
“Fuck that. Diesel told us what happened and gave us the choice to stay here or head home. He didn’t want any of the old ladies or club girls getting caught up in that shit. But we know we’re safer here. We’re stronger together. This is family,” Macy responded.
Tears pricked my eyes, the urge to cry so strong my breath hitched, but I refused to let them fall. I couldn’t cry in front of them, couldn’t make them comfort me when they didn’t ask for all this. “Thanks, I need it.”
Standing there in the clubhouse surrounded by all the old ladies and club girls and kids felt good. It felt a little bit more right than it did a few minutes ago.
Feeling a bit overwhelmed, my gaze scanned the room until I found Hades. At some point he and the guys ended up on the other side of the room with him in the middle. He looked up as if he felt my gaze on him, and his eyes met mine. He smiled and I smiled back.
Things were different now. We were no longer alone in one of the MC safe houses, but that connection was still there.
I felt it just now, despite the distance between us.
And because of that, I gave myself permission to feel my feelings.
I love him. No, that wasn’t exactly right.
I mean I loved him the way I loved Falcon and Macy and all the MC brothers who accepted me as a little sister.
But I was in love with Hades, at least I was pretty sure that’s what it was.
I’d never been in love before, never even confused lust for love and never imagined myself in love with the few guys I dated. But this, what I felt for Hades felt real. It was intense and genuine, and I cared about him in a way that shocked the shit out of me.
I was in love with my brother’s best friend.
What could possibly go wrong?
Only everything, the voice in my head answered automatically. I could come between the brothers and cause a rift in the MC. Hades could choose my brother over me and I’d be forced to leave Steel City and Nevada altogether to make it on my own once again.
When I blinked, Hades and the guys had their backs to us, and I knew they were headed to Church to figure out a plan to keep me safe. And put more people in danger.
“Hey ladies, you need anything?” Danny showed up out of nowhere with a nervous smile.
“We’re good,” Peyton assured him. “Where’s Fang?”
Danny’s smile dimmed. “Don’t know, probably with the other prospects, but I can handle whatever you need,” he insisted. He turned to me. “Good to have you back, Raven. Sorry to hear about the safe house.”
“Yeah, thanks. Hey, how’s your sister?”
His skin paled and he frowned. “She’s okay, why do you ask?”
“I think I need a touch up on my color and she did a good job.” Danny’s sister worked at the local salon, she was a quiet girl, but she was a genius colorist.
“I’ll let her know,” he mumbled and walked off quickly.
“What was that all about?” Macy asked curiously.
“No idea. Danny is the weirdo of the new crop of suspects, right?”
She shook her head. “Nah. He’s just quiet and a little awkward around people. He’s good,” she assured me before wrapping an arm around me. “How are you really doing?”
I shrugged again because it felt like my main form of communication these days. “Good. Terrible. Awful.” My skin flamed when she studied me a little too closely.
Her eyes widened almost comically. “Tell me everything!” She leaned closer. “I told Vandal I was picking up on some vibes between you two and he told me I was crazy.”
“First of all, what vibes?” I shook my head. “Second, does he think Hades is too good for me?”
Macy gasped. “Are you kidding? He’s worried that Falcon won’t take it well, that’s all. He’s blind but my eyes are wide open, and I saw the sparks between you two.”
I’d been secretly crushing on him for a while, but I thought it was way on the down low. I guess I wasn’t as subtle as I thought. “Shit. Was it super, embarrassingly obvious?”
“Not super obvious, but there were definite sparks and when you add that to being closed up together for weeks at a time, well the romance story practically writes itself.” She laughed at my shocked expression. “So, tell me what happened?”
I opened my mouth and then closed it a few times. “I need a shower and then we’ll talk.”
“Right.” Macy waved her hands in front of her and shook her head. “Of course. I’m just so fucking glad you’re here and I can see you safe with my own eyes.” She hugged me again. “But yeah, you are kind of ripe. Ten minutes.”
I laughed and made my way to my room on legs that grew heavier with each step. Despite being home and safe, everything still felt heavy. Or maybe it was just the guilt and anxiety piling up on top of my chest.
***
Inside the hot shower all I could think about was how everyone in the club was now in danger because of me.
I know they had chosen to remain, but it didn’t stop the guilt and anxiety welling up in my chest. Hades and Falcon and the entire MC coming up with a plan knowing that some of them could die because of me.
It was too much and I rushed through the hottest shower I could stand before stepping out and drying off. I stopped abruptly at the sight of Macy sitting on my bed with an expectant smile. “Sorry, I couldn’t wait. And it’s been ten minutes.”
“Damn, you really did miss me,” I joked.
She folded her arms and stared at me.
“Fine. I couldn’t sleep at first because of the nightmares.
They’d come and instead of letting them get too bad, I’d get up and walk around the house, which he noticed almost immediately.
He stayed up with me and we talked. We got to know each other.
” And we fell in love was on the tip of my tongue, but it felt too soon to share that.
“He’s the first man I’ve been with since Viktor and it was way better than I thought it could be. ”
Macy’s face lit up. “Aw, he brought your libido back to life.”
I nodded. “In a way, he brought me back to life. Sex was never like that for me, not ever. With him I want it bad. And often.”
“I feel ya,” she agreed. “So are you together or what?”
“No idea,” I answered honestly. “He said he wouldn’t mess around with his best friend’s sister if it didn’t mean something, but what does that even mean?”
“No!” Her eyes were so wide it looked like they might pop right out of her head. “He said that?”
“Yeah, he did. And it gave me goosebumps.” I was reluctant to admit that part, but I was working on being a better friend to my friends.
“You’ve been around here a lot longer than I have, so I’m pretty sure you know exactly what it means.”
I blinked, coming up empty.
She rolled her eyes. “These guys are serious when they choose a woman. They are grumpy and possessive. And insatiable.” She reached out and grabbed my hand. “What did you say when he told you that?”
“What could I say?” I threw my hands up. “I like him, Mace. I really like him, way more than I should.” I groaned out loud and rolled my eyes. “I’ve said enough.”
Macy laughed. “You are totally in love with him. I know that terrified, ready to run for the hills look anywhere.”
I kept my mouth shut for once in my life because I had no answer, at least not one that made any kind of sense. “It’s a lot to digest,” I admitted. “With everything going on with the Russians and running from my life. It’s just… a lot.”
“No matter what, you can lean on him. Do that and also? Talk to him.”
My shoulders fell. “Ugh, do I have to?”
“Nope. You can just guess what he’s feeling and looking at things in the worst possible light and then overreact to what your imagination throws up. That always works out really well.”
“Asshole,” I laughed. “Sarcastic asshole.”
“Yep, and you love me anyway.”
“Maybe I do.”
She hugged me tight. “See that wasn’t so hard to admit. Now just tell Hades and you’ll be good.”
I rolled my eyes, but I hugged her back just a little tighter.