Chapter Seventeen #3
Sick of this, Kai tried to push past him, but Hilo stepped in the way, evidently not finished screwing with him. Beside him, River let out an irritated breath. There was a whisper of metal, and then Hilo hissed and stepped back, hands up, as River pointed the tip of his rapier at Hilo’s throat.
“You’re disrespecting not only your goddess – ” River took one, two, three steps forward, forcing Hilo closer and closer to the edge of the dock.
“ – but also his seleneschals, our shrine, and the people we lost tonight.” He lifted his chin.
“Let us pass, or experience firsthand how Menon treats Her enemies.”
Thank the gods for River’s acting skills. Bit by bit, he and Hilo eased away from one another, until finally River sheathed his sword and Hilo lowered his hands.
“Fine, damn,” Hilo managed. He sketched a mock bow. “After you, then, Menon.”
With a look towards Kai, who shrugged, River let that go. “I presume you’re the captain of this ship?” River asked, his tone filled with such resplendent disdain that Kai could’ve hugged him.
“I – Yes. Of course I am.”
“Good.” Still standing guard, River motioned for the others to climb the gangway first. “We will be using your quarters.” He turned, ignoring Hilo’s sputtering response, and followed Kai up into the ship. “Since you’re such a gracious host, it’s the least you can do.”
Exhaustion blanketed them the moment they shut themselves into Hilo’s quarters in the stern, leaving them all quiet, morose.
Ione left them first, gathering cushions from the sofa and building herself a nest at the bay window.
She curled up within them and laid her head against the glass.
Cynthia followed, stopping first at a serving table laden with trays of fruit and bread and cured meats; she made up a small plate and took it with her to the window, futilely offering Ione bits and pieces before, giving up, she ate them, herself.
“The crew brought supplies,” Cynthia said, scratching her hair.
Like the rest of them, Kai realised, she was coated with ash and grime.
“There might be new clothes, or a place we can wash ours.” She leaned towards Ione, tilting her head so that she was in her line of sight. “Do you want to come?” A pause. “No?”
Kai surveyed the cabin he used to wish was his.
Wide bay windows before an enormous desk; plenty of food and drink, a bookshelf, an empty birdcage.
A deadly-looking shark’s jaw hung over the window, something Hilo had killed years ago.
Beyond two heavy doors lay Hilo’s bedroom and bathing room, but all Kai saw right now was a cabinet behind the table of food.
He strode right to it and picked out a bottle of wine and a mug.
He tore the cork out with his teeth and poured himself a glass, needing to dull the awful, buzzing sensation in his gut.
A quickening, like silkworms marching beneath his skin, spinning cocoons in his stomach.
Menon was making Herself right at home, he noted dourly.
He felt River close in behind him. “Don’t get drunk,” he whispered. “Not now. You need a level head.”
“What I need is this wine and a nap.” Kai held his stare and took a long, deliberate gulp.
“You’re my level head now,” he said tartly.
“And you’re great at it.” He suppressed a sigh and rubbed his grimy face.
He hadn’t meant it to come out like that.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured. “Really. You were great. If you weren’t here, I don’t know – ”
“That’s how you have to be.” River cast for him, but Kai whipped his wrist back and finished the mug. “You can hate it all you want, Kai, but you need to play your part, too. You can’t sit around drinking and expect the rest of us to pick up the pieces for you.”
“Shame, that’s exactly what I was planning on doing.”
River yanked the mug out of his grip and slammed it down.
“Grow up.” He grabbed Kai’s collar before he could say anything else; his other hand wrapped around his jaw, forcing Kai to meet his eyes.
“You hate this? You’re suffering? Well, get used to it, because it’s your life now.
And not just your life, you selfish twat. ”
He turned Kai’s face towards Ione at the window, still refusing the chunks of bread Cynthia offered her. “Do not waste her pain,” River ground out before releasing him. “If you have to fuck yourself up, do it when she’s far enough away to avoid dealing with you.”
There was something in watching River walk away that made Kai feel cold. Stranded. For a moment he wanted to reach for him, haul him back, keep him from leaving Kai to do this alone.
Ione resented him, and Cynthia rightfully stuck by her. If River abandoned him, too, he would have no one.
The Tannos swayed on the waters beneath them. They had begun moving, gliding to their new home.
A muffled sob. River and Cynthia saw to Ione, touching her arms, smoothing her hair.
Kai watched from afar, angry and hurt and remorseful and wallowing in it all, especially when River pivoted and walked past Kai without a glance.
Kai ignored him too and ensconced himself in the throne-like captain’s chair, picking broodily at a sweetroll as he scanned some blueprints spread out on Hilo’s desk.
The ensuing silence was dense, the air rattling within Kai’s skull.
He pressed his palms into his ears as Cynthia tried in vain to convince Ione to walk somewhere or other with her.
He heard shower – there were communal showers and wash basins below deck – and finally Cynthia stood, spent a heroic moment attempting to coax Ione out of her nest, and then drifted out the door alone.
River returned, clean and in a new tunic and trousers; he paused for a cursory scan of the room before heading into the adjacent bathing room. Water splashed noisily, setting Kai’s teeth on edge; once again River walked right past him to Ione, who had by now fallen asleep.
Then, to Kai. “Get up.” River wrenched him out of the chair.
“I drew a bath. Seeing as you’re our dear leader now, you need to clean up like one.
” He dragged Kai into the bathing room and motioned to the huge brass tub, filled almost to the brim from the cistern mounted on the wall.
“You will have to heat it,” was all River said before tossing a heap of new clothes onto a chair beside the cistern and leaving.
Kai stared at the water, admittedly not hating the idea of a bath, even if River doubtless meant this to be for Ione.
His skin itched and he reeked of smoke and sweat, so with a wave he heated the water, peeled off his burnt and bloody clothes, and eased himself into the basin.
A tray on the side table held washcloths and a bar of verbena-flecked soap, so Kai scrubbed every inch of himself until he felt human again.
Human. Ha. Was he even human now?
Was this body even his?
The latch on the door clicked, and small grey figure slipped in. Ione didn’t so much as look at him as she padded to the tub.
“I’ll get out.” Kai shifted, but Ione clawed her filthy dress over her head and discarded it.
“I don’t care,” she said – the first thing she’d said in ages – as she stepped into the tub with him. Water sloshed over the edge and onto the floorboards; Kai lifted a hand, gathering the excess water and evaporating it.
Ione stared at the remaining puff of vapour for a long time, envy ghosting her features. Kai hid his hands under the water, guilty, but she said nothing else as she began scraping the ash from her body.
Kai watched her, wishing she would talk, shout at him, look at him. Her eyes were lowered, vacant. She just gazed at the water, mechanically washing herself, scrubbing her skin raw, until Kai took her hands and stopped her.
Even if he had the right words to say, he wondered if she would hear them. She’d stopped moving entirely when Kai had grabbed her hands, so he reached over the side of the basin for a small wooden pitcher. He filled it and poured it over her hair, using his other hand to shield her face.
You’re loved, he thought again and again at her as he lathered her hair with soap. Please feel that. Please know that.
“What will happen?” she whispered, her grey eyes finally, finally rising to meet his.
Kai rinsed her hair. He couldn’t answer. Had no answer.
Ione went quiet again, lifted her hand close to her eyes and picked blood out of the crevasses of her rings and necklace with her fingernails. That she still wore them at all gave him a depressing amount of hope, that he wasn’t alone, that she didn’t despise him.
He made a promise. Even if she did despise him, he’d stand by her.
She perhaps had the same thought, that this man she’d married, this thief, had ruined her life and may just continue to, because she crumpled, tears falling freely again.
She didn’t protest as Kai cupped her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers; she just closed her eyes and breathed in, out.
In, out. And when she opened her eyes again, the sorrow had drained from her entirely.
She was empty, lifeless, as she had been for hours up until now.
Kai pulled her to him, circling one arm around her shoulders. He leaned against the back of the tub, letting her rest her head on his chest, and stared at the wooden ceiling.
They would reach Caelos soon. And after that…
What will happen?, Ione wondered.
The truth was, Kai hadn’t a fucking clue.