Chapter Eleven
I rush back to campus, my mind racing with possibilities. What does Ryan want to say? Is he angry? Has he forgiven me? The uncertainty is overwhelming, but I know I want to hear whatever it is he has to say.
When I arrive at the park, I see Ryan sitting on a bench, staring at the ground. He looks up as I approach, and his expression is unreadable. I take a deep breath and give him a tentative smile as I walk over to him, my heart pounding in my chest.
“Hey,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady and light.
“Hey,” he repeats, standing up.
I suddenly don’t know what to do with my hands so I link my fingers together in front of me. “What’s going on?”
He moves toward me as if he’s going to touch me, but thinks better of it and gestures for me to sit on the bench next to him. I give a tight smile before sitting down, surreptitiously running my hands over my legs to get the sweat off. We sit in silence for a moment and I worry he’s called me here to get me to apologize to him, which is a ridiculous thought to have. Who would call someone to meet and then expect an apology after a month of no contact?
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” Ryan begins, his voice measured. “About everything that happened between us.”
I nod, waiting for him to continue.
“I was annoyed,” he confesses, and I can tell he’s choosing his words. “I didn’t understand why you would care so much about something so mundane. Then it seemed like you were accusing me of something simply for having a hobby you didn’t know about, all to write a story for a stupid school newspaper.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid,” I retort. “University newspapers print some really good stuff. They win awards. It’s not stupid. And people really liked that story.”
“I know! Sorry—I shouldn’t have said stupid. You’re right. It is important, and you wrote a good story. I mean…I don’t think there’s anything interesting about us but I’m happy someone does.”
I lean back and cross my arms over my chest. “What did you want, Ryan?”
“To apologize. Which I’m doing a shit job of. I said a lot of stuff I shouldn’t have and didn’t mean.”
“Like calling me Nancy Drew?”
He gives me a lopsided grin. “You’re a cute, Nancy Drew.”
I blush and look away. I can’t let him win that easily. “Well, you just called the newspaper stupid so you aren’t exactly winning any points here.”
“I know. I’m apparently really bad at this whole groveling thing.”
“Is that what this is?” I look back over at him. “Groveling?”
“Would I win points if I said yes?”
I laugh, causing his face to brighten. “Fine. A few.”
“I’ll take it. And if I said I was sorry for making you doubt me?”
I bite my lip. “I think you’d win a few more.” I take a deep breath and twist my torso to face him. “And maybe I should say sorry too—for having that doubt in the first place. And for accosting you outside class.”
“Next time you wait outside my class, I’d like it to be for far more pleasant reasons.”
I stand up. “Next time?”
He stands too. “Yeah, next time.” He looks out across the field and then up at the sky. “Want to take a walk?”
I shrug. “Sure.”
He reaches for my hand but stops halfway, a questioning look in his eyes. I could ignore it, probably should. Instead, I grab his hand and let him lead me along a path of his own making.
As we walk through the campus park, we talk about our classes and he asks about my involvement with the newspaper. I worry this will cause strife between us given the history revolving around the newspaper, but thankfully it doesn’t. He even asks what I’m working on for the paper and admits that he’s been reading my articles each week. We talk about our friends and our plans for Thanksgiving break. It feels like old times, but with a new sense of honesty and openness.
We spend the next half hour walking around the campus park and before we part ways, we promise each other to text later tonight to make plans to hang out this weekend. We still have a lot to work through, but I’m confident that we can rebuild what we started. As I head back to my dorm, I can’t help but smile. For the first time in weeks, things are looking up.
The next few weeks are a whirlwind of activity. Ryan and I take things slow, spending time together between classes and getting to know each other all over again. We text all of the time and we’ve hung out in each other’s dorm rooms several times. The trust between us grows stronger, and I find myself opening up to him in ways I hadn’t before. Meanwhile, my responsibilities at the newspaper keep me busy, and I’m constantly juggling my personal life and classes.
One afternoon, as I’m working on my latest article in the library, I get a text from Ryan:
Meet me at the coffee shop?
I smile and quickly respond:
See you there :)
As I pack up my things and head to the coffee shop, I reflect on how much has changed. Ryan and I have found a new balance, and I feel more confident in my role at the newspaper. Life is finally starting to feel settled and my major has finally been registered with the school as journalism.
I make the short walk to the coffee shop and see that Ryan is already there, waiting with a smile. He stands up to greet me with a hug and gives me a soft kiss on the lips. “Hey, baby. How’s your day going?”
“Busy, as usual,” I say while laughing. “But good. How about yours?”
“Pretty good,” he says as we sit down. “I had a class project that’s been keeping me busy.”
We order our drinks and settle into a booth. It’s easy and comfortable, a stark contrast to the tension-filled days of uncertainty I felt when we were apart. I’m glad that the nervous tension I feel now is from the newness of a relationship rather than a failed one.
“So,” he starts, “I’ve been thinking that we haven’t been on a proper date since I let you win at miniature golf.”
“I’m sorry— let me win? I think what you mean to say is ‘since I embarrassed you’.” I give him my most pompous smile.
He rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Fine, since you crushed my ego.” He leans forward. “But really, let’s go out. Actually leave campus this weekend.”
I grin, feeling a surge of excitement. “I’d love that. What do you have in mind?”
“There’s a new restaurant that just opened downtown,” he says. “It’s got great reviews, and I thought it would be fun to check it out together.”
“That sounds perfect,” I say, already looking forward to it. “When?”
“How about Friday night?” he suggests. “I’ll pick you up from your dorm at seven.”
“Friday night it is,” I agree, my heart fluttering with anticipation. As we finish our drinks and head back to campus, I can’t help but feel giddy about Friday and my second first date with Ryan.
The week flies by, and before I know it, it’s Friday evening. Kelsey helps me pick out an outfit again—a black dress with textured tights she swears look nice together. It takes Kelsey and me an hour to do my hair and makeup. As I look in the mirror, I feel a mix of nerves and excitement.
When I open my door, Ryan is wearing dark jeans and a hunter green sweater that looks so soft I wonder if it’s the good cashmere. A far cry from the Cubs hat and jeans and t-shirt he usually wears. “Wow,” he breathes, and I bite my tongue from saying something embarrassing. “You look…I mean you’re always pretty.” He blows out a breath, and there’s a blush creeping up his neck, his ears red. “You look amazing.”
“Thanks.” I try for nonchalance but fear that I sound disingenuous. “You look good in green.” I wince at how dumb I sound.
“Good to know,” he laughs. “Ready?” He holds out his hand and I entwine my fingers with his.
“You kids have fun!” Kelsey calls. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”
We give each other a look as the door closes behind us. “So that leaves us open to a whole world of opportunities,” I inform him.
“Exactly what I was hoping for.” He tugs my hand as we make our way down the hall.
We head to the restaurant, enjoying the unseasonably warm evening. We take Ryan’s car downtown and find a parking garage about a block down from the restaurant. The city is bustling with activity, and there’s a palpable energy in the air. It’s Friday night, possibly one of the last semi-warm ones before winter makes us all have to bundle up so they’re out enjoying it. When we arrive at the restaurant, it’s even more charming than I imagined. Twinkling lights adorn the entrance, and the interior is cozy and inviting. It’s the perfect Italian bistro.
Once inside we’re seated at a corner table, and as we peruse the menu, I’m struck by how easy it feels to be with Ryan. The conversation flows naturally, and we spend the evening talking about everything and nothing. The food is delicious, and the atmosphere is perfect. As we finish our meal, Ryan reaches across the table and takes my hand. “I’m really glad we did this, Hailey. I’ve missed spending time with you like this.”
“Me too,” I say, squeezing his hand. “We should keep doing this. I don’t have a car, so I need someone to drive me downtown so I don’t have to learn the bus schedule.”
“There it is. I knew there was a reason you were keeping me around.”
“Yeah, a free Uber driver.” I pull my hands back and give him a worried look. “Didn’t I make that clear when we started this?” I ask, aiming for serious and biting my cheeks to keep from laughing.
“Mmm…I think I’m getting mixed signals. I think it’s all the kissing.”
I wave my hand in the air between us. “Oh, that. That’s just kindness.”
He grabs my hand from the air and brings my fingers to his lips. “You are very nice,” he whispers, as he kisses my fingertips and I stop talking, stop breathing. The atmosphere changes and I contemplate the pros and cons of leaping across the table and kissing him.
He must be able to tell what I’m thinking as a predatory grin spreads across his face and he releases my hand, sitting back in his seat, stopping the waiter to ask for the check.
After he pays we decide to take a walk along the river. The city lights reflect off the water, creating a magical scene. We walk hand in hand, talking and laughing, and I feel a sense of contentment I haven’t felt in a long time. I’ve only been downtown a handful of times and have only seen the famous Chicago River on television and in photographs.
It feels so romantic as we stand together, Ryan behind me, holding me in his arms as we stare out at the river flowing, the city’s lights twinkling on the surface.
“Hailey,” his voice tickles my ear. “I’m really glad you came to the park that day.”
“Me too,” I whisper.
I disentangle myself so I can turn and face him, pushing my hands up his chest and around his neck. “I’m really happy you’re clumsy.”
He laughs, lowering his head until his forehead touches mine. “Wanna know a secret?”
“Always,” I breathe, and I hope the secret is something about kissing, though I already know he’s a good kisser, that isn’t a secret.
“I’m not really that clumsy,” he says before our lips meet. I think I’m going to float out of my body when an ear-splitting whistle forces us to pull apart.
I look over and a cop is walking toward a group of kids who are messing around, climbing up on the bridge railing and pretending like they’re going to jump into the water. “Get down!” he yells, “What’s wrong with you?”
The kids laugh and run away, bumping into people in their haste. Ryan breathes out a laugh as he tightens his hold around my waist. “Want to get out of here?”
“Where to?” I don’t want the night to end, but I have no idea where else we’d go. I curse myself for not getting out more to have suggestions.
“We can go to my dorm. Jason isn’t there.”
“Sounds perfect,” I say, and I turn to walk back toward the garage before he takes a few steps and throws his arm over my shoulders, kissing the side of my head as he steers me in the right direction.
“Perfect,” he repeats into my hair.