Chapter 7 – Jordie #2
My mother straightens her shoulders. “I’m an artist. A painter of landscapes, so I’m sure you understand why I had to get out of that small town from time to time and see the world.
No one wants to buy paintings of farms and a bunch of pine trees.
” She lets out a tinkling laugh that holds an edge of cynicism, and her eyes go all dreamy.
“I’ve had the opportunity to paint sunsets over the desert, the snow on the mountaintops of Colorado, the pyramids in Egypt, and so many other beautiful locations. It’s any painter’s dream.”
We’re interrupted by the waitress dropping off our food and refilling our drinks, which allows me the time to think about what Delphine said. Her dream was travelling and painting, not being a mother.
“So why did you want to meet with me today?” I ask bluntly, cutting into my omelet and stuffing a bite into my mouth. It’s warm, and the feta is salty on my tongue.
Delphine looks at me in surprise. “Because I’ve seen you all over the news lately, and it was like a sign.” She shrugs, the gesture self-deprecating and a little shy. “And I missed my little Jordan.”
“Jordie,” I correct. Again. “And you could have called before now if you missed me.”
Her lips stiffen, and she tilts her chin up a notch. “I was told I wasn’t allowed to.”
I swallow the bite in my mouth and stare incredulously. “By whom?”
“Isaac and Emmett,” she says, definitively.
Willie mutters, “Assholes.”
My gaze is whip-sharp toward him as my fork clatters to my plate. “My fathers are not assholes. They are great men.”
Delphine tamps at the air with placating hands. “Settle down.” She shoots her fiancé a warning look. “Jordie is right, Willie. Isaac and Emmett are good men. Just look at what a wonderful job they did with her.”
“And Bubba, Xander, and Jules,” I add, reminding her she has three other children besides me.
“Bubba and Juliette are doing what they love and both have beautiful families. And Xander is brilliant and currently in med school. They are all amazing, and that’s thanks to the men who raised us.
” My voice holds all the passion and love I feel for my family, and Delphine’s mouth softens into a smile.
“You’re right, honey. But the fact remains that Emmett and Isaac did push me out of your lives. They threatened me and forced me to have no contact with my own children.”
A thunderstorm forms deep in my gut. That doesn’t sound like Dad or Pops at all. “What do you mean… threatened?”
She blows out a long breath before speaking.
“They informed me that if I didn’t stay away, they would sue me for back child support.
Bubba and Juliette were teenagers at the time, so that would have been many years’ worth and way more money than I had.
” Her watery eyes hold mine. “So I felt like I didn’t have any other choice. ”
I pick up my fork, but I don’t eat anything. Instead, I jab holes in my omelet as I take in what she said. “But why would they do that?”
Delphine blows a raspberry and shakes her blonde head.
“Something about being unreliable.” Her shoulders inch up a bit in defiance.
“Yes, I liked to travel and paint, but it’s not like I left my kids with a hobo on the street.
I left you all with your fathers. They just didn’t understand my need to spread my wings.
” Her eyes drift up to the corner of the room.
“I had two teenagers, a toddler, and an infant. It was all very overwhelming for me.”
Then maybe you should have stopped having kids, I think, even though I was the infant she was referring to and wouldn’t exist if she’d abstained.
“So that’s why you never got in touch?”
My mother nods and dabs her eyes with her napkin. “Yes. Trust me, I would have loved nothing more than to be in your life.”
I frown and cut my food into tiny pieces though I don’t take another bite. The thunderstorm in my belly has transformed into a tornado, and I don’t think I can stomach eating right now.
“Have you contacted my sister or brothers?” I ask, peeking up at Delphine to find her lips turned downward.
“No. I don’t think Juliette and Bubba want to have anything to do with me, and if Xander’s in med school, I don’t want to bother him.
” Her shoulders lift and fall in a vulnerable shrug.
“And like I said, I think it’s a sign that you keep popping up on my newsfeed.
So I thought I’d reach out and see if you would be interested in… ”
“In what?” I ask.
“In maybe getting to know me? Letting me get to know you?” Two tears stream down her face, and it breaks something inside me. I don’t want to make her cry. “I’ve missed you so much, honey.”
I’d like to be able to tell her I missed her too, but that would be a lie. Maybe at times I missed the idea of having a mother, but as for missing her personally? Well, I don’t even know her.
“Can I think about it?” I question tentatively.
Delphine swipes the tears away with her palms, and her smile returns in full force. “Yes, of course. Whatever you want, Jordie. All I want is a chance.”
Later that evening, as I stare at the white ceiling of my bedroom and watch the fan cast shadows on the smooth surface, I go over it all in my mind. Did Pops and Dad really threaten her? I just can’t imagine it, but why would she lie?
And perhaps a tiny part of me wants to believe it. It’s better than thinking she just didn’t want me.