Chapter 6
The Second Friday
Iadded the new band to my streaming playlist before they finished their last set. When I signed my receipt, it was much lighter than it should have been, so I increased the tip to compensate.
The bar had emptied, and I realized it was closing time.
Jack nodded toward Sean, who came up behind me. “I’ll walk you out,” he said.
I scrambled up from the barstool. “Oh, sorry. I stayed too long. Don’t worry, I can—”
“Just let him walk you out,” Jack said from behind me.
I looked over my shoulder to find him with his arms crossed. “Bossy,” I muttered before thinking better of it.
He grinned, waving me away.
Sean looked around the parking lot as he walked beside me toward my car. I’d had to park closer to the back since I’d gotten there later. How dark and empty the parking lot looked made me glad Sean was with me.
At his continued vigilance, I glanced around. “Is it really that unsafe?”
“Women always have to be more careful,” Sean said. “I’m happy to do this.”
I clicked to unlock my door. “Thank you. I really do appreciate it.”
“Anytime, honey. You have fun tonight?”
I smiled, still full of music. “I did.”
He nodded. “Good. And about the tongue thing.”
My whole body flushed. “You heard that?”
He grinned. “I pay attention.” He turned, stepping closer. “Anytime you want to prove you can kiss just fine, I’m available.” His eyes dropped to my lips. “I’ve always thought you looked really fucking kissable.”
My thoughts emptied as I stared up at him. “You want to kiss me?”
“I’m dying to,” he said softly. “Jack will probably get mad about it, but you should know you’re wanted. A lot.”
I licked my lips, and he followed the motion with his eyes, sending a tingling inside me. “Why would Jack be mad?”
He laughed, breaking the tension. “You really are a sweet thing. I’m okay if you want to think about it. Maybe you can think about me all week, yeah?”
My hands raised to my warm cheeks, the keys I still clutched jingling. “I’m definitely going to think about it.”
“Good.” He opened the car door for me.
No one had ever opened my door before. It felt a little awkward sliding in with him there, but a warmth also settled in my stomach. He was taking care of me, and I liked it.
“I’ll see you next Friday?” Sean asked.
I nodded, making sure my feet were tucked in so he could shut the door. He backed up a step, and I couldn’t help staring at him. Sean didn’t wave me on; he just stood there and let me look, like he knew I was going to want to.
Sean was a bigger man than I’d ever been with.
My first boyfriends were lanky musicians with a lot of hair.
Neil was on the shorter side and pretty skinny as well.
Sean wasn’t fat or anything, but his chest was broad and his arms bulged with muscle.
He looked strong enough to win in a fight.
His long beard would be new for me, too.
I wondered if it would feel different kissing someone with a beard.
Neil sometimes had bristles between shaves, and they could scratch my skin, which I didn’t usually like.
When I found myself wondering what it would feel like to run my hands over Sean’s bald head, I decided it was time to go. Sean lifted a hand as I pulled out of the space.
Even though it was so late, I was the first to get home. The house felt quiet and empty—and extremely dark. After Sean’s reminder about safety, I wished Neil had turned on a light before he left. I quickly flipped them on, and after walking through all the rooms, I felt better after.
I took a shower and got ready for bed, thinking about Sean’s offer more than I probably should have. All he’d mentioned was a kiss, but my mind was racing beyond that. Could I have sex with Sean? As I pictured a scenario like that, I felt a twinge of interest.
I considered using one of my toys while I imagined it. Even the idea had my thighs pressing together, creating a sweet ache. Before I could decide, I heard the front door close.
Neil had returned. It wasn’t that I’d forgotten, but thinking about Sean had distracted me, and I wasn’t prepared when he appeared in the doorway, his hair a disheveled mess and a soft, dreamy smile on his lips. I’d seen that smile before. Neil had definitely had sex.
He’d had sex with more than just me now. Logically, I knew that’s what I had agreed to, but the tangle in my stomach wasn’t about logic. Heat filled my eyes.
Some of the dreaminess slipped away from him, and his jaw tightened. “What? You said it was okay.”
I swallowed, looking away. “I didn’t say anything.”
“But you—” He sucked in a breath. “Fine. I’m going to shower.” He disappeared into the bathroom.
I listened to the water run, not letting myself cry because I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop before he was done. He was right; I’d agreed to this. If things had worked out differently, I might have a body count of two tonight as well.
He wasn’t worried about that, though. Either he hadn’t thought of it, he’d doubted I’d be able to pick someone up, or he’d been sure I wouldn’t go through with it.
The last thought let the tingling in my eyes dissipate.
I still struggled with just the idea of sleeping with someone besides Neil if I couldn’t even decide to masturbate while thinking of Sean.
Was part of why I was so upset because he’d gotten to do it, but I hadn’t yet? He’d given me permission, but that felt more real now. I could sleep with someone else, too. I needed to sleep with someone else.
When Neil came out of the bathroom, I reached over to switch off the lamp on my side of the bed. It was late. I was tired. But a large part of it was I didn’t want to see that expression on his face, the one that I had been the only one to see before, but now Natasha had seen.
Neil switched off his light, settling in beside me.
My throat felt tight as we lay on our backs next to each other. I listened to him breathe, realizing I was breathing faster than him. I tried to match his pace instead, the process loosening the tightness in my throat.
“How was it?” I asked. That wasn’t really what I wanted to ask, though. I wanted to ask if he’d made Natasha orgasm.
Was our problem me all along?
My throat clogged up again.
“I don’t think you really want the details. Let’s just go to sleep.” He rolled to his side, facing away from me.
I waited for his breathing to become that soft snore he said he didn’t have before I gave in to the tears.
Keeping my lips clenched tight to hold in the sobs, the tear tracks burned as they slid down my face.
I wasn’t sure what I was most upset about.
That my boyfriend had slept with someone else or that I was likely the cause of our sex problems all along.