Chapter 8 #2
“Oh, sure.” I watched them both pull out their phones to program it in.
“What’s your last name, Hailey?” Jack asked, his phone in hand.
“Miller,” I answered. I was proud of the name.
My foster parents hadn’t been able to adopt me because my biological parents never consented.
They didn’t want me, or at least not enough to get clean, but they hadn’t wanted anyone else to have me.
I hated the times when they got clean enough temporarily to drag me back with them because it wouldn’t last. I missed the Millers each time it happened, and neither of my biological parents let me visit them.
Eventually, I’d end up back with the Millers, though, and those were the good times.
When I was a legal adult, I changed my last name to theirs. After college, their health had been poor, so I’d spent a year taking care of them before entering the workforce. That had been a difficult year, but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything.
Neil hadn’t been happy. He’d wanted me to move in with him right away. Once they were gone, I did. That was nearly ten years ago now.
Jack settled onto the couch next to me. “It killed me that I couldn’t check in with you after what happened last week. Have you been okay?”
My nerves raced. I had been hoping I wouldn’t be asked that question. “Yeah, I’m fine. I told you—”
“Not even the cops thought it was just a kiss,” Sean interrupted, frowning at me. “That’s why I got off so lightly.” He rubbed his beard. “But I get it; you don’t want to dwell on it. I’m just sorry it happened on my watch.”
“No, don’t apologize.” My head hung as my hands clenched in my lap. “The more I thought about it, the more I realized I caused it to happen.”
Sean’s feet hit the floor. “You didn’t—”
“Hold up,” Jack said. “Let her talk. What do you mean, Hailey?”
“It was the conversation we had about what I was looking for that did it. I played it back in my head all week. I’d given him the wrong impression.” My gaze returned to my legs.
“How so?” Jack asked.
“Well, he was trying to understand the ‘hall pass’ dynamics and asked if it was because I was interested in stuff that my boyfriend wasn’t.
You know, sex stuff.” I sighed, wiping my palms on my jeans.
“I didn’t deny it. I realize now that he was thinking of kinkier stuff than I was, and he got the wrong idea. ”
Sean made a sound in his throat. “Even if you’re right, any man would have realized you were uncomfortable in that hallway and stopped, even if you’d okayed the kiss itself to start.”
I hadn’t, but I didn’t want to make them angry all over again.
“I’m not saying he shouldn’t have done what he did. I’m just owning my part, too.” I sighed, settling back into the corner of the couch. “I really suck at this.”
Jack turned his body toward me. “I got the impression you didn’t have a lot of dating experience. Is that wrong?”
“No, you’re not wrong.” I squirmed a little at admitting it. “I’ve only dated guys I met through friends and hung out with before this. The whole stranger in a bar thing is totally new.”
“If a child had just started walking and fell on their face, would you give them a hard time?” Sean asked.
I snorted. “Thanks for pointing out I fell on my face.”
He grinned.
“But I get it. I know I’m being too hard on myself.
It’s just, I don’t know what I don’t know, and it’s left me floundering.
Like, now I’m wondering if I missed red flags in his bio or our messaging before the date.
I couldn’t pick anyone from the app to try to talk to because my thoughts kept spinning. ”
“Want me to look through them with you?” Jack offered.
I blinked at him. “You’d do that?”
“Of course. Go ahead. Bring them up.”
I pulled out my phone again.
“Masochist,” Sean muttered with a cough.
“Shut up, Sean,” Jack shot back.
I paused with my phone screen still locked, glancing between them. “Do you hate the apps or something? You really don’t have to do this if it’s a pain. I mean, I appreciate the offer, but—”
Jack’s groan cut me off, and I watched him bury his face in his hands.
Did he hate the apps that much?
Sean chuckled, trying to swallow it.
I started to put my phone away.
“I told you, it’s fine,” Jack said, his voice muffled. He dropped his head back, holding out a hand for my phone. “Just let me help you.”
“Okay.” I unlocked my phone and brought up the app I’d been using before handing it over.
Jack’s brows drew together. “I haven’t heard of this app.”
My cheeks heated. “It’s kind of a… well, a hookup app.
It’s specifically for sex partners, often for things like, um, threesomes.
That’s part of why I’m struggling so much.
I tried to look up tips for navigating the apps, but they all said to block guys as soon as they talk about sex.
Since that’s all I’m looking for…” I shrugged.
“Right. Got it.” Jack started looking at the first match.
“I probably shouldn’t ask, but I’m curious about something,” Sean said, leaning forward on the chair, his hands clenched between his knees.
I glanced at him. “Curious?”
“You said you weren’t thinking about the kinky sex stuff, but it sounded like you had some sex stuff in mind. What’s one thing your boyfriend refuses to do?”
The hairs rose along my arms as the thing I’d asked him for most came to the forefront of my mind.
“You don’t have to answer that,” Jack said, glaring at Sean. “Don’t push her.”
Sean lifted his hands in surrender, settling back. “Sorry.”
“No, I don’t mind. It’s just kind of embarrassing. I think you’ll be disappointed because it’s kind of a regular thing. Not kinky at all.” I shrugged, wiping my hands on my jeans again. “At least, the first thing that pops into my head isn’t.”
“So we’re not talking about bondage or submission or anything like that?” Sean asked.
“Well, um—” I cleared my throat, remembering the wrist and ankle clamps I’d purchased once that Neil had freaked out about.
Jack was staring at me now, too.
I hid my face in my hands, blurting out, “No one has ever gone down on me!” Silence fell after, making my nerves twist even more.
“Fuck,” Sean said, his voice deeper than before.
“I know; it’s so basic. Let’s not talk about this anymore.” I peeked from between my fingers, and they both looked away.
“I need a minute,” Sean muttered, pushing to his feet and moving toward the window.
“Sorry, TMI. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”
Sean cleared his throat. “That’s going to be hard.”
“Sean!” Jack glared at his back before shifting closer with my phone. “All right, take a look at this one with me. See the ‘about me’ section?”
I leaned in until our shoulders touched. “Yeah. He’s looking for someone who doesn’t bring any drama, knows what they want, and goes for it. I was going to decline that one because that’s not me. I mean, you both have seen how clueless I am.”
“Seriously,” Sean said from the window.
Jack ignored him. “No, I mean, yes, decline him, but it’s because he’s telling you who you should be for him. In the ‘about me’ section. The dude can’t even be bothered to tell you a thing about himself. There’s another whole section for the sex stuff you’re interested in.”
“What did she put in there?” Sean asked.
“I’m about to kick you out,” Jack warned.
“I just put information about the hall pass thing. That I have a boyfriend, but he okayed me being with someone else. It took me a while to word it, but I figure it’s better than starting the conversation from scratch.
” I shrugged. “Besides, being up front about it should limit the number of guys interested.”
“You’d be surprised,” Jack said with a grimace. “Hell, some of these guys lead with dick pics in their profiles.”
My nose wrinkled. “Yeah, I didn’t really like that. Though it was educational. I didn’t realize there was such a… variety.”
Jack snorted, declining a few more guys. “So, no to those, no to the ones only demanding what the other person should be like, and no to ‘touch is my love language.’ Those guys are usually just assholes stating the obvious—they want to get laid.”
I was pretty sure those three things eliminated more than half the matches who had come up.
Jack paused on a profile. “This one isn’t bad.” He scrolled. “No red flags, at least no obvious ones. What do you think?” He held the phone out to me.
I looked at the picture. The guy was blond, with a clean-cut look. His nose was on the small side, but otherwise I couldn’t see anything to complain about. “He seems nice.”
“Okay, swipe to connect and see how he reaches out. If he says anything he has to apologize for, ghost him.” He held out his hand again. “I’ll find a couple more.”
“This is really nice of you, Jack.”
“Yeah, Jack’s a saint,” Sean said, settling into his seat again.
“Fuck off,” Jack muttered, continuing to decline most of my matches.
I curled my legs up, resting my head on the back of the couch. Realizing my shoes were still on, I went to lower them again, but Jack’s hand landed on my knee, keeping them there.
“You know, most women come to the bar with backup,” Sean said. “There’s safety in numbers. You don’t have anyone like that who could go out with you? Other than the boyfriend.” The word ‘boyfriend’ came out deeper in tone.
“Not really. All of my friends are married with kids who are still young. I hang out with them when I can, but anything past ten in the evening is a no-go.” I sighed, a sleepy fuzziness settling over me, and I fought against closing my eyes.
“Besides, I don’t really want to explain the whole hall pass thing. They wouldn’t get it.”
“To be honest, I don’t get it,” Jack said, lowering the phone. “If you were mine, no way would I want anyone else to touch you.”
Tingles crawled along my scalp.
“It’s not like he’s touching her. Won’t even go down on her.” Sean shook his head in disgust. “What a prick.”
“He’s not a bad guy.” My eyes slid shut. “He just thinks it’s a little, you know, down there.” I waved my hand over the top of my jeans.
“No, we don’t know. A little what? Hot? Mouthwatering?”
His words made me want to squirm. “Dirty,” I murmured. “Or maybe messy?”
“Fucking hell,” Sean muttered.
“You look tired,” Jack said. His hand brushed over my hair. “Want me to make you some coffee? I’d offer to let you sleep here, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”
I forced my eyes open. “No, I can’t do that. It’s against the rules we came up with. No overnights.”
“Makes sense. Who’d be able to cuddle up against you and then let you go again in the morning?” Sean smiled at me.
Heat tingled in my stomach.
Jack pushed up from the couch. “I’ll make you some coffee. How do you like it?”
“I can do black. But not too much or I’ll have trouble sleeping.” I yawned as I pushed myself up straighter. He’d left behind my phone, and I picked it up. He’d accepted three more matches besides the first one. “I usually do only one at a time!” I called toward the kitchen.
“That’s a mistake,” Sean said. “Let them pursue you. You deserve the attention.”
I shook my head, but I didn’t undo any of the connections. I checked my messages before letting it go dark, but there wasn’t anything from Neil.
“I’m surprised the boyfriend isn’t calling with it being so late,” Sean said, as if reading my mind. “I mean, especially after what happened last week. Wasn’t he worried about you going out alone?”
I bit my lip, looking away to see Jack entering with my coffee. “I didn’t tell him about last week.”
Jack froze in the act of handing me the coffee. “You didn’t tell him?”
I shrugged, staring down at my knees. “He was already asleep when I got home. And then, in the morning, it was too hard to admit when—” I swallowed. I hadn’t wanted to tell him about my most recent failure when his own body count was steadily rising.
Jack pushed the coffee cup into my hands. “Here. Drink up.”
It was only half-full. I drained it, hoping it’d help for the drive home. Not that I lived too far. That was another reason I had picked The Muse; it was convenient.
Jack settled in beside me, though he was closer this time, his leg brushing against mine.
“You should tell Neil what happened. You’ve been together for a long time.
If you can’t tell him something like that, then something is really wrong, something the hall passes won’t fix, if it ever would have. ”
I met his eyes, seeing the concern there.
“You’re right. That’s on me, and I should fix it.” For the last few weeks, it had felt like Neil and I were on opposite sides of a fence, and the fence kept getting higher.
I pushed to my feet. “I should head home.”
Sean rose with me. “I’ll walk you out.”
I didn’t try to talk him out of it. It was late, and the parking lot was empty. Going out to my car alone wasn’t tempting.
At the door, I looked back at Jack, who had followed us to the entryway. “I like your apartment. Thanks for, well, everything. Inviting me, the coffee, helping with the app, even letting me borrow your jacket today. I really can’t thank you enough.”
“Drive home safely, Hailey.” When I turned back toward the door, his hand grazed my arm. “Text me when you get there?” he asked.
“I will.” He’d probably stay up worrying if I didn’t. “And don’t worry, the coffee is kicking in.”
I followed Sean down the stairs, not hearing the door shut until we were out of sight.
Sean was quiet as he studied the parking lot, his gaze shifting while we walked to the back corner where I’d snagged a spot. He held my door open, and I tucked my legs inside.
Instead of shutting it, he hesitated, staring down at me. The interior light spread to his face, showing me his intent eyes, and his nostrils had flared a little.
“You remember my kissing offer?” he asked.
I nodded, heat flooding my cheeks. I’d never forget that conversation. “Yes.”
“Let’s extend that offer to anywhere on your body.” His voice had deepened, growing husky. “I’ll kiss you anywhere. Including between your legs.”
I sucked in a breath, choking on it and starting to cough.
He crouched in the doorway, patting my back to help. “Was me saying that so surprising? I thought you noticed how much the idea affected me.”
I shook my head, swallowing. “Sean, we shouldn’t—”
“You get to decide if it happens, and I know you’re worried about messing up the good thing you have here at the bar.
” He patted me one more time before pulling away.
“Just thought you should know that I’m more than willing to eat you out.
In fact, I’d love it. Truth is, I won’t be able to stop thinking about it for a while.
” He grinned at me, stepped back, and closed my door.
I was certain he wouldn’t mind if I thought about it too, even if it was with my vibrator in hand.
Taking in another shaky breath, I backed out of the parking space, raising my hand in a wave as I started the drive home.
Even though it was so late, Neil wasn’t home when I got there. I’d fallen asleep before he came home and never knew how late he ended up returning.