Chapter 29 #2
“Good.” He squeezed my hand before untangling them and reaching for his fork again.
I stared down at my food, remembering what Sean had said about the woman Jack had dated in the band. My chest felt tight. “How many?” I asked.
Jack paused with his fork raised toward his mouth. “How many what?”
I took a breath. “How many girlfriends made you think you were too clingy?”
Jack’s eyes dropped to his food. “It’s not their fault. I can get… intense. It can be a lot.”
I rested my hand on his arm. “You’re perfect to me. I don’t see that changing.”
“Say that after we have our first fight.” He smiled at me.
“Okay. Let’s do it.” I straightened on my stool, turning toward him.
He laughed. “Just like that? That’s not how fights work.”
“I’m sure something I’ve done bothers you. Were you upset we didn’t have sex last night?”
His eyes widened. “What? No!”
“Even though you took me on the best date ever?” I pushed, the ‘should’ pressing on my mind again.
“I didn’t do that for sex. Last night was perfect, just how it was.” He didn’t look away. “I thought I made that clear earlier.”
I nodded. “You did.” The strand of guilt trying to wind around me floated away. “Then what about my ex? I was kind of… weak in the way I dealt with him.”
“Hailey, no. I’ve got nothing but respect for how you handled that. You were with him for a long time, and he was a huge part of your life. You dealt with it in the best way for you.”
My eyes burned. “I had to call for help.” I swallowed the lump in my throat as I remembered the helpless feeling of sitting on the bathroom floor crying while waiting for Sean. “I’m not sure what I would have done without Sean that day.”
“Everyone needs help. I’m glad you called him.” Jack’s hand rose to brush the hair behind my ear, his touch gentle. But his eyes shifted away from mine, and he swallowed.
“Oh,” I breathed, leaning toward him. My hand found his chin, and I turned his face to mine again, searching his eyes. “Were you upset I called him instead of you?”
His eyes widened. “No. Not at all. I really am glad you had him.”
My hand dropped away from his chin. “It was because things had been awkward between us that morning. And Neil was already so upset about the time I spent with you. I thought—”
“Hailey,” Jack interrupted, shaking his head. “I get it. You don’t have to explain.”
“But there was something…” My eyebrows drew together as I tried to figure it out.
Jack took a breath. “I’ve been avoiding talking about Sean with you,” he admitted quietly.
I swallowed. “So me calling him did bother you?”
“No, it’s not that. I really am glad you called him then.” Jack ran a hand over his hair. “It’s—Sean told you he loves you.”
I blinked at him. My neck grew warm as we stared at each other.
“He told you before I did. And you obviously trust him and like him. That one time, when he and I—” His cheeks turned red, and he cleared his throat. “Well, you were good with him, too. Physically. As more than friends.”
I was suddenly a little embarrassed about the times I’d fantasized about Sean while I masturbated when I was still with Neil. “I really enjoyed that night with both of you,” I admitted.
“That night was—” He swallowed hard. “I wouldn’t take back that night. I’m fine with what we did. Glad even.”
“Then what?” I tried to search his eyes, but he was looking away again. “Do you… not want me to be friends with him?” A rock formed in my stomach and sank, making me feel nauseous.
“No! I’d never ask that of you. I like that you and Sean are friends.
He’s my friend, too. I like the days we all hang out.
I even like that he understands how great you are.
He really does love you, and I—” He lowered his head, his hands moving to his thighs and gripping tightly.
“Are you sure? That you want to be with me?” His head lifted, his eyes returning to mine.
“You could be with him. He’s great. I don’t get why you chose me over him. ”
“Jack.” I leaned forward, my hands settling over his.
“Of course I chose you. I told you before, I’m crazy about you.
” I leaned forward, kissing his nose and enjoying the shiver that ran through him.
“I’ve been into your looks from that first night in the bar.
Oh, and remember that girl I met there, I think the second night?
” I waited for his confused nod. “She was teasing me about you. I didn’t get it at the time, but she told me good luck with the bartender.
She totally picked up that I was crushing on you. ”
“That far back?” Jack asked, stunned.
“Neil picked up on it, too. He wasn’t mad about me spending the night with just anyone; he was mad about me spending the night with you. He knew I had feelings for you.”
“I was so close to kissing you that morning. I wanted to so badly.” The dull look in his eyes had faded. The intentness I loved was back.
“I was hurt we didn’t kiss. I didn’t understand it.” I closed my eyes. “I thought I’d made a fool of myself and ruined everything.”
“I should have explained it better.” Jack made a pained sound, drawing my eyes open. “I never wanted to hurt you. I just couldn’t, not when you were still Neil’s. I wanted you to be mine.”
I shifted even closer, my knees brushing along the outside of his. “Now, I am yours. I love you, Jack. The words might have come out too soon, but I meant them.”
“I know you did. I’m just worried you’re hoping I’ll change my mind about being exclusive. Do you want to sometimes be with Sean, too? Like that night?”
I blinked at him. “Sean knew I had a thing for you. He understands. He encouraged me to be with you.”
“I didn’t ask what Sean wanted. What do you want, Hailey?”
I couldn’t help but remember that night.
“I mean, I enjoyed that night. It was—” I swallowed.
“I’ll never forget it. But I’ll never forget my night with you, either.
” My mouth went dry as I remembered those moments when Jack was inside me.
“You were the one I wanted to have sex with. When we were together like that, it was—” I shook my head.
“I don’t even know. I’ve never felt like that with anyone. Will it always be like that?”
He reached for me, pulling me onto his lap. I braced myself against his shoulders. His naked shoulders, covered in tattoos. My hands clutched at him, itching to touch him more.
“I hope so,” Jack said, his voice deeper.
“I want to be with you, Jack. Only you.”
“I believe you.” Jack tugged me closer, and I could feel him between my legs.
My hands slid up his shoulders and around his neck, and both of us leaned forward. The kiss was scorching from the start. Lips and tongue and locked eyes. We devoured each other until my hands slid into his hair, tugging lightly to make him groan. His head fell back at my urging.
“I want more than kissing,” I told him. “I want to have sex. Take me to the bedroom.” My head dipped, my mouth sucking on his neck.
“Yes.” His voice was like gravel, his breathing rapid. “Wrap your legs around me.” He stood when I did, his hands moving to my ass, his touch there making the ache more intense.
I kissed up his jaw to find his lips again, nipping the bottom one before diving into another kiss.
He fell onto the bed with me, his weight on top of me making me arch against his growing erection. Our lips parted, and he kissed down my neck, already pushing my pajama top up so he could suck on my nipple, making my thoughts spin away even faster.
My head fell back, and I looked at the headboard with the metal bar I’d fantasized about. “I’ve always had ideas about this bed.”
Jack paused, lifting his head to stare at the headboard. “I know. You tried to tell me that night you got drunk and I took you home. I’ve thought about it ever since.” His hand had moved to my breast, teasing at the nipple. “Is that what you want, love? I could get on board with that.”
I sat up quickly, nearly knocking our heads together. “You’d let me?”
“Let you?” His hand stilled as he looked at the headboard again. “Wait, you want…”
I pushed on his chest, and he followed my urging, falling to his back so I could crawl on top of him. “You still haven’t let me touch you much. I want to tie you up and touch you all over until I figure out what you like.”
His breathing grew erratic. “Fuck, Hailey. I’m going to lose it if you do that.”
The thought only made me wetter. “I want to, Jack. Because it’s you, and I’m crazy about you, and I want to show you. Will you let me?”
“Do you—” His voice cracked, and he had to swallow. “Do you have anything we can use?”
I crawled off the bed to go into the closet, removing the box I’d put on the top shelf. I’d purchased the wrist and ankle cuffs shortly after buying the bed, but they’d been tucked away ever since.
I walked back to the bed, removing the lid and pulling out one of the cuffs, which had a strap to fasten to the bars. “They’ve never been used if you’re worried about that.”
“You really want to do this?” Jack asked, his eyes hot and intent as they locked on mine.
“I chose you, Jack.” I crawled over him on the bed, staring down at the man who constantly gave to me but still wondered why anyone would choose him.
“That means you’re mine, too, doesn’t it?
” My hand found the button of his slacks, undoing it.
“Why wouldn’t I want to touch you?” His zipper followed, barely heard over his panting. “Will you let me?”
“I’ll let you do anything you want,” he said.
The ache between my legs throbbed at his words. I cupped him through his slacks. “Good. Take these off while I set up the cuffs.”
A thrill ran through me as he reached for his pants. I couldn’t wait to figure out all the ways Jack liked to be touched.