Nick
Four days after the accident, I finally get to bring Grady home.
The court signed a temporary order allowing him to stay with me while CPS and our lawyers sort through the clusterfuck Tiffany left behind.
His caseworker Shantae went to bat for us, which helped, but nothing about this is settled.
There are home visits coming, another hearing, and an insurmountable amount of paperwork.
The drugs in Grady's system were only present in trace amounts—thank God—but they warned me he might be irritable and restless while his system clears.
They contacted Matt, too.
Apparently, my son's biological father has no interest in being his actual father.
Fuck him.
I can't think about it for too long without getting angry. Grady isn't some mistake to sweep under the rug when he becomes inconvenient. He's not an obligation or an option.
He's my first choice.
Tonight, he's also stalling bedtime.
“One more page.” He folds his hands together. “Please?”
“You said that three pages ago.”
“But this one has the Stegosaurus, and they have really cool spikes on their tails”
I sigh. “You drive a hard bargain, kid.”
Angus is stretched out beside Grady, pressed protectively against his side while Grady absently strokes one of his ears. At my surrender, he lifts his head and gives me a satisfied huff like I finally made the right decision.
I finish the page before closing the book and setting it on his nightstand. “All right, partner. That's it. Time for bed.”
He wiggles beneath the blankets while I tuck them around him, but the smile slowly disappears from his face.
“When do I get to see Mommy?”
My hand stills. “I don't know.” I smooth his hair away from his forehead. “Probably not for a while.”
“Is it because she went with the policeman?”
“Yeah, she's with the police in a place called jail. But you don't have to tell anyone that. In fact, let's just keep that between us.”
“Is she in trouble?”
I sigh. “Yep. She made some bad choices.”
“Is jail timeout?”
“Kinda.”
A few quiet seconds pass before he looks at me again.
“Are you not my dad anymore?”
Jesus Christ. “Where did you hear that?”
“At the hospital. Grown-ups never think I'm listening.”
Letting out a heavy breath, I sit on the edge of his bed. “Look at me, partner. I'm always going to be your dad.”
“But are you my real, real dad?”
“Maybe not the way we thought.” My throat tightens. “But none of that changes how much I love you. Nothing.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Pinky promise?”
I hold out my pinky. “Pinky promise.”
He hooks his little finger around mine.
“Is that okay if I'm your dad?”
He gives me a big lopsided smile before eagerly nodding his head.
I push back his hair, giving his forehead a kiss. “Remember, if you need me, in right down the hall—”
“And you're coming back.” He grins
“That's right. Always.”
I head toward the door, giving a small whistle for Angus to follow.
“Can he stay with me, Dad?”
I hesitate.
Angus has taken to Grady like he was born to protect him, but they’ve known each other all of three hours, and leaving my five-year-old alone with a dog strong enough to overpower him makes me sick to my stomach.
Angus looks up at me longingly.
“Maybe another night, partner, once you two know each other a little better. C'mon, Angus.”
After mean-mugging me, he lopes out of the room.
“Night, partner.” I leave Grady’s door cracked and stand there for a second, listening to him settle beneath his blankets.
By the time I make it down the hall, exhaustion has seeped into every part of me.
Leah steps out of my bathroom, drying her hands on her jeans. “Hey.” She studies my face. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” I scrub a hand over my jaw. “I guess.”
“How’s Grady?”
“I think he’s okay.”
She nods. “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.” I lean against the wall. “Honestly, I just want to breathe for a second and just exist. I'm so tired of feeling everything.”
“Okay.” Her mouth tips into a tired little smile. “Tell me where, and if I’m allowed, I'll follow.”
My eyes drift toward the hallway where Angus remains outside Grady’s door. “I … kind of want to sit outside his room.” I chuff. “That probably sounds crazy, but … I guess I’m just scared I’m going to lose him.”
Leah shakes her head. “That's not crazy at all.” She grabs two pillows and a blanket from my bed and we settle against the wall outside Grady’s room, our shoulders touching beneath the blanket. Eventually, Leah rests her head against me, and I wrap an arm around her.
Angus settles into the space between us, soaking up our warmth, and within minutes, he’s snoring.
Neither of us says anything else.
We just breathe and exist.
***
I rip open the new box of cereal and fill Grady’s bowl.
He stares at it.
“What’s wrong?”
“This isn’t the right one.”
I look at the box and then back at him. “It’s the same cereal.”
“The other one has the dinosaur on it.”
“They changed the box, partner. That dinosaur was an advertisement for the new dinosaur movie, remember?”
“But I like the dinosaur box better.”
“Yeah, it was pretty cool. But this is the same cereal. Try it.”
He pouts in his chair before sneaking a piece of cereal over the edge of the table. Angus takes it immediately, making Grady giggle. He grabs his spoon and finally starts eating.
“Hey, don't feed the dog scraps, partner.”
Angus lets out a disgruntled grumble from beneath the table.
“Yeah, yeah, you know better.”
“Where’s Mrs. Harrison?”
“Good question.” I leave him to contemplate the apparent betrayal of his breakfast and head down the hall.
The bathroom door is closed.
“You okay in there?”
“Yeah.” Leah’s voice comes through the door. “I’m fine. Give me a minute.”
“You sure?”
“I promise.”
When I get back to the kitchen, Grady has finished his entire breakfast. “Good job, partner.”
He beams, pushing up his glasses. “Is Ms. Harrison going to be my new mom?”
I still, curiously peering down at him. “What makes you say that?”
He smiles knowingly, covering his mouth.
“Oh, c'mon …” I chuckle, tickling his belly as he bursts into giggles. “Now you have to tell me.”
He motions me closer, waiting until I lean down before cupping both hands around his mouth.
“I saw you kiss her,” he whispers.
Oh boy.
I pull out the chair beside him and sit. “How would you feel about Ms. Harrison being around more?”
Grady considers it seriously, his fingers tracing the edge of his empty bowl.
“I like it,” he announces.
“Yeah?”
He nods, pushing his glasses up again. “She’s really nice and pretty. And-and she doesn't make me talk if things get fuzzy in my head.” His smile grows. “And she thinks dinosaurs are cool.”
“Those are some pretty good reasons.” I chuckle, tickling his hair behind his ear.
The doorbell rings.
I share a look with Grady as Angus snaps to attention, his hackles rising along his back.
Who the hell is here this early?
“Stay here, partner.”
Another ring follows before I make it to the door. I look through the peephole, expecting just about anyone except the man standing on my porch.
Matt fucking Barnett.
For half a second, I consider leaving him standing there. Instead, I open the door and step onto the porch, pulling it shut behind me.
“What do you want?”
“I’m not here for you.” Matt tries to look past me. “I’m here for my sister. I know she's here, Crawford.”
“Do you?”
“I don't know what kind of game you're playing here or what your sick interest is in Leah—”
“Your sister is a grown woman making her own damn decisions.”
He narrows his eyes. “She's a sweet girl, and now she hasn’t answered her phone in days. Her family is worried about her. She doesn't act like this—not since you came along.”
“So wait … I'm good enough to raise your firstborn son you abandoned, but not your sister? I must've missed the verse in the Bible.”
“Listen, I don't want to talk to you—”
“And she doesn't want to talk to you.”
“I’m her brother.”
I laugh. “And that means what, exactly? That you protect her? Look out for her? A lot of good that did.”
His jaw tightens. “You don’t know a darn thing about my relationship with Leah.”
“I know enough about how you treat your family.”
“You need to watch your tone, Crawford.”
I chuckle. “You show up at my house unannounced, accusing me of I don't even fucking know, and now you're threatening me with how I speak to you on my property?” I huff, stepping closer. “That's not how this works, asshole.”
He scoffs. “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”
“Nope, but I definitely kiss your sister with it.”
The look on his face almost makes the last few days worth it.
“Where is she?” he grits.
“Not your business.”
“She is my business. Especially when she’s shacking up with some godless monster who—”
“Godless monster?” My temper snaps. “You mean like Declan?”
Matt goes still.
“You act like you're some protective older brother, storming in here like a knight in shining armor to defend her honor, and yet you allowed her to marry your fucking best friend—”
“He's a good man.” Matt scoffs. “Declan loved my sister—still does. He honored his vows when Leah got cancer. In sickness and in health actually meant something to him.” His expression hardens. “She’s the one who walked away—”
“To save herself,” I interrupt.
His eyebrows pinch together. “From what? God blessed their marriage. Declan loved her—”
“And assaulted her.”
The freezes, the color draining from his face. “W-what are you talking about?”
“You heard me.”
“No … no, Declan would never—”
“He raped your sister, Matt. Repeatedly. And when it finally got bad enough to where she needed medical care, she found the strength and the resources to leave his ass.”
He shakes his head, stumbling back a step. “No. She would’ve told me.”
“And then you, your fucking family, and those holier-than-thou church members spent years making her feel like she was the one who did something wrong by leaving him.”
The front door opens behind me. Matt and I jerk around to find Leah stepping outside, pale-faced, tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Leah …” I reach for her, my body already leaning toward hers.
She recoils. Her devastated eyes lock onto mine. “What have you done?”
“Leah—”
“No.” Her breath breaks into sharp, uneven pulls. Pressing a hand to her abdomen, she looks between Matt and me. “How could you do that?” She spins around to run back inside.
I catch her wrist. “Darlin’, no, no—”
She rips her arm from me. “That wasn't for you to tell, Nick!” She cries. “That's my story! This is my life, my body!” She pushes me. “How dare you!”
I move in front of the door. “Maybe your family needs to know.”
“You don’t get to decide that!” She pushes past me—then stops. “Y’know? I trusted you with that. I told you because I trusted you.”
Fuck.
“Leah, I—”
“No one knew, Nick.” She turns to look at me, our eyes meeting. “No one. I wasn’t ready for them to know.”
“I’m sorry. I was pissed and he—”
“I don’t care,” she chokes out, heading inside. She calls for her dog and grabs her purse and keys from the counter.
As she storms back outside, I scramble after her. “Where are you going?”
“Away.”
“Leah, wait. Please …” I reach for her, but she pulls away.
“Don’t.” The hurt in her eyes stops me cold. “I need space from you.”
“Please … just … stay. We can talk about this.”
“I don’t want to talk right now.”
Matt steps toward her from the porch. “Leah, come home. We can—”
“No.” She points between the two of us. “Both of you, just leave me alone.” She walks past him toward her car, and this time, I don’t follow.
I fucked up.
The realization settles like a stone in my stomach as her car disappears down the street.
I glare at Matt for a moment, then head back into my house without a word.
“I heard yelling.” Grady peeks around the corner from the kitchen, his eyes wide and anxious
“Hey, partner …” I kneel down and embrace him. “That probably sounded very scary, but everything’s okay.”
The lie nearly strangles me.
But everything is not okay.
I’m already in the fight of my life for custody of my son, and I just fucked things up with the one person I’ve ever loved.
A frigid chill slips down my back.
I could lose her, too.
And I can’t.
I just fucking can’t.