Chapter Eight
Emery
Hearing Mason protest that he was straight stung in a way I didn’t quite understand.
I had always identified as straight, too, but I’d been questioning that since the kiss, and especially since I’d gotten off thinking about him.
When I’d passed him a towel earlier, I’d gotten hard just thinking about him being wet and naked on the other side of the door. What had gotten into me?
The cashier apologized again and again as Mason assured her that it was fine, no offense taken. Once we’d made it to the car and the groceries were loaded, Mason laughed uncomfortably. "That was weird, huh? That thing with the cashier?"
I shrugged. "I guess so." I didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to get into it. I put the keys into the SUV and turned the ignition on without another word.
We didn’t speak on the drive home, aside from a few comments about how pretty the sunset was, and once we’d unloaded most of the groceries, Mason turned to me.
"What’s going on?"
I frowned, furrowing my brow, and shook my head. "What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," he said, practically growling. "You’ve been acting weird all day."
I shook my head. "No weirder than you.”
“I—”
I sighed. "I’m going to go get the last bag out of the car."
"I’ll do it."
I glared at him. "I said I would." I hurried outside before he could say another word. There was only one bag of groceries left, a paper bag of frozen foods—popsicles and ice cream and frozen pizzas—and I hefted it into my arms and made my way back to the cabin. I’d left the door ajar and I nudged it open with my toe. Mason turned from where he’d been putting food into the pantry and hurried to take the bag from me.
"Goddammit, I said I’ve got it." I turned, wrenching the bag away from him.
Mason grabbed at it too late, and the bag ripped, contents tumbling to the floor.
We stood, both frozen to the spot for a moment, before Mason took a step close to me.
For a fraction of a second, I thought he was going to shove me.
Instead, he pressed his mouth to mine, letting out a rumble from deep inside his chest.
His hand slid into my hair and held me close as he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into my mouth.
I groaned and stepped closer, nudging frozen food out of the way with the toe of my shoe, and slid my hands along his sides, tugging his waist close to mine.
I let out a sharp exhale through my nose as we touched, our bodies coming together and pressing flush against one another.
The kiss went on for a long time, what felt like minutes, hours, an eternity.
When we parted, all I could think was, That wasn’t enough. I wasn’t sure it would ever be enough.
We were both breathing hard, chests heaving, and I wasn’t sure about Mason but my head was swimming. "What—" I said after several moments of silence.
Mason’s chest rose and fell, his nostrils flaring. Without a word, he turned and fled to the bedroom, shutting the door behind him with a quiet click.
I stood, frozen to the spot for a few seconds, before remembering there were frozen foods on the floor waiting to be put away.
Once that was done, I started making dinner, frozen pizza in the oven along with a quick salad.
Eventually, just as I was taking the pizza out of the oven, Mason emerged from the bedroom, eyes red.
"Can we talk?"
I nodded. "Of course."
"This way." He led me outside and to the dock, where he sat on the edge, dipping his bare feet into the water.
The sun had fully set and thousands of stars illuminated the night sky.
I sat next to him and looked up, trying to find the few constellations I knew—Orion, the dippers, sometimes if I was lucky, the Leo constellation. I waited for Mason to speak.
"I don’t know where to start."
Wordlessly, I waited.
His tone was soft, his voice wavering as he spoke. "I’m straight."
"I know." Did I know? Could either of us pretend to be straight anymore?
"I… don’t." He eased down onto his back, looking up at the stars. "I don’t know anymore. I thought I was but…"
"That’s okay. You don’t have to have all the answers, you know."
"Yeah." He didn’t sound convinced. "Are you? Straight, I mean?"
I heaved a big sigh and settled down beside him. We stared up at the stars in silence, feet dangling off the edge of the dock, toes in the water. When I was finally ready to answer, I turned my head to face him. "I don't know either."
A ghost of a smile crossed his face. "Glad it's not just me." He hesitated. "Have you ever… done anything with another guy? Besides kissing, I mean."
I chuckled softly and shook my head. "Have you?"
"Just the one kiss." He shrugged. "Like I said, it wasn't a big deal."
"Is… this a big deal?" I gestured between us.
"Yeah," he whispered with a nod.
My stomach roiled with nerves. It wasn't the answer I'd expected, but it was the one I'd hoped for. I reached between us and took his hand. "Is this okay?"
Mason laced his fingers with mine in response.
We were quiet for a long time. The only sound was the bullfrogs croaking in the dark and the occasional buzz of a mosquito that I used my free hand to shoo away.
Mason's breathing was deep and even and he was still for a long time while we lay there, holding hands under the stars like teenagers.
Just when I started to wonder if he had fallen asleep, Mason spoke again.
"Em? Are you… are you mad that I kissed you? Is it weird? Because I don't want to fuck up our friendship, and whatever this is, it would be fine if we had to put it behind us. Right now, if you say the word. I can sleep on the sofa or something."
“No. It’s…" I released his hand and rolled to my side to face him. “Why did you do it?”
He turned to look at me and shook his head. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Try me.”
“I—” He swallowed and took a breath. “I saw something that made me think of you. Like, differently.”
“Something I did?”
“No,” he said in a hurry. “I’m not doing a very good job of explaining this, I guess. I saw—this is embarrassing.”
“It’s okay,” I reassured him.
“I saw a guy who looked like you in a porn I was watching. Like… a gay porn. And, I don’t know, I can’t stop thinking about it. About you. Like that.”
I inhaled deeply, parsing my feelings about his confession. “Do you—are you saying you want us to sleep together?”
“No,” he blurted again. “No. I just meant… I don’t know.
Things changed for me after that. About you.
I got curious. And then, I liked it. I mean, I really liked it.
Like I said, though, I don’t want to fuck things up with our friendship.
So if this is weird, or too much, or whatever, I get it.
We can pretend it never happened. Go back to normal. Is that what you want?”
I thought for a long minute. Was that what I wanted? Something had shifted in me, especially since that first kiss. My chest constricted as I let myself imagine kissing him again.
I shook my head. “That’s not what I want.” And then, I pulled him in for a kiss.
Mason inhaled and immediately leaned into it.
The kiss wasn't as tentative as before. Instead, it was tinged with the confidence that came with getting consent, knowing your partner wanted it, too.
We kissed, long and slow, tongues dragging along one another, exploring.
He tugged me closer and we rolled until I was straddling him, the same way I had the night before.
I was hard, my cock pressing against his pelvis, his erection doing the same to me.
Without thinking, I thrust my hips, chasing the heat banking in my groin.
He moaned under me, moving his hands to cup my ass and urging me on. His body rocked up to meet mine. Before I knew it, an orgasm was drawing near. I pulled away, breaking the kiss and sitting up.
"What's wrong?" His eyes were wide in the moonlight, dark and hungry.
I ran my fingers through my hair, panting hard. "I was… I mean, I didn't want to…" I gestured vaguely down at my erection, clearly evident through my shorts. "I was close."
He laughed shakily. "Me too."
"Now what?"
He was quiet for a moment before shrugging reluctantly. "I like what we’re doing.”
“But?” I prompted after a second.
“But I’m not sure I’m ready to… you know. Go further.”
I nodded, relieved. “Same.”
“We should probably turn in for the night. Tomorrow is day one for the roof."
"And sleeping arrangements?"
Mason smiled softly, a little uncertainly. "Whatever you want."