41. Chapter 41
Chapter forty-one
Quinn
The front shots took seemingly forever to snag. Either that, or Quinn was just anxious for the cameras to shut off so he could talk with Jake in…private wasn’t the right way to put it, with so many others still around. But at least talk to him without everything being recorded.
Eventually, once they’d gone through rounds of goodbyes and mimed driving away and everyone had pulled back up in front of the house, the production crew started tearing down and packing up the last of their presence, including the lav mics everyone was wearing. As soon as Quinn handed his over, he beelined to Jake, his stomach knotting around itself so tightly that, if nothing else, he knew he wouldn’t vomit from his nerves. There was no way anything was getting past that clot of tension.
When Jake saw him, he blinked, then smiled, but something was off. Quinn wasn’t going to pretend at any sort of real familiarity with Jake’s expressions, but this wasn’t right. His eyes were darker and more unfocused. He wasn’t showing any teeth. And if Quinn was a betting man, he’d have guessed Jake lost a good bit of color on seeing him.
Quinn pushed past the nerves long enough to struggle out a sentence. “You want to try out those benches on the back deck?”
“Someone should.” Still that fake smile as he got up and followed behind. Quinn pushed open the gate and strolled across the yard, trying his best to be casual, to look like he was checking out the landscaping.
When they got to the porch and sat, neither of them said anything for a while. A long while. Too long a while.
“Listen—”
“So I—”
Quinn chuckled. “Go ahead.”
“No.” Jake shook his head, sending his hair in a floppy cascade around his head. “I don’t really know what I was going to say, there. Just filling space.”
Quinn nodded. “Right. Well. Listen. I…thank you. For the house, and the time together, and the bath. And for listening to me whine about Hunter and my job. Not a whole lot of people in my life willing to put up with that.”
Jake’s jaw tightened. “You need a better quality of person in your life. You deserve to be able to talk about things. You deserve…a lot. But that’s a good place to start.” His face relaxed just a little, but he didn’t go back to smiling. “Sorry. That might be intense. But you shouldn’t have to thank people for giving you basic decency. That should be the default. Guys who are lucky enough to get to spend time with you should be able to see how lucky they are.” He sighed. “So thank you for letting me in. I know it was a risk. And it maybe didn’t end the most awesome. But you made Springfield a hell of a lot better for me.”
“You made this whole thing a hell of a lot better.” Quinn hesitated a moment, then slid a little closer so their hips were touching. “I’ve been dreading this all day. I don’t think I want you to go. And that’s not me trying to guilt you. But…” He trailed off, then shrugged. “I don’t know what it is. I hate the idea of coming to this house and you not being around to play video games and talk to me about my job and eat crappy frozen food like a bunch of teenagers whose parents left town for the weekend.”
There. It’s all out.
Jake drummed his fingertips on the bench for a little bit, then turned his gaze up toward the corrugated metal ceiling of the deck. When he spoke, it was soft, barely audible in spite of them being right next to each other. “I’d like that. But is that realistic? Are we just having puppy love that we’re going to get over? And even if it’s real, what’s the real-life side of everything?” He turned his head so he was looking Quinn straight on, and that’s when Quinn saw the glisten in his eyes. No tears falling, but certainly wetness. “I liked being young and playful with you. I want to do it more. Plus the other stuff, like the bathtub. But we live halfway across the country from each other. I’m on the road for who knows how long with this show. Especially if it gets renewed, since it looks like we didn’t implode.”
“I know all that. I can still want you here, even if it doesn’t make sense.”
“But what if you get hurt again? Or what if we try a long distance thing, and it turns out that hurts you worse?” Softly, he stroked a hand across Quinn’s cheek, lingering briefly by his ear each time he pushed his fingertips back. “You’ve been through a lot. You’re raw from your grandpa dying, and this whole thing probably kicked up so much shit for you. Now you’re going to be in his house?” Jake shook his head. “You deserve a lot of things. But one of those is a guy who isn’t going to hurt you. Whether he means to or not.” Jake patted his cheek, then stood up. “We’re going to get the crew together to help you move stuff before we head out.”
He’s pulling away. Panic rose and Quinn opened his mouth, not even sure what was about to come out. “What if a guy is hurting me by trying to protect me?”
Jake froze, back turned to Quinn. Then his shoulders drooped. He didn’t turn around, but he did raise his voice to a normal level again. “Then that guy’s going to feel pretty crappy about hurting you. Doesn’t change the reality.” He looked over his shoulder, eyes now ringed red and damp. “Try to act like everything’s good when we go to your apartment, yeah? I’m sorry about everything. I’ll stop hurting you soon.”
He strode off and Quinn bolted after him, but stopped himself. I can’t say the right thing around him. What the fuck is wrong with me? He didn’t want to consider that maybe there was no right thing to say.
He leaned against one of the support beams and stared at the ground, trying to control the tossing and churning in his belly. And he almost missed the voice coming up behind him. “Hey. Quinn.” It sounded like it was coming from a half mile away, not just through the back door.
But he did hear it and slowly turned. Ozzy walked up, a frown on his face. Quinn shook his head. “What’s up?”
“You were talking with Jake. I didn’t hear anything.” He spat out the second sentence as fast as he could. “I just saw you two on the deck. I was coming out to take one last look around the yard, see if anything needed adjusting or attending or whatever.” He sucked on his teeth and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his overalls. “Didn’t have to eavesdrop to figure out that maybe the conversation didn’t end ideally.”
“Bully for you.”
“I’m not here to poke the bear. I just…man, I don’t know, is there anything I can do? You’re a cool dude, and in spite of any evidence to the contrary, I care about Jake. He’s pretty attached to you, and neither of you look super happy joy-joy at the prospect of being apart.”
“Great observation.” Quinn sucked in a deep breath through his nose and blew it out his mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a dick. But I don’t think this is the sort of thing anyone’s going to be able to fix up.”
Ozzy bobbed his head side-to-side. “I don’t know. I just want to help do something before we head off to Michigan.”
That sparked off in Quinn’s brain. “Michigan? Where in Michigan?”
“Little town down in the south part. Three Rivers?”
Quinn slipped out his phone and typed in the name, looking it up, checking the distance. A plan shoved itself together in his mind and he couldn’t help but smile. “There might be something you can do. It’s…out there.”