43. Chapter 43
Chapter forty-three
Quinn
Quinn didn’t even decide on shouting, it just came out in a panic as Jake’s back got smaller and farther away.
Jake stopped, then turned, his brows furrowing. “Everything okay?”
Quinn walked out the door, across the porch, and down the front steps until he was right next to Jake, looking him directly in the eye in the gloaming. His stomach twisted and churned and he swallowed hard. If he did this, he opened himself up somehow even more than he had earlier. He could hurt. He would have to be honest.
The idea of letting Jake leave when Quinn had a plan and could see him, touch him, smell him…that would be worse pain.
“Send the car away. Stay. Talk. Other stuff.” Quinn tried to put on his best smile, but could tell it was strained, probably looked incredibly desperate. Since it was. “Just come in.”
Jake stared at him, eyes wide. “I have to go. We’re leaving in the morning.”
“When do you have to be there?”
“What?”
Quinn sighed. “You’re going to Three Rivers, Michigan, right? It’s a five-hour drive. So what time do you have to be there?”
Jake blinked, chuckled, shook his head, then repeated, “What?”
Quinn sighed and let his shoulders drop, grabbed Jake’s hand and squeezed. “Just pay for the ride, send them away, and we’ll talk. Please.”
A moment.
A second.
Jake held up the finger on his free hand, then pulled out of Quinn’s grip and headed for the car sitting there with its headlights on. A few seconds later, the car pulled off and Jake walked back up. “Let’s talk.”
“Okay.” He grabbed Jake’s hand again and led him inside, past the living room, and into that gaming room that Jake had taken so much responsibility over. Quinn sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to him.
When Jake sat, Quinn sighed. “I don’t want this to be over.”
“Neither do I. But come on, Quinn. This isn’t going to work out, and it sucks, but we need to be realistic about it.”
“Why?” Quinn smacked the back of the couch. “Why do we have to be realistic? I’m happy when I’m around you, and I like being happy. I’m not happy with the idea of you leaving and never seeing you again. If that’s reality, then I don’t fucking like reality.” It was time to lay it all bare, put himself on the line. No more holding back his emotions, since that wasn’t making him feel any better. “Can’t we try?”
“Quinn…do you really want that? If you’re totally honest with yourself, do you want to risk it?”
“Do I want it? Jake, this wasn’t exactly a sneaky, subtle plan. I gave Ozzy my phone so we could have a chance to really talk.”
“I kind of figured. But Quinn, with everything that happened with you and Hunter, and how many times we’ve already been up in the air—”
“It’s been tumultuous because I’ve been up my own butt with worries. I’m putting them aside. You’re worth it.” Tears prickled and Quinn let them, allowed them to drip down his cheeks. Not sobbing, but no longer trying to hold back his emotions. There was no point. There was every reason to just let go. “I don’t want to say goodbye without giving this a real try.”
Jake closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He spoke while they were still shut. “Quinn, what’s the plan? It’s not like I’m against a relationship with you. But I’m in Washington. You’re in Illinois. I have to travel all over the country for this show. You work from home, but you still have to be able to go into the office.” He opened his eyes, and they were such a dark, sorrowful blue, his gaze weighing heavily on Quinn. “How does any of it work past tonight? Or past tomorrow if I let you drive me to the shoot?”
“Maybe it wouldn’t. But I want to find out.” Quinn sighed. “It’s not so far that I couldn’t make the drive while you’re working up in Michigan. At least once a week. If your next stop is close enough, I can make that trip. I suddenly don’t have rent. No mortgage. I can fly out if it’s too far to drive. And since your job is on the road now…” He pointed straight above himself, and suddenly couldn’t hold eye contact with Jake. “There’s a king-sized bed, and I have plenty of room in my dresser. The gaming room’s big enough for two. Obviously. You wouldn’t get your own bathroom, but if that’s the deal breaker, then this really never was going to work out anyway.”
Quinn let the implications hang, only glancing sidelong at Jake a few times. His eyebrows were almost touching, he was furrowing so hard. When he did find his voice, it was halting and coarse, rumbling out in a way that did extremely pleasant things to Quinn. It took a lot of effort to keep from getting distracted.
“You…want me to…am I understanding this? Are you saying I should move in?”
Quinn nodded, still not looking at him straight on. “I’m saying it’s an option. I basically have a new house. Neither of us need to worry about commuting to a day job, right? There’s always work for carpenters if the show doesn’t last.”
Jake blew out a long breath and ran his fingers back through his hair, mussing it and stretching his face. “That’s a hell of a proposition.” He leaned a little bit forward, looking at Quinn dead on. “What if I do it and we hate each other?”
“Well, what are you doing with your house back in Pine Point right now?”
“Renting it. Local kid who wanted some freedom from her parents, they thought it was a good idea to give her a taste of all that adult life bullshit so she’s not totally caught off guard.”
“Any way you could just keep renting it out for a little bit? Then there’s a ripcord you can pull if it turns out we’re not good together.” Quinn shifted his weight, moved a little closer to Jake, so their legs were just shy of touching. “I think we will be. And I think you think that, too.”
Finally, Jake grinned. “I do.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tapped over the screen a few times. “We’re due to get to Three Rivers at three tomorrow afternoon. If you really want to drive me.”
It worked. It actually worked. Quinn couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he took in Jake, grinning on his couch in his new game room, the tension…not gone, but certainly suppressed. Lessened. Would it work out between them if they tried this? Quinn couldn’t say because no one could say.
He stood, then took Jake’s hand, rubbing his thumb along Jake’s rough calluses and hard knuckles. “I can only think of one thing I’d want to do more than drive to Michigan with you tomorrow.”
With a slight pull, he got Jake to his feet and they headed out of the room and up the stairs.