Chapter 7 - Jackson
Viridian Falls is a small town with enough secrets of its own. When I really think about it, I’m kind of glad I’m not just adding one more. Sure, the choice of coming out to the whole damn town was taken from me, but I would’ve eventually done it on my own.
Not that it makes it okay.
However, I didn’t expect that coming out as bisexual would throw a wrench into the well-oiled machine of my life.
My girlfriend dumped me because, apparently, I can’t just be a bisexual man in a happy, committed relationship with a woman.
The school has turned against me, rumors following me everywhere.
I’m getting in fucking fights.
I would’ve thought after leaving high school, I wouldn’t have to deal with bullies. Unfortunately, that’s not always true, especially when it comes to small schools in small towns. Even more so when most of the students are here because of mommy’s or daddy’s money.
My professor who I once respected isn’t who I thought he was.
It’s been two weeks since he reported me to the disciplinary committee where I had to appear with my pride broken and my lip busted.
I probably would’ve been expelled if it wasn’t for my own father’s influence and hefty checks.
Instead, I was suspended for a week while Pierce walked away scot-free—minus the black eye I gave him—despite the fact the fucker started it.
I guess it helps when your daddy is on the tenure committee and a certain professor is afraid of losing his tenure.
Of course, I’m convinced there’s more to it than that.
On top of it all, I’ve moved three times in the past month.
I moved back in with my dick of a dad a couple of weeks ago after our tense dinner the night of my fight with Pierce.
My father barely looked up when I walked into the restaurant. He was already on his second glass of wine, his phone face up beside the silverware so he could keep an eye on it if work called. The waiter pulled out a chair for me, and I sat across from him, trying to ignore the way he eyed my lip.
“What happened there?” he asked, his voice carrying that tired edge it usually does when he’s been working too much. Which is pretty much all the time.
“Got in a fight,” I said, snagging a piece of bread and a butter knife to give myself something to do with my hands.
He raised an eyebrow. “A fight. In college.”
“Apparently I’m still capable of bad decisions.”
He nodded slowly like he agreed all too easily. “And who started it?”
I huffed out a bitter laugh. Of course that’s all he’d be worried about.
“Does it matter?”
“It always matters.” He took a sip of his wine. “Especially when it comes to appearances.”
That was his way of saying, How dare you embarrass me.
We ate in silence for a while, the clink of silverware the only sound between us. The restaurant was one of those upscale places he likes—white tablecloths, low lighting, everything designed to look elegant and effortless.
It had been so long since we went out, and it reminded me of the dinners he used to treat Mom and me to.
After holding off for as long as I could, until we were nearly finished with our meals, I cleared my throat. “Listen, um…things with Molly are over.”
He looked up then, frowning. “Your girlfriend?”
“Ex-girlfriend,” I corrected. “We broke up a few days ago.”
“Why?”
“Long story,” I said, refusing to come out to him tonight. Or maybe ever. “Anyway, I’ve been crashing at Bodie’s place, but it’s pretty crowded over there with him and his roommate.”
His fork paused halfway to his mouth. “You want to move back into the house.”
“Just until I figure things out.”
He leaned back in his chair, studying me like I was a case file. “You’re not sixteen anymore, Jackson. You can’t just come home every time something doesn’t go your way.”
“I’m not trying to run away from anything. I’m just kind of out of options here, and I guess I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind helping me out.”
His eyes narrowed. “Don’t take that tone with me.”
“Then don’t treat me like I’m still a kid.”
The silence that followed was thick and heavy, stretching until the waiter came to refill our water glasses. My father’s jaw was tight when he finally spoke again.
“If you’re coming home,” he said firmly, “you’ll pull your weight. You won’t get into any more fights. You’ll be careful who you associate with.” He says the next part softer, as though he’s speaking more to himself than to me. “I’d hate to see history repeat itself.”
My grip on my napkin in my lap tightened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Some people have a habit of dragging others down with them.” He picked up his wine glass again. “I know you think you can see through people, but you’re still young. You have a lot to figure out.”
I stared at him, my chest tight. I wanted to ask what he meant, but I didn’t. Because every time I thought I understood my father, he’d find a new way to remind me that I didn’t know shit about the world he lived in.
By the time the check came, neither of us had said another word.
I spent that weekend moving back into my old room. If my dad had heard about me coming out, he hasn’t let on. Last week, we got into it for the hundredth time about something I can’t even remember now, so I spent the past few days moving yet again, this time out into the guesthouse.
That’s why I’m so fucking exhausted while sitting in my world literature class this morning.
It’s all I can do to keep my eyes open while Professor Kendall rattles on about Gilgamesh.
I never used to have a problem staying awake before, especially in his class.
I always loved to just listen to him speak, his voice deep and passionate and assertive.
“Mr. Ellis.”
My spine jerks up straight, my eyes flying open. One of my books slips off the desk and lands with a resounding thud on the floor. Quiet laughter drifts through the small lecture hall, surrounding me from all sides. My cheeks heat as my gaze meets Professor Kendall’s at the front of the room.
“Now that you’ve had your nap,” he says, the hard look in his eyes giving away that he’s less than amused, “can you please tell me and the thirty-seven other students in this room who are actually awake what Enlil’s reason was for destroying humankind with a flood?”
I shrug. “They were having too much sex?”
The laughter around me returns, louder this time. Professor Kendall’s eyes grow darker, his mouth set in a firm line.
“Wrong book, Mr. Ellis. Wrong story as well. I believe you’re thinking of Sodom and Gomorrah. In The Epic of Gilgamesh, the god Enlil decides to destroy the mortals because of all their noise.”
“They could’ve been having really loud sex.”
It’s pretty clear that everyone in the room finds me hilarious except for Professor Kendall. His expression doesn’t change, though a faint muscle in his jaw ticks. The laughter in the room is tinged with tension this time, like maybe they’re all wondering what’s changed between us.
If only they knew.
Okay, so the truth is that I knew the correct answer. There’s just something about pushing his buttons that’s suddenly so satisfying. Maybe the rest of the class is laughing at me instead of with me, but at this point, I don’t care.
Since my suspension ended, my attitude has shifted, especially around him. Everything else has fallen apart around me, so even school feels less important.
Even still, I don’t regret being honest. I refuse to be afraid of being who I am.
I had my shit together once. Maybe I can do it again.
However, judging by the way my teacher is still shooting daggers at me with his eyes, he doesn’t believe I can.
The respect I once had for the man has all but vanished, and I think I hate him a little.
“Since you have such strong opinions on the subject, Mr. Ellis, I’d love to read about them in the form of a five-page essay.” His hazel eyes pin me in place, daring me to give him a reason to make my punishment even worse. “On my desk by the end of the week.”
Yup. He definitely hates me now too.
A few weeks ago, no one would’ve called me a troublemaker.
Because I wasn’t. Even though Pierce and his big mouth started that fight, I could’ve handled it better, but I was on edge after everything that happened with Molly.
And ever since Professor Kendall walked in on it, something has clearly crawled up his ass.
I guess I did feel a bit betrayed that the teacher I respected and admired most at the school suddenly had it out for me and turned me in so easily.
First he reported me to the disciplinary committee—only me and not Pierce too even though we were both in that fight—and now this?
Any fucks I had to give before just kind of flew out the window.
Yet, here I am, dutifully working on that damn paper out of pure spite instead of telling him to shove it up his ass along with whatever stick is up there.
Habits are difficult to break.
I hate that I still have this urge to be good.
When there’s a knock at the door of the guesthouse, I set my laptop on the small oak coffee table and get off the couch. I open the door and realize I completely forgot to let Erin and Bodie know I couldn’t hang out for our regular weekly movie night.
Oh well. Fuck it.
I open the door wider, and Erin walks in with a six pack of soda, Bodie following after her with a giant pizza box.
“Man, you’ve got it made here,” Bodie says as he drops the box on the table beside my laptop. “Good riddance, honestly. It’s like you have your own house out here.”
“It’s still on my dad’s property,” I point out. “But, yeah, it’s not so bad.”
My dad argued with me about moving out of the main house and into this one.
I would think it was because he feels lonely in that big house all by himself and was actually starting to enjoy having a little company, but, well…
my father doesn’t really do human emotions besides conceit, disdain, and a little rage.