Chapter Twenty Four #2
Could I leave Abby? Could I stay here? Do I even want to?
Kade crosses his arms and looks away, bearded jaw ticking. “And then it’s back to New York.”
The words sound like they were dragged over gravel.
“Are you…” My eyes narrow, my heart skipping a beat or five at his tone. “Are you mad at me?”
The thought makes my stomach hollow out and nausea crawl up my throat.
“No,” he mutters, sounding very much mad.
I press a hand to his arm and his gaze snaps back to mine so fast, I drop it. He snatches it back up and uses the grip to tug me forward. I stumble into his body with a sharp inhale.
“You didn’t keep up your end of the deal, darlin’,” he rumbles, throwing me for a damn loop.
I feel like I have whiplash. “You were cryin’ because my family made you sad.
Made you think of all the shit you’ve lost, right?
” His Adam's apple bobs as he drops his voice and presses a hand to my chest, right over my heart.
“You ran and hid away because this hurt too much to stay. Right?”
Why does it feel like he’s not just talking about right now? Why does it feels like he sees me? Sees the parts I try to hide?
The ugly, painfully accurate, truth.
Nodding, I press my palm to his own heart. “And you came in here, eyes shadowed and haunted because this was too heavy. Because the way they love you is too much, and you…” My eyes search his, and, God, it feels like looking in a mirror. “And you don’t think you deserve it.”
Kade groans low in his throat, rough and pained and so fucking tortured; I feel it down to my marrow. His hand slides from my chest, up my throat, into my hair, and threads through the strands, thumb brushing my temple. “And this? What caused this hurt?”
My lip twitches, cheeks burning red hot.
I should have clarified earlier—when he was vibrating with anger and looked seconds from razing the world in my honor. But fuck, I just couldn’t. It was too damn hot.
He’s too damn hot.
“A baby,” I murmur, full on smiling at the confused look on his face. “I was doing a home inspection today, and a baby chucked his full bottle directly at my head.”
His hand stills on my face, eyes widening before settling on the bruise. It hurts, just not nearly as badly as it looks like it does.
“But it’s so dark,” he says. “Looks like someone clocked you.”
“Oh, he sure did.” I chuckle, biting the inside of my cheek. “And I bruise easily. It’s part of my auto-immune disorder. My iron and vitamin K levels drop when I’m flaring. Comes with the territory.”
Kade stares at the bruise for a long time before leaning forward and brushing his lips against it. His beard tickles my skin, but I love the feeling too much to move, or barely breathe.
The gesture is so soft, so sweet, I tear up all over again.
When he pulls back, we lock eyes and suddenly, everything around me disappears.
His gaze flicks to my lips, mine to his, and as one, we lean in—a magnet I can’t seem to escape pulling us closer and closer—until his breath ghosts my skin.
Our confessions still sit heavy in my heart—the feel of his pain lingering like a physical touch, just like the memory of how it felt to kiss him.
Kissing Kade Archer was like coming up for air after drowning on my own for too damn long. There hasn’t been a day—or even an hour—when I haven’t thought about how it felt: the way he tastes, the delicious burn of his beard against my skin.
I want him— desperately .
Crave him with every cell in my body.
My brain riots and screams, telling me this is dangerous, that I’m getting too close, that I’m falling for someone I can’t have, someone who’s rooted in a place I won’t stay.
A man whose life is changing, whose heart is…
Whose heart is taken .
A man who changed everything he is for the woman he loved enough to build a house for her. This house. And maybe the plans didn’t turn out the way he thought—maybe the baby isn’t his by blood, but Aurora is his now.
And Marlee, she’s the ghost lining every wall, every shadow I’ll never escape.
When he walks in this room, is it her he sees? When he falls asleep in bed, is it her he wishes were next to him?
And those dreams… those dirty, filthy, too-hot for my system to handle, dreams…
Those were about her .
It’s too much, too scary, and I…
I’m not cut out for that. I’ve had enough of it. I can’t do it again. I can’t be someone’s replacement while they wait for their forever. And I can’t fill the impossible shoes of a dream he never got to finish.
“You,” I choke out, pulling back, brain grasping for straws, for anything to save me from the storm of emotions battering inside me. “Your side of the deal. You never… you didn’t…”
Kade’s eyes narrow like he knows what I’m doing, but he doesn’t call me out on it. Instead, he tucks my hair behind my ear and nods.
“You wanna know if I hate you. If the reason I want you so fuckin’ bad is some misguided attempt at hate sex. You think this…”
He grabs my hand and drags it between us, pressing my palm against his very hard, very large erection. My breath catches, eyes widening, and because he’s a cocky asshole—even now, he rolls his hips and pins me in place with his hard stare.
“You think I’m this goddamn hard because you’re someone I’ll be able to fuck out of my system.”
He clicks his tongue and shakes his head, but doesn’t release my hand, and thank fuck, because I don’t want him to. He feels too good, too hot and hard and perfect, and suddenly, my confused system rages against the idea of putting a stop to whatever this is.
“That what you think, darlin’?”
“Honestly?” I breathe, dazed.
He jerks a nod. “All I ever want from you.”
“Yes,” I whisper, heart thudding. “Yes. I think you just want to fuck me. And…” I lick my dry lips, but it doesn’t help. “I think once you fuck me, you’ll forget about me, and Kade, as much as I wish I could, that’s not me.”
His brows pinch and he drops my hand, releasing me. “How the fuck could I forget you, freckles?”
I scoff, yanking on my hair, hands shaking.
“It’s easy. Trust me. Give it some time, and it’ll happen.” It always does. “Either way, it doesn’t matter. Whatever this is…” I gesture between us, stepping away, needing an escape, to run far and fast. “It can’t happen. I already told you that.”
“And I already told you it’s too damn late. It’s already happening.”
Please don’t push me.
“It can’t!”
I’m already in too deep.
“Why the fuck not?”
Because I’ll fall in love with you.
“Because I’m leaving, for starters,” I snap, chest heaving. “In four months, I’ll be gone.”
“And? We have right now.”
I gape up at him, my entire body trembling. What the hell is he talking about? His face is tense, serious . He’s not fucking around. He really means to pursue… something , with me.
“And what about Aurora, Kade?” I ask, temper and anxiety rising by the second.
He shrugs. “I told you, I see somethin’ I want, nothing stands in my way.
Aurora is mine now. In a few days, she’ll be with me and I’ll take care of her.
I’ll be there for that little girl every damn day.
Won’t let her feel a second of the loss she’s had.
But that doesn’t mean I’ll stop living. Doesn’t mean I have any intention of being alone. ”
My mouth opens and closes, once, twice. And, shit, the room actually spins.
Kade steps closer slowly, like he knows I’m easy to spook.
“You see, darlin’, I’ve been alone. I’ve fought my demons in the dark for years.
I buried my dreams with my dad, and for a while, I stopped living, content to punish myself.
But I’m done with that. I can’t do it anymore.
Somewhere along the way since you walked through my door, I remembered what it was like to breathe, and I’ll be fucked if I give it up now. ”
“You’re insane,” I mutter, shaking my head. “Whatever you’re thinking… it’s… insane and impossible.”
“And you’re making excuses.”
“What the hell are you even suggesting? Friends with benefits? Fuck buddies?”
Surely it can’t be anything more than that. We barely know each other.
He scoffs, ruffling his messy hair. “I’m thirty-one years old. The only friends I have are in the next fuckin’ room, and I sure as hell don’t think of them the way I think of you, freckles. And fuck buddies? Never been one for that kinda arrangement. Still ain’t.”
“Then…” My hands flail. “Then what ?”
“I don’t know!” he barks, chest heaving. “I don’t know. All I know is that I want you.”
I shake my head and step back, trembling hand wrapping around the door handle. My shoulders fall, breath heaving from my lungs. “And that answers all my questions. You don’t care about me. You don’t have feelings for me. You just want .”
Tugging the door open, I turn, give him back and whisper the deepest truth of all.
“And wanting—” My voice cracks, but I force the words out anyway. “Wanting’s never gotten me anything but heartache. So forgive me if I don’t run toward it like it’s something good.”