Chapter 19 #2
Once more, I try to get my head back into the story, but it’s no good.
The conversation with Angus has thoroughly unsettled me, and I’m not going to get any work done until I’ve decompressed from that, at least. And then there’s the conversation I know I need to have with Finn.
Liv may like to trot out her little sayings, but do I really have the courage to tell Finn how I feel, especially when I’m not completely sure myself?
I think the last time I actually took the reins and told a boy I liked him was in secondary school.
I shudder as I cast my mind back. I was so sure he was as into me as I was him, but he just looked really embarrassed and tried to let me down gently.
Ugh. There’s no way I could go through that again.
But then, what if Liv is right? There was all that stuff in the car where he said I was out of his league and had no idea how attractive I was.
That must mean he’s attracted to me, mustn’t it?
I try to picture myself in a relationship with him, and it’s actually not that hard.
I mean, I can’t imagine what having sex with him would be like, but that’s mainly because the idea of having sex with anyone new fills me with anxiety.
Shit. Maybe Liv is right and I am repressed.
I sigh. Whatever happens, I need to know how he feels. Even if he can’t find the words and I have to kiss the truth out of him, I will. Actually, I could do that. Liv may think we’re strictly PG, but I enjoyed both of our kisses yesterday. With renewed energy, I get to my feet to go to find him.
To my surprise, Finn’s not in his usual spot on the bench in the vegetable garden, so I continue round, checking the other places where tables and chairs have been laid out.
Suzie and Grace are in their usual places and shoot me their customary hostile gazes as I pass.
I still have no idea what either of them are writing, but their absolute loyalty to Gina means that I’m unlikely to break any ice with either of them while she persists in her hatred of me.
However, the next sight I come across does cause me to break my stride.
Gina and Lynette are sitting on a bench in the sunlight, apparently engaged in a deep conversation.
From their facial expressions, it’s not hostile either.
Curiosity gets the better of me and I decide to approach.
‘Hi,’ I say as they look up. ‘I don’t suppose either of you have seen Finn, have you?’
‘I haven’t, I’m sorry.’ Gina’s voice is as unexpected as her expression. There’s no animosity in it at all.
‘OK, thanks,’ I tell her. ‘It’s nice to see you two seemingly getting along,’ I add.
‘I’m helping Gina with a scene in her book,’ Lynette tells me.
The surprise must show on my face as Gina smiles. ‘There’s, umm, a liaison,’ she explains. ‘Tess felt strongly that it could be improved with some input from Lynette and, much as I hate to admit it, she has been extremely useful.’
‘The only thing we’re struggling with is the terminology. How would the Tudors describe an erection? It’s not something I’ve ever had to think about before.’
‘Tumescence?’ I offer.
Lynette smiles. ‘Nice. The sex itself is fairly straightforward, I think.’
‘I agree,’ Gina says to her. ‘They weren’t really into foreplay and he’s pretty pent up, so I think a few thrusts and it would all be over.’
‘Disappointing for her,’ Lynette observes.
‘Yes, but there’s another place that Tess thought I could perhaps insert a slightly more romantic encounter. If you’re interested, we could look at that once we’ve sorted this bit.’
‘Of course. I’d be delighted.’
‘I’ll leave you to it,’ I tell them.
‘We’ll tell Finn you’re looking for him if we see him,’ Lynette calls after me.
Today just keeps bringing the surprises, I think as I head for the house.
Of all the things I never thought I’d see, Lynette and Gina being civil and working together pretty much tops the list. I don’t know how Tess managed to persuade her, but if it’s going to thaw the frost between the two of them, that can only be a good thing.
Finn isn’t in the library either, so I head for his room, knocking tentatively on the door.
‘Who is it?’ he calls.
‘Me. Can I come in?’
‘Sure.’
I open the door, only to find yet another surprise. Finn is sitting at his desk, with a laptop in front of him and papers strewn everywhere. On the bed, his case is open and half-packed.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask.
‘I spoke to my agent earlier,’ he tells me, his face alive with excitement. ‘He’s got me a pitching slot.’
‘That’s brilliant. Congratulations!’
‘Yeah. The only problem is it’s tomorrow, and I have to have everything ready by then.’
‘Tomorrow?’ I repeat.
‘Yeah. I’m booked on a late flight out of Toulouse tonight. There’s just so much to be done, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about working with TV companies, you don’t mess them about. If they offer you a pitching slot, you grab it with both hands.’
‘Oh, right.’ I’m unable to keep the disappointment out of my voice. ‘I was going to suggest a coffee break, but I’ll leave you to it.’
‘Sorry, Laura.’
Well, I guess that solves that, I think to myself as I go back down the stairs towards the garden.
There’s no point in opening up about our feelings when he’s about to disappear back to London.
I’m trying to be pleased for him, but all I can think about is my own sense of disappointment.
Maybe it’s for the best. I’m supposed to be here to work, after all, not get involved with someone.
I need to push these thoughts out of my head and focus on my book.
If only it were that easy. As I head back into the garden, I can’t help feeling that I’ve just missed out on something massive.