Chapter 28
‘Not that one,’ Liv says firmly as I come down the stairs for the second time.
‘Why? What’s wrong with it?’ I smooth the dress I’ve put on for my dinner with Finn.
To my surprise, he suggested coming down to Margate rather than meeting in London.
He’s obviously done his research too, as he’s booked a table at The Mermaid, arguably one of the best places to eat in the town at the moment.
‘Too floral. You look like a housewife from the fifties, not a siren.’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake.’ I turn on my heel and stomp back upstairs.
‘Put the yellow one on,’ Liv calls after me. ‘You always look great in that.’
‘He’s seen the yellow one. I wore it in France.’
‘He’s a man. He won’t remember, trust me. And put some better underwear on too. You need to maximise your assets.’
‘It’s just dinner, Liv,’ I call from my room as I pull the floral dress over my head, dumping it on the floor with the pile of other rejected outfits.
Who am I kidding, I think as I unfasten my bra and start rummaging in the drawer for the push-up one I bought on a mad whim last year.
I realise it’s not going to work as soon as I find it, however.
With a growl of frustration, I put the original bra back on and yank the yellow dress down over my body.
‘Better,’ Liv observes from the sofa when I reappear. ‘The bra still isn’t helping you though.’
‘Yeah, well, the only one that does is black, and that’s not going to work with this dress, is it.’
‘OK, fine.’ She sighs expressively and turns to Meg on the sofa next to her. ‘What do you think, Meggie? Do we sign Mummy off to go to meet this man looking like that?’
Meg is obviously uninterested in fashion as she doesn’t even look at me, instead opening an eye to peer at Liv, wagging her tail briefly in the hope that being spoken to means something good is going to happen to her, and then closing it again with a soft sigh when she realises it isn’t.
‘You’ll do,’ Liv says encouragingly after a moment. ‘Stop biting your lip though.’
‘It’s normal to be nervous. I haven’t been on a date since, well, I can’t remember. What if I’ve forgotten what to do?’
‘It’ll be fine. It’s not like you’re meeting a total stranger. This is the guy you spent hours just chatting to when you were away. If nothing else, you should be able to do that, no?’
I know she’s right, but that doesn’t alleviate the knot of nerves that’s formed in the pit of my stomach. Thankfully, before I can wind myself up any more, the doorbell rings, setting Meg off as usual.
I’m not sure what I’m expecting to feel as I open the door and see Finn standing there. Excitement? Relief? Like me, he’s made an effort, wearing a dark blue jacket over a white shirt and chinos, with polished brown brogues underneath. Like me, he looks a little nervous.
‘Hi,’ he says, making no move to embrace me.
‘Hi yourself.’ I smile at him, but it doesn’t feel natural at all.
Why isn’t this working? Is it because I’m struggling to reconcile the smartly dressed man in front of me with the casual guy I hung out with in France?
Maybe it’s the fact that he’s in my space now, rather than the comparatively neutral ground of L’Ancien Presbytère.
Whatever it is, something’s not quite right and, from the way he’s behaving, he feels it too.
‘Nice dog,’ he observes, bending down to stroke Meg, who is busily sniffing him. ‘Meg, isn’t it?’
‘That’s right. Well remembered.’
‘And this must be your housemate, Liv,’ he continues as she appears behind me. ‘I’m Finn. Lovely to meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you.’
‘Nice to meet you too,’ Liv replies warmly. I’m not looking at her, but I can sense her sizing him up. ‘I hope Laura said only good things about me.’
Finn smiles, but again it’s not the easy smile I’m used to seeing. ‘She did.’
‘Good,’ Liv tells him firmly. ‘She’d be looking for a new home for her and her mangy dog otherwise.’
Normally, I’d be straight in with some riposte, but I just feel self-conscious, so an awkward silence falls.
‘I guess we’d better, umm…’ Finn offers.
‘Yes,’ I agree hastily. ‘See you later, Liv.’
‘I won’t wait up!’ she calls after us. Finn doesn’t quite flinch at the implication, but I can tell it hasn’t helped. We haven’t even made it to the end of the road and this is already firmly in disaster date territory.
‘So, how have you been?’ Finn asks as we make our way along the sea front towards The Mermaid.
This is one of my favourite parts of Margate.
A lot of people are sniffy about it and, to be fair, the area round the beach is a little run down, but I always like to imagine what it must have been like in its heyday, when the trains down from London would have been packed with people excited by the prospect of a holiday by the sea.
So, for a moment, I don’t register that he’s spoken.
‘Sorry, what did you say?’
‘I was asking how you’d been.’ He stops and faces me. ‘Are you all right? You seem a little distracted.’
‘Sorry. I was just admiring the view.’
He looks around and, from the expression on his face, he’s not impressed by what he’s seeing. It feels like a rejection of my hometown and I’m a little irritated.
‘I’m fine. How are things with you?’ I ask, keen to get the conversation, such as it is, back on track.
‘Busy,’ he replies. ‘I’d forgotten how much work goes into taking a show from concept to reality. But it’s coming together really well and the production company have started recruiting contestants, so we should be ready to start filming soon.’
‘It must be so rewarding, seeing your ideas come to life in that way.’
‘No more rewarding than seeing your book in a bookshop, I’m sure. How’s that coming?’
‘Yes, good. I’m confident I’ll hit the deadline.’
‘I’m pleased for you.’
We lapse into silence again as we continue to walk.
I don’t know what he’s thinking about, but my mind is in turmoil.
The truth is that the book has hardly progressed at all since I’ve been home, and I’m in a complete panic about the deadline.
In France, I’d have been honest and told him that, so why did I lie?
Something’s definitely not right here, and I can feel my mood plummeting.
‘Tell me about this hotel,’ Finn says, finally breaking the silence. ‘One of my colleagues lived around here until recently and, when I mentioned to her that I was taking you out to dinner, she told me I absolutely had to book a table at The Mermaid.’
‘It is good,’ I tell him, relieved to be on safe ground conversationally at least. ‘In fact, it’s my go-to for any kind of celebration. Angus and I came here a few times.’
No sooner are the words out of my mouth than I’m regretting them. His face falls.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he says. ‘I never thought that this might bring up painful memories for you. Look, let me ring them and say something’s come up. We can get something else.’
‘It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have said anything. Don’t worry, there won’t be any painful memories dragged up. I’m over him, and the food really is superb. I’d challenge even Cara to match the standard of cooking.’
‘Would you go back to L’Ancien Presbytère, do you think?’
I consider the question for a moment. ‘Yes, probably. Preferably with a friendlier crowd though. What about you?’
‘Yes. I did enjoy it, even with the Double-Doubles giving me the evil eye all the time.’
Although I’m pleased that talking about our time in France seems to have loosened us up, there’s still an elephant in the room, namely Angus.
Do I tell him that Angus came out after he left?
I want to be honest, but I don’t know how Finn would react and I don’t want to cause any more awkwardness than there is already.
Thankfully, I’m able to shelve my dilemma, for the time being at least, when we arrive at The Mermaid.
Despite the nerves about seeing Finn, and the uncomfortable walk here, I’m starving and I desperately hope my stomach isn’t going to start rumbling as I peruse the menu.
‘You’re right, this is good,’ Finn observes as we take the first mouthfuls of our starters.
Frankly, I’m grateful for the distraction of the food.
Although the conversation does seem to have eased a little, it’s still not flowing naturally, and I’m no closer to deciding whether to tell Finn about Angus.
I don’t know why I’m finding it so hard; all I need to do is reassure him that I had no trouble rebuffing him.
I just feel weirdly guilty about it, for some reason, as if Angus and I were sneaking around behind his back.
‘That was lovely, thank you,’ I tell him when we arrive back at Liv’s house at the end of the evening.
He’s been a perfect gentleman and walked me home, even though it’s out of his way because we walked straight past the station on the way here.
I have enjoyed his company, but I can tell we’re both disappointed with the way the evening has turned out.
‘Do you want a coffee or anything?’ I ask, more out of politeness than a genuine desire for him to come in and prolong things.
‘No, thanks. I need to get to the station before the last train leaves.’
‘Of course.’ I reach up and kiss him chastely on the cheek. ‘It was lovely to see you. Thanks for coming down.’
‘It was the least I could do. I’ll be in touch with some dates for you to come and see the show being filmed, if you’d still like that.’
Would I? I’m so depressed about how this evening has gone that part of me just wants to crawl under the covers and forget Finn ever existed.
‘Yes, that would be great,’ my mouth says without asking my brain first. Typical Laura, I think. You’d rather put yourself through another excruciating non-date than risk offending him. I just don’t get it though. Why didn’t this work?
‘Only one set of footsteps,’ Liv’s voice calls from her room as I make my way up the stairs. ‘Disappointing.’
‘It was a fucking disaster,’ I reply morosely as I cross the landing. I’ve barely taken another step before her bedroom door bursts open and she emerges, wrapping me in a hug without seeming to break her stride.
‘In. Now,’ she commands, manhandling me towards her room. ‘Tell me what happened.’
‘It was just really, really awkward,’ I tell her as Donna moves her legs to make room for me to sit down on the side of the bed. ‘We barely had three words to say to each other.’
‘Hmm. Why do you think that is? You told me you never stopped talking when you were in France.’
‘That’s exactly it. Maybe it just doesn’t translate here.’
She thinks for a long time before speaking again. ‘I do have another theory, if you’re interested.’
‘Go on.’
‘You go to France. You meet him. You like him. Yes?’
‘Yes. Nothing new there.’
‘Then this old woman turns up and starts babbling at you about true love and all that.’
‘I’m not sure where you’re going with this.’
‘Bear with me. Basically everyone around you, including some random mad old woman and me, I’m ashamed to say, has been on your case about how you need to get together with Finn. Maybe we just put too much pressure on you.’
I take a moment to digest what she’s saying. ‘Maybe. But that doesn’t explain why he was so stilted. I’m sure I’d have relaxed if he’d been more like his usual self.’
‘Yes, but think about it. These things go two ways, don’t they? Maybe his mates have been pressurising him just as much as we have. We’ve all loaded so much expectation on the two of you that it was frankly impossible for you to live up to it.’
I smile ruefully. ‘Are you seriously trying to tell me that you believe yourself to be responsible for screwing up my love life?’
‘Not all by myself, no. But I think I may have contributed, and for that I’m sorry.’
‘Wow.’
‘The question is, how do we fix it?’
‘Talk to him?’ Donna suggests. ‘That’s usually what people say, isn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ Liv agrees. ‘But I’m not sure that’s the best approach in this instance.’
‘If you say “just get naked and jump his bones”, I’m going to bed,’ I tell her.
‘I wasn’t going to say that. You need to recreate the situation where you were comfortable with each other.’
‘Go back to France? How on earth am I meant to persuade him to do that? Besides, the retreat is over and Cara and Hugh probably have a new bunch of guests. That’s before we even get to the cost.’
‘No. It’s not about the place. It’s about you. You both need to rediscover the people you were out there. Maybe you just need to take the pressure off yourselves and let this grow organically. So, talk me through a typical day.’
‘Well, we’d walk into town in the morning.’
‘Yeah, that won’t work in the current circumstances. Next?’
‘We’d have coffee together mid-morning and chat about how we were getting on.’
She thinks for a while. ‘Do you know where his office is?’
‘No idea.’
‘Bugger.’
‘I could ask him?’
‘No. He’s like a car with a flat battery; we need the surprise to jump start him.’
‘I’m not turning up to his office looking like a stripper or anything, Liv.’
‘I wasn’t proposing that either. Stop being so prickly. You’re going to surprise him with a coffee and a delicious pastry, that’s all. The tricky bit is where and how. If you can’t go to him, we need a way to lure him back down here.’
‘And your plan is?’
‘No idea. Leave it with me though.’