Chapter 52
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
To Do:
- Send congratulations card to B&K
- Google William Hickory one more time
- Touch base with Darius
“I am telling you, ESA sent that fricken mountain lion.” Claire heaved her purse into the foyer. It fell over, and a thick envelope spilled out.
It was after midnight. After several hours of picking up trail decorations and making sure every vendor had been tipped appropriately, she was beyond ready to throw her useless body into bed. But there was still work to be done.
“What’s that?” Luke let Rosie off her leash, and she scampered over to the envelope and sat on it.
Claire released Winston, and he sniffed his way across the floor. “Cash tip. Apparently Brad has forgiven me for the salsa dancing snafu.”
Luke grunted. “You’re sure it had a bow around its neck? The light wasn’t great, and cats are spotted in the hills regularly.”
“You think I hallucinated a mountain lion wearing a bow?” She cocked an eyebrow.
“That’s not what I’m saying. Bed?”
She scoffed. “We have so much work to do. The convention is tomorrow—today? I don’t know what time it is.”
“Haven’t we earned like a two-minute break?”
She gave him a serious look. “You can go to sleep. But I need to prepare. This is our best chance to catch them. To end this. To tear it down from the inside.”
He sighed and swiveled his backpack around to the front. His camera bag emerged from within. “Let me lock this up and I’ll sound the alert on a brunch Code Purple.”
She gripped his arm. “I have never loved you more.”
Hours later, early morning sunlight streamed through the kitchen windows. The smell of French roast coffee warmed the room.
It wasn’t a true Code Purple since Nicole and Kyle were at the airport, but they would have to do what they could with who was left.
“Okay, so we need to nail down roles,” Claire said, a half-eaten scone on a plate in front of her.
Brianna leaned in. “I’m going in.”
“No, you’re not,” Luke and Claire said together.
“You’re way too recognizable,” he added.
Brianna straightened. “Excuse me, but out of everyone here, I am the most equipped to blend in. Hollywood is lousy with misogynistic douchebags. I’m surrounded by them all day long.”
Claire shook her head. “Not happening. Besides, we need your expertise with makeup for the disguises.”
Luke looked at Claire. “I don’t know why you’re being so bossy. You’re not going in either.”
“The hell I’m not.”
“No offense, but you’re the least masculine person I know. They’re not going to have to look any further than the two kegs strapped to your chest. Plus, I’m not letting you put yourself in danger again.”
She glared at him. “First of all, Brianna and I worked out a very sophisticated plastic wrap method. And second, no one in ESA would suspect that I’d infiltrate their meeting. It’s probably the safest place I could be.”
Luke took a long sip of coffee. “I’m going to lose this argument, aren’t I?”
“Definitely,” Mindy said from her perch on Sawyer’s lap. “Besides, Claire has some kind of sixth sense for bad guys. She spotted that one on the pier from a mile away.”
“Exactly. Now Bri, Mindy, and Sawyer, we need you guys watching the exits. The street view of the hotel showed at least four, so just split up and do what you can.”
“Why don’t I get to come inside?” Sawyer asked.
“Because we need your surveillance expertise on the outside if one of them leaves. Also, you kind of stand out too much,” she said, waving a hand at his boat-sized feet.
He frowned. “Fine.”
“Anyway,” Claire said, turning to Luke, “we need to go over their beliefs or you’re going to stick out like a sore thumb.”
“I know how to be a misogynistic asshole,” Luke said defensively.
“Of course you do, sweetie,” Claire said. “But you need to know men’s rights movement platforms if you’re going to blend in.”
“All right. Lay it on me.” He finished his coffee and moved it to the side. Its spot on the table was quickly claimed by one of his thousands of tiny notebooks.
There was a whole binder on their beliefs, but she didn’t bother to open it. She knew the diatribe by heart. “First. Circumcision.”
Luke raised his eyebrows. Mindy looked intrigued.
“They believe that circumcision is genital mutilation and should be outlawed,” Claire explained.
“Huh,” Luke said. He stared at the ceiling. “I never thought of it that way.”
“Second. This one is a little messy because different groups believe different things, but they’re anti-feminist.”
“Where did you get all this information from?” Brianna chimed in.
“The internet is a very scary place,” Claire responded. “It’s how they organize without judgment. I may have infiltrated some forums while things were…bad.”
“What exactly do you mean, anti-feminist?” Brianna scooted her chair closer to the table.
“Some of them think women have unfair opportunities, like higher rates of admittance to higher education programs. Others think they’re leeches on society who are dependent on men to exist.”
Mindy scowled. Sawyer patted her arm reassuringly.
“There’s a lot of other stuff too,” Claire said. “Higher rates of suicide, less likely to be awarded primary custody of children in a divorce, paternity fraud, female-on-male violence. Just read the handout, okay? And study the picture of the professor. He’s going to be there. I can feel it.”
She slid the binder across the table to him.
“Yes, ma’am.” Luke cracked it open and studied the laminated picture of the professor from the Web Detectives forum.
Claire’s stomach twisted. Luke was capable in so many areas—professionally, sexually, home improvements. But he failed miserably at being a misogynistic asshole. Did he really have what it would take to blend in?
There was too much riding on this. Millions of women were at risk every single day while ESA was still at large, not just her and her family. If they messed this up, they would never find the professor again, and their only named lead would disappear to some other ESA stronghold.
There was no choice but to succeed. And while she was there, she was going to find out if they sent the fricken mountain lion. Those evil zookeepers were going down.
Two hours later, Claire descended the steps, disguised from head to toe. Luke was in the foyer, staring at his watch. He looked up at her.
“You look ridiculous,” they said at the same time.
“Me?” Claire asked. “ You’re wearing a fedora.”
“Isn’t that part of the uniform?” He crossed his arms, and his biceps strained against the Mountain Dew T-shirt he was wearing. He had never looked less like himself.
Mindy appeared from the kitchen with Sawyer in tow. “Aren’t his sideburns great? I glued them on.”
“They do look good,” Sawyer mused.
Mindy came up to inspect Claire. “Damn, Bri did a way better job than me. It’s like you don’t even have forty pounds of hair hiding underneath that wig.”
“Or boobs,” said Luke. “How did you pull that one off?”
Claire unbuttoned one of the buttons on her maroon dress shirt and tugged her white T-shirt down to reveal a sweaty mass of Saran Wrap. “I told you.”
Luke came toward her and peeked down the neck hole. “It’s like marine animals in an aquarium that’s too small.”
The fake mustache tickled Claire’s nose, and she sneezed. “All right, enough chitchat. Let’s get our weapons and meet back here in five.”
She ducked into the downstairs bathroom and inspected herself in the mirror. Okay, maybe she did look ridiculous. The maroon button-down she had borrowed from Luke was too big, as was the suit jacket she had bought to go with it. Newspaper was stuffed in the tips of her dress shoes. The sandy-colored wig and facial hair looked natural enough, but she still felt like a child playing dress-up. Maybe she should have gone more casual, like Luke. It was too late to turn back. She straightened her ankle holster and flung the door open.
The threshold nearly tripped her as she crossed the foyer in her too-big dress shoes. She dug in her purse until she pulled out pepper spray and three Tasers. One Taser went in her ankle holster. The other items went into her surprisingly large pants pockets. Why did women’s clothes have such ineffective pockets? It was probably also somehow ESA’s fault.
Everyone had returned to the foyer. Since Mindy, Sawyer, and Bri weren’t going inside, their disguises were minimal. Bri donned the classic anti-paparazzi outfit of an oversized hoodie, baseball cap, and big sunglasses. Mindy and Sawyer had slightly altered their usual attire to fit the California vibe.
It was now or never.
Claire turned to Luke and took a deep breath—as deep as the plastic wrap would allow, anyway. “Let’s do this. Code Purple on three?”
She put her hand palm-down in the middle of the group. Mindy and Brianna joined her without hesitation. Luke shook his head and put his hand in a second later. Sawyer enthusiastically threw his on top and nearly dislocated all their elbows.
“One, two, three, Code Purple!” They shouted in unison.