Chapter 2
‘I don’t believe this, he’s dumped me by text message,’ Angelia said in disbelief as she stared at the screen on her phone and shook her head, her heart sinking.
‘Coward.’ She huffed as she crumpled her brow, willing away the tears stinging behind her eyes.
Her chin trembled and she sniffed, biting the inside of her cheek as disappointment and hurt flooded her.
At moments like these, the only thing she wanted was to bury her face in her little dog Scrappy’s fur, inhaling the sweet, familiar scent of home and make the whole world go away.
Scrappy made everything feel better and she missed him terribly.
Clearly, he had been a good judge of character too as he had growled the first time – and all subsequent times come to think of it – he had met her latest beau, Dane.
Don’t cry.
Do. Not. Cry.
The words – if you could call them that:
Dane
Its jst not wrkn out Angl but I wsh you all the bst 4 the future lv D
were followed by a sad face emoji shedding a single tear.
It was an assault on her eyes – what does he have against vowels?
And punctuation for that matter? It all felt a bit childish and patronising if she was honest. Or like she was being fired, or turned down for a job, by a teenage boss.
The accompanying emoji, even though it appeared to show emotion, felt a little too light-hearted for the situation.
Too comedic. But she wouldn’t cry. She absolutely wouldn’t.
She had shed enough tears over men who didn’t stick around.
She would simply chalk this up to yet another bullet dodged.
The tour bus was winding its way north on the I95 to New York where they would play a charity gig in memory of Lorelie and to raise money for the foundation she implemented before her death.
It would be the last gig of the current tour and Angelia, and the others she guessed, were looking forward to a well-earned break.
The scenery on the route from Philly, where their last gig had taken place, was a mixture of industrial landscapes, suburban districts and a smattering of historic locations.
The architecture changed regularly, telling the story of the towns and cities they travelled through.
The band’s drummer, Josh, slid into the seat opposite. ‘He hasn’t! No way! You’re joking? What a piece of shit,’ he said as he placed a mug of coffee in front of her. ‘Sounds like you’re well rid of him, if that’s how he treats people.’
It was a dreary March day, and the gloomy grey clouds overhead matched Angelia’s plummeting mood.
Why does this keep happening? she thought as she stared out at the endless expansive stream of concrete factories on this present chunk of road, the same washed-out shade as the sky, so it was hard to tell where the buildings ended, and it began.
‘How long were you guys seeing each other?’ Josh asked, his Glaswegian accent softened slightly after years of being on the road.
‘Six months,’ Angelia said with a sigh. ‘I really thought he was in it for the long haul. But of course, I was wrong… as always.’
Josh reached out and squeezed her hand. ‘He didn’t deserve you, you know. I’ve seen it time and again with the other guys. These outsiders all think they can hack it until they realise what fame can do to a couple.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘Says the man with the perfect relationship.’
‘Aye, but me and Nancy were childhood sweethearts, Angel. I’ve been with her since I was fourteen.
She knew me before all this,’ he said as he gestured around the luxurious vehicle they were travelling in.
Its shiny black surfaces and chrome detailing screamed high-end man cave.
‘I’m just me to her. Just Joshy. I’m not Josh Baron, drummer for Angel and the Fallen,’ he said in a voice that mimicked the dramatic MC voiceover at one of their shows.
Angelia crumpled her brow as she glanced down at her lock screen at the image that showed her with her now ex-boyfriend, soccer player Dane Bakker.
The epitome of handsomeness with his dark hair, chocolate-brown eyes and chiselled jaw.
The centre back for the New Jersey Stallions had been at one of their shows around eight months earlier and had been introduced to her by a mutual friend.
They had chatted for a while via WhatsApp and then had begun dating.
In this particular photograph they had been at Disney World in Florida and were both wearing Mickey Mouse ears, grinning like idiots.
On the face of it they seemed happy. She had certainly felt that way.
‘He’s famous too though, Josh,’ she said, ‘that’s what I don’t get. I felt sure that that fact would mean he understood.’
Josh paused and seemed thoughtful as if choosing his words carefully.
‘I think it’s a different kind of fame. I mean, sports stars are treated like heroes, of course, but rock stars are treated like gods.
Our fans can be a lot to handle as you know.
They get quite possessive over us and some people can’t deal with that.
And…’ He paused again and chewed his bottom lip.
‘If you think about it, soccer isn’t as big a deal in the US as American football so he isn’t quite as well-known as he could be if he was playing in the UK.
If I’m completely honest, I got the feeling he was a wee bit jealous of the attention you get.
Like he thought he deserved more, you know? ’
Angelia widened her eyes. ‘And you never thought to say anything?’
Josh held up his hands. ‘Hey, you were crazy about the guy. I didn’t want to be the tosser who ruined that for you; you’re my best friend.’
Angelia flared her nostrils and snapped, ‘Exactly!’ She immediately felt guilty. It wasn’t Josh’s fault that Dane’s ego couldn’t cope with the adoration she received. She could hardly cope with it herself and it had been ten years. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.’
He shook his head. ‘Hey, it’s okay. Like I said, you’re my best friend, Angel.
’ These days, being known as Angelia was a distant memory.
Everyone, even her parents, had resorted to calling her Angel and for the last ten years that’s who she had become.
Initially she had loved that it had been Josh that had coined the name because she had harboured a crush on him since long before she even joined the band.
These days she was happy that those feelings had mostly subsided.
He sipped his coffee before adding, ‘I don’t want to be the reason you’re upset.
I wouldn’t hurt you for the world. You know that.
And you will meet someone. I have every faith that the right guy is out there, waiting in the wings for the right moment to rock your world. ’ He smiled.
If only I believed that was true, she thought as another wave of melancholy washed over her.
After countless romances that had ended in tears, Angelia just wanted to meet someone who didn’t care about the fame.
Someone down-to-earth who wanted to be with the real her.
Someone who didn’t want to compete with her, who she could just be herself with, who wouldn’t mind seeing her without makeup, and with her hair all messy.
Someone who she could watch sad movies with, and who would cuddle her and pass her tissues as she ugly cried, undeterred by the snot and red eyes.
Someone who adored Angelia the person and not her Angel persona.
Because underneath it all she just wanted to be loved.
Most of the time it was the fame that put an end to things.
Either the fact that she was shadowed everywhere by security, or that she couldn’t just go home to meet his parents or attend a family wedding or birthday party at the drop of a hat, or that her schedule took her away for months at a time.
And then there were men like Dane who, now she looked back on it, were trying to hijack her spotlight so they could have it shine directly on them instead.
They would be welcome to it really. It could be very tiresome. Exhausting even.
She thought back to some of the dinner dates she had been on with Dane, and how he stopped to pose for the paparazzi at every given opportunity, when all she wanted to do was get into the car and go home rather than be dazzled by camera flashes and subjected to calls of, ‘Angel, darlin’, look this way!
’ or ‘Give us a smile, sweetheart!’ when she really didn’t feel like it.
And how Dane would do interviews with newspapers and magazines without her knowledge and would divulge private things about their relationship.
At the time she had put it down to love.
He wanted to tell the world how much he loved her, and it was so sweet that he wasn’t embarrassed to talk about the things they did together.
But now, maybe with thanks to Josh’s insights, she saw that he was fame hungry and would do anything for attention.
And then it dawned on her; he had never actually said he loved her out loud.
She could have slapped herself. How had she not seen it?
Josh was right. And her anger being aimed at him was actually a deflection from the one who deserved it – herself.
Because if she really thought about, truly reflected on their six months together, deep down she had known all along he was in it to advance his career.
But she had told herself lies for so long in a desperate bid to feel wanted and loved.
God, she was pathetic.
‘What’s up with yous two?’ the band’s lead guitarist, Heath, asked as he slid into the seat beside Angelia.
‘Dane the pain’s dumped Angel by text message,’ Josh said before Angelia could respond.
Heath scoffed. ‘Ugh! No way! The dick. Never liked the arsehole anyway,’ he said with a sneer. ‘He was a vain prick and he wasnae good enough for our Angel,’ he added for good measure, nudging her with his shoulder. ‘I’m sorry though, Angel. Break-ups suck.’
It’s all right for you, you’re married and head over heels in love, she thought but she forced a smile. ‘Thanks,’ she said, hoping she sounded more positive than she felt.
He pointed at her. ‘You know what you need to do, don’t you?’
‘Go find someone and have revenge sex,’ Josh interjected, wagging his finger at his bandmate and nodding emphatically as if it was the most obvious solution. ‘Lots of revenge sex.’
Heath glowered at him. ‘That’s not what I was going to say at all, dipshit.
’ He turned to Angelia. ‘You need to write about him in a song. Let all your anger and vitriol out in poetry. But be subtle about it. Use only things he would know about so it’s like a secret message. A secret middle finger at him.’
Josh smacked his hands on the table and then gave a single loud clap as his eyes widened. ‘Aye! Like Taylor Swift! That’s a grand idea. You should totally do that.’
‘Who should totally do what?’ Bear asked, yawning and scratching the curly mass of hair on his head that resembled a bird’s nest, as he walked over from the direction of the bunks. He was wearing shorts and a crumpled T-shirt, and his face was red and puffy with sleep.
‘That arse of a second-rate footy player, Dane, dumped Angel by text message,’ Heath informed him.
Bear scrunched his nose as if a bad smell had arrived beneath it. ‘Oh my God, I’ve been looking for an excuse to punch that bawbag. Now I have the perfect reason!’ He squeezed his huge frame in beside Josh.
‘You’ll do no such thing, Baird,’ Angelia told him in a warning tone.
Bear’s eyebrows shot upward. ‘Ooh, shit, Sunday name, she means business, lads,’ he said in a theatrical whisper as if she couldn’t hear him.
It was like having four overprotective big brothers, including Dom, the band’s keyboard player. Thank goodness for their female rhythm guitarist, Anouk, or she might drown in all the testosterone.
‘I appreciate you caring about me, guys,’ she told them. ‘But I’m a big girl and I can look after myself, thank you.’
‘Speaking of looking after yourself, how are you feeling now? How’s your throat?
’ Heath asked. Angelia had been having a few issues in recent weeks, her voice had seemed weaker and she had tired easily.
Notes she could usually belt out had been harder to achieve but she had put it down to general fatigue; it had been a long tour, after all.
She’d had issues swallowing food and her eyelids, arms and legs had felt weighted down, too, but she hadn’t mentioned that to anyone.
And thanks to encouraging audience participation, she had managed to get away with the bizarre situation for the most part.
But Heath was very observant. Annoyingly so.
‘Oh, I’m fine. Just ready for a break like we all are, I suspect.’ She was aware her reply was a little curt, but she didn’t want to dwell on it too much because she was known for overthinking and panicking herself unduly. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have a nap.’
Heath moved out to let her pass. ‘You sure you’re okay, Angel?’ There was a look of sincere concern in his expression.
She nodded. ‘Perfectly fine,’ she lied.
Josh said, ‘We’re going to go through the set list for the Radio City charity gig. Don’t you want to have some input?’
She smiled. ‘No, it’s okay. I trust you. Keep the noise down though, eh?’
Once out of her seat, she made her way up the narrow corridor towards the bedroom she shared with Anouk to a chorus of, ‘Yes, boss!’
Thankfully Anouk must have been in the shower, meaning Angelia had the room to herself, for a short while at least. She closed the door behind herself and slumped onto her bed.
The tears she wasn’t going to shed began to flow and she angrily swiped them away with her sleeve.
She would cry it out and then get on with her life.
Because this was just a little blip. She would get over it.
She wouldn’t give up on love. Because Josh was right, there was someone out there for her. There had to be.
But she had been dumped so many times in the last ten years that she was getting a complex. Was it really the fame or was it just her? Was she unlovable? She sincerely hoped not.