Chapter 10 #2
Guilt had eaten away at her since the talk with Dr Novak.
What would the band do after losing yet another vocalist if she did have to resign?
Would they disband? Go on to other projects?
Or would they try to find a replacement?
She couldn’t, after all, expect them to continually put their livelihoods on hold and wait for her to feel ready again.
What if her condition worsened? It was a possibility.
And they deserved to be given the opportunity to move on with their own careers because continually touring and recording had clearly begun to put a strain on her that she knew she couldn’t realistically cope with long term.
Since the filming of Scotland Rocks, Angel and the Fallen had been number one in the Billboard charts on numerous occasions and in later years the band had been consistently listed in the most streamed songs on Spotify.
Angelia had co-written many of the songs that had charted too which was another dream come true.
The decade following the TV show had been filled with fun and friendship and had taken her all around the world to places she could only have dreamed of visiting had she not been chosen.
Spending months on the road with five complete strangers had been a daunting scenario before she had embarked upon her new career, but she had fit right in and for the first six months she’d had to pinch herself every time she awoke.
Especially on mornings where she’d found herself in a swish hotel room ready for recording at New York’s world-renowned Electric Lady Studios.
She often sat and daydreamed about the first time she’d stood, eyes closed and heart pounding, at the microphone in the recording booth. She’d not quite been able to believe she was standing where legends like Taylor Swift, Stevie Wonder, Led Zeppelin – to name only a few – had all recorded.
The most distinct memory about that first time, however, was opening her eyes to see the other five members of the band beaming at her through the transparent partition. Josh had held up a sign that simply read:
GO ANGEL!
Her new and affectionately bestowed nickname had been the catalyst for the band’s sudden and unexpected name change. And at that point, all the worry, all the feelings of inadequacy and the imposter syndrome that had taken up residence in her mind, had dissipated.
* * *
‘Has Josh been in touch since you overheard him talking to Heath?’ Fiona asked without making eye contact as she pulled at a non-existent thread on her jeans. Angelia had confided in Fiona just after it had happened and her friend hadn’t seemed surprised, just concerned.
Angelia knew the question had been hanging around at the back of Fiona’s mind and had been waiting for her to ask it.
‘Not since that night. Although I wasn’t expecting him to contact me considering how he freaked out about the myasthenia thing.
It really pissed me off because the others were great and he just sort of… shut down.’
Fiona nodded and lifted her chin and a crumple of concern furrowed her brow. ‘I know he told Heath that he loves you but… You know he’ll never leave Nancy, don’t you, honey?’
Angelia sighed. ‘I know and I wouldn’t want him to.
It was a shock, admittedly, and there was a time I would’ve been desperate to act on it but Nancy doesn’t deserve that.
They’ve been together for so long and she’s stuck by him regardless of the rumours in the tabloids about him and me.
She’s been loyal to him for all these years and I wouldn’t want to be responsible for ruining that. ’
‘Even though you know how he feels about you? You adored him for so long, does that just go away, or are you being brave? Wasn’t it tempting to say something?’
Angelia closed her eyes for a moment, knowing that the person she really wanted was Ed but that she couldn’t admit that even to her best friend because it was a line she couldn’t cross. ‘Honestly? No. I’m over that crush. You don’t need to worry.’
Fiona shook her head and reached out to squeeze her arm again, clearly misunderstanding her reaction.
‘Hey, you will meet someone, you know? There’s someone out there just waiting to sweep you off your feet.
And you can’t help who you fall for, I get that.
I just don’t want you to get hurt. You deserve someone who loves you back and is free to do so. ’
Angelia nodded. ‘I know.’ She thought in silence for a few moments before speaking again.
‘You and Marcus are so perfect together and you met in such a normal way. I’m scared I’ll never meet someone who’ll love me like that.
I’ve had so many failed relationships I’m scared to even try.
And especially now I have this diagnosis that could be about to take my career away. ’
Fiona leaned closer. ‘Hey, stop that right now. There is someone out there waiting for you, I just know there is. And this condition isn’t going to put the right person off. Why would it? It’s not like you’ve grown an extra head, for goodness’ sake, Angel. You need to stop thinking like that.’
Fiona was right. But Angelia had no clue how she would even meet someone. Almost everyone on the planet knew who she was, which made it difficult to meet a man who would just love her for her and not be affected by the fame thing.
* * *
That night Angelia’s dad made a huge vat of his famous chilli, and they all sat around the dining table like the old days when Fiona used to come home to Angelia’s on weekends when they were at university.
Angelia and her dad told her mum all about the shop and Meghan’s idea that it would make an excellent record shop.
‘It would make a really awesome bookshop, too, but I suppose you don’t want to be competing with your mum,’ Meghan said with a mischievous grin.
Her mum had rolled her eyes. ‘Oh, hell, no. One bookshop in the family is plenty, thank you. It’s hard enough getting people to buy full-priced paperbacks as it is.
I definitely don’t need competition.’ She turned to Angelia and with a crumple of concern to her brow she said, ‘And if I’m honest, love, I’m not sure that making the space into a record shop is the best idea either.
Surely, it would be best to leave it flexible so someone can rent it and make whatever they want from it?
Just my opinion,’ she said, holding up her hands.
Fiona nodded. ‘Sorry, but I’m with your mum. If you make the place too niche it may make it tricky to rent it out.’
A sinking feeling tugged at Angelia’s insides. She had loved the idea of a record shop and could not see past that now. ‘We’ll see. I’m going to think about it and speak to the interior designer Ruby has recommended, and I’ll take it from there.’