Chapter 21 #2
He shrugged, disappointment in his eyes and she hated that she had put it there.
‘I just thought it’d be nice to spend some time, just the two of us.
We haven’t done that since that time the three of us were supposed to go camping during our second year at uni.
Remember? Fee had food poisoning, so it ended up just me and you?
We took my car out to Loch Doon and star gazed.
Best night ever.’ There was a hint of melancholy in his voice, or maybe even regret.
‘Anyway, never mind. It was just a thought. Goodnight, Angel.’ He climbed into the van and after one final raise of his hand in a salute, he slid the door closed.
When Angelia got back into the house, she kissed her mum and dad goodnight and went to her room.
Scrappy was already curled up on his own side of her bed, fast asleep.
She changed into her pyjamas and climbed in beside him carefully so as not to disturb the snoozing canine, and she lay down and thought back to that September camping trip in 2014 she had almost forgotten about…
* * *
‘This place is stunning,’ Ed said, shielding his eyes as he climbed out of the car on the shore of Loch Doon.
It was September 2014 and the weather was unseasonably warm.
He wore a slate-grey Hozier T-shirt that fit tight over his biceps and broad shoulders; he’d had a Hozier obsession back then which had meant they had listened to the artist’s self-titled debut album for the whole journey, both belting out ‘Take Me to Church’ and then skipping back to the start to sing it all over again.
Standing there on the shore was magical. The sunlight danced on the water as if it was made up of a billion tiny mirrors glinting and the sky over head was a vivid cerulean that almost looked photoshopped.
Angelia inhaled lungsful of the fresh air and thought to herself that you could be forgiven for thinking you were much more than an hour outside of the bustle of Glasgow. ‘Glorious,’ she said simply, because the word seemed to sum up the place quite succinctly.
Ed turned to face her. ‘I just love Scotland. The fact that wild camping even exists is amazing. And look at that! That castle looks fascinating. We’ll have to go and have a closer look.’
‘Come on then,’ she called out. ‘We can get the tent out later, let’s make the most of the weather because who knows what could happen with that in an hour.
’ And she headed off, jogging in the direction of the medieval structure.
Ed caught up to her as she paused at an information board to read about the castle.
‘Wow, it says here that it used to be somewhere else, an island in the loch somewhere over there.’ She pointed in the direction the details denoted.
‘But then in 1935 the loch was dammed so, because of the rising water, they took the stones one by one and rebuilt the castle here.’
‘Bloody hell, that must’ve taken ages. Good that they didn’t let such a wonderful piece of history go forgotten, though.’
They walked around the perimeter of the castle and Ed snapped photos on his phone of the view out over the loch. She even caught him snapping photos of her when he thought she wasn’t aware.
Once inside the partial structure it was clear to see it must have once been an impressive place to behold. The holes for the joists for an upper floor were visible, as were the arched spaces that were once windows.
Ed joined her and shook his head. ‘Wow, the painstaking way they must have worked to take each stone and note where it should go, only to carry it all the way over here and place it down in the exact spot it needed to be. Like a giant LEGO set.’ He chuckled.
‘One way to work up an appetite, I suppose. Speaking of which, I’m starving, shall I go light the barbie? ’
Angelia laughed. ‘You’re always hungry.’
He patted his flat, lean stomach. ‘I’m a growing lad.’
‘Oh aye, and it’s a wonder you’re not growing outwards with the amount of scran you put away; you wee gundy-guts.’
They set up their two-man tent and Angelia took the old picnic blanket she’d bought in a charity shop and laid it on the ground.
They then ate grilled sausages dipped in the sachets of ketchup Ed had pocketed on a trip to a fast-food restaurant at lunchtime.
At said restaurant he had eaten two burgers, a portion of fries, a doughnut and had guzzled down a large cup of cola in the time it had taken Angelia to eat one solitary burger.
Once they had polished off the remaining barbecued sausages, Ed produced two bottles of merlot from his backpack which they proceeded to drink straight from the bottles.
Then, as the sun descended beyond the distant mountains, Ed retrieved both of their guitars from the boot of his car, and they sat side by side strumming a variety of tunes together by the glow of the fire.
‘We should write a song together,’ he blurted as if a light bulb had just pinged on above his head.
Angelia giggled. ‘All right, Bob Dylan.’
‘No! I mean it. How cool would that be? We could play it for Fee when we get back.’
She shook her head, a little giddy from the alcohol she had imbibed. ‘What would we write about?’
He fell silent and gazed up at the canopy of stars twinkling above them. ‘The night sky, the universe, the cosmos.’ He lowered his face and fixed his bright green eyes on her. ‘Us.’
She tilted her head. ‘Us?’
He placed down his guitar and slid closer to her. ‘There could be an us.’
She smiled and nudged him with her shoulder. ‘There already is an us, you wee dafty,’ she said, the heat of the fire, or more likely the wine, warming her from inside.
His face remained stoic and his lips parted as he gazed deep into her eyes. ‘A different kind of us,’ he whispered as she watched the reflection of the flames dance in his irises.
She had always thought Ed was handsome. He was stereotypically good-looking with his thick mop of wavy brown hair, tall lean body and dreamy green eyes that could hypnotise if you stared into them too long.
She had always admired Ed’s sense of humour and love of adventure.
His ability to lift her mood when she was feeling down.
She had found him very attractive too and had harboured more than just a crush for a long while, if she was completely honest. But there was a line you didn’t cross with friends, wasn’t there?
Okay, so his lips looked incredibly kissable in that moment, and he smelled deliciously masculine, a mixture of fire smoke and red wine, but if they kissed there would be no going back.
What would Fee think, when she found out?
Would she feel like a third wheel? A spare part?
That wouldn’t be fair. Kissing Ed would be selfish.
She had thought about it on many occasions but had always assumed he was keen on Fiona, and saw her as bestie and nothing more, so she had managed to gloss over her attraction; push it to the back of her mind for the greater good. For The Three Amigos.
Until now, that is.
And as his lips closed in on hers, she felt helpless to stop it.
In fact, she wanted it. She didn’t fight.
She didn’t keep Fiona in her mind. She simply let him kiss her, and she kissed him back with just as much fervency.
As her heart pounded and skin heated, he slipped his hands into her hair and inhaled as if pulling her deep into his body.
He moaned against her mouth and whispered something about wanting this for so, so long.
It dawned on her that she felt the same.
This deep need for him. Someone she had fantasised about kissing, and more, if the truth be told.
And now it was happening. But what would happen when the alcohol wore off?
Would they still be the same? Could they work as much more than friends?
She tried to fight that fear and push it down, as far down as it would go and just relished the feeling of his hands on her body, his lips on hers.
Riiiiing! Riiiing!
The kiss was interrupted by both of their phones alerting an incoming group call on WhatsApp.
Fiona.
They each picked up their phones and stared at their individual screens. Then they simultaneously looked to each other. There was a shared gaze. A split second and an infinitesimal shake of his head, followed by an apologetic frown.
‘Hey, Fee! How are you feeling?’ Ed asked as he accepted the call, stood and ran his hand back through his hair.
‘Like my stomach is trying to vacate my body through my throat,’ Fiona replied. ‘I’ve never felt so ill. I wish I could be with you guys. Don’t have too much fun without me, will you? You can’t be the two amigos. It doesn’t have the same ring to it.’
With his pained eyes fixed on Angelia for a brief moment, Ed replied, ‘Don’t be daft, Fee. The Three Amigos are forever, right, Angelia?’
Without realising, somehow on autopilot, Angelia had also accepted the group call.
She forced a smile and nodded. ‘Absolutely… forever.’ But a stinging sensation began behind her eyes.
It was over before it began. The Three Amigos, she thought.
Was he actually in love with Fiona as she had always suspected?
She had never commented on it because it was clear Fiona didn’t feel the same.
But it would explain his change in mood as soon as he heard her voice.
Maybe the alcohol had played a bigger part than she cared to admit and she had been a substitute for the one he really wanted to kiss.
She concluded that must be the case because it was like a switch had been flicked and what had happened in the seconds before had been a dream.
There may have been a physical attraction there but evidently it wasn’t enough.
The subject was never broached again and Angelia often wondered if she had in fact imagined it.
And they never did write that song.