42 JANIE
JANIE
“Janelle.” He steps toward me, concern etched across his features. He puts his warm hands on my biceps and studies my face. His voice becomes low and soft, “You alright, my love?”
I sniff and say, “We’re fine.”
“While I don’t believe that for a second, perhaps you could move this conversation away from prying eyes, yeah?”
“Oh, shit, are there cameras in there?” I ask Skye, realizing we’re fighting right in front of the windows.
She shakes her head. “No press, and this crowd doesn’t even get their phones out. They get it. They still gossip like bored little old ladies though. We can go find a room?” she says, posing it as a question. I nod. It feels good to tell her the truth. The whole truth.
We go in a side door and find a small conference room. Ben lurks.
“I’m alright,” I tell him when he stands in the doorway.
“You’re crying,” he says simply. I search him for signs of an approaching panic attack. I don’t see any shaking hands or haggard breathing. Only one fist is clenched but over all, he seems intact.
I look him in the eyes. “I’m alright. This is good, talking with her. It’s good.”
He relaxes, “Okay, I’ll be just down the hall.” He kisses my forehead and leaves.
I turn to Skye to see what she thinks of the interaction but she’s slumped in a chair with her head in her hands. I pull out the black leather seat next to her. For a second we both just stare at the polished wood table.
“I am the absolute worst friend. How did I not see this? How did I not know?”
“Um, I didn’t want you to know.”
“Me, though? You kept it all from me?”
I sigh, “It’s really embarrassing. Debt is not something people talk about. It’s not like hey I’m in recovery from an addiction or working through something in therapy and everyone is like you go girl. It’s something you just live with, barely breathing and trying to not drown.”
“So, you’re fine now, right? With the marriage contract?”
I shake my head, “The publicity didn’t help. It made the texts worse.”
“Texts?”
“Oh, yeah.” I hold up my fingers and make air quotes. “ Friendly reminders from them.”
“Threats you mean.”
“Well, they know I’m good for it now, they just keep saying if the rest of the money doesn’t clear on January first, they’ll have to revise our agreement.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
I inhale and exhale the words, “Probably get my brother out of his half way house and take him…away.”
“This is insane! Let me give you the money right now, Janie!”
“I will be okay when I get the second payment from Ben on the first. I’ll be able to truly breathe again after that. I’m doing okay now because I know it’s coming.”
“Tell him you need it freaking yesterday!”
“Absolutely not. I know he’s a billionaire.
I’m getting used to so much... everything all the time.
But he will go overboard. He has already bought me so much and taken care of all of my living expenses, all new meals, a whole freaking dream house in Juniper Falls, and none of that was in the contract. It makes me uncomfortable.”
She opens her mouth, shuts it, and then opens it again, “Well, right now we need to talk about you and me, then we’ll circle back to that.”
“Okay,” I say and we both pause. Then in unison we say, “I’m sorry.”
“I’m so sorry, Janie.” She says, tears starting to fall, “I wish I’d known how you were struggling.”
I sniff too, “I should have sucked up my pride and told you the truth instead of just ghosting. You were right, you were my person and I shouldn’t have disappeared on you.”
“Well, maybe you would have told me the truth about your brother if I wasn’t such a judgy bitch.” She shakes her head, “Ugh. I should have kept asking, kept inviting, kept trying. I was so hurt I just shut down.”
“I’m so sorry I hurt you,” I am crying now too. We stand and hug each other at the exact same time. We start to cry a little harder and hug a little harder too. “Judgy bitch or not, I missed you so freaking much.”
“Same.” She pulls away. “We have so much to talk about.”
“So much!”
“Starting with that man out there who is totally, one hundred percent, head over heels in love with you.”
“No,” I groan.
“Oh yes, and this is your safe space, now, you’re back, so you can’t BS me about it—you are in love with him too.”
“Nooooo,” I scrunch my eyes closed and sit.
“Yes.” She sits too. “I knew the marriage was a sham because, hello, in what world do you get married on a whim in Las Vegas?” I snort and she goes on, “But I could see how you could compliment each other and fake it pretty well for…I’m assuming his family name and trust fund?”
“Nailed it.”
She chuckles, “Billionaires are so weird.” I glare at her but she pretends to be offended. “ We are still millionaires with an M, thank you very much. We’re from Tulsa, America, Janie, we’re salt of the earth, okay?”
I laugh at that. They’ve had arranged marriages, stalkers, a family member got shot, the whole gamut.
“Anyway,” she goes on with a wide smile, “I thought you’d show up separately and make an excuse, or show up and be, you know, friends. You two are not just friends.”
“No, we’re not.” I admit. “But, even so, it won’t last.”
She deflates a little, “You don’t think?”
“No way. You’ve been around him so you know, the man is a hurricane. He’ll get bored with me, Skye. Think about it. He needs to be moving, exploring, going. He’s not my type.”
“Sounds like he’s exactly your type,” she says with finality.
I shake my head and she goes on, “Seriously, he is. You are drawn to charm. You think when it’s the one you’re suddenly going to be attracted to the smart, stable choice?
That’s not how you’re wired. Accept it. You are attracted to men with huge personalities.
” I grimace, my heart racing, and she touches my arm when she adds. “But he’s not Theo, Janie.”
“He’s not, I know. Theo was all on the surface, I realize now.
I do think he loved me at the beginning but then it became about what we were to others.
What he wanted us to be. How we looked to everyone.
…Ben…Ben is…totally crazy. Sweet. Smart.
So much freaking fun. I’ve never laughed more in my life.
One day my face hurt from all the smiling. ”
“You?” She jokes. I flip her off. She laughs and says, “So, admit it, even if you don’t want that to be your type, because of your mom and your romantic past and all that, even with the money and the charm and all that annoying personality , even still…”
“Fine! Fine, even with all that I…I still love him.”
Her mouth falls open and no sound comes out.
“You didn’t expect me to admit it?”
“I really did not.”
“Well, saying it out loud doesn’t make it any less painful.
This is going to end soon and he will fall out of love with my spreadsheets and my snark and my introversion and how closed off I am.
It’s hard for me to open up and really love him and, actually, is it even love?
Or is it lust and infatuation? It’s only been a couple months. ”
“Fair question. Is it just sex and no deep conversation?”
I laugh, “The opposite.”
She points at the door and almost yells, “You’re not having sex with that man?!”
“No I am, I mean yes, I am. It’s just, that’s pretty recent. We actually waited weeks.”
She dips her chin, “Then you have your answer.”
“Infatuation though?” I try.
“Did you guys start out seeing zero flaws in each other and have yet to actually get real and pick each other apart?”
I really laugh, “The opposite again.”
“Okay and what about if he does break it off and finds someone else. Do you find the idea of him with another woman annoying, like, I don’t want him but I don’t want anyone else to have him or does it make you sick like you would slip into a great depresh the likes of which you’ve never seen before, including not being able to eat or sleep recently, when I was the world’s worst best friend? ”
“Ugh, I hate it. I’m sick thinking about it.”
“Exactly.” She sits back, pleased to be right. “So, you two are in bona fide, one-in-a-million love with each other.”
“Woah, woah, woah. One in a million? No. I may hate it but he will move on. He wants an adventure. He wants change and variety. Ergo, I’m not the one for him, ergo, he is not the one for me. I’m positive.”
“Please stop saying ‘ergo.’”
“You said ‘circle back’ earlier. It’s only fair.”
“Damn, I missed this,” she points back and forth between us. “Have you tried with him?”
“Tried what?”
She lifts a shoulder, “Being honest and talking it out. Compromising. Maybe you go on some trips. Maybe he’s over all that stuff and is ready to stay home and make love to his hot wife.”
I wince and confess, “No.”
“Have you at least told him you love him?” I roll my lips together instead of answering. “Has he said it?”
“He was going to.”
“Burn.” She says, raising her eyebrows.
I shake my head, “No, no burn.”
“Yes, burn. You were so not into it in the moment he stopped himself. Basically he said I love you and you said Gee, Thanks. No wonder he is following you around like a love sick puppy tonight.”
“No,” I argue, and she waits. “No?” She just sits there, staring. “Well…Shit!”
“How have you survived without me? Go find him and tell him you love him!”
I stand, “Okay,” She stands and we hug. “So, we’re good?”
“Yeah, I still have stuff to tell you. We thought my dad was dying.”
“What!” I gasp, because I love her dad. Everyone does.
“And there’s so much drama in the Dallas art world, it might be worse than the New York scene. But I can tell you all of that sometime when there’s not, you know, a whole-ass marriage on the line.”
“Crap, I forgot, you can’t tell anyone about the contract.”
She flattens her mouth into a flat, annoyed line before saying, “This is not my first billionaire rodeo, bestie.”
“Right,” I nod and then rush out in a stupor.
Ben Ben Ben Ben.
I didn’t mean to reject him. Crap! This is not what I expected from Skye. Maybe I should have, but I was so worried about my relationship with her, seeing her, I forgot what she’d see when she looked at me. At me and Ben.
As usual, her bedside manner sucks. She’s not sweet Harper tiptoeing around my feelings.
He said I love you and you said Gee, Thanks.
Ahhh!
I pick up my pace to reach the ballroom, then pause to scan the room. Ben is tall, but so are a lot of the—there! I see his broad back filling out his tux, his wavy chestnut hair that he keeps running his hand through. I almost sprint to him.
He turns and sees me, looking concerned.
“Are you alright?”
“No, yes. Yes, I’m fine but can we go?”
“Sure, hey, your phone won’t stop going off, I thought it might be about your Gran?” He says, handing me the device.
“Gran?” Panic runs through me, plus I’m nervous about professing my love any second now, so my hands are trembling. “Sorry, you unlock it, it’s 12416.”
“Janie, do you need some water? Here,” Samantha says, catching the way I must be shaking.
“Thanks,” I say.
“Everything okay? Where’s Skye?” Matt, Skye’s husband, asks. He must have known about our rift, just like Ben did.
“She was right behind me, it was good to catch up,” I tell him with a smile, hopefully communicating that all is well on the best friend front.
I take a few more gulps of water then look up at Ben.
He’s frowning at my phone screen. “Was it N J Peaceful Meadows? A missed call? That’s what her facility comes up as, with the New Jersey first.”
He shakes his head and then hands it to me, “No, but you’ve a million unread text messages?”
“Yeah, just ignore that. You know me, ignoring human contact,” I try to joke. I look at my notifications, seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Must have just been more messages from the Bonettis.
“Excuse me just a minute, then we’ll go.” Ben says quickly as he turns and stalks toward the bathroom. I watch him leave, admiring the way he walks through the crowd. He greets someone and waves at someone else. Everyone wants a piece of Benedict Clark.
But I…I want all of him.
Now I just need to make sure he knows it.