Chapter 15
15
It wasn’t the most restful night’s sleep. The knot in Holly’s stomach refused to loosen, and every time she felt herself drifting off, another intrusive thought would cause a spike in anxiety. She wasn’t even sure why it was happening. The way her pulse would suddenly rise, or her breathing become painfully shallow, wasn’t something she’d ever really suffered from before. Not without good reason, anyway.
Unsurprisingly, she’d had trouble sleeping after Evan passed away, and the doctor had given her sleeping tablets, which she’d taken now and then when she really needed to, but it had been so long since the last time she’d felt them necessary, she wasn’t even sure if she had any in the house. So why would it have come back all of a sudden? There was no reason for her to be feeling anxious about anything, was there? Unless, of course, it was the thought of messing up the important role that Giles had given her. Maybe it was that. Maybe that was the reason she hadn’t been able to respond. Not because she didn’t want to do it, but because she was worried she wouldn’t do a good enough job.
Of course, it didn’t help that Rhubarb repeatedly wanted to play. It felt like every time Holly started to drift off, the cat would decide to use her body for pouncing practice, but there was no point shutting her out. If she did that, she knew she’d just spend the entire night listening to the kitten whining and scratching at the door.
Strangely, it was a relief when morning finally came around and she didn’t have to try to sleep any more. Instead, with her pyjamas still on, she headed around the back of the house and let herself in through Jamie’s back door into the kitchen.
‘What time are you working at the shop today?’ Jamie asked as she moved towards the coffee machine with three mugs: hers, Fin’s and Holly’s too. It really was a special type of friendship when you had your own mug at their house.
‘Not until midday. Greta’s running it until then.’ The new member of staff had come with a wealth of employment history and was as capable as both Caroline and Holly of running things by themselves. ‘Any sign of my daughter yet?’
Jamie shook her head. ‘I think she’s still fast asleep. By the sounds of it, they had a pretty late night. I figured I’d give them another half an hour, then wake them up.’
‘Sounds good.’
Holly took the mug of coffee from Jamie and perched herself at the breakfast bar where she proceeded to blow the steam from the top.
‘So, do you want to talk about last night?’ Jamie said. ‘You seemed to have a pretty visceral reaction.’
‘Visceral? That’s a big word to use.’
‘What would you rather I said: emotional?’
Holly pouted as she took a sip of her drink. ‘Of course it was emotional. I was surprised. I didn’t get the early warning that you did.’
With a resigned sigh, Jamie shook her head. ‘You’re not really going on about that, are you? I didn’t get an early warning, and it wouldn’t have changed things even if I did. And you’re still avoiding answering the question.’
‘That’s because there’s no question to answer.’
‘Yes, there is. How do you feel?’
‘How do I feel?’ Holly shrugged. She really didn’t have any idea what Jamie was expecting her to say on the matter, but the line of questioning felt unusually intrusive, and considering they had both seen one another in labour, that was saying something. ‘How do you think I’m feeling? Giles is getting married. I’m happy for him.’
‘Really?’
‘Of course, really. Just like I’ll be happy when Ben finally gets round to proposing to Georgia.’
Ben and Georgia had been together for six years now and had two beautiful children together. Hope’s siblings. They were, by all accounts, a perfect couple, which was why Holly always found it strange that Ben hadn’t yet asked her to marry him. Georgia definitely seemed like the type of woman who would want a wedding.
‘It’s a bit different, though, isn’t it?’ Jamie said.
‘Is it? Why?’ Holly asked. ‘You mean because Ben and I were in a relationship together? Does that mean I should have a more or less visceral reaction?’
Holly couldn’t help but smirk, even though she knew how childish she was being.
‘All I’m saying is I’m here to talk about things. If you want to talk about them. That’s all.’
‘Good,’ Holly replied. ‘Because I might actually need you to.’
‘You might?’ Jamie put her cup down and leaned forward on the chair. ‘I knew it.’
‘Giles has named me his best woman, which means I’m in charge of the stag do and the speeches, and whatever else he puts me in charge of.’
‘He has?’ Jamie said. ‘And you’ve agreed to do it?’
‘Of course I have. Why wouldn’t I?’ Holly wasn’t sure why she’d lied. If she wanted to talk to about feeling apprehensive, then Jamie was probably her best bet, but for some reason, she wanted to keep her doubts to herself. But now that the lie was out, she felt the need to double down. ‘I’m sure it’ll be great fun. Even if it is a lot of work.’
With a twitch tightening in her jawline, Jamie stood back up straight again, while looking Holly dead in the eye.
‘Well, I guess you know exactly what you’re doing,’ she said.