Chapter 34 Happy
HAPPY
“Hey, so I’m so proud of you.”
I look up from where I’m clearing Lucky’s collection of crayons and markers and Disney coloring books from the long dining table to find Allie helping.
She’s been upstate, visiting her folks, and when she got home earlier to Lucky’s news update that not only is Hannah Daddy’s girlfriend, but that Daddy’s friends are coming to the house tonight, the look she gave me was the kind of look you’d expect to see from a parent watching you graduate.
I sniff a laugh. “Thanks, Mom.”
“I’m serious, Happy,” Allie says, touching my arm, suddenly right beside me. “This is a huge deal. For Lucky and for you.” She looks up at me with a soft smile. “But I hope you know you’re doing the right thing.”
“Thanks,” I say again, genuinely this time.
Allie wraps her arms around me in a hug that I return.
“We’re ready!”
Allie and I turn around in time to see Hannah walk down the stairs with Lucky holding her hand, dressed in cute little denim dress I’ve never seen before and her favorite pink Converse high tops, her blonde hair in two braids, and glittery pink gloss shimmering on her lips.
I hate to see how nervous she looks, clutching so tight to Hannah’s hand, and it causes something tight to clench around my heart.
“Wow, Lucky, you look amazing!” Allie says. “I love that dress.”
“Hannah got it for me,” Lucky says, looking down at herself.
Hannah offers a sheepish smirk. “I was at Nordstrom on my lunch break.” She spears me with a knowing look, and suddenly my mind flashes to that fucking red dress. Not the place or time, penis. “I saw it and I couldn’t resist.”
“Well, I don’t know when my five-year-old suddenly turned into a tween,” I say gruffly, clearing my throat when the emotion almost gets the better of me. “But you look beautiful, Lucky Duck.” I cross the room and lift her up into my arms, pressing a kiss to her cheek.
“Careful of my blush, Daddy,” Lucky chides.
I rear back, shocked by my own daughter, and everyone laughs.
“You tell him, Luckster!” my dad yells from the kitchen where he’s cooking up a storm.
I let Lucky down, and she goes into the kitchen to help Dad, Hannah coming up next to me, placing her hand on my arm. I rest my hands on her hips, getting a good look at her, and the tension in my chest eases some. Her ability to calm me by just being here should be studied.
“You okay?” she asks, smiling up at me.
I nod, swallowing hard. “Yeah. Nervous.”
“I know, but don’t forget these guys are your friends.”
I nod again, exhaling a long breath. “Thanks for coming over early. Lucky was determined to have you do her… makeup,” I say the word with gritted teeth, my eyes rolling because I still find it hard to believe a five-year-old needs makeup.
Hannah laughs. “It was an honor.”
I duck my head and press a quick kiss to her pretty lips, which elicits a high-pitched giggle from the direction of the kitchen, and Hannah and I both turn to see Lucky watching us, a hand covering her smiling mouth.
“I’m going to go up to my studio,” Allie says, her laptop clamped under her arm.
“Are you sure you don’t wanna stay, have something to eat with us?” I ask, although I’ve already asked twice, and each time I’ve been met with the same response.
“I need to finish this case study,” she says, shaking her head. “I have”—she pauses to check the time on her watch—“less than five hours before I have to submit it.”
She waves to us before retreating up the stairs, and with a fortifying breath, I take one last look around the living area, quietly impressed because this is the first time in years that it doesn’t look like a sparkly bomb full of unicorns and Disney princesses exploded in the joint.
As if on cue, the doorbell chimes, and I instinctively freeze, my heart jumping up into the back of my throat. I know I shouldn’t be this nervous. These are my friends. But this is huge.
“You want me to answer it?” Hannah asks, pulling me back to the now.
I release a hard breath, shaking my head. “No. It’s okay. I can get it. You just stay with Luck,” I whisper.
Hannah nods, and I press another kiss to her lips, glancing back at Lucky to see her face suddenly a little pale. I shoot her a reassuring wink before jogging down the stairs to greet my friends.
When I open the door to find Logan, Millie, Dallas, Emily, Fran, and Robbie, I try not to groan.
I was expecting everyone to come separately, but for some reason they’re all here at once.
It’s probably for the best—like ripping off a Band-Aid in one go—but it doesn’t help the anxiety swirling in my gut.
“Hey,” I say, rubbing at the pinch of nerves at the back of my neck. “Come on in.”
“I can’t believe this is our first time here,” Dallas says, slapping me on my chest as he walks inside. “I was sure you were harboring dead bodies in here or something.”
Robbie lets out a low whistle as he looks around the foyer. “Nice place.”
“Yeah,” I say with a shrug. “I mean… it’s my dad’s place, really, but he lives in L.A.”
“Oh my God.” Millie lets out a low squeak. “Logan said he’s here.”
I chuckle. “Yeah, he’s upstairs cooking.”
“Jonny Slater is here?” Fran pushes past Robbie, her already big eyes now huge.
I nod.
“Oh my God, I’m wearing sweats!” She starts frantically smoothing her blonde hair, turning to Robbie and slapping him in his stomach, causing him to grunt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
With a snort, I say, “The dude is wearing pajama pants and a Rouse t-shirt one of his fans gave him backstage at a concert that I don’t think has ever been washed. You’re fine. Trust me.”
Everyone enters the foyer, and I lead the way to the stairs, pausing half way. Turning to them, I find Logan’s eyes, his brows knitting together.
“You okay?” he asks.
“Umm, yeah, I—” I feel sick in my gut with nerves and trepidation and worry. Jesus, get a grip, Happy. “Yeah, come on up,” I say, waving them to follow me.
“Is Hannah here?” Emily asks.
“Yeah,” I say, clearing the stairs, my eyes landing on Hannah and Lucky waiting for us, hand-in-hand. “She’s… up here.”
As everyone makes it up to the first-floor landing one at a time, I watch their faces morph from casual to confused as they look from Hannah to Lucky to me, the silence in the room palpable.
“Hey, guys!” Hannah says cheerfully with a wave as Lucky shifts closer and closer before moving behind her, shielding herself instinctively.
“Hey…” Logan says, slowly turning to me, one of his brows quirked questioningly.
I walk over to Hannah, and I hold my hand out for Lucky, which she thankfully accepts, cuddling up to me. “So, everyone, this is Lucky,” I say with a wavering smile, glancing down at my daughter and offering her a reassuring wink. Looking back at my friends, I nod once. “My daughter.”
Fran, Emily, and Millie gasp, covering their gaping mouths.
Robbie looks from me to Lucky and back again.
Logan stares directly at me with an unreadable expression.
Dallas guffaws, looking around at everyone as if this is some candid camera show. “What the fu—”
“Fudge!” Dad interjects loudly as he rounds the kitchen island, carrying a gourmet charcuterie board he whipped up. “Now, who likes baked Camembert?”
“Holy shit, Hap,” Robbie says on a rushed exhale, relaxing back in the patio chair, shaking his head to himself.
After dropping the bomb of all bombs, I decided it was best to take the guys down to the courtyard, leaving Lucky upstairs with Hannah and the girls.
Lucky started to open up when Hannah suggested they put the sing-along version of KPop Demon Hunters on the television, and of course, my dad chose to stay because he’s a sucker for an impromptu karaoke session.
I told the guys everything. I told them how I met Lucky’s mom when I was in college. I told them how she died. I told them about Lucky’s C-PTSD. I told them why I’ve kept my daughter hidden. I told them everything, and they listened without judgement.
“Yeah, my guy,” Dallas says. “A kid. Shit.” He stares off into the slightly overgrown trees that line the courtyard, taking a sip of his beer.
“How have you kept this so secret?” Robbie asks.
“I mean, between practice, and games, and travel, you’re with us most of the time in some capacity.
How have you not let slip that you have a daughter?
I mean, I’d almost understand if she didn’t live with you and you only had her during the summers and at holidays, but you have full guardianship of a child, and no one knew? ”
I shake my head, shrugging my shoulders. “I have a lot of help, between my mom and Lucky’s nanny, Allie. It’s been hard, but…” I swallow around the lump in my throat. “But I did it to keep Lucky safe.”
Robbie nods. “I get that.”
“She looks like you,” Dallas says with a grin.
I sniff a laugh, looking down at my hands. “Yeah, she does.”
“You good, man?” Robbie asks, and, thinking he’s talking to me, I look up to find he’s actually talking to Logan. And it’s only then I notice Logan hasn’t said a single word, just sat staring down at the untouched bottle of Miller Lite in his hands.
“Maybe we should go up and check how Jonny’s doing with dinner?” Dallas says, hefting his lofty frame up off the patio sofa.
“Jonny Slater,” Robbie scoffs, shaking his head and standing. “Cooking me dinner. Ma is gonna freak when I tell her.”
Dallas and Robbie walk inside, and suddenly it’s just me and Logan, and the tension in the air between us is noticeably thick.
I shift in my chair, looking down at my clasped hands, considering myself. But, before I can think of something to say to break the strained silence, Logan speaks first.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Snapping my head up, he’s not looking at me, still staring down at his beer. Slowly, he lifts his chin, and our eyes meet.
“I’m your best friend,” he says after a beat.
A thick swallow works its way down my throat.
“I could’ve been there for you,” he continues. “Fucking helped, or… something. I don’t know. And I get why you kept this from the world, but I hate that you felt like you couldn’t tell me.”
“It all happened so fast,” I try to explain.
“One minute I’m this part-time dad, playing hockey, living the life of a pro-athlete without a fucking care in the world, and then suddenly, bam!
” I clap my hands together for effect. “I’m a single father to this little girl who had been through more than any child should ever have to go through, who was so fucking broken, and I was terrified I was gonna break her even more. ”
Logan drags a hand down his face, releasing a ragged sigh. He looks at me, shaking his head once, silently assessing me. “I need you to know that, no matter what, I’ve got your back, always, brother.”
I nod with another thick swallow, emotion pricking my eyes.
“And that little girl up there,” Logan continues, pointing up to the house, “I’ve got her back now, too, okay?”
Logan and I push up from our chairs at the same time, and I close the distance, grabbing his hand and pulling him into a hug. “Thanks, brother.”
“Always,” Logan returns.