17. ~Kai~
~Kai~
A gold sand beach materialized all around me.
A little bungalow sat atop a hill with wooden steps leading up to it.
I spun and caught sight of Vorzyr in a pair of crimson board shorts sprawled out on a golden towel on the sand, his arms behind his head, as he seemingly relaxed beneath the hot sun beating down upon him.
Before I could start over there, splashes caught my attention. I followed the sounds and looked to see Nyx in nothing but a black thong, wading through the crystal-clear ocean waves, bouncing and smiling, having the time of his life.
My surroundings flickered with a familiar vibrant-blue film in the next moment.
Then smoke was erupting right in front of me, and Nyx was right there in front of me.
His gaze swept down my body, but it wasn’t interest like it often was. It was studious and full of worry.
I followed his eyes to see I was wearing only a pair of my black silk pajama pants—to the beach? Why hadn’t I entered this place properly kitted out? Something was wrong.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Nyx spoke.
“It’s the only way I can do anything but waste away in bed waiting to get better. When you mentioned dreamwalking the idea came to me.”
“To infiltrate Nyx’s dreamscape?” Vorzyr spoke, right there on my other side all of a sudden. “That must be taking a shitload of power to accomplish when you’re not Incubus yourself. Replicating his ability—”
“It’s not direct replication.”
“It’s bad enough, Kai,” Nyx told me. “And he’s right, you’re using a mass amount of power to accomplish it.”
“When you’re not fully healed,” V cut in.
“I don’t want to go back yet.”
“You have to,” V told me.
Before I could protest, Nyx laid his hand on my shoulder and smiled brightly. “She’s waiting for you. Go back now.”
“I don’t—what?”
In the next moment, his magic flamed all around me, and then he forced me from his dreamwalking creation.
I opened my eyes slowly with a disgruntled sound at being pushed out. Not just the act of it, but that I’d clearly been too weak to prevent his magic from overpowering me.
Urgh. As if I wasn’t already frustrated by being forced into a weakened state of sickness.
And the sickness hadn’t even been the full scope of it all.
Nearly dying… the Celestial infection that had ravaged my system… I couldn’t stand it.
“Kai, it’s okay.”
I jolted.
The words in my room, while the boys weren’t here. They were in the dreamscape, sure, but their physical bodies were in V’s room.
I blinked to clear my blurry vision.
And then I was shocked all over again as I took in the unprecedented visitor.
There Ariana was lounging in one of the chairs opposite my bed.
“What are you… why are you here?”
“I came to check on you.”
“It’s been days.”
“I was using a holoscreen up until now.”
“You were?”
“I was.”
“To keep an eye on me?”
“The three of you, but, yes, with you being sick, you more so.”
A warmth infused me at her confession.
But I tried to fight it off, because I couldn’t trust it where she was concerned.
For all I knew, it could be gone in a blink.
It could be lost to me.
Just like her.
Oh, hold on. “If this is about your guilt over how this came about, spare me the—”
“It’s not.”
She rose to her feet and I took in the sight of her in a pair of silver and black checkered pajama pants and a white tank.
It had to be late then, really late, seeing as though I knew that she went to sleep really late and only really rested for about four hours each night.
She was an extremely restless sleeper, one of those who tossed and turned all night in distress.
No wonder, considering how much she was shoving down and refusing to allow herself to recognize, acknowledge, or feel.
The surprise of her being here at all in my dorm room and coming to actually check on me, was surpassed when she threw another one out there and came to sit on the other side of the bed.
She snatched up the pillow from there and propped herself into a sitting position with it, turning her head toward me.
“I’m here because I care about you, and it’s about time my actions showed that. ”
“The way you were panicking when I was at death’s door already alluded to that.”
“Well, alluding to it is no longer enough. Not for me, and definitely not for you. And, for the record, I was only panicking because you wouldn’t let me heal you.”
“Your vicious slap made it clear how displeased that made you. I don’t think we need to rehash it.” I shifted weakly on the bed. “And, as you can see, I’m sick. Not really up to another lecture.”
Her lips twitched. “You think you being sick can save you?”
“Won’t it?” I asked, pouting up at her. “Look at me, sweetheart. Drenched in sweat, coughing my guts up half the time, my magic severely compromised, barely able to move, and aching everywhere.”
She actually giggled. “You’re truly maddening.”
“I can’t believe it,” I uttered aloud, before I could stop myself.
“Believe what?” she asked.
“That’s the first time I’ve heard that sound from you because of me since we were kids.”
“That can’t be true.”
“It is.”
She grimaced. “No more.”
“No more what? Holding your giggles hostage from me?”
“No more pulling away, shutting down, or denial.”
I started at her striking words. “Say that again.” To say my mind wasn’t capable of comprehending that didn’t quite cover it. Not after the way she’d been all these years.
“I had a little talk with Nyx. That, combined with everything that’s been happening lately, put certain things into perspective. One of those things is that there’s no more running or standing at a distance.”
“V was right. It was a wake-up call to you.”
“A lot of what’s happened since my party has been.”
I shifted up a little in bed and turned to face her, my head lolling on my pillow because I was still so weak.
“I see you wanting it to be different now, but me believing it fully is a whole other thing. I can’t get my hopes up, only to have you pull away again.
It’s become too much.” I scrubbed my hand over my face.
“With every additional interaction between us, it’s become worse and fucking worse.
I need something. Tell me something that demonstrates you’re willing to be drawn in now. ”
“For one, we need to work together when it comes to the test, and everything that happened in relation to it. Including Vorzyr’s ability.”
“You know what it was, don’t you?”
“Yes,” she admitted, outright. “It’s called Primal Celestial Resonance.
The reason even you couldn’t identify it, despite how learned you are, is because of so much regarding the Celestial Plane being locked down on the mortal plane and kept from everyone.
The ability he demonstrated is not just incredibly rare, it shouldn’t be possible for a non-Celestial.
It’s not a learned ability, it’s an innate ability.
There has to be some sort of bloodline connection to Celestial magic.
His ability enables him to disrupt magic by resonating with it on a primal level.
Basically, forcing it to submit to his will, rather than break. ”
As I fought to absorb that, in my less-than-stellar state, no less, she even gave me more, revealing, “I wanted access to that test before I reabsorb my full power because something feels… wrong. It has since the very moment that I reached magical maturity.”
“Wrong in what sense?”
“I’m not sure. That’s the point. It’s unclear.
I guess, like a strain, or maybe even a pull within.
And, you remember my shadow weaving? Well, every now and then since my party, I’ve been drawing a symbol without my conscious knowledge.
But when I try to replicate it, I can’t.
It just comes of its own accord. I’ve been trying to redraw it so I can reach in with my magic and perform tests.
But it’s like it knows now, and it’s not coming up subconsciously anymore, or letting me remember. ”
“Fuck me, this is—”
“Incredibly worrying?”
“That. Definitely. But also a hell of a puzzle to solve.”
She shook her head at me. “Seriously?”
“Is it wrong to put a positive spin on things? Especially something of this magnitude that’s clearly stressing you deeply?”
Her eyes shone at me. “No, it’s not wrong. It’s really thoughtful.”
“Well, that’s me, sweetheart. Chocked full of thoughtfulness.”
“And madness. Viciousness. Arrogance. Dirtiness. Being a pushy shit.”
“Ah, listing off my best qualities. I love it.”
“Kai.”
“I’m fucking with you.” My eyes dipped down her body. “Well, I’d like to be literally, actually. It’s been too long.” Our gazes clashed and I saw unmistakable heat there. “Don’t you agree?”
“You’re sick.”
I groaned and sank down in the bed. “Yeah, you’re right. It would just be a letdown if I tried to do anything while I’m in this state.” I turned onto my side, staring up at her. “But just so I know, you do feel that urge, too, right? To be with me? Maybe us?”
“I do,” she admitted. A deep frown etched her brow. “When I was keeping my distance—”
“Up until a few minutes ago?”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes. Fine. I guess I deserve that.”
“No, I’m sorry. What were you gonna say?”
“When I was on the hood of your car, ready, waiting, and most definitely willing, why didn’t you… take it there? In fact, you never have. That’s always been off-limits. Why is that?”
“Fucking your sweet Celestial cunt?”
“Don’t refer to it that way.”
“Why not?”
“Honestly? Because it gets me hot.”
“Well, fuck. I can’t believe you’re admitting that outright.” I winced. “Shit, that means I really have to tell you why I reacted that way now.” Hold on a second. I eyed her and she was smirking at me. “You did it on purpose, revealing that to me?”
“Learned from the best, hmm?”
“I swear to fuck, if I wasn’t sick right now, I’d be all fucking over you.
” I sucked in a breath to calm myself—and my cock down.
And then I settled on my side, gathering more of the blanket to myself and holding it to me, as I revealed, “It sounds ridiculous, but I didn’t want that to be sullied by dirty talk and degradation.
I’d wanted to be with you for so long, and I guess I always considered that being off-limits until we re-established our deep connection, until it wouldn’t just be fucking.
All the rest we’ve been doing, it’s foreplay compared to that.
I know it’s kind of twisted, but that is me. ”
“You wanted it to be special. That’s… wow… that’s not at all what I expected.”
“Yeah, well,” I uttered as that heavy weight settled on my chest that I’d tried to banish for years, that had been created ever since she’d shut down on me.
But then she reached out and stroked her fingers through my hair so tenderly that it had me stilling completely, and that weight lessened noticeably. “That’s so sweet, Kai. It means a lot.”
I couldn’t… I couldn’t get caught up in it.
Not yet.
She’d only just come around.
It might not stick.
I couldn’t allow myself to trust it so quickly, to fall into it.
And so, I eased away.
Besides, I was exhausted, my body growing so weary again and demanding sleep.
“You should talk to V when you next get the opportunity. He did take you like that, and it meant a lot to him, but it’s something you haven’t addressed with him at all.
He’s been focused on helping me get better, basically throwing himself into that and his studies here, a lot of which is likely to sublimate his upset and frustration over what happened outside Polaris between the two of you not being spoken about. ”
She nodded. “I know. There’s a lot of damage control to be done.”
I reached out and grasped her hand, seeing her pain. “You don’t need to do it all alone. Just like this Celestial issue, the test, all of it… we’ll figure it out together now, okay?”
“Sounds good,” she answered with the prettiest smile that warmed me down to the bone.
It had a relaxing effect in my current state, too, and I closed my eyes, tucking her hand under me a little, not wanting to break the contact. “I’m just gonna take a brief nap,” I murmured, the urge to sleep becoming overwhelming now.
“Rest,” I heard her say. “Gather your strength.”
“Okay,” I murmured.
It was almost lights out entirely when she whispered softly, “I need you, Kai.”