Chapter 4
Gideon
O dette’s pale head is bent, the very picture of a good sub. Whether she knows it or not, that desperation in her voice is a real fucking problem because a desperate, pleading sub is my goddamn catnip. Then, of course, the icing on the cake, that soft little Please, Sir.
I’m a hardline Dom and I demand a lot of my subs, which is why I like them experienced. But this girl, kneeling at my feet, wouldn’t last two seconds in a scene with me and I know that for a fact. Shit, I said no for a reason and I meant it.
So, really, I should not, under any circumstances, even be contemplating giving her what she wants. Her hair is so pale, though, a pretty white-blonde with a black elastic band holding her ponytail in place.
It would feel soft. Soft, like her skin…
I grit my teeth. I shouldn’t have grabbed her wrist when she reached for that whisky tumbler, but instinct kicked in before I could think better of it.
She shouldn’t be drinking any more alcohol, especially since she’s already downed one.
Being so slight even one drink might put her under the table.
But stopping her meant touching her and now I know what her skin feels like, smooth and silky and soft.
Now I also know how my touch affects her.
She’d trembled as I’d gripped her, the race of her pulse beating hard under my fingertips.
I like knowing that it was me that made it race. Me, that made her tremble.
I can’t deny that making a woman desperate is a powerful aphrodisiac.
I’ve always liked it. I never played dominance games with Gabrielle, though, because that wasn’t on my radar back then.
I was bossy in bed, nothing more than that, but even then nothing got me off more than when she begged me to make her come.
It wasn’t until after she died that I got into BDSM.
A lover introduced me and immediately I threw myself into it, because it was different from the sex I’d had with Gabrielle and that’s what I’d wanted back then.
Something that had nothing to do with her, had no memories of her, and was nothing she’d ever want.
It was sex that I could enjoy without her ghost haunting me.
Also, I very much enjoyed how in control and powerful it made me feel, the perfect antidote to how weak and powerless I was when I lost her.
But it only works with someone who won’t demand any emotional involvement. I have subs I play with on a semi-regular basis, but they’re women who don’t want anything more than to get off and who don’t need much in the way of aftercare.
Which means it will not work with this woman. Hell, even if she wasn’t my son’s girlfriend, I wouldn’t touch her for her inexperience alone.
My jaw aches as I stare down at her bent head.
Show me, she’d said, as if I was a magician and she wanted to know how the trick was done. But there is no trick, only complete obedience to my will, and I don’t think she’d like that one bit.
I can hear her taking fast gulps of air, and I can see she’s still trembling. I’ve denied her and denied her, but she’s pushing in the way a sub pushes, using her own obedience to get me to give her what she wants, and that is not something I allow
She needs to be taught a lesson .
The Dominant in me stirs and I find myself falling into the space where I’m analytical, studying the sub to find out what her weak points are and where her vulnerabilities lie.
She overshared about Lucas and how he treats her, and it doesn’t surprise me.
He’s trying to do the right thing, but he’s impatient in the way all young men are impatient.
He wants to get straight to the fucking without understanding that sometimes the fucking is not the goal.
It’s the cherry on top. But she didn’t like his questions, she said.
She didn’t like him asking her if she was okay all the time.
You know what she needs.
I have an inkling. But it’s not what she wants, because wants and needs are two different things. She thinks what she wants are a few power games, a bit of light bondage, one or two orders, but that’s not what she needs. I’m certain of it. And that’s not what I provide.
Show her the difference then.
Perhaps. Perhaps I should. If I show her the hard, cold reality of what being my sub means, shock her with it, she’ll understand why it will never happen with me. Never.
I reach down to touch the top of her head, testing her. She takes a sharp breath at the brush of my fingertips, and I don’t like how it goes straight to my head like a shot of good whisky.
I love that nervousness in a sub, that little shiver of apprehension when I approach. It’s not fear of me so much as it’s fear of what I’ll make her do, fear that she’ll do it without question and, more than that, that she’ll love it. And they do love it. No sub ever leaves me unsatisfied.
She’s pushy, this one, and won’t take no for an answer, but after five minutes with me she won’t be so quick to insist. I’ll scare her back to vanilla sex for life.
Her hair is very soft and I curl my fingers around the base of her ponytail, gripping it. She draws in another sharp breath. She’s trembling, I can feel it.
My cock twitches, anticipating what’s next, but I’m not going to give it what it wants, not tonight.
If she wasn’t Lucas’s girlfriend, I might consider fucking her — sometimes I don’t fuck my subs, it depends on how well behaved they are — but there’s no changing who she is, or who I am.
I’ve been a shitty father to my son, but I’m not that shitty.
You really think not fucking her makes it better?
No, it doesn’t, I’m not that naive. But she’s a problem, and it’s clear she wants me, so if I don’t want her to become more of a problem I’ll have to nip her little explorations in the bud. Now.
Her ponytail feels good in my palm and I like how responsive she is.
There’s something undeniably erotic about how new this is for her, and that surprises me.
I didn’t think I was into it, but clearly I’m wrong.
She probably hasn’t experienced anything like this before, all the sensations and feelings so bright and sharp and hot…
Shit. No, I can’t think of her as my sub. I can’t get into her head, wanting to know what she’s thinking and feeling. That’s not what I’d decided. What I’ve decided is fifteen minutes of my own particular brand of domination and that’s all.
“You want me to show you?” I ask into the silence.
“I can do that. But first, you need answer three questions and answer them honestly or else this doesn’t happen.
” This is something I do with all the subs I play with.
It’s become a little ritual of mine and though I don’t need to ask my questions of the subs on The Club app, I like to hear the answers anyway.
It helps get them into the moment and makes them focus on me.
She lets out a shaken breath and then nods her head.
“I need you to speak.” My voice has deepened, hardened, the Dominant in me coming out to play. “I need to hear the words.”
“Y-Yes,” she finally whispers.
“Good. First question. Do you want this?”
“Yes,” she says quickly and without a stammer. “Oh God, yes.”
The note of hunger in the words makes my cock harden in response, but again, I ignore it. Controlling my body is second nature to me after so many years. “Next question. Do you trust me?”
For the first time she hesitates. “Trust you? What do you mean?”
“BDSM only works if we trust each other completely.” I don’t normally explain myself to a sub — it’s all part of the mind games I enjoy — but she’s too new for that. “So, do you trust me?”
“I mean, I barely know you enough to?—”
“It’s a simple question, sub,” I cut her off, hard. “You either do or you don’t.”
She’s still got her head bent, her gaze on my shoes, and she probably doesn’t understand the importance of this question, not really, but she will soon enough.
“What happens if I don’t?” she asks breathlessly.
“Nothing except you walking right out that door.”
“But how can I answer when?—”
Gripping her ponytail tightly, I jerk her head back and I don’t bother to be gentle, because I am not gentle.
Then I take her sharp chin in my other hand, gripping it so she has no choice but to look straight up at me.
Her face is flushed, making her eyes look like quicksilver, and her mouth is a perfect O of surprise.
“Yes or no,” I demand. “And don’t fucking lie. I’ll know.”
Her gaze clings to mine and I can see the shock there, and it satisfies me.
I love that shock in a sub. When they think they have me all figured out and I prove to them how wrong they are.
It’s exactly the kind of mind game I like to play and the heat inside me intensifies.
I’ve rattled her and she deserves to be rattled, coming in here and thinking she can demand things of me.
I tighten my grip on her, letting her feel my strength. Letting her know who’s in charge. “Well? Answer me, sub.”
“Y-yes,” she stutters in a rush of breath.
Good. There’s some steel in her. I like that.
“Third question,” I say. “Do you consent to me taking charge of you?”
She’s breathing very fast now, reality closing in on her. “I…I…Y-yes.”
I grip her chin tighter. “Then here’s how this is going to work. I’m going to give you a taste of what it feels like to be my sub, but only a taste, Odette. I’m not going to fuck you or do anything else with you, understand?”
Her brow creases and she opens her mouth to say something, but I put my thumb over her lips, silencing her. She blinks, her body tensing, and I say, iron in my voice. “Don’t even think about it. I’m the one in charge now and I’m the one who makes the decisions. Not you.”
Wariness enters her gaze and it’s about fucking time.
“This will not be easy for you,” I go on, so she knows this before we begin.
“And you will not like what I’m going to ask you to do.
But I don’t care if it’s difficult or you don’t like it.
All I care about is that you do it. That’s why trust is important, Odette.
Being my sub means total and complete obedience to my will. ”
Her wariness has given way to uncertainty as the reality of what she’s asked for slowly penetrates, an awareness of what submission truly means.
“You can pull out.” I keep my thumb where it is, pressed against the softness of her mouth. “It’s not too late. But understand that if you do, this opportunity won’t come again. At least not with me it won’t.”
She blinks, uncertainty and desire warring in her eyes, and I realize that I haven’t seen that look in a sub for a long time.
I’d forgotten how much I liked it. When the sub is unsure, caught between her body and her mind.
There’s a tension there that’s addictive, erotic, and fun as hell to play with.
“Well?” I demand. “You want to leave?”
Her muscles are tense and there’s doubt in her eyes. She’s still not sure. Yet despite that, she slowly shakes her head.
So, the colorless waif has yet more steel. Intriguing, I can’t deny it. And surprising. I didn’t think she had it in her.
I keep a good grip on her, keep her gaze pinned to mine.
“Then here are my rules. You will give me your complete obedience and you will not argue. Your safe word is red. If you use your safe word in attempt to control me, I will stop and you will go home.” I pause, then add.
“For example, that little trick you just pulled by going down on your knees and saying please in an attempt to manipulate me is what’s called topping from the bottom and I will not have it. Is that understood?”
Her throat moves as she swallows, the doubt shifting in her eyes. But again, she nods.
I keep holding her for a moment, studying her face. Shit’s getting real for her now as she realizes this is not the fun idea she found out about after a couple of internet searches. But she won’t understand what she’s truly committing herself to, not yet.
I release her, then rise to my full height, still holding her gaze and keeping her trapped by it. Making sure she has nowhere else to look but at me. “You are going to make yourself come,” I order her. “And I am going to watch.”