Chapter 17
Odette
I can feel him behind me, his hot skin against the backs of my thighs and my burning ass. There are tears on my cheeks and while some of them are from pain, not all of them are. Some are for me, for my cowardice in distracting him with yet more toys.
I didn’t want to push him, didn’t want to break the spell, and so I embraced the pain of the flogger, letting it hurt me and not even bracing myself for the blows— getting lost in the sensation so I didn’t have to think any of my other stupid feelings.
But then he went and told me I didn’t need to apologize for what I said, that I’d done nothing wrong, and the look in his blue eyes when he told me he had no choice but to stay lost… That was more painful than the flogger.
And it’s why I won’t give him my safe word, even though I know he wants me to say it.
He wants an excuse to send me away, but I’m not going to give him one.
He said he had to stay lost, but there was something else in his blue eyes when he said it.
A kind of despair and fear. He’s alone, but he doesn’t want to be, I feel it in my soul, because if he did he would have sent me away immediately.
I’m not going to give him a reason, though. I’m going to stay as long as he’ll allow it, because no matter what he says, he doesn’t want to stay lost.
He wants to be found.
So I grit my teeth instead, my hands fisting in the couch cushions as I feel the head of his cock pressing against my ass and pushing inside, slowly, relentlessly.
I can’t stop the wail that escapes me and I press my hot face into the velvet of the sofa, moaning into the fabric.
It hurts even with the lube, and that’s mainly because he’s so fucking big.
I never did this with Lucas, not once, and I’m fiercely glad we didn’t. I want one thing that’s just Gideon’s and I guess my ass is it.
I can feel myself stretching around him and I groan, even as I arch my back so he can go deeper.
It hurts like fuck, but I don’t care. I want this.
I want him. He reaches forward, closing his hand around my throat and the weight of it— like a steel collar around my neck— makes everything sharper, more intense.
It’s possessive, that hold, and I want to be possessed.
I want him to possess me, every single part of me.
“You’ve got a tight ass, sub,” he growls in my ear. “You ever had anyone fuck you there?”
“No,” I gasp as he works even deeper. “No one. It’s all yours, Master.”
He says nothing to that, though his fingers tighten around my throat. Then I feel his other hand take my hip in a strong grip and I try not to tense up in anticipation. He moves, slowly at first then gathering speed, his hips thrusting and his cock pushing in and out of my ass.
It’s agony. It’s ecstasy. It’s everything and I moan helplessly into the fabric of the couch.
“No,” he says, his voice rough as gravel. “Let me hear it. I want every fucking scream, understand me?”
Helpless to do anything but obey, I turn my head to the side, my fingers holding on tight to the cushions for dear life, and I hold nothing back. I give him everything, every scream, every moan, every wail.
“Say it,” he murmurs viciously in my ear, his voice so deep and rough its almost unrecognizable. “Say the word.” He pulls out, then slams back in.
“No.” The word breaks into a moan as he pulls out then thrusts again.
“ Say the fucking word, sub, ” he snarls, giving another savage thrust.
“ No, ” I scream into the couch cushions. “I’m not going to say the fucking word. I’m never going to say the fucking word, no matter how hard you fuck me.”
He gives a growl of frustration, and moves deeper, harder, pushing me to the limit. He thinks he can force it from me, but he can’t. Because he’s taught me I’m stronger than I ever thought I was, and I’m not going to break.
I’m going to break him instead.
He pushes me and he pushes me, and it hurts, but there’s a dirty, savage pleasure to it too. I throw myself into it, glorying in it, and when at last he lets go of my hip and slides one hand between my legs, finding my clit, I know I’ve won.
And I scream as the orgasm rolls over me, grinding me into dust.
Everything after that is a blur. I can feel him thrusting hard and deep until he falls out of rhythm. Then his teeth sink into my shoulder, his roar of release vibrating against my skin.
We don’t move for a long time after that. His weight is pressing me down into the arm of the couch, making it difficult to breathe, but I don’t care. I like feeling how relaxed he is, how sated. Because I did that to him. That was all me.
Eventually, he shifts, pulling out of me. And I feel him run light fingers down my spine, making me shiver. “Are you okay?” he asks, an edge in his voice. “Any pain anywhere?”
My ass is burning from the flogger and from his massive cock, but I feel as if I’m flying so it doesn’t bother me. “No,” I mumble against the fabric of the sofa. “Also, if you send me away now, I’m not going to go. You’ll have to call the police to have me arrested for trespassing.”
There’s a long silence. Every muscle of my body is lax and honestly, I don’t think I can move. My legs are jelly and my arms are noodles. I’m just going to collapse in a gelatinous heap on the carpet.
Except then I feel his arms around me, gathering me up.
And somehow I’m lying against his hot, bare chest and we’re moving.
My head is resting against his powerful shoulder and when I look up at him, there’s a strange expression on his face.
I can’t work it out. “You heard what I said, right?” I ask. “I’m not leaving.”
He glances down at me, a flash of intense blue. “You should have said your safe word.”
“Why? I didn’t say it, because I didn’t feel unsafe.”
A strange expression flickers over his face. “You should have.”
His shoulder is warm, the muscle beneath his skin powerful and solid. I’m feeling good, so good. Good enough that I say, “Don’t do that, Gideon.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t distance me.”
“You’re a fine one to talk,” he says. “Using toys to distract me.”
“You didn’t have let yourself be distracted,” I point out.
He doesn’t reply, carrying me down a short hallway before turning and going into a huge bathroom.
Setting me on the vanity top, he goes over to a massive walk-in shower and turns it on, holding out a hand to test the water.
Then, when he’s satisfied with the temperature, he comes over to me, picks me up again, and then steps into the shower with me in his arms. The warm water is heaven and I close my eyes as he sets me on my feet.
His hands move over my body as he washes me with the most incredible-smelling body wash.
I feel as if I’m floating and I don’t want to come down, especially when he moves under the water with me and I’m held against his muscled chest, his fingers moving up and down my spine.
“Jesus Christ, what am I going to do with you?” he asks softly.
I open my eyes and look up at him, the water falling around us. His eyes are the most brilliant shade of blue. “You’re going to keep me,” I say. “I’m going to be your sub. And one day, when you’re ready, I’ll come and find you, and you won’t be lost anymore.”
He doesn’t look away. His dark brows draw down in a slight frown, yet his arms around me tighten. “You can’t fall for me, Odette. I’m twice your age, I’m grieving, I’ve got nothing to offer anyone right now, let alone one young woman who deserves far more than I can give her.”
“Too late,” I say, because it is too late.
I’ve fallen for him already and I know it.
“Besides, how do you know what I deserve?” I lay my palms on his broad chest, feeling the heat of his body burning into my skin.
“Perhaps a man twice my age and grieving, with nothing to offer, is exactly what I deserve.”
His gaze holds mine and I can see desire flicker in the blue depths, along with a hunger for something else, something more. “Odette,” he says again, and I can hear the regret in it. But not only regret. I can hear longing in it too.
“Well,” I say. “I’m not going to force myself on you if you don’t want it.
” And I try to step away. It’s a gamble doing this, because he might indeed let me go, and I don’t know what I’ll do if he does.
Yet just when I think his arms are going to open, they tighten instead, pressing me for firmly against his body.
“No,” he says, his voice deep and rough. “Don’t go.”
I stand very still, looking up at him, my heartbeat racing. “You want me to stay with you?”
His eyes are a fierce, dense blue. “Yes,” he says. “No. Fuck, I don’t know.”
I lift an eyebrow as a warmth fills me that has nothing to do with the temperature of the water. “How about I stay for a little bit longer. The whole night, say.”
He’s looking at me with a fierce intensity now and there’s a kind of awe in it, too. “Tomorrow night, too,” he says.
“Okay.” I lean against him and smile, feeling as if I’ve just been given a winning lottery ticket. “I’ll check my diary but I don’t think I’ve got anything on.”
His hands lift and he cups my face between his large, warm hands, the look in his eyes searching. “You know I have nothing to give you, right? You heard that? I’m twice your age, my heart is fucking dead, and I have no idea how to be in a relationship with anyone let alone you.”
I relax against him, his body hard and hot and strong, the feeling in my heart sinking deeper and deeper, and I don’t resist. I surrender, because I’ve learned how.
And maybe in time, I can teach him to surrender too.
“I don’t care.” I look up at him, straight into his beautiful blue eyes.
“I’m an anxious mess who overthinks everything, so I guess we’re even. ”
“Odette,” he says again, a little helplessly, his thumbs stroking along my cheekbones.
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I’m staying.”
He looks down at me a long moment, and then slowly, but surely, his mouth curves.
It’s a faint smile, but it’s very definitely a smile, and right then and there I swear to myself that I’ll make him do it again and again.
“Tonight,” he says. “Stay tonight and tomorrow. And then we’ll see where we are. ”
Then he bends and kisses me and then it’s my turn to smile, because I know exactly where we’ll be.
Together.