19. Evelyn
EVELYN
W hen he dismissed me, I grabbed my things and rushed toward the door. I removed my panties from my mouth before pushing out of it, and I shoved them into my bag as I moved down the hallways, toward the exit. I felt the cool fall air against my most sensitive places the moment I stepped outside.
Oddly, it helped to calm me. It quickly cooled the heat of anger and embarrassment.
I guess I did deserve to get punished. I willingly took his deal.
I accepted his terms. And then I broke them when I agreed to go out with Chase.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to be dating when we were walking together.
I knew how Elliot would feel the moment that Chase kissed me.
It should’ve been a good kiss, but it fell flat, and I knew why.
Even though everything was all kinds of fucked up, there was this part of me that never let go of the fantasy of being with Elliot. Even though I hated the person he’d become, the guy I fell for all those years ago was still in there somewhere.
For the first time, I thought that maybe I could bring back the man I knew.
Elliot was a product of the life he’d lived.
The cruel world took a nice, sweet, and caring guy and turned him into this hardened, bitter asshole.
I didn’t know what traumatic event led him to where he was, but I knew better than anyone how one thing in life could change everything.
When I lost my parents, I changed. I used to be young, shy, and too serious.
Everything was about school, grades, and planning a life that would make my father proud.
But since their passing, I have been changing.
At first, it was so slow that I didn’t even realize it.
It was getting to the point where I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
The person I used to be was staring me in the face.
She was strong and sure. I was weak, broken.
I knew I had to find my way back to her.
I’d been resistant to the deal I agreed to, but what would happen if I embraced it? If I really embraced it? I wanted my dad to be proud of me, and even if Elliot had a shitty way of saying it, he wasn’t wrong. I had made a deal and I hadn’t honored it. Not the way I should have, anyway.
I was always taught that my word was all we had. I had been telling Elliot one thing and then turning around and doing whatever I wanted. It wasn’t because I wanted the attention of two men. It wasn’t because I had a problem with authority. It was all just because I wanted to be normal.
I wanted a normal college experience where I fell head over heels in love with the guy I was supposed to marry.
I wanted to spend every Friday night beneath the lights of the football field, cheering for the home team.
I wanted to attend frat parties and hang out on campus with my large group of friends, just like I saw in every college-age movie growing up.
I wanted to be able to look back on my college years and know that I lived life to the fullest.
My first mistake was thinking that I could ever be normal.
I wasn’t meant for normal. I had always been different.
I’d grow up being the shy, smart girl. I dove into that title headfirst and dedicated all of my time to maintaining it.
Then I was the poor little orphan girl. I was the girl who was being raised by her older brother, who could barely take care of himself, let alone his younger sibling.
Then I was the orphan girl who had her dream come true when she managed to land a massive scholarship to her dream school.
So much of my life had been spent not even being myself.
Who was I really? What did I want out of life?
All I really knew was that it was time to change.
It didn’t matter who everyone else thought I was.
What mattered was what I wanted, and what I wanted was to be happy.
I wanted to enjoy life, not stress about it.
I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted my fifteen-year-old self to be happy with the life I was working toward. I wanted it all and then some.
The first thing I did was pull out my phone.
EVE: You were right. I’m sorry. I will try harder.
I slid my phone back into my pocket and pushed on to my next class.
I spent the day hiding from both Madison and Chase.
I didn’t have it in me to call things off with Chase just yet, and I knew Madison would only push for an explanation, and I didn’t want to deal with that yet either.
I moved from class to class as quickly as possible, avoiding all my usual routes.
During my breaks, I spent time in the library, working ahead and finishing up assignments.
Several hours later, I felt my phone vibrate, so I pulled it out as I sat at one of the library tables.
ELLIOT: Prove it.
EVE: How?
ELLIOT: Where are you right now?
EVE: Sitting in the library.
ELLIOT: I want you to take a picture for me.
I snapped a picture of my face and sent it.
ELLIOT: Nice try, but not exactly what I had in mind.
I blew out a breath, nervous about what he wanted.
EVE: What did you have in mind?
ELLIOT: Get up and go to the furthest aisle of the library, way back where nobody ever really goes.
Keeping my phone in hand, I got up and walked through the aisles and aisles of books.
The bookshelves were tall, and they seemed to go on and on forever.
Once I got to the furthest corner I could reach, where the lighting was dim and the smell of musty books filled my nose, I texted him for my next step.
EVE: Now what?
ELLIOT: Do you still have your panties off?
EVE: Yes, they were a little too wet to put back on.
ELLIOT: Good. Lift your leg and rest your foot on one of the shelves.
EVE: What?
ELLIOT: Lower your phone and flip up your skirt. Bury your fingers in your cunt and snap the picture.
EVE: No way! What if someone sees me?
ELLIOT: It doesn’t sound like you’re trying very hard to be a good girl to me.
Guilt started to eat at me. I knew I had to do it if I wanted him to believe that I was going to make an effort.
I looked both ways down the aisles of books, and I stood still as I listened as hard as I could.
I couldn’t hear anything. There were only soft murmurs from the few people in the library, but I could tell by how smooth their voices were that they weren’t anywhere close to me. So, I did what he said.
I lifted my right foot and rested it on the bookshelf. I lowered my phone and pushed my skirt up with my free hand. I was so nervous about touching myself that my hand was shaking. I spread my folds and tried to push a finger inside, but things down there were too dry.
I huffed and texted him back.
EVE: I’m trying, but it won’t go in.
ELLIOT: suck on your fingers first. They’ll slide in much easier.
I stuck my index and ring finger into my mouth, sucking on them and coating them with my saliva. Then I tried again. Elliot was right; they did slide in much more easily.
I was able to snap the picture that he wanted. With the angle of my phone, you could see my fingers buried deep within me, and you could also see my upper body with the books behind me.
I quickly withdrew my fingers, lowered my skirt, and sent the picture. I hadn’t even made it out of the aisles before my phone was vibrating again.
ELLIOT: Good girl. I’ve never been so interested in Pantographia before.
I was confused until I realized he was referring to the backdrop of books behind me. Between my legs, I zoomed in right below my hand, and there’s the title: Pantographia.
My cheeks grew warm, and a smile tugged at my lips as I moved back to my seat. I was about to put the phone away when it vibrated again. I couldn’t ignore it, so I pulled up the new message.
My mouth fell open when I realized that there weren’t any words in the message.
It was only a picture. A picture of Elliot sitting behind his desk.
His face wasn’t in it, but it was definitely him.
He had his pants pulled down just enough for his massive cock to be free.
He was rock hard and standing at attention, a thick, blue vein running up the shaft as he kept his hand wrapped around it tightly.
My stomach tightened with excitement, and the junction between my legs started to throb more than ever before.
EVE: I can’t believe you just sent me that.
I saved the picture anyway, because I knew I would look at it over and over again.
I put my phone away, but I was beyond distracted at that point.
I couldn’t think of anything but him. It seemed silly.
I had done one thing, and it was like my reward was getting that picture from him.
I shouldn’t have loved it as much as I did, at least that’s what I told myself.
I wanted to be repulsed. I wanted to be turned off, but deep down, I was more turned on than ever.
My phone vibrated again, and I pulled it out as quickly as possible. It wasn’t another picture. It was a video.
I turned my phone to silent mode before clicking the play button.
Sitting in the very public library on campus, I watched my professor touch himself.
He started slow, moving his hand to the tip of his cock and back down to the base.
I watched as a drop of precum formed on the tip.
I swallowed hard as a deep need to taste him consumed me.
I’d never given a guy a blow job before, but I was excited to try to please Elliot.
Maybe the guy I’d known would emerge again.
His hand worked faster and faster until his excitement came rushing from the tip.
He didn’t stop. He didn’t care that it was running down his hand or landing on his jeans.
He kept pushing, kept working until he had drained himself of every last drop.
The video ended, but I wanted so much more.
I needed more, but I had no idea what it was that I needed.
I gathered my things and left the library.
I was halfway home when the vibration of my phone reminded me that I hadn’t responded to his video. I pulled my phone from my bag and read the message.
ELLIOT: Sorry about that. Pantographia went straight to my head.
I let out a genuine laugh. Feeling brave, I messaged back.
EVE: So… that was in response to my picture?
After a couple of minutes of no reply, I put my phone away and finished the walk to my apartment.
I let myself in, and once I got upstairs, I tossed my bag onto the floor and flopped onto my couch.
I turned the volume on my phone up and played the video again.
If it was sexy with no sound, it was sexy as hell with the volume up.
I could hear his heavy breathing in the background.
His soft groans of pleasure. Just before he came undone, he let out a quiet, “ Fuck, Evie. ”
Hearing my old nickname fall from his lips like that made my blood burn for him. Every muscle tightened as the butterflies in my stomach came alive.
It wasn’t a secret that I was unfamiliar with my sexuality.
I hadn’t ever been with anyone before, and the couple of boyfriends I had over the years never got close.
I never wanted them that close—not after my talk with Elliot that one summer, anyway.
Suddenly, it felt like all those years of hormones were hitting me all at once.
I was in so much need that it was almost painful.
EVE: Should I make the same kind of video?
This time, he responded much quicker.
ELLIOT: Don’t you dare.
I frowned. I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to see me touch myself in a video. He wanted the picture. Or did he want to know if I’d listen?
EVE: Why not?
ELLIOT: I want to be the one to make you come. Your cunt is mine. Chase doesn’t get to play with it, and neither do you. It’s for me only. If you make yourself come, you’ll be punished like never before, Evelyn. Do you understand?
I stared at his response, my breathing heavier. He wanted to be the one to make me come undone.
EVE: Yes.
ELLIOT: Good girl. Go take a cold shower, hydrate, eat some dinner, do your homework, and get some rest. Good night.
EVE: Good night, Professor West.
I smiled to myself as I dropped my phone onto my stomach. I was tempted not to listen, but even though I wanted to come undone more than ever before, I wanted to obey. I wanted to please him.
So, I did what he told me to do. I took a cold shower, and by the time I got out, I had forgotten about the pain between my thighs. I made myself some dinner before I got some studying done. I finished up the last of my homework and tucked myself into bed.
Only it wasn’t Netflix I was watching. It was his video, and then I was in pain all over again. I played the video repeatedly. Each time my name fell from his lips, my heart would race and my stomach would clench.
I didn’t know what I wanted more: to make myself come undone or to impatiently wait until he could do it for me. I knew that his skills would be much better than mine, so that was worth the wait.
I sighed and rolled onto my side, vowing to be patient and to hold up my end of the deal: he gave the orders. All I had to do was listen.