Epilogue Two Years Later
EVELYN
“I miss you too, Maddy,” I said into the phone as I walked down the busy New York City sidewalk. “I promise, I’ll be home for Christmas and we’ll hang out so much that you’ll be sick of me.”
“Not possible,” she argued. “Stan is excited to meet you, so don’t skip out on me. Okay?”
“I’d never do that,” I said, stopping to look at the dress that was being displayed in a boutique window.
“I can’t wait to meet your soon-to-be husband.
And we’ll have one more crazy drunken night because I’m sure you’ll probably be with child once you come back from that romantic honeymoon of yours. ”
She laughed at that. “Don’t even joke. We have a plan. No children until we’ve been married for at least five years.”
I turned away from the window and continued on my walk home.
“I hope he knows how lucky…” The words fell from my mouth, and my feet stopped moving when my eyes landed on a familiar face that I hadn’t seen in nearly two years.
I’d know those steel-gray eyes anywhere, though.
Even two years later, they still haunted my dreams. “ I-I have to go.”
“What? What happened? Are you okay?” Maddy asked, panic filling her voice.
Elliot stopped directly in front of me. He had both hands tucked into his coat pockets, and his lips were turned up in a nervous smile. His cool eyes raked over me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll call you later.” I pulled the phone away from my ear and hung up before she could object.
“Miss Ashford,” he greeted me. “It’s been a long time.”
“Yes, it has,” I agreed, feeling every hair on my body stand on end. “Wh—what are you doing here?”
He looked around as everyone walking on the sidewalk moved around us. “I live here.”
“You do?”
He nodded. “Yeah, after I moved out of Chicago, I was a nomad for a bit. Until I ended up here.” He shrugged and took a deep breath.
“It seemed to fit. The city that never sleeps for the man who lost his ability to dream.” He frowned like he didn’t mean to say that.
“What are you doing here? All done with school, I hope?”
“Oh, yeah,” I agreed, looking down at my feet as my body started to buzz in a way that I hadn’t felt in a very long time. “I graduated and was offered a job here in the city working for a publishing house. I’m the newest literary agent for NYC Publishing.”
“Wow, that’s amazing,” he said, genuinely looking happy for me.
I nodded. “Thank you. So, uh, what do you do? Still teaching?”
He shook his head. “No, I gave that up back in Chicago. After I walked away from my whole life, I decided that it was time to focus on myself and become a better person. I’d wasted too many years being unhappy, and I knew that I never would be again if I didn’t turn into someone to be proud of.
So, I started going to therapy, exercising more, and joined a book club.
Did some traveling. I made a few friends.
Friends that turned to connections, and the next thing I knew, I was being offered a coaching position at NYU. ”
Surprise washed over me. “You’re a coach?”
He grinned and nodded.
“What do you coach?”
“I coach the university’s baseball team.”
“Oh my God, that’s amazing!” I smiled widely. “You were so talented growing up. I was surprised when you said you were going to teach. I always thought you’d make a better coach… or even a professional player.”
He nodded. “It does feel like a better fit, and maybe in another life I’d have taken the chance at being a professional. I was in a dark place then, and it screwed up my life quite a lot.” He glanced down at his watch, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was holding him up.
“Oh, I’m sorry. You probably have places to be.
” I shook my head as if to clear, feeling stupid for stopping him.
After we broke up, I didn’t see him again.
I didn’t reach out to him, even though I wanted to.
He didn’t reach out to me either, but I knew he wouldn’t.
Elliot would rather suffer in silence than bother me.
And me? I was too scared to reach out to him.
I’d cried myself to sleep for months, missing him.
I’d made it through college, though. I didn’t stay at his place, even though he’d offered it the night he left.
Instead, I enrolled at a different university and graduated soon after, but not a day had gone by that I hadn’t thought about him.
“It was good bumping into you. You look…” I blushed and nodded. “You look good, Eli. I mean, you look like you’re doing well.”
He chuckled. “Evelyn?”
Hearing him say my name was like falling for him all over again. My stomach flipped, and butterflies sprang to life. How could one word cause my entire body to warm like that?
“Y-Yeah?”
The way his lips turned up in the corners made my heart race.
I was supposed to hate him, but I couldn’t.
Maybe at one point in time I did, but time had passed, and he’d been nothing but good to me.
He did exactly what he said he would that night.
He returned to the city where he had broken his contract and walked away from teaching for good.
Maddy said everyone was talking about why he left. I never told her it was because of me.
I made friends, dated, but I never found anyone who made me feel the way he did. I was convinced that kind of love only happened once in a lifetime, and we’d missed our chance.
He respected my decision the night he walked away.
“I don’t need to be anywhere. I was just checking the time to see if we’d be able to grab a drink and catch up. What do you think?” He studied me.
Excitement bubbled through me. “Yeah, I-I’d like that.”
He nodded once. “Shall we?” He held out his elbow.
I looked from his steely eyes to his arm and back. I smiled and nodded.
“Let’s.” I wrapped my arm around his, and it felt like a bomb had gone off. The radiation from it was consuming both of us. I could tell by the way his smile fell and his eyes darkened.
He straightened his back as his brows knitted together. “Actually, I have something for you… Back at my place. Would you come back with me? It isn’t far.”
“Back…at… your place?” I repeated.
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s just around the corner. It won’t take long, and then we can go for that drink. What do you say?”
My body buzzed to life. “Y-yeah, OK,” I agreed, confused about what he’d have for me.
“This way,” he said, turning around and leading me in the same direction I’d been going.
He must have just left his place because it was around the corner and half a block down. He led me up some stone stairs, and then he stopped at the door where he pulled out his keys. He slid the key into the lock, and my heart pounded against my chest as I waited.
What could he possibly have for me?
“Come in out of the cold,” he said once he stepped inside. “Wait here.” He left me in the entryway before turning and rushing down the hallway.
His place was mostly dark, but small lamps were scattered throughout, providing enough light to see.
I peeked into his living room and found it similar to the way he had set up the living area in his Chicago apartment.
The same brown leather sofa and recliner, along with a similar wooden coffee table and matching end tables.
There was a roll top desk in the corner, and one wall was nothing but built-in bookshelves, lined with books.
The place was quite large for New York City and probably cost a fortune.
I heard some thumping coming from the stairs, and then the door creaked, drawing my attention to the dark hallway where he reappeared with something behind his back.
“I know I should have left this behind for you, but at the time, I couldn’t. It was the only piece of you that I had, and I’ve carried it with me every step along this journey I’ve been taking.” He showed me what he was hiding, and I gasped when my eyes landed on the teddy bear my dad had given me.
“This got me through these last two years without you, but it’s time I give it back. I know deep down that you’ll always own my heart, but I’ve learned how to live without it.”
“Eli?” I couldn’t take my eyes off the bear in his hands.
“Yeah?”
“A-Are you single?”
I could see the confusion on his face without even having to look up. “Yeah, why?”
“Because I’m about to do this,” I said, throwing my arms around his neck and smashing my mouth to his.
He didn’t hesitate.
He pulled me closer and deepened our kiss. His hands found my hips, and he picked me up against him. My legs wrapped around his waist as my tongue danced with his.
His heat, his smell, the taste of his mouth washed over me, drowning me in everything I’d been living without.
I was mad at him for the mess he made between us, but it took those years without him to learn that it didn’t matter how big the mess was.
It was just a mess, and messes could be cleaned.
Lessons could be learned, even the hard ones.
I pushed his coat over his shoulders, and he pressed my back to the door to hold me in place as he ripped his arms out of the sleeves, letting it fall to the floor.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you.” He breathed against my lips as he started kissing his way up my jaw. He bit my earlobe, and I cried out. It had been a long time since the darkness inside of me had been met.
Every guy I’d dated since him wanted to be gentle and careful, like they were too scared to hurt me. I could never get myself to progress a relationship past a kiss.
Elliot wasn’t scared to hurt me. To be rough when I needed it and gentle when I needed the calm. He knew me like no other. He knew I could handle whatever he dished out. He had demons of his own, and they danced in the flames with mine.
I pulled at his t-shirt until he ripped it over his head. His hands moved up my sides until he grabbed each side of my white button-up shirt. He pulled in the opposite direction until it ripped open, causing buttons to go scattering throughout the room.
He kissed and nipped his way to the swell of my breast. His hands rushed over to squeeze them before pushing the cups out of his way. When I spilled over, he sucked my sensitive nipple into his hot mouth.
I fisted his hair, pulling him closer. “Fuck me, Professor West.”
He pulled back with a grin. “It’s Coach West now.”
I smiled, my cheeks flushing. “It’s been a while. I’m going to need some conditioning, Coach .”
“I like the sound of that.” His mouth found mine once again, and he pulled me away from the door and carried me down the hall to the bedroom. He set me on my feet in the middle of the room, where we both got to work on pulling away the rest of one another’s clothes.
“I know you’re a coach now, but a coach still needs a ruler, right?”
He grinned, breaking away from me, his lips swollen from my kisses. “Actually…”
He turned away and walked over to the table beside the bed. I watched him in front of me as he opened the drawer and pulled out a ruler. He turned back to me, a dangerous smile on his face. “Coaches do need rulers. Now, be a good girl and bend over for me.”
My stomach tightened in excitement as I moved to the bed and bent at the waist. I twisted my fingers into his bedding before I locked eyes on him in the mirror on his dresser.
Without warning, he pulled the ruler back and sent it flying toward my ass. It hit with a resounding sound, and a stinging sensation burned across my skin.
My breathing became labored with excitement.
“Do you want another?”
“Yes.”
He smacked me with the ruler again. “Yes, what?”
“Yes, Pro—Coach.” I offered a smile, and he flicked the ruler against my ass once more.
“How many do you want?”
“All of them.”
He chuckled before smacking me again. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I turned to him, taking in the way his chest heaved and his hair was messy from his attack.
I cradled his face and stared into his gray eyes.
“I never got to tell you,” I whispered.
He stared down at me, his brows crinkled. “What?”
“I love you, too.”
His eyes lit up, and a grin broke onto his face. He lifted me into his arms, his lips fused to mine as he lay me on his bed. He balanced himself over me, a look of pure adoration and devotion on his handsome face.
I reached out and cradled his cheek, the rough stubble against my palm.
“Just so you know, Miss Ashford, I think I’m going to marry you someday.”
I pulled him down to kiss me, my heart full.
“I think I’m going to marry you someday, too,” I whispered against his lips.
And that was it.
He pushed deep into my body, taking me back to the feelings I’d been missing with my entire being, his soft words in my ear as he moved in and out of my body.
“My Evie. Mine. Always.”
In the end, we weren’t anything like how we started.
Neither of us was innocent. We had scars we gave to each other.
But maybe that was the point of everything.
We broke each other, burned through every boundary there was, and we still crawled back through the wreckage to feel whole in each other’s arms again.
I hated him for what he’d done. He hated himself more. But love, real, tangible love, doesn’t come with clean hands. It’s raw. It’s messy. It hurts. It’s laced with the kind of forgiveness that takes a lifetime to earn.
He was a punishment to me in the beginning. I was his salvation. And maybe the hardest lesson we learned was that some scars weren’t meant to fade. They were meant to remind us that we survived.
And we would continue to survive.
Together.
Forever.
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